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So My Wife Cheated. Guess Nice Guys Do loose.

What do you think? Is "just oral" a cheating for you? Can you live with a cheating wife no matter how much you love her? How long you spent together is irrelevant if you cant go on. And that is what you have to ask yourself.
I would only say if she was with 30 other men in 3 years I dont see her turning into faithful wife all of a sudden.
 
So we have
niceguyswin said:
I Want a lady who reads.

Hi
Im really new to all this but what the heck her it goes.

Im not really the quick chat type or the raunchy type.

I like the story, the seduction, the thrill of the excitement, the ups and downs a great erotic story can bring and the twists it presents.

I like a lady with taste who can be sexy, sweet, kinky, seductive and an angle and naughy all at one time.

I prefer the polite type and would like to meet some great people I can chat with not just about sex or seduction but life and have some real online friends.

Shoot me a private message is you would like to chat.

Thank you for your time and reading my message hope to hear from you soon.
Click to expand...

and from your profile
"I have been happily married for 8 years and together with the same wonderful women for 13 years now. We are amazing together and have plenty of fun but do spend time appart at times due to work or schedule problems. My wife is well aware of me on here and has her own account and submits quite a bit of stories."​

If your wife can read, I have a request - come join in your husband's discussion of you in this thread - love to hear your point of view.
 
First off, I'm sorry you've been treated so poorly and you're hurting.

Cheating with 30 men over a period of years means there's something seriously wrong with her, and most likely your relationship. Women who are happy with themselves and their marriages don't cheat. And it sounds like you probably would have been open to some sort of compromise/solution if the issue was her wanting to have more sexual experiences, had she simply discussed her feelings with you in the first place. So, I'm betting her issues go far deeper than that. You two need to figure out what the root causes truly are and then decide if you can work through them together, or if it's time to part ways.

For now, it'd be wise for you to assume she DID have intercourse every which way with all 30 (or more) guys. She's lied to you for at least 3 years, and it makes sense that she'd lie to you about stopping short of intercourse as well, especially if she felt sex would be the thing that would make you kick her to the curb.

Forgiveness is great, but it doesn't sound like you're truly there yet (nor should you be if you learned of this massive betrayal recently) if you're up all night in so much pain. This is a very real emotional trauma, and it takes a lot of time and effort to find peace and forgive after that. Not forgiving her now/soon doesn't mean you two won't survive this or you won't forgive her in the future, it simply means you're taking the time you need to process, grieve, and let your wounds heal enough to find enough peace to forgive without forgetting. Your marriage won't survive if you don't take that time and take really good care of yourself. Glossing over her serial betrayals is a mistake for a variety of reasons: your wounds will fester and create greater problems, your wife will get the message that it's OK to treat you so poorly, etc. Also, slapping a bandaid on this situation with quick "forgiveness" may be a sign of codependency or another unhealthy dynamic in you/your relationship.

Start with comprehensive STI testing for both of you. Talk with your doctor about a good testing schedule and safer sex practices in case your wife has an STI that isn't showing up yet, plus HPV. Start communicating in meaningful ways, and get some good therapy, both as individuals and as a couple. See if there's a support group for betrayed spouses in your area and/or find one online. IF you're BOTH willing to do a lot of hard work on yourselves and your marriage, recognize it's going to take time to build trust and a new relationship. Give yourself all the time you need to get through this and start fresh, with or without your wife. :rose:
 
Your wife is a dirty hooker. Stop being nice. You should fuck her mom, sister, best friend, and worst enemy, then tell her all about it. After that you should divorce her.
 
I'm really sorry this happened to you. But don't be a pushover about it.
 
niceguyswin said:
So I guess over the course of the last 3 years of our marrage my wife has cheated in various ways up to oral but never intercourse with up to 30 men over the last three years.

Of course my forever and first concern is always her happiness and wellbeing and after I took her rings and asked for a devorce she got really sad and appologized and broke down completely for over two days.

I did what I thought was best and forgave her gave her her rings back so she can lie at work and to her friends and save face infront of everyone and have taken mine off. I am not affraid of myself cheating my body and all sexual thoughts are hers no other women compares to her so it made her happy.

I forgave her for it and she is home now, peacefully sleeping and snoring as loud as ever. I however am up again all night and cant sleep. Has anyone been here before, I could really use some advice.
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I must be reading this a bit differently than everyone else. The bit I put in bold is what caught me. Specifically "in various ways up to oral" stands out.
Does that mean you're talking about a range of behaviors that you consider cheating and that of those action giving and/or receiving oral sex is the one you consider the worst?
If so, may I ask what that range of behavior includes and with how many of these partners she reached that ultimate offense? If that is the "10" then what is a "1" or a "2"?
I don't mean to minimize the situation but I'm a bit afraid that we've gone the other direction already.

