So, for those of us who forgot we write porn...

[Stella_Omega]

But as has been said many times: you have to know the rules in order to break them. (not really true but what the hell)

Actually, it's more like;

If you understand the rule, you can decide if you want to honor it or not.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

STELLA OMEGA

Yes. But I asserted 'none' is a contraction of 'not one,' so they are equivalent, like brand-names and generics.

Jenny Jackson comes to mind.

One of the TEN COMMANDMENTS of writing is; DO NOT WRITE BLACK VERNACULAR...EVER. James Baldwin, I think, invented a way to slither around it. But Jenny is THE MAN when it comes to writing Black Vernacular. Jenny has the touch. Best I know of and have ever read. Better than Joel Chandler Harris or J.A.Macon.

Jenny, if youre reading this, here is a quote from an old black man about eating pussy. "I can see fuckin up my eatin, but i cant see eatin up my fuckin."

But I digress.

Jenny violates the snake rule magnificently.

 

[cloudy]

Actually, it's more like;

If you understand the rule, you can decide if you want to honor it or not.

Yes.

Stella, I wouldn't pay much attention to him, honestly. He thinks he's e.e. cummings. Sorta like a Napoleon Complex, only in lowercase.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

STORMY

No, dear. It's more like "I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch."

 

[Stella_Omega]

STELLA OMEGA

Yes. But I asserted 'none' is a contraction of 'not one,' so they are equivalent, like brand-names and generics.

Does that work for you?

Jenny Jackson comes to mind.

One of the TEN COMMANDMENTS of writing is; DO NOT WRITE BLACK VERNACULAR...EVER. James Baldwin, I think, invented a way to slither around it. But Jenny is THE MAN when it comes to writing Black Vernacular. Jenny has the touch. Best I know of and have ever read. Better than Joel Chandler Harris or J.A.Macon.

Whose ten commandments? I don't disagree, but there is no particular MOSES OF WRITING that I know of.

Jenny, if youre reading this, here is a quote from an old black man about eating pussy. "I can see fuckin up my eatin, but i cant see eatin up my fuckin."

But I digress.

Jenny violates the snake rule magnificently.

What's the snake rule? You never said.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Dedicated to STORMY

Of all the saddest words
That I have ever heard
The saddest is the story
Told me by a bird
He had spent about and hour
Chatting with a flower
and here ís the tale the flower told

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
an onion patch, an onion patch

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch
and all I do is cry all day

Boo hoo, boo hoo

The air ís so strong it takes my breath away

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
oh won't you come and play with me

Who put me in this bed?
I'll bet his face is red
I call him down with every teardrop that I shed
If I only had him here
I'd take him by the ear
And make him share my misery

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
an onion patch, an onion patch

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch

and all I do is cry all day

Boo hoo, boo hoo

The air ís so strong it takes my breath away

(Feee-you!)

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
oh won't you come and play with me

 

[gauchecritic]

He thinks he's e.e. cummings. Sorta like a Napoleon Complex, only in lower case.

Insert smiley of choice. (one of the smiley ones but not the nana.)

 

[cloudy]

cute, Jamie-boy

Isn't it your bedtime? I swear I hear your mama calling you...

 

[cloudy]

Insert smiley of choice. (one of the smiley ones but not the nana.)

I can always trust you to get it, gauche.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A petunia that throws dead cats?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

STELLA OMEGA

Snake rules or lizard rules, or whatever theyre called, are arbitrary prohibitions on specific kinds of writing. Pure preference and taste. Like America's snake rule about depicting teens having sex. Teens have sex. But we cant write about it because someone might get a boner.

Or, as Florence King, said: It puts us right between a rock and a hard-on.

 

[Belegon]

Dude sure is spending a lot of effort to try and rile up Stella.

This could be fun to watch if she actually gets angry. Who wants popcorn? Soda? Ju Ju Bees? You know they actually have nachos at the movies now? Like the fucking popcorn wasn't loud enough...

Alright, please remember to turn off your cellphones people, show's starting...

 

[Stella_Omega]

STELLA OMEGA

Snake rules or lizard rules, or whatever theyre called, are arbitrary prohibitions on specific kinds of writing. Pure preference and taste. Like America's snake rule about depicting teens having sex. Teens have sex. But we cant write about it because someone might get a boner.

Or, as Florence King, said: It puts us right between a rock and a hard-on.

