So difficult...

[tcbyron]

until you find the one that makes you smile without trying. That can make you laugh when you most desperately need it. That knows just all the 'right' buttons to push.

Thank you Lit for letting me find my One. Yep, I am now spoken for. Yes, he is here, and no it's none of your business who.

************

I know that I'm new to this forum, so my reference is not specific to this forum, rather, in general.

Why is it so freakin difficult to find a *good* Master/Dom who: a) actually knows what they are doing; b) has a wide range of interests; c) is old enough to not be mistaken for my daughters boyfriend; and d) can do as they claim...

Supposedly, I've heard it on plenty of sites/forums/play groups/gatherings that Master/Dom males are everywhere and it's hard to find a female slave...

I have found from my ventures within the Orlando and Tampa area that they are not a dime a dozen. Well, the ones that actually know what they are doing anyhow. And are not taken. I'm demanding. I -need- me time before I'm willing to share. Nope, don't want to join your threesome (unless I'm really horny and just need to get off on something other than plastic or glass). Plus, while I enjoy a bit of fun time with another girly, I am too me to be dommed by one. Not going to happen. So, out goes that. Nor do I want a f/f relationship. I need a man.

I need a strong man. Both mentally and physically. While I am in NO way a muscle-bound female, I am surprisingly strong. If I know that I would win in a wrestling match or could whip your butt, that's it - done. You've just lost every bit of control you had. I'm no "little" petite girl. 5'6" without platforms - which are my favorite shoe of choice - and currently pressing up around 120 free weights, yea, like I said, I'm not a petite little thing.

Do I want to feel like one? Hell yea! I want to feel like a little girl when I'm curled up in my Masters arms while I'm sitting on his lap balling my eyes out after a particularly painful lesson. I need Him to make me feel like a cherished little girl. After he's done playing with me of course.

I don't want to "teach" him what to do. Topping from the bottom is another big - done - for me. Will I try to? Umm, yea! Do I want you to let me? No. Why do I do it then? To be a brat at times. There are a bit of devil horns poking out from under my blonde mane. I -will- push and prod just to see. Or to have some fun. If I already know 'our' boundaries, then you can rest assured that I'm doing it for fun. I know when it is not appropriate - that is not an issue. I'm well behaved and well trained. I just like to have fun.

Hell, I've had full blown food fights before in my other house with any and all condiments that were in the house in squeeze bottles. Lucky for me it was all tile (and I had a house maid/pet/slave to clean it up).

Do I have flaws? Umm, yea, who doesn't?!? Do I have baggage? Surprisingly, considering all I've been through, a lot less than the majority of people out there. I refuse to hang onto it. It's just not needed. Am I pretty? Ummmmm. I like to think so. I left my house 4 times last week and got asked out twice. My kids tell me all the time that I am. I've been crushed on by a couple of my daughters male friends. Not that I'd even consider that. Nor someone who would be mistaken for her boyfriend instead of mine in public.

So why, oh why, can't I find my One? Am I only allowed to have one my entire life? Gawd I hope not otherwise I'm screwed... The one who make my heart pound like I'm back in middle school crushing on the cute boy. The one who makes my knees turn to jello from a mere glance. The one who accepts me for me instead of wanting to change me. The one who I long to bat my eyelashes at from my kneeling position in front of him looking up at when given permission. The one who knows how to push my buttons - satisfying me completely and totally, yet at the same time leaving me burning and yearning for more. The one who is as open as I am, not afraid to try new things or push boundaries.

The one who regardless of how few people there are around and how far away he is from me, always makes me feel as if I'm not alone. Instead of this constant empty, alone feeling I have even when I'm in a room full of people who know me.

I really do not expect to find someone who enjoys the wide range of play time activities that I do. That would be freakin awesome though! I understand that even Masters/Doms have hard limits. Do I expect you to throw those out the window? Nope. However, I do expect you to test your soft limits and try out new things as you expect me to do.

