So... What next?

[entitled]

Shang, that happens to be step two of my leeetle plan. Intelligent equine.

Step one is finding a job. It's been a little rough with a SMALL job market, and having stayed home with the kids for so long, but as soon as i can find income i'll be able to get housing. Where the housing happens to be will depend on what town the job is in. It makes no sense to move 50 miles one direction when the source of income is 50 miles the other way.

It's just going to take time, patience, and a strong will.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Shang, that happens to be step two of my leeetle plan. Intelligent equine.

Step one is finding a job. It's been a little rough with a SMALL job market, and having stayed home with the kids for so long, but as soon as i can find income i'll be able to get housing. Where the housing happens to be will depend on what town the job is in. It makes no sense to move 50 miles one direction when the source of income is 50 miles the other way.

It's just going to take time, patience, and a strong will.

Excellent plans, and well thought. You are indeed a sensible lass.

Have you anyone - family, friend, representative from the women's shelter - who can be there with you when you move out? That is generally a time when women are most at risk, and it's very desriable to have someone else at the home when you do. Do be careful, dear one.

 

[entitled]

Excellent plans, and well thought. You are indeed a sensible lass.

Have you anyone - family, friend, representative from the women's shelter - who can be there with you when you move out? That is generally a time when women are most at risk, and it's very desriable to have someone else at the home when you do. Do be careful, dear one.

Oh, just a couple dozen big SCA heavy weapon fighters. i'll be as safe as possible, until the inlaws all pull out the shotguns.

 

[Guest]

Oh, just a couple dozen big SCA heavy weapon fighters. i'll be as safe as possible, until the inlaws all pull out the shotguns.

You're a strong lady, let us know and The AHER's will bomb his ass...or sick some trolls on him...

 

[entitled]

You're a strong lady, let us know and The AHER's will bomb his ass...or sick some trolls on him...

Can i watch the trolls do their worst? Might be entertaining.

 

[rgraham666]

*HUGS* for you, ent.

I'm proud of the strength and calm you're displaying.

 

[Guest]

Can i watch the trolls do their worst? Might be entertaining.

Well we all know what destruction they can cause on our stories, it could actually be fun.

 

[entitled]

*HUGS* for you, ent.

I'm proud of the strength and calm you're displaying.

*squeeze*

i just needed to get it out, then get some sleep. i've discovered that it's better to do that than to dwell on it for days at a time.

 

[entitled]

Well we all know what destruction they can cause on our stories, it could actually be fun.

Think we could videotape it and sell it to Hollywood? Could make millions...

 

[JRaven]

Can i watch the trolls do their worst? Might be entertaining.

Of course, they'll insist on getting him pregnant!

And you can let him have custody of that one.

Jenny

 

[entitled]

Of course, they'll insist on getting him pregnant!

And you can let him have custody of that one.

Jenny

hmm... One troll-child versus three me-lets.

Sounds fair.

 

[SeaCat]

Entitled,

I'm here.

Cat
JK

 

[carsonshepherd]

The local sheleter is not your only option, sweetheart. There are networks set up to protect women. PM me and tell me where you live? From references you've made, I think we may be in the same general area.

 

[mcopado]

i'll have to start over again. New place to live, have to find a job, a way to support myself (and the kids, if i get partial custody), have to make new friends, everything. i'll even have to rediscover myself sexually. Providing i can find a willing partner.

It's confusing.

i'm lost, and overwhelmed.

You may be confused, lost and overwhelmed dearheart, but you are never ever alone......I can think of a few people who can honestly say "I got your Back."

I'm one of them......

People have gotten out of a lot harder situations then yours....and transformed their lives....if they can, then you with your brains and your friends...Can too...

My offer about voice prayer still holds...I also have an spiritual exercise that you can do....It worked for me and a lot of people, helped shift the universe into miracle making mode...Got a lot of people out of tough scrapes...

Pm me with your email address and I'll send you what I created with an explanation...

revy mke

 

[asian_princess]

That PM yesterday? At that time, i didn't know. I didn't know...But now it makes all the sense in the world to me.

