So you want to move to Canada?

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I had no idea it was this easy, or welcome. Gives me something to think about. - Perdita

Salon.com - Kevin Berger

Nov. 4, 2004 | David Cohen, partner of Cohen-Campbell, a leading Canadian immigration law firm, had barely settled into work Wednesday morning when his phone started ringing with Americans seeking legal guidance to taking up residence in the land of the maple leaf. The Bush victory did it, they told him: America's shift to the right had finally squeezed them out of their own country. Farewell Ten Commandment statues in public squares, hello single-payer healthcare.

So just how hard is it for an American to become a Canuck? A recent Harper's article suggested that bailing from Dick Cheneyville entailed a rather onerous legal dance. "It's not difficult at all," says Cohen. Basically all you need is a B.A. and a passing fluency in English and "Bingo, you're in."

Canada wants you. Turns out the populace, not too big on breeding, is not getting any younger. Our neighbors to the north need 1 percent of new immigrants every year just to keep their population of 31 million from shrinking. Bad for the economy and all that.

Interestingly, not many Americans decide to remake their lives in Canada. In 2002, only 5,288 Yankees immigrated there, compared to 14,164 folks from Pakistan. However, Cohen says his business among Americans has picked up considerably in the past year. He's received numerous calls from "parents who have lived through the Vietnam era and now have children soon to be draft age."

To put down roots in Canada, you need a permanent residence visa. First, you fill out a score card that awards you points for who you are -- you're shooting for 67. That B.A. in communications from Chico State will do the trick but so will two years as a tradesperson; Manitoba is always looking for good sheet-metal workers. If you only have a high school education but sold that software program you wrote in your bedroom one night to Oracle -- that is, you have a net worth of $200,000 -- start packing, you're Canada's kind of person. There is, however, a little bit of a Gattaca thing going. You get more points for being under 49 years old.

One warning: "Don't all of a sudden show up with a U-Haul trailer and all of your personal belongings in it," says Cohen. That's a legal offense called "centralizing your mode of living" and will quickly earn you official Canadian directions back to America. If the prospect of living one more day in Bush Land has you leaving tomorrow, better start looking for a job once you get to Canada. You can bop around for six months; after that, you need a work permit to stay longer.

Now, if you're really ambitious, and can't stand the thought of calling yourself an American while Donald Rumsfeld walks in the White House rose garden, you can apply for Canadian citizenship. Which requires passing a civics test and naming the three prairie provinces (Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta). That will earn you the right to vote and discuss Wayne Gretzky's early years with the Oilers.

Keep in mind, red tape being what it is -- and provided you don't break any major Canadian laws like littering -- it will take one year to get a permanent visa and three more years to earn citizenship. By that time, the political scene back home could look a whole lot different.

Finally, you may want to think kind thoughts about American founding father George Washington before you recite Canada's Oath of Citizenship: " I swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada."
 
If I was American, I'd prefer to swear fealty to Her Majesty than to the God that GWB follows.

The Royalist and Theist Earl
 
TheEarl said:
If I was American, I'd prefer to swear fealty to Her Majesty than to the God that GWB follows.
That oath would be the last consideration for me, and then really not matter at all. P.
 
TheEarl said:
If I was American, I'd prefer to swear fealty to Her Majesty than to the God that GWB follows.

The Royalist and Theist Earl

It would feel odd to me to swear fealty to a person, rather than a deity. (Not that I'm religious, mind.) But hell, I'll learn to fake it.

Pass the tea and crumpets, please. Oh wait, it's Canada, not the UK. I'll have a beer then please, and may we watch the hockey game?
 
Excellent information Perdida. However you omitted two key items:

1) If you live in Canada, you have to say 'eh?' pronounced 'aayyy.' All Canadians say this and it is necessary that immigrants do as well.

2) Second, Canadians mostly use the doggy position for sex. This last is so that they can both watch the hockey game.
 
R. Richard said:
Excellent information Perdida. However you omitted two key items:

1) If you live in Canada, you have to say 'eh?' pronounced 'aayyy.' All Canadians say this and it is necessary that immigrants do as well.

2) Second, Canadians mostly use the doggy position for sex. This last is so that they can both watch the hockey game.

I am SO there.
 
R. Richard said:
... you have to say 'eh?'... mostly use the doggy position for sex ...

Wrong on both counts, or my Canadian boyfriend would never have gotten a second date.

You DO have to pronounce the last letter of the alphabet, "Zed." :rolleyes:
 
Don't think we don't have our own problems.

Canada got off to a great start with British politics, French culture and American efficiency.

Now what do we have? French politics, American culture and British efficiency!
 
Virtual_Burlesque said:
Wrong on both counts, or my Canadian boyfriend would never have gotten a second date.

