StangStar06 has half of us dreaming we were him, and the other half looking to capitalize on the few mistakes he's made. So, what if I stole his toons? What if I made his characters my own?
What would happen if I started a new story with them involved, and made them react to my own character? Something like this?
===
The long stretch of lawn that spanned between us was pretty well manicured. I mean, no dandilions blooming in a corner, and no straight out weeds growing from the soil with bare dirt exposed. I guess it was a fairly decent lawn, if that's what you were into taking care off. It was much better than my own, but that was mostly because I couldn't care less whether the front of my place looked good or not.
"You ready?" the man facing me asked, gripping the hilt of his sheathed sword loosely by his right hand and the hardened wood sheath hanging below more firmly with his left.
Great, I thought. All I need is for him to try a quick draw strike. The guy may know kendo, but I didn't really want to embarass him.
"Ready," I said cooly, surprised that my voice didn 't sound impatient.
He didn't hesitate, stepping forward with his right foot quickly while pulling the sword in an upward undercut strike from his left hip that would have sliced my chin open if I hadn't stepped back. I swatted his strike aside with the flat of my blade and struck his ribs with a slicing thrust forward, the edge of my sword against his ribs.
His reaction was instant, bringing his left elbow down and nearly snapping the wooden sword from my grip.
"Damn," he hissed, rubbing his side. "That's three straight, Vance. I don't think I can even get close. Can we just spar maybe? I mean, to practice styles?"
I laughed. "Seriously, Leg. I really don't have any style."
He sheathed the wooden blade in his scabbard with a fluid motion and bowed to me, causing me to laugh. The last thing I knew how to do was respect styles the way he did.
He smiled as he rose from the bow. "It's not funny, Vance. I've trained since... Well, I've trained for a long time. I think you have the soul of a samurai."
I chuckled aloud. "Katana wa bushi no tamashii?" I couldn't hide the snicker. "Seriously? That's what Sensei Tan pushed on you?"
Legolas blushed but nodded with a serious look. "He taught what I needed to learn."
"He taught what you wanted to hear," I corrected without hiding a smirk. "Honestly, Leg. Before the first time I beat him with swords, he was all about telling me that samurai crap. Like that would give me an edge in a damned sword fight or something. Five rounds later he was telling me I was some kind of chosen one. By the end, the guy was bowing to me constantly. I never understood his Japanese because he kept blending it with Cantonese slang.."
Legolas stared at me opened mouthed with some kind of fucked-up shock glare, like I was just being stupid, when his wife Anna broke us up.
"Vance, you're done making my man feel like he has to spend more time with stupid swords than with me, right?" Her voice was so sincere that I couldn't do much but envy my friend as he took her hand and they pressed inward to join in a soft kiss and a big smile.
"I am," I admitted with a another smirk that I hoped hid my envy. "But, Leggy is a little protective about his interest in sharp toys, Anna. In fact, you're in the top slot for sharpness, so I don't really want to discourage him from playing too much. Besides, these swords that Raphe carved feel pretty real, and I don't want to actually break them. Probably worth a couple of hundred each."
"Nonsense," Raphe's wife interrupted as she walked up behind me and took the sword from my hand. "Look here," she started with her French accent that made it sound like a proposition. "See how the grain curves away from the back? I think my Raphe has made this to break if you fight edge to edge, no? He cares for you..."
I jumped when she slapped my butt with her palm. Legolas and Anna laughed as I spun away.
"You think my Raphe wants you to win, eh, Vance?" She snuffed air in a snort and scanned me from top to bottom with her eyes. "Ach, you succeed too easily in things. A beautiful man skilled in things physical is a threat to any relationship. Our men are lucky we love them so much, eh?" she asked with a quick glance to Anna. "A man like you, always winning in things... That's a man not to trust in love."
Feeling awkward, I turned away to face Legolas. "I hate them both."
Legolas grabbed his wife and hugged her shoulder against his chest. "I couldn't live without her," he said, grabbing Amanda and pulling her into his chest facing his wife. "Either of them."
"You do know I can make crossbows too," Raphe said as he walked up with a long spatula. The bib Bar-B-Q apron he wore said simply "Well-Done" in big black letters.
Legolas laughed as he released Raphe's wife, who seemed to glare at me even as she turned and embraced her husband.
