Slowly venturing

[Bandit58]

I know this viewpoint isn't popular on this board, but I also know I'm not alone here....In some D/s relationships, there's punishment, and then there's "punishment", the latter being a pseudo-consequence that both parties are enjoying. The former being the devastating kind that no one wants. I won't go any deeper than that because I spent a lot of energy discussing this distinction last year on the brat thread, and people either seem to get it or they don't, which is fine...it's not the way everyone works by a long-shot.

My point in bringing it up is that the vibe I got from the OP was not that she was feeling terribly upset about what sounded (to me) like a "punishment."

What you refer to as "punishment" I call funishment

I don't believe I've ever been punished in that sense. But I think I punish myself far harder than He could ever do, the thought that I disappointed Him is the worst ever feeling

 

[DVS]

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. I've seen plenty of 40+ divorcees who've just discovered kinky stuff absolutely lose their minds and do stuff no semi-intelligent teenager would even imagine doing. Consider it a form of natural selection.

Shit, send these 40+ divorcees to me. I'd be glad to show them the correct method of submission...at least as it pertains to me.

It never fails...women going to dumb shits like that, and here I am, without anybody to beat on. It certainly is a cruel world.

 

[Beth87]

Shit, send these 40+ divorcees to me. I'd be glad to show them the correct method of submission...at least as it pertains to me.

It never fails...women going to dumb shits like that, and here I am, without anybody to beat on. It certainly is a cruel world.

very cruel

 

[~Haze~]

Shit, send these 40+ divorcees to me. I'd be glad to show them the correct method of submission...at least as it pertains to me.

It never fails...women going to dumb shits like that, and here I am, without anybody to beat on. It certainly is a cruel world.

They're out there, brother. Take your pick.

Twentysomethings... thrirtysomethings... fortysomethings... married... divorced... single...

The problem is, no one is going to send them to you. You have to go find them yourself and they're there for the picking.

And in the absence of a (what would you like to call it?) more engaging social/sexual partner, they'll settle these, as you put it, "dumb shits".

And I believe this thread is a perfect example of that.

 

[Beth87]

They're out there, brother. Take your pick.

Twentysomethings... thrirtysomethings... fortysomethings... married... divorced... single...

The problem is, no one is going to send them to you. You have to go find them yourself and they're there for the picking.

And in the absence of a (what would you like to call it?) more engaging social/sexual partner, they'll settle these, as you put it, "dumb shits".

And I believe this thread is a perfect example of that.

Erm thanks!

Id be happy to receive a good educator via fedex

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thanks. I just don't get the 'need' to punish that some Doms have. My philosophy is that if I've agreed to submit to you already, you don't need to set me up with an unrealistic expectation, so I'll fail, just so you can punish me. If you want to do the action that some would consider punishment, whatever it might be, I have given you the right to do that without it being punishment.

My Dom is wise enough to understand how much I hate disappointing him. That I'm just as hard on myself as any punishment he'd give me. It's rarely an issue luckily.

I feel the same way... Trying to understand the 'why' of that particular MO makes me blow a gasket, much in the same way that cryptic crosswords and World 8 on Super Mario Bros do. It's just not something my brain can comprehend.

Well, I take that back, it can, but in a rather unflattering way. Lately, I've been considering that that whole "I'm going to 'punish' you for not sucking my cock properly" and the "I want to do X to you, so beg for it!" types are asking for permission, the all clear to perform such acts, in a round about way.

That works for some people, and doesn't work for others. It doesn't work for me, but if it floats your boat, then go find the yin to yang and live happily ever after.

I think it's a serious compatability issue and should be looked at, because it can cause people to come un done.

 

[DVS]

Erm thanks!

Id be happy to receive a good educator via fedex

If I could fit in one of their boxes and survive the trip, I'd ask for your mailing address. But, something tells me none of that is possible.

And I agree that those women are out there, but just saying go out and find them is being pretty simplistic. There's more to it than that. I first have to attract someone, before the topic can even be discussed. That's my first hurdle. I can't just kidnap one...well I could, and I'm more than willing to do so, but isn't that considered to be against the law?

So, how does one advertise such a thing? Mass attraction works best, I'd think. I don't think putting an ad in the paper (Disciplinarian for out of control women or those just needing some special attention. Satisfaction guaranteed).