While I know that I am not 'alone' in the things I enjoy, I feel as though I am alone due to my lack of results in finding my Yang to my Yin. Is there no one out there who enjoys the wide range of extra-curricular activities that I do?!? Yes, I feel so very alone in this wide world of BDSM. Like the odd man out who everyone is staring at because of my strange likes and desires.

Alright. I've rambled about feeling sorry for myself enough. For those of you who made it through - thank you for listening. You're real troopers.

 

[1sickbastard]

It's tough knowing what you want, what you need, having high standards, and aren't willing to compromise those standards.

Keep looking, bid your time. You'll find your One eventually.

 

[tcbyron]

It's tough knowing what you want, what you need, having high standards, and aren't willing to compromise those standards.

Keep looking, bid your time. You'll find your One eventually.

High standards? Did you really take that my standards are very high from that posting? As far as compromise, I have no problems with compromising. I can't remember a day that has gone by that I haven't in one form or another.

I've gotten to the point of frustration beyond impatient. To be in a 24/7 lifestyle that left me wanting very little and pushed my limits multiple times a day to not even being spanked in over 4 years. I just want to cry. Nope, not even a swat.

Honestly, I think -me-, who I am & knowing what I want, scares off many thinking that I'm not what I claim to be. Plus, not having that someone to essentially 'control' me, I have to be a "strong independent woman" to survive and thrive. Those who know me in real life, unless they are a very well experienced Dom who can sniff out submission, does not have even the faintest clue that I am submissive, let alone a 'slave'.

In person, I attract the wrong type of person for me. Because of my strong presence in life, the males who are looking for a Mistress flock to me in everyday life... *sigh*

I learned an important life lesson at a very young age. That tomorrow cannot be taken for granted. While it is easy for people to say things like that, many do not have the courage to back it up and live like that. I do. I also do little things like never hanging up the phone with someone I love without telling them I love them. The same goes for in person. You honestly do not know if you will ever see them again. I know what I want. And I want it now. Not the whole ball of wax, though that would be nice. But the start of something. The potential. The understanding. And the willingness to explore the depths with each other.

Now I'm just outright pouting and stomping my foot with my hands on my hips. LOL! But I want it now...

*starting to think I should have gone to bed a loooong time ago before I went off my rocker*

 

[1sickbastard]

High standards? Did you really take that my standards are very high from that posting? As far as compromise, I have no problems with compromising. I can't remember a day that has gone by that I haven't in one form or another. Yes, yes I did. You have expectations. You will have them met. Even when you compromise, those expectations are still in the back of your mind. There is a taint of disappointment when those are not met, even if not acknowledged. That is not to say you can not achieve some measure of satisfaction.

I've gotten to the point of frustration beyond impatient. To be in a 24/7 lifestyle that left me wanting very little and pushed my limits multiple times a day to not even being spanked in over 4 years. I just want to cry. Nope, not even a swat. Oh. Now that's a damn shame. Seriously.

Honestly, I think -me-, who I am & knowing what I want, scares off many thinking that I'm not what I claim to be. Plus, not having that someone to essentially 'control' me, I have to be a "strong independent woman" to survive and thrive. Those who know me in real life, unless they are a very well experienced Dom who can sniff out submission, does not have even the faintest clue that I am submissive, let alone a 'slave'.

In person, I attract the wrong type of person for me. Because of my strong presence in life, the males who are looking for a Mistress flock to me in everyday life... *sigh*
That's not unusual.
I learned an important life lesson at a very young age. That tomorrow cannot be taken for granted. While it is easy for people to say things like that, many do not have the courage to back it up and live like that. I do. I also do little things like never hanging up the phone with someone I love without telling them I love them. The same goes for in person. You honestly do not know if you will ever see them again. I know what I want. And I want it now. Not the whole ball of wax, though that would be nice. But the start of something. The potential. The understanding. And the willingness to explore the depths with each other.

Now I'm just outright pouting and stomping my foot with my hands on my hips. LOL! But I want it now... Now, now, little girl. I know your frustrated and angry, but you know a tantrum never solves anything. Come climb on Daddy's lap. Give us a hug.

*starting to think I should have gone to bed a loooong time ago before I went off my rocker*Time to tuck you in. Sleep well. You'll feel better in the morning.

