Socally detached?

[Azzuden]

Just a little back ground about me. Im a 30 year old man living on the east coast. Grew up with mutliple siblings above and below me. Since i was a kid i had a horrible time relating to nearly anyone socially. I had few friends growing up and the ones i did have were almost completly superficial. Didnt have my first relationship until around 21 mainly due to self confidence but ive had many since. At work i generally make no friends eventho im friendly to everyone, just end up not relating at all.

I cant say that ive ever really loved anyone, maybe my mom or little sister but thats about it.

Sorry for the choppiness just trying to include anything relevant, I guess my main question is it normal for people to have such a hard time relating to anyone socially? Is it normal for someone to have a hard time bonding with anyone, i mean to the point of dating multiple women and never getting past of taking or leaving the person? i know most of this is prob incoherant lol but im willing to answer any questions to clarify......thank you in advance

 

[Highland Fox]

Azzuden. Define "normal". Humans exhibit such a range of behaviours (Literotica is a great place to see that!) that it's very hard to define what is normal, and what isn't. There are still plenty of people out there who think homosexuality is "abnormal", when any unbiased reading of the evidence proves otherwise.

That said, there are reasons for social detachment. Simple shyness is one, the consequences of bullying are another (and that is often triggered by social detachment in the first place) but reasons range through to some of the autism spectrum disorders. I have no idea if you might have one of the high-functioning autisms such as Asperger syndrome, but you're old enough that you could easily have been missed as a child. This syndrome is not uncommon anywhere, but there are hotspots around major universities and places where there are a lot of high-tech industries. You show some of the indicators, but I have no idea if you have enough for a diagnosis, which is notoriously tricky anyway.

HTH

Fox

 

[Cameo_Fleur]

I don't know if you have Asperger's, nobody here does and that is for a medical professional to diagnose. You may be just shy and reserved.

See a therapist. Talk over your issues and find out what you need to do.

I've always been shy and had problems with social detachment. I've been in therapy for a while and now I understand the cause of my problems.....and it's not Asperger's or any other syndrome.

Ask your primary care physician to recommend a good therapist, he will give you a referral to one.

 

[BertrandRussell]

When you are alone, what do you do? Hobbies? Games? Sports? What do you do for fun?

What were your parents like? Do you still get along with them? How about older siblings?

 

[Azzuden]

v

Im not very shy generally. I have no problem talking with anyone . My biggest problem is no matter how long ive known someone or how long ive been in a relationship i never actually grow attached beyond that of a friend......sometimes not even that.
Socially i have work "friends".......people im friendly to and are friendly back but i am never that accepted. just seem to always be on the outside...if that makes sense.

 

[Azzuden]

i work full time and i go to school full time. so most of my free time is spent doing school work. I do some gaming but thats when time permits. Have a gf so free time is pretty well taken up.
My mother and i get along ok, only really talk when i call her tho and i never go to family events due to conflicts with a step sister.

 

[desiree_d]

Azzuden, many of my thoughts are reflected in the comments you've received. IMO, checking with your dr. or other medical professional is probably a good idea to rule out anything physical. I'm 46 and consider myself friendly and have friends I can talk to. But like you I don't feel they know the real me...even in crisis I can tell you analytically whats going on but hold onto my emotions. I've been diagnosed with anxiety....pretty much from letting anyone in. Also you remind me of my brother in your writing and he has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Again, we can offer you suggestions and I believe you will find the answer you are looking for...I will keep you in my thoughts as you continue to ponder.....

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm confused. you have a girlfriend, but have difficulty relating to folks? is this a serious relationship or a more casual one?

you mention being close to your mother or little sister. maybe you should talk with them and get their input: they've seen you and how you interact with folks for a long time. they might have some ideas that will be more on-target than those of random strangers online, you know?

ed

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

hmmmm

Working fulltime? Fulltime student? And a gf? You've got more than a plate full it would seem to me. Friends take time. Do you have enough time for friends too? It sounds as though you are functioning at a high level.
N

 

[TheOne007]

I think you have a very normal lifestyle. Instead of being Extroverted like most people are, you are an introvert. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert at all! In fact I'm an introvert, and it just happens!

(Wikipedia Introvert and Extrovert, and you will understand)

 

[Elaya]

Hey there. I know mostly what you mean. I was pretty much a loner most of my childhood. Often I was happy in my own little world, but the older I got, the more I hated it. I missed out on some sort of Social Skills 101 course most people seem to get through osmosis. I do have a few friends, but none feel as close as I'd like them to be. Maybe one. And I'm very grateful for that. I have joined numerous groups, clubs ect in the past, always hoping to find some small group I really clicked with, but it just never really happened. I'm actually still really working out some of the finer aspects of socializing... I know I can be fantastic in a group of people I know, something about how they don't mean anything to me long term, so there's no pressure, and I have a great time. As soon as I start wanting to bond with people, anxiety sets in and everything falls apart. I have wondered if I'm some sort of high functioning aspergers or something like that. Anyway. I know what you mean, and I feel your pain. It sucks. I'm working on finding ways around it, and I'll let you know what I come up with.

 

[sdineen]

Disabled f I always found it difficult, pefered the company of older people, I could learn from. Hated the concept of peers.
I have always felt if I cant learn or teach something it was pointless.

 

[WaitWhatt]

.......

 

[Azzuden]

It may be that i am just introverted. But its just very frustrating always being on the outside, ya know? I am really becoming frustrated with people i considered somewhat friends ending up being backstabbers. I know i have self confidence issues and im sure they shine through and this is something ive dealt with as long as i can remember. As far as meeting girls i have had some luck but even that is limited. I typically get introduced by friends or meet online and then it progresses into RL. I have a lot of issues with my weight and most women tend to go for smaller guys. fyi im about 6'4 and 300 lbs not all fat just big .

 

[Azzuden]

One thing that really concerns me is even after dating for 2 years + ive still had a hard time establishing feelings with the women i date. Some days i feel it, others i dont. idk its all just a mess and i know i prob need to talk to someone about it but honestly id feel like an idiot doing it.

 

[subwannabe]

The truth is nobody here can help you. You need some professional advice and you shouldn't be ashamed to go out and get it. There are actually a lot of people who have similar problems. It's kind of like being an alcoholic a little bit. First you have to have the courage to admit you have a problem and then you have to have the courage to seek help for the problem. I don't think your issues are as serious as you think they are and a professional can help you realize that.

 

[Icarus_Fallen]

Okay, so let me ask you. You say nobody becomes your close friend, but do you actually put yourself out there to become THEIR friend? Have you ever invited a friend to go get drinks or watch a movie or anything? Don't wait around for their first step...particularly with guys, nobody will do anything then.

 

[littlebabyclit]

One thing that really concerns me is even after dating for 2 years + ive still had a hard time establishing feelings with the women i date. Some days i feel it, others i dont. idk its all just a mess and i know i prob need to talk to someone about it but honestly id feel like an idiot doing it.

Hello Azzuden,

Why should you feel like an idiot for admitting there's a problem and being logical enough to know you can't seem to solve the problem alone and need help ? There is no shame in that. Give it a try with a therapist (or therapists) until you hit the right one. You can always stop going if you don't think it's helping you.