"I can't win," I groaned.
"You..." Raphe started with a grin, "always win," all three announced together in a single note of condemnation.
"And that," Amanda added sweetly as she turned in her husband's arms to face me, "is why we must find you a wife. You are too much temptation for all our friends."
"Yeah," Anna agreed. "Temptation is an edge we cannot make new friends with, Vance. How many women have you shot down?"
"Hey," I defended. "I can't help if you bring stupid women into my life. I mean, that last girl? Terra? A construction worker with more muscles than most guys? What the hell were you thinking?"
I smiled when Anna blushed and Amanda turned away.
Raphe snorted. "Dude, she was hot. You see those muscles in her abdomen? Looked like she could..."
Amanda smacked him hard enough on the chest that I knew there would be a hand print.
"Dude, she wasn't right for me," I said quickly with a laugh. Raphe was rubbing his chest as I spoke again. "It was obvious as soon as she started talking gym bullshit."
"Well," Anna started. "She was Elaine's choice. Well, Christa's I guess. Christa was tellling Elaine about her Terra Firma school project and when they met in the gym, Elaine thought you guys were a decent match. Doesn't hurt that she had big boobs and a firm butt."
"Fake boobs and a man's butt," I corrected with a smirk that made Legolas laugh.
"She meant the best for you," Amanda said with a smile. "We know how the trust works in their family, and if you had given the woman a chance, she would have..."
"Stop," I said quickly. "Chrissie doesn't get a say. I know she is all crazy magical and all. Hell, I've sat in the garage and talked to her myself. Doesn't mean Elaine has some kind of insight to my love life. I'd trust Chrissie over Tim or Elaine. If that car pulled out in front of me to stop some foxy woman just to get my attention... Well, she'd have my attention. But Elaine? What the hell does she know about me?"
"I know you are a piss-poor excuse of a true man," Elaine's voice spat from behind me.
"Oh, uh.. Hey, Elaine... Tim.." I greeted weekly as she folded her arms and he lowered their cooler to the ground by the grill.
"Youvan!" their beautiful little girl screamed as she ran up and jumped into me, landing her crotch over my hip and wrapping her arms around me. "You'll play videos tonight, right? Cause, I've been practicing on all your games and my skills are totally legendary now. Or legendly.. Whatever Daddy calls it."
I blushed, knowing it wasn't appropriate to have their seven-year-old humping my waist with every other word. But her strong little arms were wrapped around my neck and she cinched her arms against my shoulders to keep herself up.
"I'll sure try, Sweetie. If Uncle Tink lets me."
"Uncle Lego!" the girl insisted, looking over me as she gripped my waist with her legs and bumped her crotched against me. "You know daddy hates you calling him Tinker-Boy!"
I glanced at Legolas, who had the decency to look away from the young girl humping against me.
"Christa," Amanda said kindly but scolded with her look. "You'll help me make the salad, no?" She took the girl's hand and peeled her off of me, leading her toward the house.
"Sorry about that," Tim apologized for his daughter. "You're the only one she does that to."
"Cause she's the only one that can," Christa's mother Elaine whispered with a laugh as she swatted my arm.
Dinner was fun. Comfortable. I loved these people more than I ever loved my own family. There was something to be said for close friends and close relationships. Everyghing, actually. But most of it was about trust and faith. I had faith that the three women of our group loved their men and would never ever take it beyond appropriate. Excluding, of course, the seven-year-old humptress that always seemed to bruise my waist with her crotch. And the women knew I'd never hit on them, with or without their husbands present. Legolas, Raphe, and Tim were my closest friends, and their wives were just part of the situation. I loved them all.
"So, another two months?" Raphe asked as he took a forkfull of macaroni salad into his mouth.
"Month and a half," I corrected with a smile. "Scheduled for a month, but you know how that works." I took a bite of burger.
"You still have to, you know?" Legolas asked.
"Pee?" I asked back quickly with a laugh. "Yeah. Can you come hold my hand and run the water to help me?" I stood up and reached out my hand.
"Yes," Anna answered, rising from across the table quickly which caused Legolas to frown.
"Ah, no. That's okay. I'll take this one solo and maybe you can get your hubby to help me next time."
