SkylineBLue's Moral support thread

[TNRkitect2b]

This thread is intended to allow her and others to ask questions and give suggestions on the best way to achieve goals those while not losing any of the subbie tendencies that make her who she is.

For now, she is wanting to work on:

1: Becoming more assertive at work

2: Becoming more assertive socially

Any suggestions people?

 

[Krinaia]

Okay, that sub of yours is a very lucky girl because you're so wonderful to start the very thread for me that I wanted to start for myself

So thanks big time...

And just so everyone knows... my roommate/co-worker is pursuing (as a friend, she has a serious boyfriend 6 hours away) the guy she knows I have a crush on (also a co-worker). In fact, she's been sort of belittling my crush with her attitude. And ignoring my claim on him with comments like, "Well I can want to be friends with him." Which wsa in response to, "It should have been me asking for his phone number."

Which... why wasn't it?!

But I could definitely use support, and lots of compliments. Lol...

But I feel selfish and catty for disliking what she's doing in regards to the co-worker I'm crushing on because I'm also talking to someone in the lifestyle and I think he's pretty cool. And then there is an older dom that has taken interest in me and that I think is worth at least meeting.

But I'm single, she isn't. She should step aside... right?!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Sky, I have been advising you for some time to step up to the plate and ask Mr. Work Dude out for lunch or whatever.

Roomate girl doesn't have to DO anything. She is not your issue.

YOU, my dear, need to get some cojones and stop procrastinating and MOVE on it.

You want to go out with this man? Then stop procrastinating and ask him out for beer and pool as you told me you intended. Not doing anything, or expecting her to just step aside, will get you....

A roomate with a date with said co-worker. Just YOU and him.

You are worthy. Just DO it.

~anelize

 

[Krinaia]

Definitely.... okay, tomorrow I have to stop by work... so I'll send him an email asking him out! That way, I'm sure to have said date... and to be able to ask without his engineer co-workers overhearing and without anne overhearing and inviting herself!

Works?

Or email is a no-no?

 

[Quint]

Just here to offer my moron support!

....er, wait.

Go get 'im, tiger!

 

[Desdemona]

I made suggestions in the first thread she started asking for help at work.

 

[lapinova]

as a sub that has had to learn the hard way over and over how to assert myself at work... i know exactly how you feel.
i discovered that faking it was a good way to make it happen.
That'll probably sound lame, but it's the truth... i discovered that 99.9% of the time, people can't tell the difference. When i first started at my workplace, i found myself busting my tail trying to please everyone... which meant i was used a lot and put in a lot of hours and a great deal of effort. Eventually, the hard work i was putting in was noticed by the boss, and i ended up being promoted to supervisor... and felt completely unprepared for it. Sure, i was working hard. Sure, i was reliable... but i had been on the bottom of the pecking order and suddenly jumped up to a spot where i had to learn to stand up for myself and how to stand up to people who'd been there longer than i was. The woman who'd been my supervisor when i began... had stepped down from the position, and i was suddenly in authority over her. Given minimal guidance as to how to make the adjustment, i started faking it. Any time my logic dictated i had to be strong and my heart wasn't really in it- i just bluffed my way through. Eventually, i found it became much easier.
i've done all right, and learning how to carry myself there has carried into my personal life as well. my responsibilities and status have increased steadily, and i don't get pushed around as much. i have learned to say "NO".
i still have to psyche myself up a bit if i have to send someone home with a warning, or even worse, fire someone... but it takes less fakery now than it did. i am still who i am, i am still completely a sub... which means i think before taking drastic actions and only do it when it's important. i hate doing things like that, but in many ways, that works well... it means i won't ever do it out of some sick power trip because i enjoy it, and it means i will only do it when it is well deserved and necessary. i even learned how to stand up to my boss! What my point boils down to is this... if i can do it, you can do it. Even if you don't feel it, if you act as if you do, no-one will be the wiser because you'll still get the same result. And once you see those results and have the satisfaction of thinking... "hey, i did that!", you'll find that it is easier the next time.


Of course... every time i have to put my foot down and act all strong and boss-ish, i find that when i get home i have the strongest desire to be spanked senseless. Just my subbie self compensating for acting in such a contrary way, i guess.

 

[Netzach]

I have a suggestion, wacky as all hell....for the work, not the dating part...

picture your ideal Dom.

Picture him at work, how he interacts with co-workers, how he carries himself, how he thinks before talking and exerts subtle control and influcence...right?


Now, just pretend to be him. Method actor style...channel De Niro and just manifest that mofo.

