slave/sub requests

[Esclava]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

I kind of think a Dominant has the ability to read his submissive well enough to know if she is wanting or needing something like that. In her body language and the tone of her voice and things like that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am always allowed to express my feelings and tell him if there is something in particular I am craving, especially if it is something there is a good chance he would enjoy. In this instance it is expected I reveal my need. That does not necessarily mean he will grant me my desire and there are many times he refuses. I also tend to not so much ask for things as express I am in a particular mood which may make the experience more rewarding for both of us. There are times of desperation though when I may make an outright request, but as always, they are sometimes denied. I often find as much pleasure in the denial as the alternative when it may be granted. Gives him another opportunity to make me suffer which we both enjoy in our own particular ways.


Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

I do believe that it is wise to make requests and express your feelings. Of course, the final result is at the discretion of your Master and as such, you may find he delivers something different than expected. You may even find that HIS thoughts on the matter are more likely to meet your needs than what you think you need.

If that makes sense.,....

 

[MastrJ]

While what happens between a sub and Dom is for or at the Dom's pleasure in the end, I always wanted to hear about such things from my sub. A request like the one you mentioned would always be fulfilled if my sub had been good. As a Dom, I wanted to make sure that my sub's desires were as fulfilled as mine.

 

[Esclava]

While what happens between a sub and Dom is for or at the Dom's pleasure in the end, I always wanted to hear about such things from my sub. A request like the one you mentioned would always be fulfilled if my sub had been good. As a Dom, I wanted to make sure that my sub's desires were as fulfilled as mine.

Thank you for the responses! I hear that the desired request is granted at the Master's/Dom's pleasure - ALWAYS.

If the slave had been disobedient and spanking was the "normal" punishment for such, what might some other penalties be in lieu of a spanking or belting?

Esclava

 

[alonelygal]

.

 

[Esclava]

One that i have heard about but have yet to experience is the long torturous tease...not being permitted to find completion at
all...even though you get oh,so close...



~Course i would love it but don't tell Him...hmm...this thread has me wanting to be a bad girl~

Tut, tut, no topping from the bottom allowed ...

Esclava

 

[s'lara]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

i don't know who said this, but it isn't entirely accurate. Of course subs have needs and desires outside of pleasing their Master. There is the need to be used, to be humiliated, to be beaten, to be objectified to the point of serving as a toilet or ejaculate repository, etc. Sometimes it is just the need to be owned and allowed to please another. The fact that a sub wants only to please a Dominant is in itself a need/desire. Subs do have wants and desires which indirectly or directly serve their Masters/Mistress' needs. A pretty good arrangement for all concerned imo.

As for whether one voices those needs and how the verbalization of those needs are perceived, it truly is dependent upon the relationship between the sub and the Dominant. There is no template sub by which we must aspire to which defines us all. i also don't go in for the mind reading Dominant who is so omniscient, He/She can determine what their sub needs just by looking at them. While i do think the Dominant should be the only one to navigate the sub through those needs and desires and determine whether those needs and desires are met, i don't believe this can be achieved without some level of communication between the two parties.

If the Dominant allows this kind communication, then the Dominant should not be insulted if the sub vocalizes their needs provided they are presented in a respectful manner. No, i don't believe verbalizing those needs (e.g., a spanking) usurps the Dominant's control unless the Dominant specifically sets out conditions wherein the sub is not allowed to express those needs without permission. Again, it really is contingent on rules set out by the Dominant and how He/She conducts their relationship with their sub.

lara

 

[Netzach]

well said and reasoned as always lara.

But I'd add that subs sometimes have needs that aren't in harmony with the Dominant's desires, and there's always a weighing of priorities on the part of a sensitive and savvy dominant.

Like, maybe he wants to be spanked, I want to spank him, but he's getting way to used to being indulged all the time...so I don't, in this instance.

As a little example.

Not to even get into all the non-spanking needs that you start getting into once you bring jobs, finances, groceries and illnesses into the mix.

Me, I never mind a request like that. But I prefer the format of "Can we play tonight?" with that little twinkle in the eye over any kneeling kowtowing or presentation of the butt, where my personal little retinue of 2+ is concerned.

I could beat people all day long, though. Easily, I never tire of it, and I have a stronger drive than my boy does in that regard.

 

[alonelygal]

.