Cheer up! You've made it to Lit. There's a whole lot of very nice folks here. I'm sure your situation is going to start improving.

It was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll see each other around.

 

[LovestoTeach]

"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

 

[tcbyron]

Cheer up! You've made it to Lit. There's a whole lot of very nice folks here. I'm sure your situation is going to start improving.

It was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll see each other around.

Well, let's see. I can see your point about the standards and expectations now. However, I still consider them to be low. However, my hopes are high. I honestly and truly do not expect to find one with an extensive checklist of likes. What I do expect though, is for one to be as open to new experiences as I am. Twice is my rule. If it's still a no, not for me after twice, fine. Next new experience please.

Hmmm, that shame comment doesn't sound serious. Seems like you're giving me a hard time.

Don't pick on my online tantrum. LOL After my hug can I please get a beating?

Feel a bit better today. You're right.

Thank you Sick.

 

[1sickbastard]

Well, let's see. I can see your point about the standards and expectations now. However, I still consider them to be low. However, my hopes are high. I honestly and truly do not expect to find one with an extensive checklist of likes. What I do expect though, is for one to be as open to new experiences as I am. Twice is my rule. If it's still a no, not for me after twice, fine. Next new experience please.

Hmmm, that shame comment doesn't sound serious. Seems like you're giving me a hard time.

Don't pick on my online tantrum. LOL After my hug can I please get a beating?

Feel a bit better today. You're right.

Thank you Sick.

I was very serious about it being a shame you've not had a spanking in 4 years. I usually save the 'hard time' stuff for the GB, and then only when someone has really irked me.

A beating after the hug? Sure, unfortuately it's only a virtual beating. You sound like you need the real thing, and badly.

Think of yourself naked, upper body pressed against a rough concrete wall, your back arched down so your ass is out, and your legs spread wide so you're completely exposed.

Now think of a riding crop and the swishing noises it makes from a firm flick of the wrist, sometimes sounding right next to your ear, sometimes well in back. A constant, though arythmic sound, like someone warming up, torturing you with the suspense.

Then the beating begins...

 

[ladance]

Hi

so hard...yes it is. I'm not sure the net has made it easier for those of us who want real life experiences, so many people seem content with living an online cyber life and not the touch, taste, smell and feel of face to face, or the honest emotions that go with it.
You echo some of my feelings and desires, hope you can wait patiently but that it's not too long a wait for you. x

 

[Jewdles]

HI ladance,

Was thinking are they content? Or is it more due to circumstances?

I think some of us have experienced online the submissive life, and wish it could be about the smell, touch and taste, sadly that is not meant to be.

There are many different relationships aren't there, for a lot of different reasons.

Take care

J

 

[tcbyron]

I was very serious about it being a shame you've not had a spanking in 4 years. I usually save the 'hard time' stuff for the GB, and then only when someone has really irked me.

A beating after the hug? Sure, unfortuately it's only a virtual beating. You sound like you need the real thing, and badly.

Think of yourself naked, upper body pressed against a rough concrete wall, your back arched down so your ass is out, and your legs spread wide so you're completely exposed.

Now think of a riding crop and the swishing noises it makes from a firm flick of the wrist, sometimes sounding right next to your ear, sometimes well in back. A constant, though arythmic sound, like someone warming up, torturing you with the suspense.

Then the beating begins...

Daaamn Sick... Now I've really got to go get that 360 I was talking about in another post replying to you a few moments ago...............

Yes, the virtual don't do much more than make that itch even harder to scratch myself...

Thank you for that bit of tease though. Never really thought of a concrete wall... Rough, cold, scratchy against sensitive nipples... Mmmmmmm

 

[tcbyron]

so hard...yes it is. I'm not sure the net has made it easier for those of us who want real life experiences, so many people seem content with living an online cyber life and not the touch, taste, smell and feel of face to face, or the honest emotions that go with it.
You echo some of my feelings and desires, hope you can wait patiently but that it's not too long a wait for you. x

No, I honestly don't think it has... While it appears that it has made the choices larger, it really has diminished them because so many have no thoughts of 'playing' for real.