What would the suave ideal stud Dominant do?

I swear this can work, and you never know where it might take you.

 

[James G 5]

shouldn't this be an IMMORAL support thread?

 

[TNRkitect2b]

well, that sort of support is always welcome

 

[catalina_francisco]

Mmmmm, I hate to be a damp blanket but work and pleasure are a disastrous mix. You get a date, you might even get more than a goodnight kiss at some point, things go bad down the track and maybe not so pleasant, so then added to trying to find your feet in a new career and company you have to deal with the emotional undercurrents of romantic fallout with someone you have to work with and see everyday. Those situations are difficult to remain professional in, especially when everything is new to you, and the pain of love/like/lust gone wrong is increased tenfold. Of course it could all work out peachey romantically, but that also can create problems in the workplace not just for the two of you, but other co-workers which it seems is already happening before anything gets started. Take care.

Catalina

 

[Krinaia]

Anelize - you're right you're right, I know you are. ARG! I did last night, set up a date/meeting with a dominant I've been talkign with online. We're meeting for coffee Monday. And I do have my safecall and all that.


Des - I do realize that there was another thread of similar nature... but I hardly think reminding me of that will make this thread disappear and it isn't very condusive to helping me feel better and stronger if you make me feel bad because a friend did something to help me out.


Vego - thanks for the input!! I've been trying to do that, offering my help to anyone whenever I can... and hope to start putting in overtime soon (1 - for the money and 2 - for the reputation of being able to go the extra mile) . I think perhaps too, its not just assertiveness that I'm dealing with at work... with so many men, they have a difficult time sometimes reigning in the part of themselves that tells dirty jokes and makes somewhat lewd remarks about sex/farting...men things. And I'll admit, sometimes, I want to pee my pants it's so funny, or join in the revelry - but most the time, they don't realize I do think it's funny. I'm not sure of what is appropriate in this case.

And I too was once in a supervisor position. Back in my high school retail days - I was a cashier that worked hard, never stood still and was always finding ways to keep busy to make the time go faster. I was promoted to supervisor. And boy was that tough! But not because the work was necessarily harder but because I was younger than most the people under me, and because I had to deal with angry customers MUCH more often and make decisions. I did fairly well really. I even dealt with one or two women that resented me because I was younger and white and overweight in charge. But at the same time, when it came time for my raise, my raise wasn't as much as it could have been because I wasn't "Bitchy" enough... but I'm the only supervisor I know of that the other kids I worked with ever threw a going away party for.

So I guess, maybe I need to rechannel the part of me that was able to do that - except that I was pretty unaware of myself at that point in my life... I was only 17... not that 22 is all that much more mature but it feels it. But the fact that I was so young and so clueless about what was happening to me - makes it hard for me to refind that bit of myself.


NZ - Can I picture you instead? Lol... do tell me how you interact with people at your work...


Catalina - I know! It's so bad to have a crush on a co-worker. And it makes me very unsure whether I should act on it. Common sense says no but everytime I pass him or he looks me in the eye, I want to jump him. And I have very expressive eyes, I can't lie - and I'm not completely unsure he hasn't already read the lust there. If I knew he wasn't interested, I'd be fine and just looking to make a friend in a town I'm unfamiliar with and I would be less concerned about competing with my roommate for his friendship because I would know I was a hell of a lot more fun than she was. I don't know, maybe that would be the best. But unless he does something tha tmakes me dislike him, and makes the crush disappear, for me at least - this sexual tension and uncertainity is going to continue.

 

[Desdemona]

Skyline, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or to make this thread disappear. I'm merely pointing out that I already gave you my advice should you wish to look it up. I'm too lazy to retype it.

 

[FungiUg]

Do I want to support Skyline's morals? This is the question I keep asking myself...

 

[Krinaia]

Friday, Jan 30th - I have decided to meet a local dominant of much experience on a blinddate and have negotiated an evening and time and arranged my safecalls except for where we will meet.

12:00noon on Monday - the dominant and I decide on a coffee shop and I let my safecall know the place, location, and all that other good stuff.

8:00pm on Monday - he and I chat briefly and I hit the road - looking VERY sexy, my hair was perfect by the way.

8:15 - I am completely lost but not yet late. Suddenly my phone rings. I answer it without looking, thinking its my safecall but it isn't, it's my date. His car is having trouble starting and he asks if I would be comfortable moving the location of our meeting. He tells me the whereabouts of where he lives and tells me to find some place, clal him, and let him know where I'll be. My safecall isn't alarmed so I did just that.

