*Snort*

[SeaCat]

Got an E-Mail from my brother today.

This should be a cause for celebration, but in this case it is not.

He started out by castigating me for not offering to take in my Nephew, who just got out of jail, and his Girlfriend.

Let me explain this my nephew is a rascist drug dealing wanna be gangbanger. His idea of a job is standing on a street corner dodging cops and dealing drugs. He is 19 years old and has a felony record which includes dealing, Assault with intent, and carrying concealed. His Girlfriend is 25 years old and has a record longer than his. Both of them think Drug Dealing and Welfare are legitimate forms of income. I don't need either of them in my house.

He then went on to comment that I was a Redneck and would never amount to anything because I had A)Moved to Florida, and B) Bought a Mobile Home. He also commented that my moving was a cause of great concern to him because now my sister and her kids were looking to him for money and help.

He also commented on my not converting to his religion, to which he has recently converted. He stated that if I didn't convert then I would surely rot in hell

He tied it all up with the lovely comments that my staying in Forida, (which is populated by sinners) and not bending to his wishes was tearing the family apart. He added that he knew it was my unholy influence over my parents that allowed them to sell a small section of their land in New England without his approval, thereby removing that much more from his inheritance.

I love my family, and am glad I have moved away from most of them.

My brothers E-Mails always give me and my parents so much humor.

Cat

 

[Trombonus]

Got an E-Mail from my brother today.

This should be a cause for celebration, but in this case it is not.

He started out by castigating me for not offering to take in my Nephew, who just got out of jail, and his Girlfriend.

Let me explain this my nephew is a rascist drug dealing wanna be gangbanger. His idea of a job is standing on a street corner dodging cops and dealing drugs. He is 19 years old and has a felony record which includes dealing, Assault with intent, and carrying concealed. His Girlfriend is 25 years old and has a record longer than his. Both of them think Drug Dealing and Welfare are legitimate forms of income. I don't need either of them in my house.

He then went on to comment that I was a Redneck and would never amount to anything because I had A)Moved to Florida, and B) Bought a Mobile Home. He also commented that my moving was a cause of great concern to him because now my sister and her kids were looking to him for money and help.

He also commented on my not converting to his religion, to which he has recently converted. He stated that if I didn't convert then I would surely rot in hell

He tied it all up with the lovely comments that my staying in Forida, (which is populated by sinners) and not bending to his wishes was tearing the family apart. He added that he knew it was my unholy influence over my parents that allowed them to sell a small section of their land in New England without his approval, thereby removing that much more from his inheritance.

I love my family, and am glad I have moved away from most of them.

My brothers E-Mails always give me and my parents so much humor.

Cat

Ah family, can't live with them, and you...Well, you can't live with them.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

While I can understand wanting to avoid that type of person (your brother, his son, the girlfriend and all of that), I think I have to agree with him about Florida. It really has always seemed to me to be one of the worst places to live in the US

But I'm glad you get so much entertainment out of his drama

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

We can choose our friends but we can't choose our relatives. This brother and nephew sound like people nobody in their right minds would choose. Your sister doesn't seem like any bargain either. By the way, which one is the parent of the nephew you mentioned?

 

[elsol]

I have a rule:

Work every holiday.

It lends a wonderful excuse "Oh no... I can't go to the family thing... I got work."

 

[3113]

My immediate family is small and none of us are that demonstrative or warm, but when I see people dealing with relatives like this, I'm eternally thankful for them.

My church-going sister-in-law has never tried to convert anyone and we've never mocked her faith, and my brother and I share the responsiblity of looking after our dad pretty equally. When it came to inherited items, like things belonging to my mother, or things my father was getting rid of, there was never any argument. No matter how valuable the item, we were happy to see it go to the person who most wanted it.

I know this one family where three daughters are bitterly arguing over their mother's legacy--that's three sisters each with their own lawyer! Which I suppose I could understand if one or more of them were desperate for money, but there's more than enough to split 3-ways and none of them are in serious financial trouble.

I couldn't imagine doing that to my brother. But it's apparently--and very sadly--common.

 

[cloudy]

Seacat, you're another that needs their own reality show, I swear. My life seems so boring and normal (and it isn't!) next to yours and Zade's.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Got an E-Mail from my brother today.

This should be a cause for celebration, but in this case it is not.

He started out by castigating me for not offering to take in my Nephew, who just got out of jail, and his Girlfriend.

Let me explain this my nephew is a rascist drug dealing wanna be gangbanger. His idea of a job is standing on a street corner dodging cops and dealing drugs. He is 19 years old and has a felony record which includes dealing, Assault with intent, and carrying concealed. His Girlfriend is 25 years old and has a record longer than his. Both of them think Drug Dealing and Welfare are legitimate forms of income. I don't need either of them in my house.

He then went on to comment that I was a Redneck and would never amount to anything because I had A)Moved to Florida, and B) Bought a Mobile Home. He also commented that my moving was a cause of great concern to him because now my sister and her kids were looking to him for money and help.

