So what about future tense?

[Ysoi]

Hi all!

My apologies for yet another question, but I'm doing a series of quick stories for posting here and would like to avoid things that I find acceptable but which other people might slam me for.

In the story that I am writing now, one character has been tasked with predicting what will happen if another character disobeys him. At the moment this goes as :

Hm. Well. Okay then... Best prediction... You know that beauty spot? She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She would arrive early. Would wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.

Now obviously I can convert this to present or even past tense, but I'm wondering how other people would handle it. A mixture of future and present tenses?

She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. From there... She arrives early. Wears her coat. Lays out a blanket.

Or - what I expect people will prefer - future and past.

She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She arrived early, wearing her coat. She laid out a blanket.

I guess the whole "this is a prediction" thing is quite awkward. :|

...
Anyway, I apologise again, but it's interesting to hear other people's thoughts!

Ysoi

 

[bikoukumori]

In my opinion, too many "would"s in quick succession/close quarters.

She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She would arrive early. Would wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.

How I'd edit it.

She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She'd arrive early, wearing her coat. Laying out a blanket, she may/will pose for you. (Prepared) sandwiches and a couple of bottles will be waiting/available.

 

[Ysoi]

Hi Bikoukumori!

Fair enough ref the too many woulds!
What about the future tense itself, though? I've heard that some people at least find present tense hard to read, so I wonder if future tense might be harder?

Ysoi

 

[Stella_Omega]

She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She would arrive early. Would wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.

Or remove the 'would' thusly;

She'll ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She'll arrive early. Wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.

You'll be the happiest man in creation.

Future tense is tough to read because we aren't used to it.

The problem, IMO, with both future and present tense is falling out of it, past tense verbs sneaking their way in.

 

[Ysoi]

Hi Stella_Omega!

For my story, at least, I've decided that I'm going to side-step the issue by using something like "well, I've looked into your future, and what I saw was :" - thus rendering everything after that into past tense.

I think, to be honest, that I could write in future tense about as easily as I can in present tense, but as you said past is still easiest. That and not annoying tense-critics gives me two good reasons to avoid future tense, even if I would find it interesting myself.

Ysoi

 

[Tyro999]

Hi all!

My apologies for yet another question, but I'm doing a series of quick stories for posting here and would like to avoid things that I find acceptable but which other people might slam me for.

In the story that I am writing now, one character has been tasked with predicting what will happen if another character disobeys him. At the moment this goes as :



Now obviously I can convert this to present or even past tense, but I'm wondering how other people would handle it. A mixture of future and present tenses?



Or - what I expect people will prefer - future and past.



I guess the whole "this is a prediction" thing is quite awkward. :|

...
Anyway, I apologise again, but it's interesting to hear other people's thoughts!

Ysoi

If you spent a tenth of your time actually writing rather than creating and refining polls about writing ...

Never mind. Welcome to my ignore list, for both your posts and for any Lit stories you may eventually get around to actually writing. You have polled me to death.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you spent a tenth of your time actually writing rather than creating and refining polls about writing ...

Never mind. Welcome to my ignore list, for both your posts and for any Lit stories you may eventually get around to actually writing. You have polled me to death.

Haha and then there are all those people who bitch about how there aren't any writing threads in AH.

 

[GimletEdge]

Future Tense vs Conditional Constructions

If you really were to use the future tense, your first paragraph would read, "Hm. Well. Okay then... Best prediction... You know that beauty spot? She will ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She will arrive early. Will wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you."

I don't think many people would object to reading dialog about a prediction in the future tense, although it might get tiresome if too much of the story were told that way. (Slipped in a subjunctive construction for you right there!)

If you write long passages full of conditional constructions, I would grow impatient as a reader. It doesn't do much to advance the plot to talk about things that would, could or might happen. Eventually I would find it too much of a waste of time. (I feel the same way about most dream sequences.)

And since you're discussing style and usage, I can't help wondering what "beauty spot" the speaker is talking about. Did he mean a "beautiful spot," with nice scenery and such? Or was he talking about a flirtatious, strategically placed mole?

