Skinny-dipping...

[Noor]

I think he is being unreasonable. You explained and I assumed you are not planning to do it again. I don't understand why he can't let it go and must question your future together over this. If I were you I would be question YOUR future with him.

He is resorting to emotional blackmail and the terms seem to be that he expects you to know what will upset him without his ever speaking about it or else. You should not have to be a mind reader and it is unfair of him to expect you to be. You are not his property, you are a person with free will, you may agree to act according to his wishes but your body does not belong to him, not his possession that has been defiled because you went skinny dipping.

I won't even go into the snide comments stuff.

Okay I am grumpy, and I have had it with people blaming others for their bad behavior and unreasonable expectations, but I really do thing you have a deeper problem here.

 

[Wantonica]

Hello Everyone,

I've been sidetracked by the weekend, and just had the chance to look over new comments. There seems to be a repetition of two themes: counseling and 'emotional blackmail'. I can certainly agree with the counseling, as I've gone before and it was very helpful. My guy has previously talked with a friend of ours (a criminal psychologist) regarding his feelings about past relations, and it became obvious to her that he was deeply disturbed by the ways he was treated. I shall suggest counseling to him, and see how he reacts. As for the marriage comment, we have always had certain (legal) issues that prohibit us from marrying anytime soon, and were content with a promise to one another: he would propose when the time was right, and I would say yes. In other words, by saying he was going to wait longer to ask me to marry him, he was extending the time limit on something that he cannot possibly know the time limit of at this point. He must have said it because he was questioning our future, as was pointed out. Yes, a good reason to be counseled, so this doesn't happen again in another situation. Certainly not another one like this, since I am never going to expose myself in public again (except in places like the shower rooms at the beach or health club -- must make that clear), since it is important to my man.

The weekend was much better. Having the son over proved extremely helpful, as we always have a great time with him. The two of them still referred to me as the 'almost' stepmom, and during a movie, I heard my guy comment that when the two of us get married, he wants to have a song played that was being sung on the show. The next day, he committed a major faux pas himself. We were watching a video I had made of a group of relatives erecting a barn, and after that portion was over, it showed him following me around the house. I said, "Turn it off!", but it was too late. His son got a look at me flashing the camera. *sigh* After we took the boy home, we learned that my man's friends now know about my indiscretion, and went home to another discussion, but much shorter and more reasonable than previously. I think he's getting over it, and we'll be able to concentrate on underlying issues now.

You all did a wonderful job of helping me put things into perspective, and I thank you for it yet again.

Hugs,
Wantonica

 

[DuckLover]

You all did a wonderful job of helping me put things into perspective, and I thank you for it yet again.

Hugs,
Wantonica

Heck, that's why many of us are here-- to help each other gain new perspectives of the happenings of our lives. I'm sure I speak for many others when I say I'm glad that my/our comments helped you; it's certainly the best any of us can hope for when posting.

I'm glad the situation seems to be improving and I wish you great success with the counseling!

 

[Eightdegrees]

Longer till he asks

Having said that and being the one to keep bringing it up he has tipped himself off as having a problem with more than just the skinnydipping. I would guess, and keep in mind its just a guess, that he has a commiment issue. I don't know if its a general issue or an issue specific to you but I would say he's just using the skinnydipping to express his problem. In typical guy style he probably doesn't even know what this problem is.
I wouldn't say he needs counseling though. He's just a scared guy. In fact going by just what I've read here I would say he was probably close to popping the question before all this and is now scared that you may not be commited to him. I know that would be a big jump in logic on his part but he is a man and we do that sometimes. If that is the case what he needs know is just reassurance.

That's just my two cents and I expect change.

 

[SexyGiggles]

As for the marriage comment, we have always had certain (legal) issues that prohibit us from marrying anytime soon, and were content with a promise to one another: he would propose when the time was right, and I would say yes. In other words, by saying he was going to wait longer to ask me to marry him, he was extending the time limit on something that he cannot possibly know the time limit of at this point.

Just out of curiosity, are the legal issues something he has control over? Can he delay the solution of them? Or can he, by not doing anything, lengthen them? Perhaps this is what he had in mind when he said it....

 

[Wantonica]

Eightdegrees
Here's your change... (By the way, I have a miniature piggy bank on my desk which contains 2 cents.) You are right, he does have commitment issues, and has been trying very hard to get over them. I did a huge disservice to his attempts by my actions, and am doing my best to provide reassurance.

SexyGiggles
The legal issues are in the form of a tax situation, and the resolution is a slow and tedious process. We have been working on it with the assistance of a firm for almost a year already, and have no idea whether the final resolve will take months, a year, longer than that... We are unable to consider marriage until he has the situation settled, as my assets would then be seized. To answer your question, no, he cannot control how long this takes; only the negotiations between the firm and the government determine the timing.

Happy day to all,
Wantonica

 

[Eightdegrees]

Thanks for my change

Seriously I hope you two work it out. You seem to truly love him.