smokeSCREEN's fate and music

[Riven___Caulfield]

Hi - hello, there.
I'm a writer here on Lit (or still consider myself one, at least), and I've gotten a ton of feedback on one of my works called smokescreen.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you probably won't care a lick about this thread. Leave, or be bored.


For those of you that care, here's smokescreen's situation: It's finished. Or, complete I mean.

But I've gotten tons of feedback on it - really, really good feedback. So good, that a part of me's convinced that it could end up paperback, at least. And if that's the case, is it smart to post the end online?
I guess not. That's not the smart thing to do, anyway.

So here's what I'm gonna' do. I'll shop smokescreen around, and if no one wants to sell it, I'll give it to the world. But fuck, it might be my ticket.

I got a lot of emails about the last book, and I'm sorry I can't offer it up now. I also got a ton of emails about the music in the story - people wanted to listen to the music while reading it.
I can understand that - I did. So, here's a reference for all the music in smokeSCREEN. It's not much, but it's all I can do right now.

Yours,

-Riv Caulfield



P.S. I'm sure a lot of people will find this whole thing totally pretentious and stupid. Might be the case, but you can suck me sideways - people asked.

P.P.S. I can't just end on that, so let me just close in saying I'll be writing much more for Lit after I clean up some other stuff. Thank you so, so, so much for supporting me - please accept this nine pages of lyrics and my appreciation for what they're worth.

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

bookONE : REALities
told by Cypress (angry music for the sensitive man)


on a gathering storm / comes a tall handsome man / but hidden in his coat / is a red right hand
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand

i'm happy i'm feeling glad / i've got sunshine in a bag / i'm useless but not for long / the future is coming on
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood

i find the answers aren't so clear / wish i could find a way to disappear / all these thoughts they make no sense / i find bliss in ignorance / nothing seems to go away / over and over again
Linkin Park - One Step Closer

now feel the trance of this goddess / vicious vibrations / lap dances/ venomous serpents of temptation / awkward balance / scars on my back from her talons / an evil evening / drinking blood by the gallons // drenched
Swollen Members - Lady Venom

now if a six / turned out to be nine / i don't mind / i don't mind // if all the hippies / cut off all their hair / i don't care / i don't care // cause i've got my own world to live through
Jimi Hendrix - If 6 Was 9

we're the league that serve the justice / we're the confident ones / come run amongst us / and conquer someone // some come to seek honour / some seek to wreak havoc / either you do or don't have it / if we speak it, it's tragic // when the sun rises / are you surprised that i'm a beast / leather-faced / wicked / cracks that start to crease
Swollen Members - Lady Venom

my friend assures me / it's all or nothing / i am not worried / i am not overly concerned / my friend implored me / make an exception // i am not worried / i am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions // oh, she says / you're changing / but you were always changing
Counting Crows - Anna Begins

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

bookTWO : STARshine
told by Michelle (lessons for the romantic)

silence swimming in a pool of dreams / beneath its depths the forgotten streams / above the city of the evening star / behind its walls, the grand bazaar / as she walks through its endless ways / cursing those who mistrust her ways / please my friend no matter what she sees / tell my lover come back to me
The Tea Party - The Bazaar

i can see you lie back in a satin dress / in a room where you do what you don't confess // sundown / sundown / sundown // sometimes / i think it's a shame / when i get feelin' better / when i'm feelin' no pain // sundown / you better take care / if i found you been creepin' round my back stair
Elwood - Sundown

i lay my head unto the sand… / the sky resembles a back-lit canopy with holes punches in it… / i'm counting u.f.o.s… / i signal them with my lighter..

/// and in this moment i am happy ///

i wish you were here
Incubus - Wish You Were Here

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

bookTHREE : thatCOMPLEXroad
told by Crow (the i hate myself mix)


in the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey / butane in my veins I'm out to cut the junkie / with the plastic eyeballs, spraypaint the vegetables / dog food stalls, with the beefcake pantyhose / kill the headlights and put it in neutral / stock car flaming with a loser in the cruise control / baby's in Reno with a vitamin d / got a couple of couches, asleep on the love seat
Beck - Loser


i know your life is empty / and you hate to face this world alone / so you're searchin' for an angel / someone who can make you whole // i cannot save you / i can't even save myself / so just save yourself
Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself


i wish i woulda' met you / now it's a little late / what you could have taught me / i coulda' saved some face // they think that your early ending was all wrong / for the most part they're right, but look how they all got strong / that's why i say // hey man nice shot / good shot man / that's why i say hey man nice shot / good shot man // a man / has gun / hey man / have fun / nice shot
Filter - Hey Man Nice Shot