I'm also struck by the fact that after such a long term relationship all of this has happened so abruptly. If you've been together for 13 years, married for 8 of those and it's only in the past 3 years that a problem has cropped up like this, I have to ask. What happened? Was there some life or lifestyle change? Maybe this isn't new but only newly discovered?

Speaking of which, how was it discovered?

For everyone labeling the wife, please bear in mind we have only one side of the story here.
In my own life I've danced every part in this waltz so I know from experience that it's a rare thing for everyone to be innocent or for everything to be exactly as it appears.
 
This issue is never going to be resolved by simple forgiveness and sweeping it under the rug. You have got to find out what the root cause is. If you can't get to the root cause, the problem will NEVER go away. Cheating is one thing but 30 men in three years? That's not just a relationship that accidentally got out of hand and you've got to assume that at least one time it went further than oral. It sounds like you need a good counselor to get through this.
 
NightL said:
So we have


and from your profile
"I have been happily married for 8 years and together with the same wonderful women for 13 years now. We are amazing together and have plenty of fun but do spend time appart at times due to work or schedule problems. My wife is well aware of me on here and has her own account and submits quite a bit of stories."​

If your wife can read, I have a request - come join in your husband's discussion of you in this thread - love to hear your point of view.
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I have not been happily married since 1981, I was trapped in my marriage by the states denial of a divorce in 87, Because It would have made her a ward of the state with the severity of her bi polar mania and I could not raise the resources to cover her care.

I was still expected to treat her with the utmost respect, I was denied, I was cheated on and now I decided that there was not any thing any one could hold over my head like the executioners ax. I have people trying to commit me to the care of the state because I will no longer back down, weather its the bedroom or the living room. Weather it is my father or his friends. If I have to support her, I will no longer accept the you will not go because you are not invited, your wife is we have an escort for her but you are not. If it has to work one way for me then it works that way for all and I will fight for that.

If this makes me an ass then so be it.
 
It sounds like you suspect more than "just" oral, as you raise the paternal origin of a yet to be born child.

You are correct that it is indeed your choice as to whether or not you choose to stay, but the suggestions that others have made about finding out the root problems and addressing these is good, solid advice. Cutting back on working hours and bringing home the occasional bouquet does not fix this, no more than long work hours or not getting any flowers excuses her behavior.

You both have a rough road ahead of you if this is going to have even the slightest chance of working out. Things will probably get a little tougher before they get better, as it sounds like you both have some hard truths to address and deal with.

Just so you know, sticking it out in a volatile, strictly one-sided relationship does not make you a good husband, and it certainly does not qualify you as a good dad. If you are truly wanting to provide the best environment for a child, you have to make sure you and you wife are supportive of each other, and together, have the best interests of the child in mind.

You may have to accept that your role as husband is over, and you can be the best dad for the impending offspring if you and the mother are apart.

There is no easy answer here, as there certainly are a great deal of factors at play. Ultimately, you have to determine if you, as an individual, not a couple, can move forward, and if so, if you will be in the best place you could be - as a husband, provider, dad, etc - a year from now, 3 years, 10 years, etc. There is a much to be thought of here.

What I can tell you with certainty is that if you just try to sweep things under a rug and carry on as if nothing happened, one hundred and twenty-three bouquets later you will be dealing with probably a bigger mess, and then you will have a young child in the middle of the shit-storm.
 
That makes a lot more sense.
I'm sorry if my post sounded like I was grilling you. I hate it that either of you are having to navigate this and I'm truly sorry that any of it happened.
 
Sounds like you are already making excuses for her. I guess it's time for you to tuck your penis between your legs and just forgive her. Have men always been this pathetic? She cheated on you! She put 30 peni in her mouth... Wake up niceguy.
 
niceguyswin said:
Im not so innocent in all this either.

I have not been home much, I am a bit overweight, I work to much and am not home enough.
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I dont buy that "I am guilty of working too much" crap. You say you have your own business. So where is she in all that? Why didnt she spend some of her free time in helping you get off work earlier instead of fucking around?
She is not the only one who deserves attention in your marriage - you do too.
 
niceguyswin said:
So I decided to play like its ok, comfort her, calm her down , bought her flowers, and took her out on a first date again. May be a while before I can touch her that way but will work on it.

While all of this pretty much lines up with me getting motivated, getting a management position for 75 plus hours a week, then stupidly sinking all of our money into a business that I now own that even I admit I spend way way to much time into until the last couple of days. Now that has all changed. Re arranged everything so I can be home way, way more often and give her the attention she wants.

I forgive everything its kinda who I am. I have had an extreamly hard life and she has been the only light in my life. Im just hurt but thats my problem I guess I just need to cope and that is really what I need help with.
Click to expand...