Thank you. I hope the wait is not too difficult. The bad thing is that I know I cannot arrange play dates or scenes. I know myself and I'm not going to do that and set myself up for catching a serious case of feelings with someone who has no desire for anything more than a fun time... Worse come to worse, I'll just go to a club and see where the mood takes me. That's the only way I could do play without worry.

 

[ladance]

HI ladance,

Was thinking are they content? Or is it more due to circumstances?

I think some of us have experienced online the submissive life, and wish it could be about the smell, touch and taste, sadly that is not meant to be.

There are many different relationships aren't there, for a lot of different reasons.

Take care

J

If they aren't content then it's up to them to make an effort to find something better. i know for some it is what they want and thats fine if it satisfies their needs. I just find it sad that so many people seem to only want to experience through words what should be a real shared experience. I don't just mean on lit, but other dating sites too. there seems to be an overwhelming assumption that all anyone wants is to spend endless nights sex chatting and never moving from a keyboard.
i don't mean to upset people who find cyber sex fulfilling enough for them, but for those of us who want more it seems the net is detrimental to real life encounters.

 

[ladance]

No, I honestly don't think it has... While it appears that it has made the choices larger, it really has diminished them because so many have no thoughts of 'playing' for real.

Thank you. I hope the wait is not too difficult. The bad thing is that I know I cannot arrange play dates or scenes. I know myself and I'm not going to do that and set myself up for catching a serious case of feelings with someone who has no desire for anything more than a fun time... Worse come to worse, I'll just go to a club and see where the mood takes me. That's the only way I could do play without worry.

I know what you mean, i also find play dates or one off scenes not to my liking. I like to play within a relationship setting, trust and exploration are much more honest and fun that way for me. Playing for real in a meaningful relationship where i feel valued allows me much more freedom than one off, where i will hold back.
I think we need to be strong enough to hold out fro what we want and not give up our dreams. I hope your one finds you soon, someone is missing out by not being with you. x

 

[tcbyron]

I know what you mean, i also find play dates or one off scenes not to my liking. I like to play within a relationship setting, trust and exploration are much more honest and fun that way for me. Playing for real in a meaningful relationship where i feel valued allows me much more freedom than one off, where i will hold back.
I think we need to be strong enough to hold out fro what we want and not give up our dreams. I hope your one finds you soon, someone is missing out by not being with you. x

Thank you so much! It's a nice thought to think that someone else out there is missing out and looking for someone like me... It's not something that I think of much, if at all.

Exactly! Within a relationship, I give it all to him. Body, heart, mind and soul, generally in that order. Though sometimes the first two get flipped...

I think this entire world in general has become too cyber and people are loosing out a lot of face to face interaction due to it. I mean, with email and text, you don't even have to actually talk to anyone any more... With fb, why call or get together with your family? They already know every single little thing you did...

I'm just as guilty of it! I work for myself - from my home online... I go to school - all my classes are online... I have to force myself to leave my house sometimes. Hell, I signed up for the gym down the street as an excuse to get out of the house and have interaction with real people.

However, there is just -no- way I could have an online relationship. I need to actually -feel-, not just in my mind. I do that all the time anyhow.

Within the realm of relationships I have managed to push waaaaaaay past my then limits and do things I said never to. Now, if I'm honest with myself, there are not too many things that are hard limits.

 

[Rysil]

Amazing

You know tc I see you and see my mirror image.

I want the real unbridled passion that comes from knowing and trusting a sub. I mean look at the dynamics. With all that imbalance of power there is a struggle. This struggle is maintained through consent. If either party becomes injured and decides to retaliate? I have experienced this several times as a "Master" if you will, and each time was crushed so badly I thought I couldn't move on, but I did and I have.

The worst part about it all is that so many say they want the lifestyle or live it, but they don't. They want a part-time Dom who is a top in the bedroom and nowhere else. That galls me to no end. If you are gonna be a Dom or a sub please don't half ass it so you can manipulate your partner. It's disgusting.

