Slut Susan Chapter 1

[Dodgers_in_2003]

Hey everyone. I'm new here, and my story just got posted a few days ago, and I know it's not the greatest, but better things are to come. I was hoping that someone out there could tell me what they thought of my story. What they liked, what they didn't like, what they want to see in future chapters with "Slut Susan", etc.

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[ZaQadir]

Future chapters

I liked what there was, but it felt more like an introduction to the story. It establishes that she's horny and takes what she wants.

I would have liked more sensuality. She arranges a meeting in public, knowing that they could be seen. How does it make her feel? Are her nipples hard as she hopes they will be? What other affects are there?

I'll read further chapters if there are any.

 

[English Lady]

a link to your story

Slut SusanCh-1

Ok this was short. even for just a first chapter it was too short. you just start getting intothe story and it stops.

the first paragraph needs lots of work, there are alot of repetitive words(mirror and breasts are the two i found distracting) and also you used one of my most hated sex story no-no's which is mentioningthe girls bra size..why do we need to know that? describing her breasts would be better.


There isn't much here, you don't establish much of a character for Susan except for the fact shes horny. you don't give any background on why the guy has acrush on her and the sex, though supposed ot be short was undetailed and bity.


i think the spelling and grammar were ok,i didn't notice anything awful(but i am no good with spelling and grammar anyway*L*)


I'd take a bit more time in proof reading and editing your work next time.


Hope my comments help