"No, he's not gay," she said smoothly. "And, we need to talk to you." She nodded to Amanda and Elaine, who both rose without hesitating.
"Uh, no. Seriously, I'm fine," I said nervously.
"No, you're not," Elaine chided. "We need to talk to you this time. Chrissie and Christa were..." She looked at the men remaining at the table. Her husband Tim just nodded knowingly, but Raphe raised his eyebrows. "Things were discussed," Elaine finished weakly.
"And the topic was you," Amanda finished.
I glanced at my friends still seated at the table, and it was Tim that nodded.
"It's important," he said with a smile. "Chrissie spoke to her. In her head, I mean. That's pretty important."
Legolas and Raphe just looked at Tim with wide eyes.
I tried to shrug, pretending that information didn't creep the hell out of me. "Wow, okay. Guess I kind of have to listen then, right?"
"Vance," Tim said after barely a pause. "Trust her, okay? I mean, if she talks, just do me a favor? I need you to trust what Chrissie tells you."
Legolas kept staring at Tim, but Raphe frowned.
"Listen, Vance. That damned car is crazy scary, but she protects family. I don't think little Christa's affections are obvious enough to alert Chrissie, but if they are then you probably need to be careful."
The only thing was, Tim's girl was only 7. Spooky demon car or not, I was not getting involved with a a seven-year-old.
"Vance," Tim's wife scolded. "Chrissie wants to talk with you, and that means something. It's something important. If you want to flap your big dick around in front of my daughter, you and I will have pretty fucking serious words, and Chrissie might just kill you. That's NOT what this is about. Vance, we need to talk about things."
I don't know if I actually shook or not, but if Tim's car wanted to actually talk with me... I couldn't just ignore her.
"Kay," I said, letting my reluctance show.
"Vance," Elaine scolded in a voice that made us all take notice. "Whether or not you believe, whether or not you trust in this kind of freaky paranormal crap..." She looked at me and stared right into me like I was totally tranparent. "As God is my witness," she started with a very calm voice. "You need to talk to our car."
I looked at her, glancing at the rest of them who all looked so serious. I couldn't help it. I laughed.
It wasn't just a little laugh... I mean, I laughed pretty damned hard. And out loud.
What would happen if I started a new story with them involved, and made them react to my own character? Something like this?
===
The long stretch of lawn that spanned between us was pretty well manicured. I mean, no dandilions blooming in a corner, and no straight out weeds growing from the soil with bare dirt exposed. I guess it was a fairly decent lawn, if that's what you were into taking care off. It was much better than my own, but that was mostly because I couldn't care less whether the front of my place looked good or not.
"You ready?" the man facing me asked, gripping the hilt of his sheathed sword loosely by his right hand and the hardened wood sheath hanging below more firmly with his left.
Great, I thought. All I need is for him to try a quick draw strike. The guy may know kendo, but I didn't really want to embarass him.
"Ready," I said cooly, surprised that my voice didn 't sound impatient.
He didn't hesitate, stepping forward with his right foot quickly while pulling the sword in an upward undercut strike from his left hip that would have sliced my chin open if I hadn't stepped back. I swatted his strike aside with the flat of my blade and struck his ribs with a slicing thrust forward, the edge of my sword against his ribs.
His reaction was instant, bringing his left elbow down and nearly snapping the wooden sword from my grip.
"Damn," he hissed, rubbing his side. "That's three straight, Vance. I don't think I can even get close. Can we just spar maybe? I mean, to practice styles?"
I laughed. "Seriously, Leg. I really don't have any style."
He sheathed the wooden blade in his scabbard with a fluid motion and bowed to me, causing me to laugh. The last thing I knew how to do was respect styles the way he did.
He smiled as he rose from the bow. "It's not funny, Vance. I've trained since... Well, I've trained for a long time. I think you have the soul of a samurai."
I chuckled aloud. "Katana wa bushi no tamashii?" I couldn't hide the snicker. "Seriously? That's what Sensei Tan pushed on you?"
Legolas blushed but nodded with a serious look. "He taught what I needed to learn."