Wow, just. wow. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around a wife that cheats with 30 some odd guys in a relatively short period of time to you shouldering a big chunk of the blame. You work hard and maybe didn't give her the attention she wanted/needed, but this does not make you responsible for her choices. Specially if she didn't broach the fact she found it difficult and was feeling lonely with you and didn't give you the opportunity to remedy that *before* she went looking elsewhere.

You being hurt is not just your problem. I find it strange that you're comforting her, when she should be making the effort to regain your trust.

#1 give yourself time to heal. Until you do that, get through the emotions you're bombarded with at the moment, you can't make a decision on where your relationship is going to go.

#2 if she's not willing to do her share to work towards salvaging your marriage (remember it takes 2) ain't no amount of forgiveness or comforting you do is going to save it. If she cries and plays the victim, I don't hold out much hope.

#3. acknowledge your feelings. You have a right to them. Fear, anger, betrayal, resentment, sadness, grief. If you bury those they will fester. Best bet, get counselling for both of you. You must be honest with your feelings...you both do. Pretending it's OK when it's not is doing both of you a disservice.

#4. get tested. Even if we give her the benefit of the doubt and it never went further than oral, plenty of STD's can be transmitted this way.

With a pregnancy in the mix, you two have some hard questions to put to each other and major decisions to make. I know you say you won't leave her, no matter what, but can you also raise a child not knowing if it's yours? I'm not trying to lead you to leaving, I am simply pointing out a question you need to ask yourself and answer honestly. Some people can, and some can't. Do you risk resenting that child, will it be a symbol of her cheating? Can the both of you re-establish trust?

Best of luck to you. The are no easy answers in your situation. Only you know if you can salvage anything from this.
 
niceguyswin said:
My wife made it very clear to me a while back that she will not come to my work, help with my work, do work at my work, or support it in any means she is kinda against the whole thing. She hate me in management. So I started my own business, now she hates that. Believe me I have tried to get her to come help I actually own a business in the lines of a hobby she likes.
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So instead of giving you some real physical support to have you more at home, she hates the business you live on and has enough time to go around giving blowjobs. Maybe its time for a wake up call? A LOT of us work on jobs we hate just to have a roof over our heads and food on our tables. And we can get fired anytime.
Your wife acts like a spoiled brat and that is somehow your fault? :confused:
 
Niceguy - We live in a society that idolizes monogamy as the only moral choice. But, there are people that cannot live by that standard. Many individuals are only pretending to be monogamous and get away with occasional straying. Some never get caught, other do, eventually, get caught. It is wrong to assume the worst of these people. The animal kingdom is full of animals that are, by nature, incapable of monogamy, regardless of their best intentions. We don't condemn these animals - promiscuity is in their very essence.

Its easy to condemn the straying person - call them a cheating bastard, a slut, a whore,... but, will that really change anything? The fact is that, for whatever reason, they cannot be sexually fulfilled with just one partner. If your wife had been with only one lover during the past 3 years, then, it you could say she fell in love with someone else - maybe you neglected her, maybe she lost attraction for you, etc.

However, your wife's number of partners conveys a different story - (1) she has a low self-esteem and needs men to validate her beauty and/or sexual skill, (2) she gets a "high" from the power and control she can wield over many different men by using her sexual skills, (3) she gets some financial benefit or career advancement as a quid pro quo, (4) she has a sexual addiction (could be a chemical issue, like unnaturally high testosterone levels), (5) she has a fetish that involves sexual acts with random men, or (6) she is extremely bored with her life and sexual adventures make her "feel alive".

You can humiliate her, shame her, force her to wear a chastity belt, etc., but will this really change the underlying problem or her insatiable sexual appetite? In the end, she may try to "behave," but this may leave her very bored and unsatisfied, and there will be mutual resentment.

If it were me personally, I would use this opportunity to learn who she really is - it seems to me that you do not know her at all. What motivates her to seek multiple partners? You need a heart-to-heart, without any judgment and condemnation. Maybe you are a Gibbon (monogamous animal that mates for life) and she is a Honey Bee Queen (one of the most promiscuous creatures on Earth) - should you be married to her, if you are such different creatures?

Can you be open minded? Can you consider an "alternative lifestyle"?

If not - Divorce is probably your only option. But, do it with kindness and treat her with dignity. Don't blame her for being what she is. In a different time and different place, her actions would be considered normal and you would be considered the eccentric overly possessive and insecure person. (For example, the pre-Christian pagans celebrated the Beltain festivals with an anything-goes hall pass attitude between spouses.)

If yes - A brave new world can open up to you - threesomes, foursomes, orgies, swinging parties, etc. The "alternative lifestyle" subculture keeps getting bigger and bigger. It is too much to expect for any couple to continue to be exciting in bed after screwing exclusively 10,000 times.