He also commented on my not converting to his religion, to which he has recently converted. He stated that if I didn't convert then I would surely rot in hell

He tied it all up with the lovely comments that my staying in Forida, (which is populated by sinners) and not bending to his wishes was tearing the family apart. He added that he knew it was my unholy influence over my parents that allowed them to sell a small section of their land in New England without his approval, thereby removing that much more from his inheritance.

I love my family, and am glad I have moved away from most of them.

My brothers E-Mails always give me and my parents so much humor.

Cat

Jeeze, you've been busy! Who knew you could screw up so many lives by moving to Florida and buying a mobile home...I may have to try that myself...LOL

 

[R. Richard]

Let me explain this my nephew is a rascist drug dealing wanna be gangbanger. His idea of a job is standing on a street corner dodging cops and dealing drugs. He is 19 years old and has a felony record which includes dealing, Assault with intent, and carrying concealed. His Girlfriend is 25 years old and has a record longer than his. Both of them think Drug Dealing and Welfare are legitimate forms of income. I don't need either of them in my house.

SeaCat:
I don't think you are giving you nephew a chance here. I have a lot of experience living in areas where they deal drugs on the street corner. Dealing drugs from a street corner is a hard life, but do you or I have the right to choose someone else's path through this life? Why instread do we not try to help your nephew?

Requirements for the drug dealing life:

1) Conditioning:
Start each day [may actually be night] with a six mile/10K run. The pace is to be no slower than 6 minutes per mile.
Every other day, a targeted weight lifting program. A specific muscle geoup/groups will be targeted and worked to 100% resistance level. Records will be kept.
Every other day, a kung-fu workout. A good style here is Wing Chun, which does not require the physical strength of some of the more demanding styles.
At least once a week, target practice with a pistol. The practice includes field stripping the weapon to examine for wear, dry firing for technique and stamina and actual target firing with street use loads. Records will be kept.

2) Legal:
Since dealing is illegal, a one hour nightly study of law will be required. With review and testing.
Since courtroom appearances are frequently required, a daily school class in debate techniques will be required. With review and testing.

3) Finance:
Since appreciable sums are involved, an understanding of finance is required. One class daily will be needed in the path to a degree in accounting and then an MBA.

This sort of a program will let your nephew conduct his chosen work with some reasonable expectation of success.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I just have one word...

Relatives!

 

[oggbashan]

My brother and I have decided that we appreciate each other as long as there are at least 100 miles between us.

Ditto my wife and her sister.

We get on very well - at an appropriate distance.

Og

 

[3113]

SeaCat:
I don't think you are giving you nephew a chance here. I have a lot of experience living in areas where they deal drugs on the street corner. Dealing drugs from a street corner is a hard life, but do you or I have the right to choose someone else's path through this life? Why instread do we not try to help your nephew?

I think you've an excellent point, R.R. People underestimate how much it takes to be a successful dealer. You forgot a few skills:

Math: to help with finance and knowing how many years till parole. One never knows when one might be without a working caculator.

Chemistry: When times get hard, one may need to create one's own meth lab. SeaCat should get his nephew a nice chemistry set so he can practice. And really, it's no surprise that the brother wants the nephew living in a trailer. It is the usual enviornment for such things.

Salesmanship: There's a lot of competing dealers out there. A good one needs to know how to lure in customers and keep them happy...or else they'll just go to someone else. People skills are a must.

Foreign Language: Customers or suppliers might be from other countries. A dealer has an edge if he can speak a foreign language or two. And he must be up on the latest slang as well.

Indeed, dealing is no walk in the park...er, well, it is, but still

 

[R. Richard]

I think you've an excellent point, R.R. People underestimate how much it takes to be a successful dealer. You forgot a few skills:

Chemistry: When times get hard, one may need to create one's own meth lab. SeaCat should get his nephew a nice chemistry set so he can practice. And really, it's no surprise that the brother wants the nephew living in a trailer. It is the usual enviornment for such things.

Actually, making meth without a very fully equipped lab can be VERY hazardus. Given the typical sources of the chemicals, there is a stage in the process where the meth gives off very corrosive fumes that will eat the skin and muscles of the maker and burn the eyes out.

 

[scriptordelecto]

Actually, making meth without a very fully equipped lab can be VERY hazardus. Given the typical sources of the chemicals, there is a stage in the process where the meth gives off very corrosive fumes that will eat the skin and muscles of the maker and burn the eyes out.

Yeah, but that doesn't stop people from making it in the back of a semi in the local Wal-Mart parking lot!

 

[cumallday]

Funny, I have an uncle who's a drug dealer for a prominent motorcycle gang and believe it or not he's the most normal, down to earth member of my family.

 

[glynndah]

I'm just curious: Your god-fearing brother doesn't take in his own (prodigal) son because....

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~ George Burns

 

[3113]

I love my family, and am glad I have moved away from most of them.

