snicker69

[Guest]

OK, I tried to send my feedback but it's not working because of worms in the host server, so here it is.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=78470
The lurkers: Chapter one and two of this story got H Mark.

“Ya, and ya, I’ll take care of this,” as I lifted her robe.
Does this line make sense to you?

When a man speak, you write: he said. When a woman speak, you write: she said. It's called gender. Got that?

I mean, it was like they didn’t even see you they were do focused on their work.
Boy, why do I bother... Have you ever heard of proof reading? Try it some times.

“Here is my address. And here is cell number, I in case you chicken out.”
What does this mean? BTW, Ale, Pub etc. sounds like British, but Cell number is American. Mobile is the correct term. What are you? A Canadian?

“You could also come with for some time in the sun too.
What do you mean to say? In UK. we don't see sun. At all.

“I actually have a couple computers.
My computer is Apricot. It's Mitsubishi to you , but gone bust, now.

__________________________________
Other than those, the story was fine. The end of the page one was as far as I've got to. Tell me if it's worth reading the page two and the chapter2.

 

[Guest]

OK. I've read till the end of the chapter 2. It's seriously good, apart from some fuck-ups.

Good night, thesandman.

 

[DarlingNikki]

“Ya, and ya, I’ll take care of this,” as I lifted her robe.
Does this line make sense to you?

Yes, he likes what he sees, and yes, he'll look after her robe. What's not to understand?

Is this the kind of snippy/mean feedback people are talking about? ("Why do I bother?" "Have you ever heard of proofreading?" "Got it?") Giving constructive criticism is a skill as much as writing is.

BTW, "Red Tail Ale" is an American microbrewed beer and we do say pub sometimes, when it's a pub we're talking about.

 

[KillerMuffin]

CV is, unfortunately, correct about the first line. It makes sense because we're thinking beasts, but it's still incorrect grammatically. It's not a complete sentence.

Chilly is a troll, but he's a troll with nice grammar and punctuation skills.

Kind of makes you sick, don't it?

 

[Guest]

Don't it, Muff?

 

[MaxSebastian]

Chilly is a troll, but he's a troll with nice grammar and punctuation skills.

When a man speak, you write: he said. When a woman speak, you write: she said.

What d'you mean nice grammar skills?

When a man speaks, you write: he said. When a woman speaks, you write: she said.


Or was it a gag?

 

[DarlingNikki]

My computer is Apricot. It's Mitsubishi to you , but gone bust, now.

Doesn't make me sick at all. I'm looking at some pretty odd grammar and punctuation right here. And speaking of "does this line make sense to you?"

 

[Guest]

You need a good dicking. Nikki.

Go out more. show off your tits.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Good one!

Did you give yourself a high five after that?

 

[Guest]

No. No more feedback for you.

 

[Guest]

how do you find the time to be here?

loser