.. So what am I?

[Kikori]

No matter how many times I think on it, I can't figure out what I am out of the common terms.

A simple top or bottom? Nah. In bed, it's never as simple as who's in the lead of what's going on.

Master? Slave? I'd like to take a shot at being a slave, certainly. It's in my nature to do whatever possible to make things easier on others, even to the point of doing tasks altogether so others I genuinely care for won't have to exert themselves more than needed. But, needless to say, it hasn't happened. I'm also not decisive and headstrong enough to do what I want with a personal lap-lady at my side for everything.

So, Dom or Sub? Most likely. But I'm having trouble figuring out what I'd actually call myself.
I can't feel like I'm a Dom. Unless lady's having her period and doesn't want to get contact between her legs, it's pretty much guaranteed that there will be at least one orgasm from her before I do anything for my own.
But does that make me a Sub? Considering I'm the one who always seems to decide how her orgasm is achieved, and the one going through with bringing it after the decision, I feel like I'm either just very well-trained (and by no specific person) without knowing it, or having to be in the lead to go through with my desire to please before being pleased.
I've been called Topping from the Bottom. But doesn't that describe fake-submissives who spend their time manipulating their 'Dom' into doing what they want while the 'Dom' pretends to be in control? That sounds like the total opposite of what I seem to do.
But, in all the time I've read through this forum and its topics, I've never once seen the phrase "Bottoming from the Top".

Even if it only winds up being part of how I describe myself, I'm still curious. By initiating, leading more often than not, focusing on giving the orgasm more than receiving, and doing this in bed rather than as a lifestyle, what the heck would I call myself?

 

[BiBunny]

My (male) Owner person is naturally dominant and a total pleaser. The two may sound mutually exclusive, but they're not, not really. He doesn't want to please everyone, for one. But he wants to make the people he likes and cares about deeply happy. So it's not exactly unusual for me to cum many, many times during a "session" before he does.

With some of the girls he plays with (my Owners are swingers), he never even takes his clothes off. He enjoys watching women orgasm and knowing that HE is the reason for it. He takes pleasure in knowing that he can control women's sexualities like that. And that's not even taking into account his sadistic fondness for forced orgasms.

Being a dominant person doesn't necessarily mean you're a selfish ass, contrary to what many on the Internet and in real life might want you to believe.

Also, there's no reason you can't call yourself a switch. That's what I do, even though I'm much more accurately described as a sadomasochistic pet.

 

[rida]

Why do you feel the need to define your sexuality? or your role in the relationship?

The way you describe yourself in your relationship, I'd say you are a very nice boyfriend, attentive to your girlfriend's needs in bed. But from what you described, I do not see any indication of you being on either side.

While you are still exploring and finding yourself, you can also be a Switch: someone that can be on both sides of the power exchange divide, or of the whip.

As for Bottoming from the Top? They are usually called "Service Top"

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Being a dominant person doesn't necessarily mean you're a selfish ass, contrary to what many on the Internet and in real life might want you to believe.

Heh. Amen.

.. So what am I?

Awesome?

I'd agree with you being a Top. Orgasm denial doesn't have to be part of your dynamic. If it pleases you to bring about her pleasure, then are you not doing what you want?

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to take care of someone.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Nowhere is it written that you need a description.

 

[00Syd]

Being able to descibe yourself is nice, and I totally get that desire. I'm constantly trying to figure out where exactly I stand. What I've found is that when I just went with it, and tried not to think about it too hard, my 'label' just sort of came to me. Sort of a "oh yeah" moment.

Enjoy yourself, and your partner(s). Don't let any unnecessary worry get in the way of that.

 

[graceanne]

I can't feel like I'm a Dom. Unless lady's having her period and doesn't want to get contact between her legs, it's pretty much guaranteed that there will be at least one orgasm from her before I do anything for my own.

Being a dominant person doesn't necessarily mean you're a selfish ass, contrary to what many on the Internet and in real life might want you to believe.

What she said.

Nowhere is it written that you need a description.

Yup. And even if you were to find a perfect description, go somewhere else and someone will disagree with you. Labels are very hard to pin down.

 

[DVS]

My (male) Owner person is naturally dominant and a total pleaser. The two may sound mutually exclusive, but they're not, not really. He doesn't want to please everyone, for one. But he wants to make the people he likes and cares about deeply happy. So it's not exactly unusual for me to cum many, many times during a "session" before he does.

With some of the girls he plays with (my Owners are swingers), he never even takes his clothes off. He enjoys watching women orgasm and knowing that HE is the reason for it. He takes pleasure in knowing that he can control women's sexualities like that. And that's not even taking into account his sadistic fondness for forced orgasms.

Being a dominant person doesn't necessarily mean you're a selfish ass, contrary to what many on the Internet and in real life might want you to believe.

Also, there's no reason you can't call yourself a switch. That's what I do, even though I'm much more accurately described as a sadomasochistic pet.

And all this time I thought I was the only one. With my own perverted twist on it, this is me. Brothers from a different mother!

 

[DVS]

No matter how many times I think on it, I can't figure out what I am out of the common terms.

A simple top or bottom? Nah. In bed, it's never as simple as who's in the lead of what's going on.

Master? Slave? I'd like to take a shot at being a slave, certainly. It's in my nature to do whatever possible to make things easier on others, even to the point of doing tasks altogether so others I genuinely care for won't have to exert themselves more than needed. But, needless to say, it hasn't happened. I'm also not decisive and headstrong enough to do what I want with a personal lap-lady at my side for everything.