 

[subish2009]

I feel the same way... Trying to understand the 'why' of that particular MO makes me blow a gasket, much in the same way that cryptic crosswords and World 8 on Super Mario Bros do. It's just not something my brain can comprehend.

Well, I take that back, it can, but in a rather unflattering way. Lately, I've been considering that that whole "I'm going to 'punish' you for not sucking my cock properly" and the "I want to do X to you, so beg for it!" types are asking for permission, the all clear to perform such acts, in a round about way.

That works for some people, and doesn't work for others. It doesn't work for me, but if it floats your boat, then go find the yin to yang and live happily ever after.

I think it's a serious compatability issue and should be looked at, because it can cause people to come un done.

That's very insightful...you might be on to something there.

It's a very thin line for my and my Ds in my relationships, but one that we all see pretty clearly; although, once in a while, I do have to clarify my feelings on it for my husband. I don't get punished ever. But I don't even like "punishments"/funishments for anything I've tried in earnest to do, but failed. Like the not-sucking-cock-properly example that you gave....neither of my Ds would do EITHER kind of punishment for that because it's the trying that matters to them. Now, if I refused to try, and not for a good reason, just being willful/petulant/bratty, that might get something closer to a punishment. Playful petulance/brattiness that we all enjoy? That gets us to the "punishments"/funishments, which we also all enjoy. Sounds complicated when I try to explain it, but in reality, for us, it's really not at all. It's just...instinct.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

But I don't even like "punishments"/funishments for anything I've tried in earnest to do, but failed.

I was reading a pro-Domme's website a little while back, and she talked about deliberately setting clients up to fail tasks to 'punish' them... it made me shudder in a heebie jeebies kind of way.

That stuff would just fuck with my head in the bad ways.

 

[DVS]

I was reading a pro-Domme's website a little while back, and she talked about deliberately setting clients up to fail tasks to 'punish' them... it made me shudder in a heebie jeebies kind of way.

That stuff would just fuck with my head in the bad ways.

Oh, but mind fucks are fun, when you're on the giving end of the stick. I understand the setting up to fail scenario. I've not done that, but I've made the task difficult enough so maybe the first couple of tries were unsuccessful and a little paddling (or violet wand) made the submissive work harder for success.

With a little pain and a little pleasure working against each other, and you make the goal just slightly out of reach, but not impossible. Ah, where's a willing submissive woman when I need one...like NOW!

 

[Beth87]

Oh, but mind fucks are fun, when you're on the giving end of the stick. I understand the setting up to fail scenario. I've not done that, but I've made the task difficult enough so maybe the first couple of tries were unsuccessful and a little paddling (or violet wand) made the submissive work harder for success.

With a little pain and a little pleasure working against each other, and you make the goal just slightly out of reach, but not impossible. Ah, where's a willing submissive woman when I need one...like NOW!

I guess it depends how much you like the punishment side of things Ive been flirting around the dom side recently as well..and can totally get the semi impossible task thing.

As a sub I dont like a lot of demeaning..it cuts close to the bone. But I know plenty of people who like that sort of talk. I find it difficult to be that "mean" so any tips for doing that would be useful.

The thing is Dom and sub relationships are interchangable, im finding. I dom because I know the sub likes it..its what they really want, even if its stretching my current boundaries. It feels a little like clocked subbing to be honest. I like being in control or the illusion of. But also love a good spanking myself.

 

[DVS]

I guess it depends how much you like the punishment side of things Ive been flirting around the dom side recently as well..and can totally get the semi impossible task thing.

As a sub I dont like a lot of demeaning..it cuts close to the bone. But I know plenty of people who like that sort of talk. I find it difficult to be that "mean" so any tips for doing that would be useful.

The thing is Dom and sub relationships are interchangable, im finding. I dom because I know the sub likes it..its what they really want, even if its stretching my current boundaries. It feels a little like clocked subbing to be honest. I like being in control or the illusion of. But also love a good spanking myself.

I don't like demeaning situations either. Just simple humiliation is the key. And not that much humiliation, either. It's really all in the mind of the individual. That's where the mind fuck comes in.

So, you are getting into the Dom side, huh? I guess we have a bit of a switch in you? More fun for you, I guess. You can go either way!