 

[Etoile]

Ditto Catalina completely on this one.

One time I asked to be whipped because I knew Daddy was going to be spending the night with my gf and I wanted em to prove that e loved me. It wasn't so much that I wanted the pain, it was just that I wanted eir careful attention - whipping is not something one can do casually, after all. I was well rewarded.

I suppose it could be said that I have also "asked" for punishment by disobeying. Recently my gf went to visit my Daddy for the weekend (they are in a much more equal relationship) and I was lonely, so I pleasured myself. I knew it was against the rules, but it was something I needed at the time so I accept the punishment that will come with it.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

A slave or a submissive would never search for and find a Mistress/Master/Dom if they had no needs or desires. So to expect said sub/slave to only be concerned only about the pleasure of the Mistress/Master/Dom would in reality be rediculous.
Sounds great in fantasy but in reality would be a significant bore.

I will occassionally fullfill such a request, if I am in the mood and feel My toy deserves such a treat. If the request is respectful and not manipulative. Even the way that you have posed the request can be both honest or manipulative. Tone of voice and body language will be the deal breaker for Me.

Good thread ~~smile~

 

[Esclava]

Re: Re: slave/sub requests

A slave or a submissive would never search for and find a Mistress/Master/Dom if they had no needs or desires. So to expect said sub/slave to only be concerned about the pleasure of the Mistress/Master/Dom would in reality be rediculous.
Sounds great in fantasy but in reality would be a significant bore.

I will occassionally fullfill such a request, if I am in the mood and feel My toy deserves such a treat. If the request is respectful and not manipulative. Even the way that you have posed the request can be both honest or manipulative. Tone of voice and body language will be the deal breaker for Me.

Good thread ~~smile~

Thank you, MShadowsdream. I can see how the posed request could be percieved as either honest or manipulative. I have a bit more freedom to speak to Master about my needs and desires, but always, ALWAYS - He makes the final decision.

I also hear that the fulfillment of such requests are, for the most part, contingent on slave's/sub's good behavior - as in it is a treat. Would there ever be a time when fulfillment as a treat was not the case - i.e., the slave/sub is in need of discipline, but Master/Mistress/Dom vascillates between issuing or not issuing it because the requested spanking might seem a reward? What action do you take then?

Esclava

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: slave/sub requests

Thank you, MShadowsdream. I can see how the posed request could be percieved as either honest or manipulative. I have a bit more freedom to speak to Master about my needs and desires, but always, ALWAYS - He makes the final decision.

I also hear that the fulfillment of such requests are, for the most part, contingent on slave's/sub's good behavior - as in it is a treat. Would there ever be a time when fulfillment as a treat was not the case - i.e., the slave/sub is in need of discipline, but Master/Mistress/Dom vascillates between issuing or not issuing it because the requested spanking might seem a reward? What action do you take then?

Esclava

IF the spanking was requested as a punishment because the sub/slave realized that they deserved or needed to be punished I may supply such spanking to put an end to the subject.
BUT said spanking would be so fast, hard and severe with no warm up that there would be no pleasure for My toy but there would be closure to the incident that caused My displeasure.

 

[Mr Blonde]

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

I usually invite a sub to discuss her thoughts and needs while we are not in the moment. So the next morning, I would invite her feedback on last night and get her thoughts on how it went. Most importantly, I do not accept extraneous "feedback" or "requests" during action. I do not need a director to guide me through my own plans. She has her safeword and can certainly speak if necessary, but I do not tolerate a running critique of what is happening while we are in the moment.

I am usually the one who initiates action but if she catches me at a neutral moment she is free to initiate...preferably in a low key manner. In those cases I prefer non-verbal cues, light begging or flirting. One ex-submissive used to crawl under my desk and lay against my feet. Another would get out all of the sex toys and start cleaning everything an extra time. (This was amusing, I would glance over at her and she would just be grinning....) Another ex-partner would leave cryptic notes (discernable only to us) on my phone or mailbox to remind of upcoming plans. Sometimes it has been "I have been thinking about XYZ all day long" or something of that sort whispered in my ear. A benign reminder like "why don't we go to bed?" or "how about we take a nap?" is also good. Anything like that is very reasonable.

If I recall, I was the only dominant in this forum who has "Type A" personality so let me add a bonus paragraph to cover that part of the spectrum. This next paragraph might be of interest to only the submissives unfortunate enough to have a dom/me like me.