get up / get up / put your body in motion / get up / get up / put your body in motion
if you're curious and you've got the notion / man, do it just start the commotion
Wise Guys - Start The Commotion


i would die for you / i would die for you / i've been dying just to feel you by my side / to know that you're mine

i will pray for you / i will pray for you / i will sell my soul for something pure and true / for someone like you

i would burn for you / feel pain for you / i will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart / and tear it apart

i will lie for you / beg and steal for you / i will crawl on hands a knees until you see / you're just like me

i would die for you // i would kill for you // to be close to you // to be part of you // cause i believe in you // i believe in you // i would die for you.
Garbage - #1 Crush


something ugly this way comes / through my fingers sliding inside / all these blessings all these works / i'm careless underneath your cover // search for pleasure / search for pain / in this world / now i am undying // my code / my flag / my nation / helpless /// black black heart /// what, would you offer more // would you make it easier on me // to satisfy /// i want fire ///
David Usher - Black Black Heart


did you give up / did it get easier / did all those things you wanted come together in the end / cause i for one / was like the eden man / did you ever really notice / i never really cared // she smiled and looked at me and said /// you know don't know what it's like /// you don't know what it's like /// you don't know what it's like /// i feel like nothin' at all
Econoline Crush - You Don't Know What It's Like

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

bookFOUR : theBECOMING : attacks
as told by Cypress ('you got potential, son - but cut that hair' mix)

manic depression is / torching my soul / i know what i want but i / just don't know / how to go about getting it // feeling, sweet feeling / drops from my fingers, fingers / manic depression // has captured my soul.
Jimi Hendrix - Manic Depression

woke up this morning / all that love had gone / your papa never told you about right and wrong /but you're // one in a million // 'cause you got that / shotgun shine / born under a bad sign / you got a blue moon in your eye
A3 - Woke Up This Morning

i beat my machine / it's a part of me / it's inside of me // i'm stuck in this dream / it's changing me / i am becoming // the me that you know / he had some second thoughts // he's covered with scabs // he is broken and sore // the me that you know he // doesn't come around much // that part of me isn't here anymore
Nine Inch Nails - The Becoming

he comes alive / when the sun goes down / he gets it right / you know he's always down / he's got / one eye open and his ear to the ground / and he's / too cool for school
Fountains Of Wayne - Too Cool For School

i / hurt myself today / to see if i still feel / i focus on the pain / the only thing that's real / the needle tears a hole / the old familiar sting / try to kill it all away / but i remember everything // what have i become? / my sweetest friend / everyone i know goes away // in the end /// you could have it all /// my empire of dirt /// i will let you down /// i will make you hurt
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

i can try to get away / but i've strapped myself in / i can try to scratch away / the sound in my ears / i can see it killing away / all my bad parts / i don't want to listen / but it's all too clear /// hiding /// backwards inside of me /// i feel /// so unafraid //// annie /// hold a little tighter /// i might /// just slip away /// it won't give up / it wants me dead / goddamn this noise inside my head
Nine Inch Nails - The Becoming

you don't know what / we can find / why don't you come with me, little girl / on a magic carpet ride // you don't know what / we will see / why don't you tell your dreams to me? / fantasy will set you free
Bedlam - Magic Carpet Ride

it's gettin' near dawn / when nights close their tired eye / i'll soon be with you, my love / give you my dawn surprise / i'll be with you, darlin, soon / i'll be with you when the stars start falling // i've been waiting so long // to be where I'm going // in the sunshine of your love
Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love

no muscle man no candy cane no pack of sexy starvin' wolves no money talkin' moonlight walkin' lady-schockin' big-cold-cockin' us pretty folks can go to blazes here and there go pretty faces all the rest don't ask my stuff'n only one thing's got me huffin' // i'm jealous of your cigarette // and all the things you do with it // i'm jealous of your cigarette // the pleasure that you get from it // and not me
Hawksley Workman - Jealous Of Your Cigarette

i spend all my time on the telephone line / tryin to say it just right this time / something that could change your mind / i know this is love and the feeling, though / i whisper somethin' so sincere / exactly what you want to hear
Snake River Conspiracy - You And Your Friend