9:05 - I've called my date to let him know where to meet me. I've called my safecall to let him know where I am.

9:15 - the bartender has noticed my waiting, the hostess has given me sympathetic glances.

9:30 - the bartender is displaying evident curiosity and watching me closely. the hostess is avoiding eye contact now.

9:32 - unable to sit still, I move into the breezeway. Then out onto the patio/front walk where, I stand jut out of the rain, letting big drops of water fall into my open palm as I call my safecall, then watch cars.

9:46 - i walk to my car, get in, and let my safecall i know, i've given up

9:48 - I pull into a gas station to check my oil and recieve a call from my date - his car completley won't start and he had to call AAA - he apologizes profusely. So profusely, that I had to ask him to stop aologizing.

9:54 - I cuss as I step in a puddle and slowly, the water creeps up my leg.

9:58 - I tromp back into the gas station - to ask the attendent for help as I am unable to reach the oil cap well enough to screw it back in. What with the heels and nice jacket .... the bes tI could do was get it in the right spot but not push in a twist - fucking suvs - the disgruntled gas station attendent says i'll have to wait...so a man in a flannel jacket offers help and at 9:59, pushed my oil cap back in.

10:25 - I'm back home, and imming him to let him know, let them both know, that I got home safely.

10:44 - We begin arranging another date.

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Sky sometimes unexpected things happen. Keep your chin up and move on. Arrange another meeting (if you desire). You could have him call you when he is there and wait for you to arrive if it would make you feel more comfortable. The bottom line is that you did everything right.

You didn't offer to go to his place. You were "patient" and waited. Chaulk it up to an experience, but don't let it color what might or could be.

If you need me, I am here to talk. I know how you are feeling.

~A~

(HUGS YOU TIGHTLY)

 

[Saint_Sinner]

WOW..............
I have no idea if I even have the right to be posting on this thread, I don't know if it crosses into the realm of invasion of privacy. Skyline..........let me know if it's ok with you. If it's not, then tell me if it's ok for me to even be reading it, because I don't want you to feel I'm invading your privacy. -Saint-

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Well, SB is going to her first munch tonight. It took some persuading, but I and Mystiq talked her into going solo. We all need to wish her luck!

 

[Krinaia]

It was.... I dunno. I was welcomed and the hostess gave me her seat which was across the table from a young couple from a neighboring town. They were very friendly and we had an interesting conversation. When they left, I got a signed book from what I think was definitely a dominant male who had just written his first book and then left myself. I sort of just glanced around the room, saw no one was really paying any attention to me and slipped out the door.

Only a few things of notice took place - 3 of which I will share. First, the dominant male of the couple I chatted with asked me a lot of questions and he asked me one that I found amusing and telling of my own shyness/submissive nature/weird girlness... he asked me if I always answered questions ambigiously until pressed for a better answer. I sort of just looked at him wide-eyed and said yes.... lol.

The second being, his grilfriend/submissive/slave/what-have-you called him Sir several times and (aside from normal southern use of the word tnr ), it was the first time I'd ever heard someone actually, in person, address another as Sir with that sort of connotation. And it felt odd. But it also, somehow felt right. And I think I may have paled or blushed.

The third, as they left, he stood up and asked if I was was a hugging person. I was struck by sudden bluntness and honesty and told him no. Truth being, I don't like hugging strangers - it takes me time to allow people into my private space like that. So we shook hands, which I also dislike but hey, better than a hi-five. I just feel that I have a weak handshake...but anyhow, it was a moment of openness and ... well, i know he isn't my dominant and that i won't and will never submit to the fellow, but i felt somehow, in role or something... if that makes sense at all.

Oh and by the way, I went to the munch because that guy never got back to me on where or when we'd meet. But as luck would have it, I have a date of sorts with another male tomorrow... though he's also casually dating another girl. But hell, I'd just be glad for a friend in the area that I can hang out with.

 

[MystiqDrgn]

I am so glad you went. You took a big step. The next munch will be easier and you will get to know more and more people. I am sooooo proud of you ~HUGS~ (I don't care if you aren't the hugging type lol)

~His and His alone~

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Which guy?

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Which guy?

Right now, there is no one... everyone is too far away for her or their schedules just don't match up or they just don't seem interested... I should know, I keep hearing the complaints

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Just wondering if this mystery man might be me...........

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Just wondering if this mystery man might be me...........

Do you want it to be?

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Yes I want to be on the list. Am I for her? That has yet to be determined. Besides, interest has to be a two way street.