 

[Beth87]

I don't like demeaning situations either. Just simple humiliation is the key. And not that much humiliation, either. It's really all in the mind of the individual. That's where the mind fuck comes in.

So, you are getting into the Dom side, huh? I guess we have a bit of a switch in you? More fun for you, I guess. You can go either way!

Iam very accomodating of all..gender, style. Equal opportunities lol. I like the tease style mind fuck. Not the sadistic style punishment stuff. So ill bring in a bit of pain if I feel comfortable with the tease in that.

 

[DVS]

Iam very accomodating of all..gender, style. Equal opportunities lol. I like the tease style mind fuck. Not the sadistic style punishment stuff. So ill bring in a bit of pain if I feel comfortable with the tease in that.

It sounds interesting. And with me, the pain thing is a lot in the mind, too. Sure, there is a certain degree of pain involved, but the mind fuck will always make it seem more than it really is. Or the thought of what might come, if the task isn't completed as required, etc. Your mind can be used against you, and it can be a lot of fun, in the end.

I hope you continue to have fun in your new found adventures.

 

[Beth87]

It sounds interesting. And with me, the pain thing is a lot in the mind, too. Sure, there is a certain degree of pain involved, but the mind fuck will always make it seem more than it really is. Or the thought of what might come, if the task isn't completed as required, etc. Your mind can be used against you, and it can be a lot of fun, in the end.

I hope you continue to have fun in your new found adventures.

Thanks I was thinking of adapting this thread into a place to share my stuff. If you guys would like that?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Oh, but mind fucks are fun, when you're on the giving end of the stick. I understand the setting up to fail scenario. I've not done that, but I've made the task difficult enough so maybe the first couple of tries were unsuccessful and a little paddling (or violet wand) made the submissive work harder for success.

With a little pain and a little pleasure working against each other, and you make the goal just slightly out of reach, but not impossible. Ah, where's a willing submissive woman when I need one...like NOW!

That to me, would not be a mind fuck. It would just fuck me up.

I really don't need prodding to try hard. If I'm not trying hard enough, it's because I'm scared of something, and encouragement would get me there.

To me, a mind fuck would involve bondage, sensory dep, and being led to believe that something might happen, and then it not happening. Sharp objects are fun for that game. Or, the possible forced exposure to others. Or interrogation scenes. Or being treated very impersonally. Or. Or. Or.

*grins* It's hot when you find the ones that work for you.

 

[~Haze~]

Love happens when you least expect it. Sex too.

If I could fit in one of their boxes and survive the trip, I'd ask for your mailing address. But, something tells me none of that is possible.

And I agree that those women are out there, but just saying go out and find them is being pretty simplistic. There's more to it than that. I first have to attract someone, before the topic can even be discussed. That's my first hurdle. I can't just kidnap one...well I could, and I'm more than willing to do so, but isn't that considered to be against the law?

So, how does one advertise such a thing? Mass attraction works best, I'd think. I don't think putting an ad in the paper (Disciplinarian for out of control women or those just needing some special attention. Satisfaction guaranteed).

Of course it being overly simplistic... slightly. I agree that there are obstacles you have to overcome. If it was easy to find Miss Perfect (or Mister) then we'd be living happily ever after.

There are many obstacles, but very few of them are all that overwhelming - at least by itself. Deal with them one at a time. You have the benefit of knowing your ultimate objective so just work toward it - one obstacle at a time.

I don't mean to suggest that it's easy, but it's certainly worth the effort of going out there and trying.

And by mass attraction, are you referring to internet or personal ads? Yea, that's certainly one way to approach the situation, but it's not an approach that I'm all that fond of. At least or especially as your only possibility. Personal ads are going to limit your prospects to people who are looking for a similar end result. Some might see that as a good thing. Personally, I don't.

I believe, and I would hope many people would agree that love (or pick your word: lust, sex, attraction) happens when you least expect it. Often times when you're not even trying. By not going "out there" you're eliminating the possibility of that unintended encounter or discovering that unlikely attraction/friendship/affair.

There's just so much that can happen that can be planned for. What did you say? You have to attract someone before the topic can even be discussed? So attract someone and let the topic come up, or let the topic come up with someone you're not attracted to. Attraction can develop and doesn't have to be an instantaneous reaction.

Oh, and one thing to keep in mind. Don't underestimate the desire or willingness for people to explore and indulge something that they never tried before.