I am only insulted if she attempts to initiate after I have told her I am unavailable. If I have explained I have deadlines or am exhausted, and she continues to persist, this usually means she lacks respect for me. I am not a workaholic but my life is unpredictable and sometimes I have a lot of work to do. I make efforts to limit the frequency and extent of these situations, but if a submissive wants someone with a regimented life that is 100% predictable....she probably does not want me as a partner. It was difficult but I have gotten good at communicating/sharing what is going on with me and maintaining a baseline of civil contact. I can manage normal conversations during a meal or genuinely inquire about her day but during these episodes I do not have enough left for extended interaction. I would feel very insulted and decide we are incompatible if she made a habit of bothering me after I had explained my circumstances. Just for reference, I am probably in a minor version of this behavior 25% of this time and exhibit major signs about 10% of the time.

 

[ownedsubgal]

such a request reeks of topping from the bottom to me...something a player in a "scene" would say to the player in the "Top" role....and not something i can imagine being said by an actual submissive much less a slave to an actual Dominant. of course, i could be wrong (wouldn't be the first time). in my union, if i desire a particular activity, and feel that i have been fairly well-behaved recently, i will very, VERY humbly share this desire with my Master when the time is appropriate (definitely not while he is using me or while i am serving him physically). He will listen to me, take it in, and decide whether or not he will grant me my desire. He must feel that i am deserving, must feel that i have not been overly spoiled by him lately, and also of course, most imporantly, it must be something he desires at least a little bit himself. sometimes he will say yes, but that does not mean that i will get whatever it is at that moment. not hardly. it means it will happen at some time. but he will just as easily deny me, which is his full right, and i never feel any resentment when a judgement does not go "my way"....after all, i am a slave.

 

[SweetDommes]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

We encourage our pets to ask for things that they want - with being in school, plus work and normal life, sometimes things get lost in the shuffle, not to mention that until we have gotten to know our pets entirely we may miss the signals that he is wanting something. If done in the proper form - requesting ... preferably begging ... it is not topping from the bottom, it is a pet asking for a treat - just like any other pet will do.

 

[s'lara]

such a request reeks of topping from the bottom to me...something a player in a "scene" would say to the player in the "Top" role....and not something i can imagine being said by an actual submissive much less a slave to an actual Dominant. of course, i could be wrong (wouldn't be the first time). in my union, if i desire a particular activity, and feel that i have been fairly well-behaved recently, i will very, VERY humbly share this desire with my Master when the time is appropriate (definitely not while he is using me or while i am serving him physically). He will listen to me, take it in, and decide whether or not he will grant me my desire. He must feel that i am deserving, must feel that i have not been overly spoiled by him lately, and also of course, most imporantly, it must be something he desires at least a little bit himself. sometimes he will say yes, but that does not mean that i will get whatever it is at that moment. not hardly. it means it will happen at some time. but he will just as easily deny me, which is his full right, and i never feel any resentment when a judgement does not go "my way"....after all, i am a slave.

Just a question osg. Is it the way the question was phrased that reeked of topping from the bottom? The reason i ask is because you also express your desires to your Master (humbly as you put it) and i don't see how your expression of desire and the question as put by Esclava are very different. Maybe i've missed something here. Also, the question as it stands isn't necessarily unique to "players" in a scene as you put it. While it definitely seems a bit manipulative and theatrical (a "Master, this one would very much like a spanking" would have sufficed), it doesn't mean an "actual submissive" won't or hasn't uttered those very words (you are obviously excluded from this group). Bottom line, however the need/desire is expressed (humbly or coy), the point is -- the sub has vocalized his/her wants and that is the common demoninator between Esclava's example and your shared desires with your Master.

As i said before, there is no template sub we should follow and if our personal ideas of how a submissive should address his/her Dominant differ from anothers, that doesn't make either one more right than the other. So, if you don't deign to talk to your Master utilizing those words, that doesn't make someone else who does a non-submissive or less actually submissive then yourself.

lara

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, s'lara

for wording your response better than I was able to do. Hence, I didn't post it.



Making requests isn't topping from the bottom, imho, if you accept the Dominant's response without negative reaction.

Making requests in an attempt to manipulate the situation is.