So, Dom or Sub? Most likely. But I'm having trouble figuring out what I'd actually call myself.
I can't feel like I'm a Dom. Unless lady's having her period and doesn't want to get contact between her legs, it's pretty much guaranteed that there will be at least one orgasm from her before I do anything for my own.
But does that make me a Sub? Considering I'm the one who always seems to decide how her orgasm is achieved, and the one going through with bringing it after the decision, I feel like I'm either just very well-trained (and by no specific person) without knowing it, or having to be in the lead to go through with my desire to please before being pleased.
I've been called Topping from the Bottom. But doesn't that describe fake-submissives who spend their time manipulating their 'Dom' into doing what they want while the 'Dom' pretends to be in control? That sounds like the total opposite of what I seem to do.
But, in all the time I've read through this forum and its topics, I've never once seen the phrase "Bottoming from the Top".

Even if it only winds up being part of how I describe myself, I'm still curious. By initiating, leading more often than not, focusing on giving the orgasm more than receiving, and doing this in bed rather than as a lifestyle, what the heck would I call myself?

Like everybody else says, why worry about a label? If you're a switch, that can be very interesting. The options are nearly doubled. Sure, it can sometimes be a chore to decide who's going to be top and who will be the bottom, but shit...there are worse things out there.

With some experience, you'll see a pattern for some kind of preference forming. It's not always necessary to pick a specific team, before playing the game. If it looks interesting, join in.

As your preferences start to show, find someone who fits into what you like. Forget about defining yourself as a Top, bottom, slave, switch or whatever for now. And if someone asks, tell them you're still in discovery mode. If they persist, try the label sexual cameleon. LOL.

 

[cop1047]

is naturally dominant and a total pleaser. The two may sound mutually exclusive, but they're not, not really. He doesn't want to please everyone, for one. But he wants to make the people he likes and cares about deeply happy. So it's not exactly unusual for me to cum many, many times during a "session" before he does.

With some of the girls he plays with (my Owners are swingers), he never even takes his clothes off. He enjoys watching women orgasm and knowing that HE is the reason for it. He takes pleasure in knowing that he can control women's sexualities like that.

Here I thought I was the only one that did this. Its a rush of a different kind. I can only explain it as it was my orgasm but she gets to experience the pleasure of it because I gave it to her.

 

[Kikori]

Being a dominant person doesn't necessarily mean you're a selfish ass, contrary to what many on the Internet and in real life might want you to believe.

I hadn't exactly adopted the "selfish ass", just wondering since most dominant people I've seen or come in contact with have a "me-first-then-partner" system in place with their play.

~

I don't need to "define" it, I'm just curious how exactly I'd describe myself. Same as being an ISFJ, I fall into the category rather than let it shape me. I just want to know what the term would be. I like the sound of Service Top, though.

~

I'd search through 8-bit theater for one specific frame of a character asking for a hug, but that's over 1,000 comics to search through. So, let's try this.
Hug? <3

Nowhere is it written that you need a description.

Nowhere is it written that I can't be curious, either. If it gives me a little peace of mind that I have a word or phrase that can describe me instead of rely on everything in the first post, I'll take it.

~
Enjoy yourself, and your partner(s). Don't let any unnecessary worry get in the way of that.

I'm not losing sleep over it, just hoping more experienced people can answer it for me is all.

Yup. And even if you were to find a perfect description, go somewhere else and someone will disagree with you. Labels are very hard to pin down.

Ah, let 'em complain. If they're more worried about the validity of the label than the actual actions and personality behind it, then I must be doing good.

[quote="DVS' second]~[/quote]

The pattern's already starting to show a bit, though being in a relationship with a submissive girl at the moment, it might be some time before actually testing out being a switch (or more specifically, a sub) can be tried.

Thanks for the contributions here, folks. :3 And sorry for the late reply. ^^;

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I hadn't exactly adopted the "selfish ass", just wondering since most dominant people I've seen or come in contact with have a "me-first-then-partner" system in place with their play.

Yes, but 'me first' doesn't necessarily make someone a selfish ass. Mr is very 'me first' but I *like* that... and thus it fulfils my needs as well.

 

[midwestyankee]

Like Syd, I completely get your desire to find just the right label for yourself. Somewhere in the dusty annals of this forum there's even a short thread wherein I explored, with others' help, the difference between being a dominant and a service top.

All of this is pretty common in the beginning stages of one's journey into awareness, I would think.

Now, on a long-term basis, whatever label you select may or may not stay well rooted. You may find yourself shifting a bit here and there in what you like to do to and with your partner. That's life: we all change and evolve over time.

Here's an exercise you might want to try just to give yourself a better picture of yourself as you are now: Take out a legal pad and divide the top three sheets into three columns of roughly equal width. In the far left-hand column, jot down a brief description of each of the last dozen or so sexual encounters with your partner. Space these out so that you have about four encounters on each page.

Now, label the middle column "Dominant" and the right-hand column "submissive." Or use "Top" and "Bottom" if those terms turn your crank a bit harder. No matter, just be consistent.

Next, for each of the sexual encounters in your list, jot down the Dominant/Top aspects of the encounter in the middle column and the Submissive/Bottom aspects in the right-hand column. For example, you might list "forced her to orgasm three times in quick succession" in that Dominant/Top column. If in one of your encounters you allowed her to spank your ass mostly for her pleasure and with her complete control over the activity, put that in the right-hand column.

When you're done with this, you may be able to spot a pattern of behaviors. Then, within the behaviors that pattern together, you might be able to discern that a majority are things that you figure a Dominant would do more than a Top might do, or vice versa. Even if you don't yet see much of a distinction at this level, you have a starting place from which to undertake your journey.

As for myself, I resolved the Dominant/Top distinction by deciding to call myself an Ishkabibble. It works for me and my Kernoodle just fine.