Size Matters

[Justfantasies]

Well yes size does matter, especially at the extremes. It’s not the only thing or even the most important thing but it isn’t irrelevant.

Ever notice that when asked the question directly most women obfuscate. Instead of just saying no we talk about how other things are more important. And that is true but if it didn’t matter at all we would just say no. For sure I have been with big cocked guys that weren’t very good and smaller cocked guys that were great. But if I can have it all in one package I’ll take 8”-9” as part of that package please.

I suppose some people can say that is shallow. But we all make some superficial judgments don’t we? We talk about what’s inside yet somehow the beautiful people end up with other beautiful people. And virtually all of us are more attracted to some people than others. Personality is part of it to be sure but in most cases it isn’t all of it. Just listen to the next person who judges others for being superficial and see how often they date people below their league or 1-10 rating.

You are a wise woman! Fortunately experience and sexual attitudes also work in getting a woman to have sex with you and they (almost always anyway) get better with age.

 

[Justfantasies]

"And that is kind of how monogamy makes the size thing into an issue. With monogamy it isn’t enough to enjoy each partner for what they are, we are expected to pretend one is the absolute best to the exclusion of all others. It isn’t small dick or big dick, tofu or beef that presents the problem. It is the compulsion to pretend.[/QUOTE]

Completely agree. There is not much a guy can do about his cock size (not really), but he can develop his confidence to a point where his wife or GF enjoys other cocks and it isn't such a big deal.

 

[Smallchange4]

"And that is kind of how monogamy makes the size thing into an issue. With monogamy it isn’t enough to enjoy each partner for what they are, we are expected to pretend one is the absolute best to the exclusion of all others. It isn’t small dick or big dick, tofu or beef that presents the problem. It is the compulsion to pretend.

Completely agree. There is not much a guy can do about his cock size (not really), but he can develop his confidence to a point where his wife or GF enjoys other cocks and it isn't such a big deal.[/QUOTE]

Saved my marriage (at least extended it for a few years) and kept a subsequent relationship going for longer than perhaps it would have

 

[Justfantasies]

Thanks to Policywank

My previous post contains a quote from policywank -- for some reason it references me

 

[policywank]

It's a mix really. It's very similar to how women experience body dysmorphia except it's something that isn't easily changeable. It's often something that porn and media pushes that to have a bigger penis makes for a better lover. Both pushes that level of expectation that to few are capable of accomplishing.

Honestly, what's disappointing is that no guy can choose the size of their penis at birth, by the same token, no one can choose what body their born into. It's a shame that people feel inadequacy about something that they didn't choose to have.

Great lovers are taught to fully utilize what they have.

I think that is right.

The reality is that none of us is the perfect specimen. We have to accept who we are, play to our strengths and spend our time with people who accept us and want the "package" of characteristics that we offer.

However, I might argue that women are in some ways at the opposite end of the spectrum from men in terms of how we are regarded by society. We are graded on every aspect of our appearance and sex appeal including the most insignificant things. Men can be deemed attractive with far less scrutiny of any flaws and in fact active denial of the presence or possibility of any possible shortcomings. Whereas women know that their husbands find a great rack to be appealing but don't want to hear about it, men want to be actively deluded that their wife wouldn't find a bigger dick appealing. Most of us tend to pair up with people of similar "ratings". Call that shallow if you like but you don't see too many 3s dating 10s. A great rack can move a woman up 2 or 3 notches. The same (albeit perhaps to a lesser degree) applies to cock size. Again the main difference is in the willingness to admit it.

I think I am drifting way off topic here now. So back to the original question. Look at every answer in this thread that isn't a "yes size matters." Not one is a "No it doesn't". All are variations on the common theme of the man's ability to "make up for it in other ways." If the answer was "no" there would be nothing to make up for.

My ongoing paradox is why is it such a big deal? Why among all the openly acknowledged and accepted physical preferences is this one subject to so much avoidance and denial?