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

bookPHOR : THEbecoming : the coffin nail
as told by Cypress, Sophie and Crow (lovesongs for the dying)

whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am home again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am / whole again
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am young again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am fun again
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

however far away
however long I stay
whatever words I say
i will always love you
i will always love you
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am free again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am clean again
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

i am the son / and the heir / of a shyness that it criminarilly vulgar
you shut your mouth // how can you say / i go about things the wrong way
i am human and i need to be loved // just like everybody else does //
see, i've already waited too long // and all my hope is gone
Love Split Love - How Soon Is Now? (The Smiths cover)

however far away / i will always love you
however long i stay / i will always love you
whatever words i say / i will always love you / i will always love you
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

all pain disappears / it's the nature of / of my circuitry // drowns out all i hear / no escape from this / my new consciousness //

that me that you know / he used to have feelings / but the blood has stopped pumping / and he's left to decay // the me that you know's / now made up of wires / and even when i'm right with you / i'm so far away
Nine Inch Nails - The Becoming

i can try to get away / but i've strapped myself in / i can try to scratch away / the sound in my ears / i can see it killing away / all of my bad parts / i don't want to listen / but it's all too clear

hiding / backwards inside of me i feel / so unafraid / annie / hold a little tighter / i might / just slip away

it won't give up // it wants me dead // goddamn this noise inside my head
Nine Inch Nails - The Becoming

bat your eyes girl, be / otherworldly / count your blessings / se / duce a stranger / what's so wrong with / being happy / kudos to those who / see through sickness, yeah // over and / over and / over and / over and / over
Incubus - Warning

she woke in the morning / she knew that her life had passed her by / she called out a warning / don't ever let life pass you by

floating in this cosmic jacuzzi / we are like frogs oblivious / to the water starting to boil /

no one flinches / we all float face down
Incubus - Warning

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

book5IVE : aBOYand/hisDOG
as told by Crow (songs for the twitterpated cynic)

let me never be complete
may I never be content
you have to give up
evolve / and let the chips fall where they may
this is your life / it doesn't get any better than this
this is your life / and it's ending one minute at a time
Tyler Durden - This Is Your Life

she said // i know what it's like to be dead // i know what it is to be sad // and she's making me feel like / i've never been born.

i said / who put all those things in your head / things that make me feel that i'm mad / and you're making me feel like / i've never been born

she said / you don't understand what i've said / i said / no no no you're wrong / when I was a boy // everything was right
Snake River Conspiracy - She Said, She Said (Beatles Cover)

light up a cigarette, she said and / calm the fuck down / you got a serious side to you that could / give the whole world a frown // now nothing really matters to me // you see i've got these holes in my gown / let your eyes lose their focus a little / let your guard come down.
Live - Voodoo Lady

ya'all c'mon now / let's get on down / let's do-si-do now / we gon' have a good ol' time / don't be scared cus there's there ain't nu'n t'worry 'bout / let yer hair down / an' square dance with me
Eminem (that's right) - Square Dance

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

book6.0 : 1,000,000/1
as told by Sophie ("i'm gonna' kill you, sucka'" mix)

my hurt inside is fading / this shits gone way too far / all this time i've been waiting / oh i cannot breath anymore / for whats insides awaking / i'm not i'm not a whore / you've taken everything and / oh i cannot give any more
Korn - Here To Stay

// boom / here comes the // boom / ready or not / here comes the boys from the south // boom / here comes the // boom / ready or not / how you like me now? / is that all you got? / i'll take your best shot
P.O.D - Boom

one day i was walking by / with a walkman on when i caught a guy / givin' me the awkward eye / so i strangled him off in the parkin' lot / with his karl kinnard / i don't give a fuck if it's dark or not / i'm harder than me, tryin' to park a Dodge / when i'm drunk as fuck / right next to a humongous truck / in a two-car garage

so from here on out it's the chronic two / start a new day, tomorrow's anew / and yet i'm still loco enough t'choke ya to death with a charleston chew
Dr Dre feat. Eminem - Forgot About Dre

a little less conversation / a little more action / all this aggrivation ain't satisfaction in me / a little more bite and a little less bark / a little less fight and a little more spark / close your mind and open up your heart / and baby satisfy me / satisfy me, baby
Elvis vs. JXL - A Little Less Conversation

i am a man of constant sorrow, i seen trouble all my days / i bid farewell to old kentucky, the place where i was born and raised / for six long years i've been in trouble, no pleasure here on earth i find / for in this world i'm bound to ramble, i have to friends to help me now
Soggy Bottom Boys - I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow

my mind's done with this / so hey, i've got a question / can i throw it all away? / take back what's mine / so i take my time / driving humbly down the line / each cut, closer to the vein

this state is elevating // as the hurt turns into hating // anticipating all the fucked up feelings again
Korn - Here To Stay

whenever i'm alone with you / you make me feel like i am whole again / you make me feel like i am whole again / ahhhhhhh...