In terms of practical advice you have no better support system than these fiercely protective (and rightly so) and wise ATHERs, so i really only have this to contribute...

From a heart that is aching for you...i only have this.

Strength of heart, spirit and soul.

You have it. Find it, Feel it, and Let it Guide you.

You are brave and courageous. Nothing is worth more than your sense of self. It's going to be gritty, it's going to be heartbreaking, and sometimes you're going to lose your way. Just remember what brought you here in the first place...to bring her back. The Entitled you remember, the Entitled, you want to be, the Entitle...you are. Don't ever let anyone stop you from becoming, from being the person your heart yearns to be.

So...on that list of the many many friends you have just waiting to be there for you, put my name...

i have a list 5 miles long of trolls you might like to use...

 

[rgraham666]

Dropping in again to give more *HUGS* and support.

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[entitled]

Right. Time for another one of these.

Not once have i ever told anybody that would know him (not you folks here) about the abuse, or the rape. Yet he attacks me verbally this morning, saying that i've been spreading these rumors about him, and that's he's been having to tell people that he's not an abuser. That he's not a rapist.

If that's so, why can't i trust him? Why is my body and mind not what it should be?

Yet he tells me that before he'll consent to divorce, i have to have a good job (which was a given), and a decent place to live (which is another given), AND psychological help. That makes no sense to me.

Why am i the one that needs a shrink? i'm not the one in denial about what happened. i've accepted it, know i can't change it, and moved on. He's the one that's denied anything has happened. Isn't that a little backwards?

i don't know.. i just don't know.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Right. Time for another one of these.

Not once have i ever told anybody that would know him (not you folks here) about the abuse, or the rape. Yet he attacks me verbally this morning, saying that i've been spreading these rumors about him, and that's he's been having to tell people that he's not an abuser. That he's not a rapist.

If that's so, why can't i trust him? Why is my body and mind not what it should be?

Yet he tells me that before he'll consent to divorce, i have to have a good job (which was a given), and a decent place to live (which is another given), AND psychological help. That makes no sense to me.

Why am i the one that needs a shrink? i'm not the one in denial about what happened. i've accepted it, know i can't change it, and moved on. He's the one that's denied anything has happened. Isn't that a little backwards?

i don't know.. i just don't know.

Because abusers see themselves as the victims.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Right. Time for another one of these.

Not once have i ever told anybody that would know him (not you folks here) about the abuse, or the rape. Yet he attacks me verbally this morning, saying that i've been spreading these rumors about him, and that's he's been having to tell people that he's not an abuser. That he's not a rapist.

If that's so, why can't i trust him? Why is my body and mind not what it should be?

Yet he tells me that before he'll consent to divorce, i have to have a good job (which was a given), and a decent place to live (which is another given), AND psychological help. That makes no sense to me.

Why am i the one that needs a shrink? i'm not the one in denial about what happened. i've accepted it, know i can't change it, and moved on. He's the one that's denied anything has happened. Isn't that a little backwards?

i don't know.. i just don't know.

sweet heart he doesn't have to consent, seperation for a year (sometimes less in some states) is grounds for it being granted. The abusers try to make us feel as if we have no power. Ok some personal info here. I left my husband 4 years ago and have yet to file the papers, he tells my kids that unless I call off the child support hounds he will not agree to a divorce, Lawyer says WAKE UP ASSHOLE YOU HAVE BEEN SEPERATED 4 YEARS < THEY DON"T NEED YOU TO AGREE. they try whatever they think will work doll. If you go to a shrink do it for your health, and documentation of the situation you live in , you can supeona your own records if need be. But HE does not have to agree to anything, thats why we have judges.
take care hon
Nymphy

 

[entitled]

18 months

i'm just worried about what happens to the kids in those 18 months.