So, I have to know...does this mean you're not going to spend Thanksgiving with your family? You really shouldn't let this get in the way of a good ole' family get-together

 

[TheeGoatPig]

So, I have to know...does this mean you're not going to spend Thanksgiving with your family? You really shouldn't let this get in the way of a good ole' family get-together

From everything I have heard him say about his extended family, I think he is better off spending it with friends.

 

[SeaCat]

Okay, lets see if I can remember the questions.

The Nephew in question is my sisters son.

Will I be spending time with family over the Holidays? Yep. On Thanksgiving and Christmas I will be spending time with my parents and my wife. (My parents winter about two hours north of us.)

Will I be inviting any of my other relatives down for the Holidays? Not on your life.

My family is truly amusing to me. They give me no end of humor. Let me give you a bit of a rundown on them.

My older sister, we'll call her Queen as that is what she sees herself as, has never worked a day in her life. She has four kids, by three different fathers and can quote to you the laws dealing with Welfare and drug dealing in five different states. She thinks I am stupid because I work for a living. She also seems to think I am on this earth for the sole purpose of supporting her and her kids. (She is the one who tried to break up my wife and I when we first got married. She still has not acknowledged my wife as a member of the family.)

My Sisters oldest daughter. Niece number one. Now 25 years old and on her second husband. She seems to be finally sorting her life out and is trying to live right. She has in the past been a stripper and a hooker. She now has though divorced her first husband, (a complete loser,) gotten her G.E.D. and a job. she is also starting to take some night courses in an attempt to further herself.

Niece number two is 23 and is on Medical Disability. She can't work due to depression, Back Injuries, P.T.S.D., and now Migraines. She is a patient of a Doctor known as Doctor FeelGood on the streets in my home town. Her husband claims that he is a Combat Veteran and is awaiting recall to active duty in Iraq. He also claims that he is not just a combat vet. but a combat vet. of the Airborn. Too bad that he is my height and weighs almost 300 pounds and doesn't know what a "Riser" is. (Nor does he know what a P-38 is or a Toggle Rope. )

Niece number three has escaped her family. She currently lives near Tahoe and is going to school for Vetrinary Medicine. I hear from her about once a week, her mother hears from her about once every six months.

My Sisters son is the Nephew mentioned above.

My Brother is another class act. Growing up he was the "Golden Child". He could do no wrong. He was almost escorted through the Military because of my fathers record and his first wife's fathers pull. His first wife left him for another woman. He then met through the Internet and married a woman from N.Y.C. He then became a Catholic. Not just a Catholic but a "Born Again" Catholic. A fanatic. If you don't unquestioningly agree with his views then you are going to Hell. He has also fallen into that lovely idea that he has to have the biggest and the best. He has a house with ten bedrooms, (He now has five kids.) He has an H2, he has a boat which he takes out once or twice a year, and he has bills out of his ass. Even though he is a "Devout Catholic" he refuses to help my sister or her kids. He also claims that because I have moved south it is my fault my sister and her kids have fallen on hard times. (In a way this is true. I no longer call on my friends up north to give them help such as letting my nephew free on self recognisance{sp})

My Brother and his wife, as well as my sister and her brood are all hungry for money. They view my parents estate, their house and land as well as their properties as being theirs and only being temporarily held by my parents. They were all more than a bit angry that my parents deigned to sell a small section of property last summer. This of course took away from their inheritance.

Me? I am the Black Sheep of the family. I have worked all of my life. I have never asked for money from my parents or my family. I have always counseled my parents to do what they will with what they have, to enjoy their lives. I am the one who was there at my parents side when my brother and sister attempted to declare them mentally incompetent, and proved to the judge and jury that my siblings are only there when it came to money. (Thankfully my father is anally retentative and keeps records of everything, including money lent.) I am the one who had to explain to my sister that she couldn't get her inheritance when my Mother had her Heart Attack. Not only was my Father still alive, but my Mother was as well. She was upset by this.

And people wonder why I am always shaking my head and laughing when it comes to my family?

Cat

 

[scriptordelecto]

Cat, you are without a doubt, a walking Lifetime movie! Damn! Although I have to admit that you are marvelous for finding the humor. I'm sure it goes a long way toward saving your sanity.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I think I missed something. Florida is the font of all evil and you are going to hell but he wants his son to come live with you there? People who argue emotionally confuse me.

 

[SeaCat]

I think I missed something. Florida is the font of all evil and you are going to hell but he wants his son to come live with you there? People who argue emotionally confuse me.

Nope, he wants my sisters son to move down here with me. (That way he won't move in with my brother.)

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

Actually, making meth without a very fully equipped lab can be VERY hazardus. Given the typical sources of the chemicals, there is a stage in the process where the meth gives off very corrosive fumes that will eat the skin and muscles of the maker and burn the eyes out.

Not to mention there is a stage where if you are not careful about little things like spark it goes Boom in a rather spectacular way.

Early Fireworks if you wish.

Cat

 

[glynndah]

Look around your anal retentive father's papers very carefully. Maybe you're adopted.