however far away i will always love you / how ever long i stay i will always love you / whatever words i say i will always love you / i will always love you
Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

book6.1 : 4:20
as told by Sophie (songs for the criminally enamoured)

you fell down of course / and then you got up of course / and started over / forgot my name of course / then you started to remember / pretty tough to think about / the beginning of december / pretty tough to think about / pretty tough to think about
The White Stripes - The Same Boy You've Always Known

dead leaves and the dirty ground when i know you're not around / shiny tops and the soda pops when i hear your lips make a sound

thirty notes in the mailbox will tell you that i'm comin' home / and i think i'm gonna' stick around for a while so you're not alone

if you can hear a piano fall you can hear me comin' down the hall / if i could just hear your pretty voice, i don't think i need to see at all
The White Stripes - Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground

wild thing / you make my heart sing / you make everything / grooveh // wild thing / wild thing i think you move me / but i wanna' know fo' sure / come anna' sock it to me one time // pop //
Jimi Hendrix - Wild Thing

i said 'what about tomorrow?' / she said 'what about tonight' / she said 'trust me baby / it'll be alright'
Day One - Bedroom Dancing

she walked in wearing steletto boots / fist woman, weddin', then honeymoon / this girl that i thought i knew so well didn't know her untill we hit the hotel and / we're on the dance floor / by the seashore she said / 'these nights we dance together / is what i live for'
Day One - Bedroom Dancing

i said 'what about before / before these nights?' / she said 'ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies' / i said 'we can dance tomorrow' / she said 'we've already danced tonight / trust me baby, you'll be alight / it'll be alright'
Day One - Bedroom Dancing

you / you think you're special / you do / i can see it in your eyes / i can see it when you laugh at me / look down on me and walk around on me /

this time i'mma' stand up and shout / this time it's my way / it's my way / my way or the highway
Limp Bizkit - My Way

i am colour blind / coffee black and egg white / pull me out from inside / i am ready / i am ready / i am ready i am / taffee-stuck and tonque-tied / stutter-shook and uptight / pull me out from inside / i am ready / i am ready / i am ready i am / fine
Counting Crows - Colorblind

i put a spell on you / because you're mine
i can't stand the things that you do / no, no , no, no, i ain't lyin' no
i don't care if you want me / 'cause i'm yours yours yours anyhow / yeah i'm yours yours yours
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
Marilyn Manson - I Put A Spell On You (Creedence Clearwater Revival cover)

you... / you... still a whisper on my lips / feel it in my fingertips / it's pullin' at my skin / you / leave me when i'm at my worst / feelin' as if i've been cursed / bitter cold within
Dirty Vegas - Days Go By

marky got with sharon, sharon got sharice she was sharin' sharon's out look on the topic of disease / mikey had a facial scar and bobby was a racist they were all in love with dyin' they were doin' it in texas / tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain and then he lost his leg in dallas he was dancin' with a train / they were all in love with dyin' they were drinkin' from a fountain that was pourin' like an avelanche / comin' down the mountain
Butthole Surfers - Pepper

i hate my generation / i offer no apologies / i hate my generation, yeah / i hate my generation / i pick it up and i threw it away / i hate my generation, now
it's alright
it's alright
Cracker - I Hate My Generation

i hate my generation / i offer no apologies / i hate my generation, yeah
Cracker - I Hate My Generation

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

Thanks again. I'll have something new up soon.

-Riv

 

[MathGirl]

??????????????

What the hell was that?
MG

 

[Omni]

Good move!

In my humble opinion it is the right way to go about it, Riven. Then, lets us know where to buy it. Think of the sales just wanting to see the ending from people here!

You got a good chance. Believe it!



Omni

 

[Reverie]

You know I'm a fan!!!

The way you write just caught and held me. I'd love an opportunity to buy Smokescreen, prefereably HARDBACK. And then of course, it would make an excellent movie.

Good luck with it, and with your writing in general. Hmm, reminds me I need to dig out the disk I saved your plays on and reread them while I'm bored at work tomorrow. You have true talent and a writing voice that enthralls and intruiges me. Thank you.

Rev

 

[hiddenself]

Original and captivating

I wasn't (a fan) but certainly am now!
I haven't gotten to the end, but this is among the best stuff that I've read in a while. Enough to excuse your rather arrogant posting...

CONGRATS!

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

Thanks!

 

[Beaker]

MOFO, you owe me an email

 

[SweetCherry]

I heart Riven. His writing makes me tingle.

 

[Quasimodem]

I Riven. His writing makes me tingle.

Once again, SC, was that "tingle" or "tinkle"?

 

[Riven___Caulfield]

was that "tingle" or "tinkle"?

I have been known to make people pissy, but I'm not sure that's what she was goin' for.