I know the embers that burn so deep inside they threaten to consume your very existence. The same ones that smolder in your loins and imagination when you catch the faint wiff of perfume that triggers an old memory. For now those of us missing our other half must be vigilant. Take care of us and our loved ones. It's hard to remember when we pray to whoever we do that sometimes It's not "No". It's "Not right now". I know how hard those words are to swallow when that other half of you is missing. They sting like acid in the thousand cuts left us by our past. But continue we must, because without love their is no faith, and without faith there is no hope. But the greatest of these is love. True love knows no conquering force. It sees no enemies. It hides nothing. But most of all Love is not blind...it sees the truth

I do hope that last bit is a positive note in an otherwise normal day.

 

[tcbyron]

You know tc I see you and see my mirror image.

I want the real unbridled passion that comes from knowing and trusting a sub. I mean look at the dynamics. With all that imbalance of power there is a struggle. This struggle is maintained through consent. If either party becomes injured and decides to retaliate? I have experienced this several times as a "Master" if you will, and each time was crushed so badly I thought I couldn't move on, but I did and I have.

The worst part about it all is that so many say they want the lifestyle or live it, but they don't. They want a part-time Dom who is a top in the bedroom and nowhere else. That galls me to no end. If you are gonna be a Dom or a sub please don't half ass it so you can manipulate your partner. It's disgusting.

I know the embers that burn so deep inside they threaten to consume your very existence. The same ones that smolder in your loins and imagination when you catch the faint wiff of perfume that triggers an old memory. For now those of us missing our other half must be vigilant. Take care of us and our loved ones. It's hard to remember when we pray to whoever we do that sometimes It's not "No". It's "Not right now". I know how hard those words are to swallow when that other half of you is missing. They sting like acid in the thousand cuts left us by our past. But continue we must, because without love their is no faith, and without faith there is no hope. But the greatest of these is love. True love knows no conquering force. It sees no enemies. It hides nothing. But most of all Love is not blind...it sees the truth

I do hope that last bit is a positive note in an otherwise normal day.

Wow... You've really had to deal with retaliation within a M/s relationship? Curious minds would love to know if you care to share.

Honestly, I really do see a M/s relationship as unbalanced power... Just as easily as that power is given, that power can be taken away.

I can't help it. I have to admit, I'm totally and completely baffled at why you had a slave retaliate multiple times... I'm not trying to be disrespectful, I don't disrespect anyone without good reason, I just don't understand... Did they get hurt because you let them believe you knew how to do something and didn't? That is the only thing that I can even think of that would cause me to retaliate in any form...

LOL - Know what's even *ahem* "better" than a Dom in just the bedroom? A Dom that is just dominating in the relationship but -not- in the bedroom. I cannot stand that...

The end was very nicely said. I just can't stand "not right now"... I can feel a pout coming on... lol

 

[ladance]

Thank you so much! It's a nice thought to think that someone else out there is missing out and looking for someone like me... It's not something that I think of much, if at all.

Exactly! Within a relationship, I give it all to him. Body, heart, mind and soul, generally in that order. Though sometimes the first two get flipped...

I think this entire world in general has become too cyber and people are loosing out a lot of face to face interaction due to it. I mean, with email and text, you don't even have to actually talk to anyone any more... With fb, why call or get together with your family? They already know every single little thing you did...

I'm just as guilty of it! I work for myself - from my home online... I go to school - all my classes are online... I have to force myself to leave my house sometimes. Hell, I signed up for the gym down the street as an excuse to get out of the house and have interaction with real people.

However, there is just -no- way I could have an online relationship. I need to actually -feel-, not just in my mind. I do that all the time anyhow.

Within the realm of relationships I have managed to push waaaaaaay past my then limits and do things I said never to. Now, if I'm honest with myself, there are not too many things that are hard limits.