 

[shyly curious]

I have seen it stated, repeatedly, that slaves/subs have no needs or desires except to please their Master/Mistress/Dom. To that end, I have a question...

For Doms, how would you respond to the following "request" from your submissive, "Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure." Would you consider it an insult? Would you be angry at the sub and chastise them for even voicing such a desire? Would the manner of delivery make a difference (e.g.: kneeling at your feet in a position of humility)?

And for slaves/subs, would you ever voice such a request? How and when? Does voicing a request seem to usurp Master's
/Dom's authority?

Esclava

As a male submissive, I have needs, wants, and goals. It would be illogical for me, to enter a relationship that did not value and respect my desires. This would also be true if I was in a vanilla relationship, just change the specifics of the needs, wants, and goals.
As a human, with all the responsibilities of being the caretaker of my life, it is incumbent on me, to express my needs and see to trying to have them met.
As a relationship matures and evolves, my ability to express my needs expands. One part of that relationship growth is both parties learning how and when requests for certain activities can be made and in what fashion the requests are made.
My relationship with my Domme is rewarding because we do find ways that my submission and her dominace flow into a unified set of desires that reward us both.
I could not imagine settling for less then being a valued sub with my own voice and my own desires.

respectfully offered for comment, shy

 

[Etoile]

Re: Thank you, s'lara

Yes indeed, very well said s'lara.

osg, nice to see you back! Haven't heard much from you lately.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Just a question osg. Is it the way the question was phrased that reeked of topping from the bottom? The reason i ask is because you also express your desires to your Master (humbly as you put it) and i don't see how your expression of desire and the question as put by Esclava are very different. Maybe i've missed something here. Also, the question as it stands isn't necessarily unique to "players" in a scene as you put it. While it definitely seems a bit manipulative and theatrical (a "Master, this one would very much like a spanking" would have sufficed), it doesn't mean an "actual submissive" won't or hasn't uttered those very words (you are obviously excluded from this group). Bottom line, however the need/desire is expressed (humbly or coy), the point is -- the sub has vocalized his/her wants and that is the common demoninator between Esclava's example and your shared desires with your Master.

As i said before, there is no template sub we should follow and if our personal ideas of how a submissive should address his/her Dominant differ from anothers, that doesn't make either one more right than the other. So, if you don't deign to talk to your Master utilizing those words, that doesn't make someone else who does a non-submissive or less actually submissive then yourself.

lara

i agree wholly with your last paragraph lara...i never meant to imply that there is any one single "way" for a submissive to be, nor do i think of myself or my own submissiveness as any sort of barometer by which to judge the submissiveness of others.

now to answer your question, regarding the wording of the request....i wouldn't say it's simply the wording (though that definitely was like a scrape of nails against a blackboard for me), but moreso the personality one would have to have in order to make such a request, worded that particular way:

"Master/Sir/Ma'am, this one desires a spanking at your pleasure."

imo, that would be akin to saying..."i want a spanking, and i want a spanking now"...not merely stating a request (a desire for a spanking, in this case), but obviously speaking under the assumptions that 1. the Dominant involved desires to spank them; and 2. that they will, or should, receive something merely because they desire it...as if the relationship is one where the physical activities engaged in are intended for the mutual pleausure of both. that is why i likened it to a "player" situation. notice there is not even a question in the statement of the desire. it is simply "this is what i want, give it to me." which is a perfectly fine and acceptable attitude when neither partner has any power over the other, when it's "just for fun". but i personally can't even daydream that kind of scenario occuring between a Dominant and a submissive, much less an Owner and a slave. but then again i readily acknowledge the fact that many things occur every hour of every day that i cannot imagine.

i definitely do not view my making a request of my Master to be in any way similar to making such a statement as in the original post. one is almost a demand, waiting like the cheshire cat to be pleased; while the other is the nervous, fearful, shy admission of a desire, with no expectations.

 

[MissTaken]

Hmm I guess I didn't read into the wording that it had teh timbre of being a demand.

"at your pleasure" seemed in keeping with who is in control and who is not.

Further, I would assume esclava's physical demeanor would be one of a humble submissive when making such a request. Her body language would portray some of those qualities that her text does not.

But thank you for clarifying, osg.

 

[Etoile]

I'm curious, osg - if the original wording isn't right for you, what words would you use?