Ok I am going to go off topic here. Part of the reason this matters to me is that injustice, aggression, violence and abuse are often rooted in insecurity and denial. From a woman's point of view an insecure man looking too prove his manhood is very dangerous. A culture that says that a small dick makes you less of a man then directly or indirectly encourages you to make it up in other ways is toxic.

Notice how the guys who want to obfuscate the answer feel the need to tell us how expert they are with their hands or mouth and the consistency of their partner's orgasms. That is often part of the need to "make up for" a small penis. If that argument doesn't win the day it often gets ratcheted up. Next it will go to how big the woman's box is or her shallowness for being hung up on a physical feature. Those who realize how unseemly it is to disparage so directly will do it indirectly by claiming themselves to be more mature and evolved. That approach has the added benefit (for them) of building up the premise that their opinion reflects greater wisdom and is therefore more valid and supersedes all others.

Regardless of the line of thinking or nature of their argument some of those guys simply cannot get to the place of accepting that it is a fact of life that some women prefer a bigger dick and there is nothing wrong with that. At best they can accept the fact of it and demonize the woman which validates their hostility. The alternative would be to re-examine their own perception of their manhood as dictated to them by men and some simply aren't man enough to do that.

......that is half the reason women try so hard to avoid answering the question.....we have been conditioned to obfuscate as a matter of self preservation.....

 

[liqueur]

Ok I am going to go of topic again here. Part of the reason this matters to me is that injustice, aggression, violence and abuse are often rooted in insecurity and denial. From a woman's point of view an insecure man looking too prove his manhood is very dangerous. A culture that says that a small dick makes you less of a man then directly or indirectly encourages you to make it up in other ways is toxic.

......that is half the reason women try so hard to avoid answering the question.....we have been conditioned to obfuscate as a matter of self preservation.....

Again, perfectly stated, and perfectly on-target. One of a thousand ways society encourages males to be dominant and potentially violent toward women.

 

[policywank]

You are a wise woman! Fortunately experience and sexual attitudes also work in getting a woman to have sex with you and they (almost always anyway) get better with age.

Interesting choice of words "getting a woman to have sex with you." I know it is just a turn of phrase and I don't mean to infer anything in terms of your intent. It just strikes me as a good reference for another point.

We want to have sex with you (well I don't know you personally but sure let's just go with that). Guys seem to approach us on the basis that we need to be convinced to want sex and often when we do it is in spite of (not because of) your approach, lol. It is like guys get together and try to figure out among themselves what women want without asking women. Or if they do ask a woman they ask one woman and assume she speaks for all 3.5 billion of us. Sure women have common cause just like any other identifiable group, but we are every bit as unique and individual as men.

I remember when I was in my late teens dating a guy who was Mr. Nice. He bought me flowers and wooed me and we made gentle love together. Then I dumped him for a bad boy who fucked me roughly. The first guy was offended and hurt. But it was a growing experience for him. My message to him at the time was something like this....."Your mom doesn't know what I want just because we both have vaginas. You have no right to assume what I want based upon what you heard in church or saw on the Disney channel. The other guy isn't using me or taking advantage of me - I wanted to be spanked and fucked roughly. I don't want him to be my boyfriend and I am thrilled that he isn't chasing me with flowers and trying to sing me a ballad. I probably won't see him again for a couple weeks and I sincerely hope that at that point all we do is have a few drinks and fuck again. I tried to tell you what I want but you were too busy immersing yourself in sappy ideas of what I am supposed to want.....listening to everyone but me. If you respect me.....actually respect ME.....you will accept me exactly as I am not as male society tells me to be."

It brings to mind comment I saw on here months ago. The topic was about how guys treat women. And one guy was a very old fashioned type of person and took the strident "this is the way I was raised so this is the way I will do it no matter what anyone says." To me his idea of respect was fundamentally disrespectful. It started from the premise that their is one universal idea of the way people want to be treated that supersedes any individual's actual preference. It doesn't matter what the parameters are - if you are telling a woman how she should be treated rather than listening to her then you are not respecting her.