Body heart mind and soul...i do too, how stupid is that but it's the way i am. Or was. i'm not sure I can allow myself that depth of giving in the future, having it rejected is way too painful to do too often.

i hope the one who is seeking you is clever enough to recognise and accept all you offer, and be all you need them to be.
I hope the one who sought me will one day recognise all i have offered him and accept it in his life in its wholeness not just bits, but until then bits will do, Online is never enough for me, i get so bored of all the I'm horny conversations that people think are all we want, touch and taste and feel matter so much. the real connection then makes everything so vivid that even the simplest of words or smallest of touches starts a fire of desire and lust.
Gonna miss that so much and the exploring that was so looking forward to.

Getting out into real life and away from the cyber world is something i think we should all aim to do, reclaim life and start living it the way it was meant to be lived. I hope you can find ways to do that. x

 

[tcbyron]

Body heart mind and soul...i do too, how stupid is that but it's the way i am. Or was. i'm not sure I can allow myself that depth of giving in the future, having it rejected is way too painful to do too often.

i hope the one who is seeking you is clever enough to recognise and accept all you offer, and be all you need them to be.
I hope the one who sought me will one day recognise all i have offered him and accept it in his life in its wholeness not just bits, but until then bits will do, Online is never enough for me, i get so bored of all the I'm horny conversations that people think are all we want, touch and taste and feel matter so much. the real connection then makes everything so vivid that even the simplest of words or smallest of touches starts a fire of desire and lust.
Gonna miss that so much and the exploring that was so looking forward to.

Getting out into real life and away from the cyber world is something i think we should all aim to do, reclaim life and start living it the way it was meant to be lived. I hope you can find ways to do that. x

It is not stupid at all. It's just how we are. Yes, it is painful. Excruciatingly so considering how much of ourselves we give. But it is who we are. You can do like I did and try to deny it and attempt to live within the vanilla world, but in the end, that ends up being even more painful... Trust me, I know...

I hope that you will find the one that is right for you. You're One. That may or may not be your previous One though...

Just think about it. The level of intimacy you had with him. The level of trust. The deep commitment. Those are not thing that are generally found in "regular" relationships...

Feel free to pm if you want to talk.

 

[tcbyron]

I hate nighttime.

Right now I should be basking in the afterglow of some good, rough sex.

The pain from my whipping fading into a pleasant tingle.

His arms wrapped tightly around me as exhaustion takes ahold of my body from my subdrop.

Even as I drop into the void right before sleep, I'm still wanting more of Him.

Alas - I'm off to bed. Alone. The only way it's warm is if I use a heated blanket..... *sigh*

 

[1sickbastard]

I hate nighttime.

Right now I should be basking in the afterglow of some good, rough sex.

The pain from my whipping fading into a pleasant tingle.

His arms wrapped tightly around me as exhaustion takes ahold of my body from my subdrop.

Even as I drop into the void right before sleep, I'm still wanting more of Him.

Alas - I'm off to bed. Alone. The only way it's warm is if I use a heated blanket..... *sigh*

Tis a pity, it's true...

 

[tcbyron]

Last night during the hours when most people are generally sleeping, I was wide awake, unable to sleep...

During this time, a strange sense of calmness came across me. A sense of knowing almost.

While I have no clue as to what the future holds, I eagerly and anxiously wait to find out. The fear I felt of not finding my One, is slowly fading.

I am who I am. And I look forward to when I realize that someone out there is my One.

 

[KeltorM]

After reading your initial post and then the subsequent ones, these are the words that came to mind, which have to be said.

A fantasist, a narcissist, highly critical, unstable, insecure and possibly quite desperate and finally, very dangerous.

Even though there are some interesting things you've said, the manner of your writings suggest one will probably not know what they have with you, even once they have been with you for 20 years.

Nobody here has any idea about the "why" of the moment that you were "dumped in the middle of nowhere" and while we have all read about or heard about people who seemingly had a great life, they nevertheless, and suddenly, just gave up those lives and never went returned to them.
Like their spouses/BFs/GFs, I am sure you have given the matter lots of thought and examination, but I think you will find that you had a hand to play in that event, even if you can't think of what it is.

 

[tcbyron]

After reading your initial post and then the subsequent ones, these are the words that came to mind, which have to be said.

A fantasist, a narcissist, highly critical, unstable, insecure and possibly quite desperate and finally, very dangerous.