"He taught what you wanted to hear," I corrected without hiding a smirk. "Honestly, Leg. Before the first time I beat him with swords, he was all about telling me that samurai crap. Like that would give me an edge in a damned sword fight or something. Five rounds later he was telling me I was some kind of chosen one. By the end, the guy was bowing to me constantly. I never understood his Japanese because he kept blending it with Cantonese slang.."
Legolas stared at me opened mouthed with some kind of fucked-up shock glare, like I was just being stupid, when his wife Anna broke us up.
"Vance, you're done making my man feel like he has to spend more time with stupid swords than with me, right?" Her voice was so sincere that I couldn't do much but envy my friend as he took her hand and they pressed inward to join in a soft kiss and a big smile.
"I am," I admitted with a another smirk that I hoped hid my envy. "But, Leggy is a little protective about his interest in sharp toys, Anna. In fact, you're in the top slot for sharpness, so I don't really want to discourage him from playing too much. Besides, these swords that Raphe carved feel pretty real, and I don't want to actually break them. Probably worth a couple of hundred each."
"Nonsense," Raphe's wife interrupted as she walked up behind me and took the sword from my hand. "Look here," she started with her French accent that made it sound like a proposition. "See how the grain curves away from the back? I think my Raphe has made this to break if you fight edge to edge, no? He cares for you..."
I jumped when she slapped my butt with her palm. Legolas and Anna laughed as I spun away.
"You think my Raphe wants you to win, eh, Vance?" She snuffed air in a snort and scanned me from top to bottom with her eyes. "Ach, you succeed too easily in things. A beautiful man skilled in things physical is a threat to any relationship. Our men are lucky we love them so much, eh?" she asked with a quick glance to Anna. "A man like you, always winning in things... That's a man not to trust in love."
Feeling awkward, I turned away to face Legolas. "I hate them both."
Legolas grabbed his wife and hugged her shoulder against his chest. "I couldn't live without her," he said, grabbing Amanda and pulling her into his chest facing his wife. "Either of them."
"You do know I can make crossbows too," Raphe said as he walked up with a long spatula. The bib Bar-B-Q apron he wore said simply "Well-Done" in big black letters.
Legolas laughed as he released Raphe's wife, who seemed to glare at me even as she turned and embraced her husband.
"I can't win," I groaned.
"You..." Raphe started with a grin, "always win," all three announced together in a single note of condemnation.
"And that," Amanda added sweetly as she turned in her husband's arms to face me, "is why we must find you a wife. You are too much temptation for all our friends."
"Yeah," Anna agreed. "Temptation is an edge we cannot make new friends with, Vance. How many women have you shot down?"
"Hey," I defended. "I can't help if you bring stupid women into my life. I mean, that last girl? Terra? A construction worker with more muscles than most guys? What the hell were you thinking?"
I smiled when Anna blushed and Amanda turned away.
Raphe snorted. "Dude, she was hot. You see those muscles in her abdomen? Looked like she could..."
Amanda smacked him hard enough on the chest that I knew there would be a hand print.
"Dude, she wasn't right for me," I said quickly with a laugh. Raphe was rubbing his chest as I spoke again. "It was obvious as soon as she started talking gym bullshit."
"Well," Anna started. "She was Elaine's choice. Well, Christa's I guess. Christa was tellling Elaine about her Terra Firma school project and when they met in the gym, Elaine thought you guys were a decent match. Doesn't hurt that she had big boobs and a firm butt."
"Fake boobs and a man's butt," I corrected with a smirk that made Legolas laugh.
"She meant the best for you," Amanda said with a smile. "We know how the trust works in their family, and if you had given the woman a chance, she would have..."
"Stop," I said quickly. "Chrissie doesn't get a say. I know she is all crazy magical and all. Hell, I've sat in the garage and talked to her myself. Doesn't mean Elaine has some kind of insight to my love life. I'd trust Chrissie over Tim or Elaine. If that car pulled out in front of me to stop some foxy woman just to get my attention... Well, she'd have my attention. But Elaine? What the hell does she know about me?"
"I know you are a piss-poor excuse of a true man," Elaine's voice spat from behind me.
"Oh, uh.. Hey, Elaine... Tim.." I greeted weekly as she folded her arms and he lowered their cooler to the ground by the grill.