 

[whenagain]

Interesting choice of words "getting a woman to have sex with you." I know it is just a turn of phrase and I don't mean to infer anything in terms of your intent. It just strikes me as a good reference for

I remember when I was in my late teens dating a guy who was Mr. Nice. He bought me flowers and wooed me and we made gentle love together. Then I dumped him for a bad boy who fucked me roughly. The first guy was offended and hurt. But it was a growing experience for him. My message to him at the time was something like this....."Your mom doesn't know what I want just because we both have vaginas. You have no right to assume what I want based upon what you heard in church or saw on the Disney channel. The other guy isn't using me or taking advantage of me - I wanted to be spanked and fucked roughly. I don't want him to be my boyfriend and I am thrilled that he isn't chasing me with flowers and trying to sing me a ballad. I probably won't see him again for a couple weeks and I sincerely hope that at that point all we do is have a few drinks and fuck again. I tried to tell you what I want but you were too busy immersing yourself in sappy ideas of what I am supposed to want.....listening to everyone but me. If you respect me.....actually respect ME.....you will accept me exactly as I am not as male society tells me to be."

Damn.

 

[SlutAddicted]

It's a mix really. It's very similar to how women experience body dysmorphia except it's something that isn't easily changeable. It's often something that porn and media pushes that to have a bigger penis makes for a better lover. Both pushes that level of expectation that to few are capable of accomplishing.

Honestly, what's disappointing is that no guy can choose the size of their penis at birth, by the same token, no one can choose what body their born into. It's a shame that people feel inadequacy about something that they didn't choose to have.

Great lovers are taught to fully utilize what they have.

The notion that each of us can be anything we want to be isn't literally true. It is a nice sentiment that is used to motivate and encourage us to be the best possible version of ourselves or at least not to let outside forces discourage us. But it isn't literally true.

Most people reading this cannot be starting centre for the Lakers - even if you applied yourself to that solely since birth you probably don't have what it takes. As nibbles96 noted it is not rationale to try to construct a false narrative that you can overcome your lack of speed and jumping ability with a great outside shot - as if nobody else could have all of those things.

In most aspects of life this little delusion is mostly positive. And if we don't become that person that we ideally wanted to be we just think "oh well I guess I just didn't want it bad enough." But there are aspects of life where not being whatever we want to be induces blame and recrimination - against those who surpass us or those who tell us the truth.

Unfortunately this is a consistent feature of sexual relationships. Every wife is supposed to make her man feel like he is a great lover - well it just isn't always true. There are most certainly many things that one can do to be a better lover and most of them are possible for most men. Hopefully few of us are doomed to being lousy lovers. But we cannot simply will ourselves into having certain physical gifts and we cannot simply eliminate the merits of any such gift by substituting something else.

Many women don't put substantial emphasis on cock size. Most women look at the whole package and don't expect everything to be perfect. Maybe they are very accepting.....and mostly they aren't perfect either so you both accept trade-offs. And of course when it comes to cock size it isn't simply bigger is better. There is such a thing as too big or too small and just right.

The reason I emphasize this so much is that I think that we as men diminish our sexual relations by trying to compel women to deny reality. And reality is that all other things being equal she would like to have it all.....the same as you would like to have it all as a man. She and you accept all kinds of compromises for love (or practicality) and each person has their own priorities in a lover. So there is no reason you should get too hung up on not having a big dick.

But that is not the same as pretending it is utterly irrelevant. And wrapping your ego up in pretending that it is can be very destructive to relationships.

We can't all be great lovers any more than we can all be great at any endeavour. At most we can all be a good lover to our chosen partner.