Google is our friend;

Newsrooms have too many "snake rules," so named because some publisher's wife somewhere said she thought a photo of a snake in the paper was disgusting and the newsroom supposedly had a ban on snakes in the paper that lasted for years. Rivard's ban was explicit and temporary and most snake rules come when the boss doesn't mean to ban something and staff members (and often middle managers) overreact by presuming a ban from offhand remark..

(Edited to add)
Angry? No, I'm learning things!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

STELLA OMEGA

Thought I made it up, huh?

 

[only_more_so]

Yes.

Stella, I wouldn't pay much attention to him, honestly. He thinks he's e.e. cummings. Sorta like a Napoleon Complex, only in lowercase.

That's the funniest thing I've read all week. I actually snorted, it amused me so much. Really, it is rare to find a post that even makes me smile.

 

[cloudy]

That's the funniest thing I've read all week. I actually snorted, it amused me so much. Really, it is rare to find a post that even makes me smile.

Glad I could amuse.

 

[only_more_so]

Google is our friend;

Newsrooms have too many "snake rules," so named because some publisher's wife somewhere said she thought a photo of a snake in the paper was disgusting and the newsroom supposedly had a ban on snakes in the paper that lasted for years. Rivard's ban was explicit and temporary and most snake rules come when the boss doesn't mean to ban something and staff members (and often middle managers) overreact by presuming a ban from offhand remark..

(Edited to add)
Angry? No, I'm learning things!

I have a cousin who is a copy editor for the Sports Page of a major newspaper. They actually have awards for headlines! I think the sports pages are the worst for bad puns, but the award winning ones are so clever it almost seems insulting to call them puns.

 

[Belegon]

I have a cousin who is a copy editor for the Sports Page of a major newspaper. They actually have awards for headlines! I think the sports pages are the worst for bad puns, but the award winning ones are so clever it almost seems insulting to call them puns.

as a sportwriter, let me tell you... it can be damn hard to both grab the reader and avoid cliche. Those headline writers absolutely deserve their recognition.

 

[Stella_Omega]

STELLA OMEGA

Thought I made it up, huh?

Your explanation didn't explain much. I figured there might be a more understandable version somewhere else.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Well, at least there's one thing on this thread that could not possibly be made up. Who would believe it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, at least there's one thing on this thread that could not possibly be made up. Who would believe it?

That Only_More_so's cousin is a sports editor?

Yeah, I had to take a couple of deep breaths when I read that, too.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

STELLA OMEGA

I'm not buying your presupposition that A) I need to hold your hand until you get it. I dont care if you get it. You can look it up, contemplate your navel, ignore it; your list of options is a long one. Once again, I put it on the table and the gang can do whatever they please with it.

But I conclude you and I have gone as far as I want to go. This is my stop. Live long and prosper.

 

[tickledkitty]

Well, glad to see James continues to make friends and influence people wherever he goes.

 

[Boxlicker101]

STELLA OMEGA

Okay, here are two examples of rules that annoy me.

1.Subjunctive, indicative, and conditional mood.
"Were" is the subjunctive form of "to be" in the present tense, so we write "If I were grown up I'd fuck her silly." But whats wrong with "If I was grown up I'd fuck her silly."?

2. "None" is the contraction of "not one." Logically none should take a singular verb, but you get shit like this: " None of the haystacks on the BSDM board were banned." What's wrong with "None of the haystacks on the BSDM board was banned?"

I have excellent grammar when I want to use it. In the first example, I always say "were". If I'm reading narration and I run across a phrase like the one you say should be correct, it is like a speed bump on the highway. Sometimes when I say something like "If she were a queen...." my grammar check has a hissy fit, and says it's wrong, even though I know better.

In the second example, I use whichever seems to sound better. Sometimes I even deliberately use incorrect grammar when the wrong form sounds better. I might say something like "I licked her nearest nipple." The proper form is "nearer", assuming I am referring to a human female, because they have two nipples. Even so, "nearest" sounds better so I use it.

That's in narration, of course. In dialogue, I try to match the grammar and similar things to the person's apparent educational level. And, I think everybody uses the Winstonian "like".

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

TK

My oldest and dearest friend and I have been pals for 50 years. We're closer than brothers. But it didnt begin that way. We beat the snot out of each other a few times before we got to the friend part.

Some people just insist on getting their asses handed to them in a bucket first. And girls are the worst about it.

JBJ