So lost and confused

[SubmissiveDove5]

I have had the worst weekend in years! While he thought I was hynotized, which I wasn't, my Master planted a suggestion in my subconscious that I would realize within a few days that I need to find a new master who lives closer to me. This is after I just called him yesterday and was under the impression that he was extremely happy to hear from me. I told him all about everything that was going through my head over the past few weeks thinking he would make it all better. He did in a way, he told me that I had nothing to worry about. He told me to call him in the morning, which I did. We had a little fantasy play, and then he hypnotized me, or like I said, thought he did. Friday night I had a major melt down, which I thought talking to Master would fix, but it only made it worse. I have been crying non-stop all day today, and then I decided totell my mother all about the lifestyle. That was a huge mistake! She told me that he was using everything I told him to let me down easy because he didn't have the guts to tell me how he felt himself. Master said the sweetest words to me when he thought he had me under hypnosis. He wrote them himself, and this is why I know that he did it for my own good and not his own. He said something to the effect of, {"your subconsious is opening like a beautiful flower" and I am planting a seed within that flower. In a few days you will realize that you need to find a new master. One who is closer to you and who can take care of you.} I'm so confused and hurt!

 

[Pure]

It sounds like he made his intentions clear, and executed them with some care for you. Not brutal.

In relation to your hopes, I see the sadness, but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. Your needs were not such as he could or would meet. I have no idea is they were excessive.

When someone with finesse and courtesy removes themselves from your life, give them credit. Feel the loss of a dream , but move on.

 

[Bandit58]

It sounds like he made his intentions clear, and executed them with some care for you. Not brutal.

In relation to your hopes, I see the sadness, but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. Your needs were not such as he could or would meet. I have no idea is they were excessive.

When someone with finesse and courtesy removes themselves from your life, give them credit. Feel the loss of a dream , but move on.

Something similar happened to me last year, when my long distance lover broke things off with me. I felt so hurt and rejected and lost.....but now I know he did it for my own good, because I have found love again with someone free to be with me, to whom I can give my submission freely and who I can be with physically 24/7 and not for just a few days at a time.

Believe me SubmissiveDove, you will hurt for a while. You will think of what you had, and you will cry for what you had and what you dreamed would be. It's a grieving process, and you have to work through it in your own time.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to know more, or if I can help in any way

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sorry to hear it has come to this SD5 and I empathise with you in your sorrow, but listen to your mother as I suspect she is fairly correct in what she says. Your desire to submit to someone deserves one better than he is, despite your determination to please him in any way he demanded. It is hard to accept, but from what you have told us as you walked your journey, I strongly suspect he is nothing but a game player who gets his fun through playing on the emotions of women such as yourself until it gets to a point he can no longer avoid meeting, thus being found out if he doesn't bail out.

Though it is painful for you now, sit down and look at the history and reality, the meeting he called off, the demands he made of you without knowing you, the vague ideas you had of who he was as a person, and the reality that now you have begun to ask for answers, he has disappeared quick. These are lessons which will protect you in the future and help guide you into the arms of one who is worthy of all you have to offer, who will be open with you, who will care for you. Take the time to heal and care for you.

Catalina

 

[Vixandra]

SD5- I'm so sorry to hear things ended like that.

I know you can find a man (or whatever you seek) that's not only closer but better for you.
Being submissive does not mean that you're not worth just as much in the world as any dominant. Remember that when you feel ready to search for another Dom/Top/etc.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thank you

Thank you

I am feeling slightly better today, and I still have to talk to Chris about this when the weekend comes. To attempt to get him to tell me exactly what he meant, I am going to pose it as a question, "after we ended our conversation last weekend, I got this feeling/urge (not sure which word I shall use yet) that I should back off. I don't know what to do...what should I do?" I know it will just give him the opportunity to be blunt and probably hurt me more, but at least he will have been honest.

He's probably going to answer my question with a question, "Do you think that's what you should do?"

I told my best friend of fifteen years all about it today, and that is the advice she gave me.

Perhaps I am letting my masochistic side show again, but I am hoping that Chris and I stay in touch from time to time. I would hate to sever all ties completely. Personally, I believe we are friends, and neither one of us can deal with losing friends completely. I may be totally wrong, but I hope I'm not.