 

[sr71plt]

If you really were to use the future tense, your first paragraph would read, "Hm. Well. Okay then... Best prediction... You know that beauty spot?

If you REALLY were to use the future tense you wouldn't have your first verb in the present tense: "You know that . . ."

 

[Ysoi]

If you REALLY were to use the future tense you wouldn't have your first verb in the present tense: "You know that . . ."

Hi sr71plt,

The present tense is used to establish that the character does know the area in which the prediction takes. I'm not sure I can imagine a way to use future tense to verify that the two characters have a common understanding of the location involved before the prediction is given.

Ysoi

 

[Ysoi]

If you really were to use the future tense, your first paragraph would read, "Hm. Well. Okay then... Best prediction... You know that beauty spot? She will ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She will arrive early. Will wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you."

And since you're discussing style and usage, I can't help wondering what "beauty spot" the speaker is talking about. Did he mean a "beautiful spot," with nice scenery and such? Or was he talking about a flirtatious, strategically placed mole?

A location.
I see what you mean, although the meaning is made clear within just a few words.

In one revision of this I used the word "park", but unfortunately I am in the unusual situation where I do not know exactly what the character in question knows and can only guess. For that reason I'm trying to keep some things as vague and generic as possible - and for a time "beauty spot" seemed more generic.

Ysoi

 

[fifty5]

Stella was right in saying:

-----------------------------------------
Quote:
She would ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She would arrive early. Would wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.

Or remove the 'would' thusly;

Quote:
She'll ask you to meet her there at night, just before sunset. She'll arrive early. Wear her coat. Lay out a blanket. Have sandwiches and a couple of bottles ready for you.
-----------------------------------------

What wasn't made explicit is that 'will' (or 'shall') is the future tense, but 'would' is rather 'future conditional' (cf would have - past conditional). My terminology may well be flawed, but the point is that 'would' implies an 'if', while 'will' doesn't necessarily.

To try to illustrate the differences: 'I will die.' ('will' without a condition); 'If I win the Lottery, I will ...' ('will' with a condition); 'If I were to win the Lottery, I would ...' ('would' with an explicit condition); and 'I would pay off my mortgage' (implying 'if I had the money').

There is another issue in there: the difference between, 'I will ...' and 'I shall ...' but I can't remember that distinction.

Sorry I can't be more exact, but I hope you see that 'would' (quite apart from the issue of repetition that Stella raised (though such repetition can have rhetorical power)) isn't a simple future tense.

Trying to help,

f5

 

[Ysoi]

Hi Fifty5!

Though it wasn't included within the quote, the entire prediction is given in response to the other character asking "What would happen if I give in", so I think that it might be correct to use "would"? Unfortunately, my grammar is pretty much all self-taught from what I have seen whilst reading, so I just try to write what sounds correct.

I'm now re-writing the (unfinished) story from which that quote was taken, but I think that I'll try my best to avoid future tense just so that readers don't complain about it.

Ysoi

 

[SamScribble]

‘There are no observations of the future until it happens and by then it's too late.’ – Stephen H. Schneider

A narrator who pretends to know the future is hard to take seriously (IMHO).

 

[fifty5]

Hi Fifty5!

Though it wasn't included within the quote, the entire prediction is given in response to the other character asking "What would happen if I give in", so I think that it might be correct to use "would"? Unfortunately, my grammar is pretty much all self-taught from what I have seen whilst reading, so I just try to write what sounds correct.

I'm now re-writing the (unfinished) story from which that quote was taken, but I think that I'll try my best to avoid future tense just so that readers don't complain about it.

Ysoi

Hi Ysoi,

Pretty much what I tried to say: 'would' implies a condition, an 'if'.

The other bit is that, in itself, it doesn't indicate the future. "If I were a girl, I would have a different approach to pregnancy." - present conditional; "If I'd been borne female, I would have been pregnant before I reached my present age." - past conditional.

Given that I'm male and approaching retirement age (with two sons) I hope you find my examples at least a little amusing.