I'm assuming you are referring to me with these words. Let's see... A fantasist? Quiet possibly. I have no problem saying that I seek my 'dream' man. Nor do I have a problem saying that I like to 'create' situations that pleases those involved.
Narcissist? Not by any stretch of the word. I am not vain in the least. Nor am I selfish. Why am I? Because I know what I want and am not afraid of saying so?
Highly critical?!? Of myself - most definitely. Of others - not at all.
Insecure - umm, yea I am a bit insecure. I didn't realize that there was a problem with that. Wait, first you call me a narcissist and now insecure? Huh? So I'm at both ends of the spectrum on this one hmm? I'm insecure and just soo into myself because I think I'm great. Yea, that just makes a whole lot of sense...
Desperate? A bit. And I've said as much. I miss having someone. I am not however, desperate enough to pm someone back just because they tell me to. Or 'listen' to them because they claim to be a Dom or Master. HA! Nope. Not by a long shot.
Very dangerous? How - in - the - hell - am - I - dangerous?!?

Even though there are some interesting things you've said, the manner of your writings suggest one will probably not know what they have with you, even once they have been with you for 20 years.

Nope. Not the case. I'm up front and open with people. I say what I mean, how I feel and just about anything else that comes to mind. Hell, I've been told by every single D/s or M/s relationship I've been in over the past almost 20 years that I'm an open book. The -only- reason why I can even fathom that you think this is because -you- are not capable of following my thinking. There is nothing wrong with that. Most people cannot follow it. It is what it is and I am what I am.

Nobody here has any idea about the "why" of the moment that you were "dumped in the middle of nowhere" and while we have all read about or heard about people who seemingly had a great life, they nevertheless, and suddenly, just gave up those lives and never went returned to them.
Like their spouses/BFs/GFs, I am sure you have given the matter lots of thought and examination, but I think you will find that you had a hand to play in that event, even if you can't think of what it is.

Hell yea, I've given it a lot of thought. Do I feel I've had a hand in it? To an extent yes. But was he open about the way he felt or say a damn thing about it? Nope. Therefore I DO place ALL the blame on him. We had a 24/7 Master/slave relationship that was getting a bit too much for him. I, literally, scared him. How? Well, the "label" that most people put on it is because I'm a "pain slut"... It was too much for him. More than he could deal with. So what did he do? He went and had another entire life. A second home, a second set of friends, a girlfriend who nurtured the "Daddy" inside of him. So yes, I have an idea. I never said that I didn't. Did I share this though? NO! I didn't know that just because I choose to not share something means that I have no "idea about the why."

And not for nothing, who in the hell are you, who just joined today and decided to make me the subject of your first post and first bashing, to say that "Nobody here" anything?!? Hell, you couldn't even be bothered to fill out your profile or introduce yourself before you decided to bash me. Not that I've been on here since forever, but hell, at least I don't generalize people like you.

Good luck in your life. Somehow I really don't see you sticking around too long.

 

[Lord_Kallorian]

After reading your initial post and then the subsequent ones, these are the words that came to mind, which have to be said.

A fantasist, a narcissist, highly critical, unstable, insecure and possibly quite desperate and finally, very dangerous.

Even though there are some interesting things you've said, the manner of your writings suggest one will probably not know what they have with you, even once they have been with you for 20 years.

Nobody here has any idea about the "why" of the moment that you were "dumped in the middle of nowhere" and while we have all read about or heard about people who seemingly had a great life, they nevertheless, and suddenly, just gave up those lives and never went returned to them.
Like their spouses/BFs/GFs, I am sure you have given the matter lots of thought and examination, but I think you will find that you had a hand to play in that event, even if you can't think of what it is.

sorry but I have been talkin to her and getting to know her and I already know what I would have with her if she was to be with Me. No matter what you say, you have no clue about her or what she is about and from your actions.. she will never show you

 

[tcbyron]

sorry but I have been talkin to her and getting to know her and I already know what I would have with her if she was to be with Me. No matter what you say, you have no clue about her or what she is about and from your actions.. she will never show you

Awww, Thank You! Lord K.