Personally, I can embrace the new world. If another man kisses my wife and she gets dizzy from the excitement and anticipation of a totally new sexual experience and adventure, why should I be the least bit offended or troubled by this? A new experience is always going to be more exciting then something experienced 10,000 times. Yet, this has nothing to do with her love for me and our commitment to each other. All this is, is a new tempting dish that she has never tasted before and is very curious and interested to try. And, there are many new dishes that I am salivating to try as well. Where is the harm in acknowledging the obvious (that a new partner and new experience can be very exciting) and encouraging full expression and exploration of one's sexuality, so long as there is truth and understanding between a loving couple?
 
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niceguyswin said:
I know I cant fix this over night. We have been talking for days now.

I am not a volatile person, or violent, or angry, Believe it or not I actually didn't even yell at her. Until this incident we had never even had a fight.

I am actually very close to a certified therapist in what I use to study and know how crazy hard this is going to be to fix. That said I also know that if she is balling historically and hyper stressed nothing will get through and it raises the chances of a miscarriage on a child I still believe is mine. Given the recent events though you can understand my doubt.

We have already agreed we are messed up and really need counselling and are arranging to do so if we can find and affordable option with the very limited funds we have as the business is struggling and now with me being there less is potential to have more problems.

The relationship has never been one sided, She is a loving, caring, amazing, smart, talented, and easy to talk to wife. She has been honest and has even shown me stuff i did not find to try to prove she is being truthful.

I think I really messed up my role as a husband and although the love and attention was there while I was there I was not there enough. I couldnt as a good husband just let her keep crying and have always comforted her in her times of need and been there. I need this to work though.

I have already made the decision to move forward and so has she after a day away at her parents and her blowing up on them for telling her to leave me. Funny thing is they have always hated me, always from day one. Once she had to defend me against them she says she realised how stupid she had been.

We fully dont intend to sweep this under the rug, I hope. I needed her back and thats really selfish of me I realise but forgiving her and giving her rings back and not telling anyone accept her parents and a few of my workers who now have to cover my work load may help us so we can work on this together without interferance. I Just have no clue how now.

I have been reading this morning and you seem to be right and there is some great stuff out there and some really stupid stuff and really confusing stuff and some really kinky ideas but I need some help to sort through the crap and find something that is going to help us as I have a feeling its going to be me spear heading the healing not her. She just seems to be sleeping and crying alot and lots of kisses which are really nice.
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I appreciate your reply, and have only a few comments.

You mentioned you guys have been together for years - 15 I believe. High school sweet hearts. What this tells me (and anyone else reading) is that she should know you pretty well, and you her. She had to know her behavior would be harmful to the relationship, and hurt you, but she did it anyway. And multiple times. This isn't a one-off or a fling, but a continuous thing. So why did this happen? Don't talk about long hours, and stresses at work. There is more, much more to it all. You certainly don't have to discuss or admit things here - I suspect there are things neither of you have even admitted to yourselves - but you really need to make some decisions here that require a cool, rational mind, and not just what you're feeling in your heart. Even if this is the first love of your life. Maybe even especially because she is the first love of your life, as you haven't really experienced what other, perhaps less troubled, relationships can be like, and have little to compare or relate to.

You mention in a post above that you were comforting her and calming her down. You brought flowers. I don't mean to come off sounding crass here, but it was not you who blew 30+ guys. Was she upset because she was found out, or is there more going on here? Again, you don't need to explain these things here, but you certainly should be asking yourself why this is playing out the way it is. She is sounding like the victim here, and she may well be. As we all know there are three sides to this situation, yours, hers, and the stone, cold truth somewhere there in the middle. The situation and how it is being handled seems very bizarre, and I suspect this is because there is a great deal of other things (15 years worth) at play here that are unknown to us, the readers. But even with the limited information and the single-sided version of recent events, even you should be able to admit that the dynamics, behaviors, and roles you both are playing in this current crisis seem at best odd, but in reality very bizarre. To the outsider, she comes off as sounding like someone quite troubled, or someone dramatic, uncaring and taking advantage. You come of sounding like a bit of a doormat. I don't say this to be harsh or insensitive, but there is obviously something more to all of this that we don't know.

As hard as it may be because you are smack in the middle of things, read back through your posts in this thread as objectively as you can. Read through as an observer, and ask yourself what would you tell the guy who wrote this. What advice would you give? This may not be the advice you follow, but should help you appreciate why you are reading some of the replies you are seeing here.



BTW - Ignore Cock Tard, don't even reply. He is just a troll, looking for a response.
 
Just celebrated 11 years with my wife yesterday. Any advice other than kicking your whore wife to the curb is worthless. You need a shot of self esteem... If you go into the next relationship without making any changes, the next broad will walk all over you too. Women can smell a weak man, and you stink
 
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