You DO have to pronounce the last letter of the alphabet, "Zed." :rolleyes:

The last letter of the alphabet is pronounced "Zed."

The Earl
 
Some advantages of Canada were not mentioned:

There are actual conservatives here (though some are in the Liberal party).

The number of 'religious right' nut cases is *much* smaller, even in the densest areas. Their influence is *much* less, even in the newly minted "Reform" party. Most people are just not so religious, at least in the sense of being church goers; and there are fewer wacko 'churches' (denominations).

There is no federal law on abortions. I.e., it's between a woman and her dr.

The Canadian 'Charter of Rights' is drafted with more nuance than the American Bill of Rights (benefit of hindsight, in part). There is no 'gun right'.

The Canadian Criminal Code is more free of weird religious and moral offenses than most codes in the states, or in the Federal Codes. There is, as in Europe, no law against prostitution per se
(just 'controlling', pandering, etc.). Nor against sodomy, etc.

The 'gay' issues have not so polarized society.
 
Virtual_Burlesque said:
That's just because of your stiff upper lip, and all that sort of . . . t h i n g ! :eek:

Nope. We just know how to speak English over here. :devil:

The (stirring) Earl
 
Canada? Bah. The bioengineering laws are much more relaxed in Europe.

Ideally if I had to leave the country for some reason (mob storming my castle), I'd like to move to England. Good museums, good universities, good playhouses, good writers, good culture and easy travelling distance to the rest of Europe. Sure, I'd be mocked mercilously for my accent, but it'd be a small price to pay.
 
I was going to move in with Charley, but she expects me to cook, clean, and serve her needs....fuck that I already have kids.
 
I'd have you as a roomate, Abby. But your kids would have to live across the street.

Perdita
 
perdita said:
I'd have you as a roomate, Abby. But your kids would have to live across the street.

Perdita

Are you afraid my daughter would out-diva you???:cool:
 
ABSTRUSE said:
Are you afraid my daughter would out-diva you???:cool:
Ha ha, I am so not a diva. Nope, I'm just through living with kids. P. :)
 
perdita said:
Ha ha, I am so not a diva. Nope, I'm just through living with kids. P. :)

Me too, but damnit, they can be so cute and fun sometimes. Okay, I'll move in with you and send the kids to live with Auntie Charley.:cool:
 
ABSTRUSE said:
Okay, I'll move in with you and send the kids to live with Auntie Charley.:cool:
Perfecto! They can be in charge of the squirrels. P. ;)
 
Mum perdita, I hate to bring up the down side of this Canadian mass migration thingie here but lets give peoples ALL the facts.

I have a good friend who lives in Canada and she and her family often cross over the border on weekends to eat at the fine american resturants, well o.k., maybe they eat at Italian or Mexican resturants but they do it in america.

Ask yourself this ... "Why?"

I mean really, how many americans can say they know what its like to sit around in a igloo and eat moose burgers. Don't you wonder how much ketchup and mustard you would have to feed a moose before he would taste like a cow, prolly lots.

I have seen her pictures and talked to her on her web cam and joke that I would love to try out some Canadian beaver, but do you know any americans who cross the border to eat at Canadian resturants? HUH? DUH! WHY?

When was the last time any american said "Gee I'm tired of pizza and Italian food and Mexican food, lets go eat at that Canadian resturant." When was the last time you ate Canadian food? Can you imagine what a moose hot-dog would taste like? Prolly nothing like a dog I bet. Canadian bacon don't count cause they prolly buy american pork bellies and season them with Canadian seasonings, and who the hell knows what the fuck Canadian seasonings are? Look in your spice rack right now, in between the chili powder and Italian seasonings do you have any Canadian seasonings? Again .... "Why?"

And what the fuck do you serve with moose anyhow?

I think the Canadians are going to invade America and occupy our strategic military installations, our resturants. If they try to make us peoples here in Texas ride mooses we are going to fight like hell. No self respecting Texan knows how to round up mooses.

Anywho, I think the Canadians are coming this a way. I mean think about it, when they get tired of whale blubber they are gonna come after our food. Hide your spam and cheese doodles.

The Canadians are a comin!!! Panic!!! Riot!!! The Canadians are comin!!!
 
Living in Northern Maine, I am culturally already living in Canada. New England begins below Rockland.

They'll get me. I write and I talk. I make no bones about who I am. They already have enough to come get me for, probably. I can't count the times the guys in the shiny black FBI shoes have taken my license plate number down at lefty meetings.

Going to Canada would only delay the inevitable. I hope they give me Eugene Debs's cell. That would rule.
 
The problem with some Americans is that they hate this country, but they won't leave. Here is some help for you

According to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service 705,827 immigrants and 27.8 million non immigrants were in the U. S. Get the hell out! If you don't like my country.
 
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