"Youvan!" their beautiful little girl screamed as she ran up and jumped into me, landing her crotch over my hip and wrapping her arms around me. "You'll play videos tonight, right? Cause, I've been practicing on all your games and my skills are totally legendary now. Or legendly.. Whatever Daddy calls it."
I blushed, knowing it wasn't appropriate to have their seven-year-old humping my waist with every other word. But her strong little arms were wrapped around my neck and she cinched her arms against my shoulders to keep herself up.
"I'll sure try, Sweetie. If Uncle Tink lets me."
"Uncle Lego!" the girl insisted, looking over me as she gripped my waist with her legs and bumped her crotched against me. "You know daddy hates you calling him Tinker-Boy!"
I glanced at Legolas, who had the decency to look away from the young girl humping against me.
"Christa," Amanda said kindly but scolded with her look. "You'll help me make the salad, no?" She took the girl's hand and peeled her off of me, leading her toward the house.
"Sorry about that," Tim apologized for his daughter. "You're the only one she does that to."
"Cause she's the only one that can," Christa's mother Elaine whispered with a laugh as she swatted my arm.
Dinner was fun. Comfortable. I loved these people more than I ever loved my own family. There was something to be said for close friends and close relationships. Everyghing, actually. But most of it was about trust and faith. I had faith that the three women of our group loved their men and would never ever take it beyond appropriate. Excluding, of course, the seven-year-old humptress that always seemed to bruise my waist with her crotch. And the women knew I'd never hit on them, with or without their husbands present. Legolas, Raphe, and Tim were my closest friends, and their wives were just part of the situation. I loved them all.
"So, another two months?" Raphe asked as he took a forkfull of macaroni salad into his mouth.
"Month and a half," I corrected with a smile. "Scheduled for a month, but you know how that works." I took a bite of burger.
"You still have to, you know?" Legolas asked.
"Pee?" I asked back quickly with a laugh. "Yeah. Can you come hold my hand and run the water to help me?" I stood up and reached out my hand.
"Yes," Anna answered, rising from across the table quickly which caused Legolas to frown.
"Ah, no. That's okay. I'll take this one solo and maybe you can get your hubby to help me next time."
"No, he's not gay," she said smoothly. "And, we need to talk to you." She nodded to Amanda and Elaine, who both rose without hesitating.
"Uh, no. Seriously, I'm fine," I said nervously.
"No, you're not," Elaine chided. "We need to talk to you this time. Chrissie and Christa were..." She looked at the men remaining at the table. Her husband Tim just nodded knowingly, but Raphe raised his eyebrows. "Things were discussed," Elaine finished weakly.
"And the topic was you," Amanda finished.
I glanced at my friends still seated at the table, and it was Tim that nodded.
"It's important," he said with a smile. "Chrissie spoke to her. In her head, I mean. That's pretty important."
Legolas and Raphe just looked at Tim with wide eyes.
I tried to shrug, pretending that information didn't creep the hell out of me. "Wow, okay. Guess I kind of have to listen then, right?"
"Vance," Tim said after barely a pause. "Trust her, okay? I mean, if she talks, just do me a favor? I need you to trust what Chrissie tells you."
Legolas kept staring at Tim, but Raphe frowned.
"Listen, Vance. That damned car is crazy scary, but she protects family. I don't think little Christa's affections are obvious enough to alert Chrissie, but if they are then you probably need to be careful."
The only thing was, Tim's girl was only 7. Spooky demon car or not, I was not getting involved with a a seven-year-old.
"Vance," Tim's wife scolded. "Chrissie wants to talk with you, and that means something. It's something important. If you want to flap your big dick around in front of my daughter, you and I will have pretty fucking serious words, and Chrissie might just kill you. That's NOT what this is about. Vance, we need to talk about things."
I don't know if I actually shook or not, but if Tim's car wanted to actually talk with me... I couldn't just ignore her.
"Kay," I said, letting my reluctance show.
"Vance," Elaine scolded in a voice that made us all take notice. "Whether or not you believe, whether or not you trust in this kind of freaky paranormal crap..." She looked at me and stared right into me like I was totally tranparent. "As God is my witness," she started with a very calm voice. "You need to talk to our car."
I looked at her, glancing at the rest of them who all looked so serious. I couldn't help it. I laughed.
It wasn't just a little laugh... I mean, I laughed pretty damned hard. And out loud.