My Sci-Fi and Fantasy extended universe - looking for feedback and suggestions

[aToyEnjoyer]

Hi all! I recently joined Literotica and just had the first part of my first story published: https://literotica.com/s/futanari-centaur-frustration-pt-01

The story is about a girl who works for an association that supports members of fantasy races who were mistakenly transported to future Earth. She volunteers to be the roommate of a very pent-up futanari centaur and plenty of sexual tension ensues as the two fall in love. I've already written nearly 14k words for the story and plan to reach something like 20k by the end, but my ideas don't stop there.

The intro establishes a perfect scenario for so many different couplings between humans and fantasy races. So far I have ideas for:

- A story about succubi feeding on the males of the association in an organized, anonymous system. One succubus becomes obsessed with a particular cock and goes into heat, desperate to mate. What she doesn't know is that she's already well acquainted with its owner.

- A story about a buff futanari wolf girl with a big, knotted canine cock. Her keen sense of smell easily uncovers the fact that her femboy case worker is incredibly aroused by her, and it's not long before he gets himself ruthlessly bred.

- A story about a pent-up female association worker who's put in charge of a small group of secretly horny and orgy-loving fairies. The tiny lesbians eventually sneak up on her masturbating and work as a group to give her the best night of her life. Later on she starts to expand her clit, and the fairies take turns riding it. I also had an idea for a scene where one of them rides around hidden inside her panties as she goes about her day.

- A vague idea for a story involving a slime that teases its partner by transforming into forms it knows they find attractive. One day the slime needs a place to hide and stuffs itself inside the partner's ass. (I have no vision for the characters in this one, I just think that scene would be hot)

If you give my story a read I'd love to hear any feedback you have on it! If it doesn't appeal to you, let me know if any of the other ideas are up your alley or if there's another fantasy race or coupling that you'd love to see. I'd love to hear other's ideas and suggestions.

 

[AlinaX]

You have a huge amount of what is essentially background before really starting the story. Far better to jump straight in and let the world reveal itself:

Riona's heart starts to work overtime after rereading the posting. She smiles giddily and bursts out of the elevator door as it opens, nearly crashing into another ONA worker as she races in the direction of building CE-1.

Present tense can be difficult to write effectively, especially third person present.

Whenever you use starts to or begins to, etc., ask yourself if it's really necessary to do so.

Riona's heart worked overtime as she reread the posting. She smiled giddily and burst out of the elevator door the moment it opened, nearly crashing into another ONA worker as she raced in the direction of building CE-1.

The otherworlder of her dreams! The very race that inspired her to work at the ONA in the first place! And now she had a chance to live with one!

 

[aToyEnjoyer]

You have a huge amount of what is essentially background before really starting the story. Far better to jump straight in and let the world reveal itself:

True enough, I could have had the doctor explain some of this and spread the rest around.

Present tense can be difficult to write effectively, especially third person present.

Whenever you use starts to or begins to, etc., ask yourself if it's really necessary to do so.

Wait, why did you rewrite so much in past tense?

It should be:

Riona's heart works overtime after rereading the posting. She smiles giddily and bursts out of the elevator door as it opens, nearly crashing into another ONA worker as she races in the direction of building CE-1.

Right?

EDIT: I guess you're saying I should switch to past tense. I'll consider it for future stories, but I just find present tense more comfortable personally

 

[AlinaX]

It's your choice, of course. First person present can work quite well, but third person present has a distracting quality to it and is often used for effect.