Many of the fallacies that surround relationships are part of a male dominated society which seeks to control women. When a guy fucks his smoking hot mistress, nobody pretends that it isn't quite possible that she wasn't hotter and more appealing than his wife. And nobody pretends that if she just tried hard enough his wife could be all of those things or could somehow be good enough at one thing that it would outweigh all of the other woman's skills and attributes. We can look at it and expect him to control himself or see the big picture or act more honourably.....but we don't try to pretend that there isn't the possibility that from a purely sexual point of view the other woman was simply better at a level that is beyond the reach of the wife.

By trying to make women pretend that a stud with a bigger cock couldn't possibly be a better lover we are asking her to lie to us. And deep down we know it is a lie. That is why these comments also try to very hard to pretend otherwise. And if you look behind a lot of relationship abuse you'll find the same reason - some guy trying desperately to be whatever he wants to be by making her pretend it is true.

 

[sterculius]

Although I don't obsess about it day and night, I do feel envious of men with endowments larger than my own diminutive penis. With women, I'm able to compensate for my lack of size by having perfected my oral talents enabling me to provide my female lovers with the strongest orgasms many of them have ever experienced. I'm able to relate to the disappointment these women express upon viewing my inadequate penis as I'm somewhat of a size queen myself in that I enjoy giving deep throat blowjobs to men with large cocks. I delight in the exquisitely erotic sensation of having my throat distended while being stuffed full of thick, turgid cock, an experience I'm sadly incapable of providing to any other cocksuckers, male or female.

 

[Smallchange4]

Although I don't obsess about it day and night, I do feel envious of men with endowments larger than my own diminutive penis. With women, I'm able to compensate for my lack of size by having perfected my oral talents enabling me to provide my female lovers with the strongest orgasms many of them have ever experienced. I'm able to relate to the disappointment these women express upon viewing my inadequate penis as I'm somewhat of a size queen myself in that I enjoy giving deep throat blowjobs to men with large cocks. I delight in the exquisitely erotic sensation of having my throat distended while being stuffed full of thick, turgid cock, an experience I'm sadly incapable of providing to any other cocksuckers, male or female.

Although I also became much more proficient in the art of foreplay and oral sex I know more than a few women also like the enjoyment of a larger penis (particularly thicker) I also know that some are definitely aroused by the visual anticipation of a large member. A large flaccid cock is itself a turn on where as a tiny penis like mine can cause the opposite. I am aware that this occasionally has been a hurdle to getting as far as the opportunity of demonstrating my oral skills. I am likewise aware that prior knowledge that I have a very small penis is not a great selling point.

 

[whenagain]

It does seem like Policywank nails it— size is never the only, or even main, thing— but it does matter.

 

[policywank]

You can’t compensate for lack of size with great oral skills. Some women prefer oral skills to a large cock. Some are perfectly happy to sacrifice the big cock for better oral skills - but it is a sacrifice nonetheless and she would prefer to have both. And some women just really want that big dick.

Either way I personally think there is no “compensating”. If I order beef and you deliver chicken with a great recipe - I might love it but it still isn’t beef. I may even like your chicken better....sometimes. But there will still come a time when I want beef and if I know you don’t have it I just won’t call. You can do a thousand things to convince me not to have beef and mitigate the associated compromise....but you more than likely can’t make me not want it.

Ask any girl who wants to be filled with dick. Hey do your oral best - I still wish you could put a big dick in me when you are done giving oral. The premise that one compensates for the other implies it is only possible to have one. It’s not true and I want both.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Imagine your girl has no tits and she won’t let you fuck her but she gives great head. Does the great oral really cover it to the point that you never want to play with a pair of toys or have vaginal intercourse? Not just that you will accept the trade-off but that you won’t even see it as a trade off at all....like her awesome mouth will just banish tits and pussy from your consciousness.....or like there couldn’t possibly be a chick with nice tits, an available pussy and gives great head.