 

[woodnymph_O]

18 months

i'm just worried about what happens to the kids in those 18 months.

darlin no one here will tell you it will be easy, however it wont be what you expect either, You have been put into the victim mentality for so long you actually start to believe they controll the world and you have no chance. I did. But in the end you find out it's not true. I expected the day I ended things he would kill me. He busted a window out of my car then ran.

a month later he took my kids for a visit and ran with them to CA across the country from me, my grandmother has a bit of monay so i pleaded with her for legal help. She said something so cruel to me(at the time) but she was was right.
She said, "wait, just wait. That man will not voluntarily raise 2 children, he will get tired of it and want to run the roads." She said " he never did want to raise them when they were with the two of you together, what do you think had changed?"
I ask you darlin, Does he get up with them , kiss the boo-boos, go to the school meetings , take care of them when they are sick? Or does he poke you (like most selfish abusers) and say get the kid. Think it over. Will he give up his life for a chance to get at you? I doubt it sweetie. and if you are smarter than I was he will never have the chance to, an exparte or domestic violence order will give you custody and he will never have the chance. they don't take months they take minutes , they barge in with that paper in open court and the judge signs it, no lawyers, no money.. It would have saved me 3 months of the worst heartache I ever knew. Get to know your rights under the law. Then take them love.
You will make it
I believe in you
Nymphy

 

[entitled]

darlin no one here will tell you it will be easy, however it wont be what you expect either, You have been put into the victim mentality for so long you actually start to believe they controll the world and you have no chance. I did. But in the end you find out it's not true. I expected the day I ended things he would kill me. He busted a window out of my car then ran.

a month later he took my kids for a visit and ran with them to CA across the country from me, my grandmother has a bit of monay so i pleaded with her for legal help. She said something so cruel to me(at the time) but she was was right.
She said, "wait, just wait. That man will not voluntarily raise 2 children, he will get tired of it and want to run the roads." She said " he never did want to raise them when they were with the two of you together, what do you think had changed?"
I ask you darlin, Does he get up with them , kiss the boo-boos, go to the school meetings , take care of them when they are sick? Or does he poke you (like most selfish abusers) and say get the kid. Think it over. Will he give up his life for a chance to get at you? I doubt it sweetie. and if you are smarter than I was he will never have the chance to, an exparte or domestic violence order will give you custody and he will never have the chance. they don't take months they take minutes , they barge in with that paper in open court and the judge signs it, no lawyers, no money.. It would have saved me 3 months of the worst heartache I ever knew. Get to know your rights under the law. Then take them love.
You will make it
I believe in you
Nymphy

The problem with that is that he IS a good father. He gets up with them in the mornings and makes them breakfast most of the time. (The youngest is an insomniac, and only two, and i stay up with her all night.) He does volunteer to go to school things, or take them to the doctor and entist, and things of that sort. He's not that way to them. At least until he loses his temper. Then he yells and screams and says ugly things that degrade them... it's horrible.

He would be more than willing to raise them. Without me.

 

[woodnymph_O]

The problem with that is that he IS a good father. He gets up with them in the mornings and makes them breakfast most of the time. (The youngest is an insomniac, and only two, and i stay up with her all night.) He does volunteer to go to school things, or take them to the doctor and entist, and things of that sort. He's not that way to them. At least until he loses his temper. Then he yells and screams and says ugly things that degrade them... it's horrible.

He would be more than willing to raise them. Without me.

the things he yells at them take away the good feeling he gives darlin , all the more reason to get an exparte order. I have hope for you sweetie , you will find a way , and we will sit around and laugh about how you used to feel.
well maybe not laugh but atleast bash the man lots it's a long road to remeber who you are, and to realize your heart isn't dead, I still wander into old patterns of thought. But I have to fight and so do you. Don't lose yourself, don't sit and try to remeber who she was. And if you stay love, stay smart. Stay safe. and hold on to yourself.
If you need me I'm here
Nymphy

 

[entitled]

Wow. Things are moving in a good direction for once.

The inlaws know this is going to happen.
i've told the kids that my last name will be changing, and they thought that was really cool (in their words).

We've agreed on a custody schedule that just might work out well - it won't disrupt their going to school, leaves them with plenty of time with both of us.
i know that i'll be getting at least $600 a month in child support, no matter how little time i have them within that month.
He'll be responsible for housing costs for me - whether that's my staying in this house or finding another one to buy. No renting!

Now i just need to decide on a lawyer and start meeting with him/her to get this whole thing started.