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Smoking Paradise Island

Right off the bat, your first paragraph consists of a single continuous sentence of 82 words.

Another sentence with 53 words in it.

...the gusts of wind funnelling down... Should be funneling.
...next to a smouldering butt already there. Should be smoldering.
She smiled at her attempt of humour... Should be humor.
...she raised her hand to apologise... Should be apologize.
...she only had to apologise to one couple... Should be apologize.

This is just page 1 of your published story. Run the whole thing through Word and fix the spelling and grammar errors it finds to start with. Then my recommendation, read your story out loud as if you are speaking to an audience from a stage. If you are running out of breath when taking short breaths at the end of each sentence, then you have run on sentences.

After you have done this, reach out to a Volunteer Editor.
 
Last edited:
LongDraw said:
Right off the bat, your first paragraph consists of a single continuous sentence of 82 words.

Another sentence with 53 words in it.

...the gusts of wind funnelling down... Should be funneling.
...next to a smouldering butt already there. Should be smoldering.
She smiled at her attempt of humour... Should be humor.
...she raised her hand to apologise... Should be apologize.
...she only had to apologise to one couple... Should be apologize.

This is just page 1 of your published story. Run the whole thing through Word and fix the spelling and grammar errors it finds to start with. Then my recommendation, read your story out loud as if you are speaking to an audience from a stage. If you are running out of breath when taking short breaths at the end of each sentence, then you have run on sentences.

After you have done this, reach out to a Volunteer Editor.
Click to expand...

Long sentences may be a problem, the use of British spelling is not. Don't ping the author for their spelling, because the site allows English English.
 
Yeah, sorry for writing in English...but as I'm UK based it's difficult.

Sorry for using long sentences, but I don't think that is offensive!

But feedback is feedback I guess.

B
 
For those who hated the first instalment, as a glutton for punishment, I have posted the second story in this arc.

I imagine it will be equally disliked.

A Death in Smoking Paradise will be published tomorrow.

B
 
Bazzle said:
Hey peeps,
I wrote a thing for the fetish section- sorry if peeps don't like it because of that- I am sorry.
https://literotica.com/s/smoking-paradise-island
Only got one comment so far complaining of the grammar...hey ho...im dyslexic can't please everyone.
Anyone else got any thoughts?
B
Click to expand...
Hi Bazzle,
From one smoking fetish story writer to another...
I'd love it if you were to have a look at my story
A Worthless Filthy Fucking Trash Cunt Whore
Not a "slow burn" like yours; more a frantic "power-smoke"...
Grusha
 
I have tried to edit the beginning of the story.
Hopefully in the next couple of days the revision will be published!
 
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