 

[Smallchange4]

You can’t compensate for lack of size with great oral skills. Some women prefer oral skills to a large cock. Some are perfectly happy to sacrifice the big cock for better oral skills - but it is a sacrifice nonetheless and she would prefer to have both. And some women just really want that big dick.

Either way I personally think there is no “compensating”. If I order beef and you deliver chicken with a great recipe - I might love it but it still isn’t beef. I may even like your chicken better....sometimes. But there will still come a time when I want beef and if I know you don’t have it I just won’t call. You can do a thousand things to convince me not to have beef and mitigate the associated compromise....but you more than likely can’t make me not want it.

Ask any girl who wants to be filled with dick. Hey do your oral best - I still wish you could put a big dick in me when. The premise that one compensates for the other implies it is only possible to have one. It’s not true and I want both.

I think if you ask most girls if they prefer a big cock they would say yes many may say size doesn't matter but I doubt if many would say they are enticed by a small penis

 

[TheOldProspector]

I reckon I can understand where folks are coming from on both sides of this argument. I do believe it's been debated since before George Washington (no relation, mind) chopped down that cherry tree, and it will still be debated long after we are all summoned to the hereafter. But whenever this topic comes up all I can think about is my old friend Tumbleweed Jones. Now it's well known that old Tumbleweed has the biggest dick north of the Rio Grande by some distance. I've seen him walk naked through camp on the Chisholm Trail and give the pack mules an inferiority complex. Most of the other men were jealous, but I'm not so sure it weren't something of a curse for poor old Tumbleweed. Sure, there was a prostitute or two who would give him a refund when we'd go a whorin', but sometimes a whore wouldn't even let him start on account of she was worried she wouldn't be able to work for a week after. Now Tumbleweed, bein' the God-fearing Christian man that he is, he'd take the news with a brave face, but I reckon deep down he was mighty disappointed. Ain't nobody likes to be rejected by a whore, even if it is on account of having a dick the size of a redwood. So fellers, just be careful what you wish fer, because you just might get it.

 

[sterculius]

You can’t compensate for lack of size with great oral skills. Some women prefer oral skills to a large cock. Some are perfectly happy to sacrifice the big cock for better oral skills - but it is a sacrifice nonetheless and she would prefer to have both. And some women just really want that big dick.

Either way I personally think there is no “compensating”. If I order beef and you deliver chicken with a great recipe - I might love it but it still isn’t beef. I may even like your chicken better....sometimes. But there will still come a time when I want beef and if I know you don’t have it I just won’t call. You can do a thousand things to convince me not to have beef and mitigate the associated compromise....but you more than likely can’t make me not want it.

Ask any girl who wants to be filled with dick. Hey do your oral best - I still wish you could put a big dick in me when. The premise that one compensates for the other implies it is only possible to have one. It’s not true and I want both.

My wife frequently stuffs one of her dildos in her cunt as I eat her. She admits that the "filled" sensation increases her pleasure.

 

[Annalovesporn]

Size matters to me..I can hop on and teach it to go where I want

 

[liqueur]

The one girlfriend I had who I believed was completely honest about this said "Yes, size matters—if all other things are equal."

I have more thoughts on this, but not enough time now. I'll try to come back to it.

So, to finally come back to what I wanted to say about this 2 months ago:

There are a certain class of men who find sexual humiliation— or simply mild embarrassment, intentionally inflicted— to be very arousing. Likewise, a similar group of women who find it very arousing to evoke this kind of humiliation or embarrassment. (The group of women seems to be much smaller than the group of men, but they're definitely out there.)

Among those who find embarrassment or humiliation arousing, deriding a man's penis size can be a very powerful tool. it doesn't matter if his size truly matters to her. He may be skilled enough as a lover that it's unimportant. She may be small enough that she doesn't really want a big cock anyway. It may even be that in reality he's bigger than average.

even so: If the pair are into embarrassment/humiliation, none of these "in realities" matter. Because culturally, from time beyond history, cock size has been equated with virility and potency, and that equation can't be fully erased by mere facts. If embarrassment is what is desired, reference to his penile "inadequacy" can be an incredibly powerful tool to achieve that end. Even a large-penised man can be made to feel inadequate by a woman who is into this and good at playing the game.

