"Small Package, Big Surprise" Feedback

[KingWebster]

Hi,

I'm, KingWebster, a new writer at literotica and I would love to get any feedback I can on my first story, "Small Package, Big Surprise."

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30788

It's about Jack, who gets himself into quite a bind during a game of strip poker when he loses and has to drop his pants and show off his tiny penis. Find out how he licks his way out of it.

Any type of feedback would be appreciated, good, bad, and indifferent.

Thanks!

KingWebster
kingwebster2@netscape.net

 

[MissDragonfly]

I very much enjoyed this story. I find that enthusiasm is certainly the key when it comes to a man's ability to pleasure a woman. This story is certainly a good example of that.

 

[hellebore]

Thanks for posting the link! Normally I skip the smaller cock stories because it's not my thing. I just like cocks, regardless of size. As long as you know what to do with it, (and me!) I don't care how big it is.

But anyway. Your story was very well written; your attention to detail shows in the story telling as well as the grammar and spelling. I caught one misspelling, when you mentioned "desert" instead of "dessert". Though a cheesecake desert does sound intriguing...

For my tastes, it's a bit too short. I love the long exposition but the actual sex scene was too short. A bit more detail would be nice and more than one O for Julie. I would have kept going at the end and gone into her second (third, bajillionth) orgasm. Tell us exactly how he licked her. Did he tease her clit? Did he use his fingers? What was Melissa doing while all this was going on? How did she finger her pussy? Did she use her fingers, pull her clit, spread her lips? When you went back to Julie's pussy at the end, what did Melissa do? Continue to watch? Join in?

Your character was a bit more submissive than me, and seemed to be enjoying his embarrassment (which is part of the reason that I generally don't read the small penis stories. Humiliation and embarrassment usually are not erotic to me.) but I would have asked Julie if her opinion had changed any. Made her eat her words and all that.