So my message: If SPH or just teasing and mild embarrassment about cock size are arousing to you, don't get hung up on details and "realities." As a woman, don't worry about whether you think cock size "should" matter to you. As a man, don't feel you have to be above all that. For either of you, if penis size matters to you, physically, emotionally, as a kink, in any way shape or form, use it!! Play with it, explore it. Like any other kink, let it make your sex life richer.

(end sermon)

 

[KarlMartinK]

So, to finally come back to what I wanted to say about this 2 months ago:

There are a certain class of men who find sexual humiliation— or simply mild embarrassment, intentionally inflicted— to be very arousing. Likewise, a similar group of women who find it very arousing to evoke this kind of humiliation or embarrassment. (The group of women seems to be much smaller than the group of men, but they're definitely out there.)

Among those who find embarrassment or humiliation arousing, deriding a man's penis size can be a very powerful tool. it doesn't matter if his size truly matters to her. He may be skilled enough as a lover that it's unimportant. She may be small enough that she doesn't really want a big cock anyway. It may even be that in reality he's bigger than average.

even so: If the pair are into embarrassment/humiliation, none of these "in realities" matter. Because culturally, from time beyond history, cock size has been equated with virility and potency, and that equation can't be fully erased by mere facts. If embarrassment is what is desired, reference to his penile "inadequacy" can be an incredibly powerful tool to achieve that end. Even a large-penised man can be made to feel inadequate by a woman who is into this and good at playing the game.

So my message: If SPH or just teasing and mild embarrassment about cock size are arousing to you, don't get hung up on details and "realities." As a woman, don't worry about whether you think cock size "should" matter to you. As a man, don't feel you have to be above all that. For either of you, if penis size matters to you, physically, emotionally, as a kink, in any way shape or form, use it!! Play with it, explore it. Like any other kink, let it make your sex life richer.

(end sermon)

"There are a certain class of men who find sexual humiliation— or simply mild embarrassment, intentionally inflicted— to be very arousing." There we go. I completely understand this and agree with it. I'm not into the humiliation piece of it, but I do like the embarrassment angle as well as being the smaller guy of the two when two are present. I also enjoy when a woman compares me to another man and tells me about it. I plan to write a series of stories on this subject, but I have to find the time for it.

 

[sterculius]

There are a certain class of men who find sexual humiliation— or simply mild embarrassment, intentionally inflicted— to be very arousing. Likewise, a similar group of women who find it very arousing to evoke this kind of humiliation or embarrassment. (The group of women seems to be much smaller than the group of men, but they're definitely out there.)

Among those who find embarrassment or humiliation arousing, deriding a man's penis size can be a very powerful tool. it doesn't matter if his size truly matters to her. He may be skilled enough as a lover that it's unimportant. She may be small enough that she doesn't really want a big cock anyway. It may even be that in reality he's bigger than average.

even so: If the pair are into embarrassment/humiliation, none of these "in realities" matter. Because culturally, from time beyond history, cock size has been equated with virility and potency, and that equation can't be fully erased by mere facts. If embarrassment is what is desired, reference to his penile "inadequacy" can be an incredibly powerful tool to achieve that end. Even a large-penised man can be made to feel inadequate by a woman who is into this and good at playing the game.

So my message: If SPH or just teasing and mild embarrassment about cock size are arousing to you, don't get hung up on details and "realities." As a woman, don't worry about whether you think cock size "should" matter to you. As a man, don't feel you have to be above all that. For either of you, if penis size matters to you, physically, emotionally, as a kink, in any way shape or form, use it!! Play with it, explore it. Like any other kink, let it make your sex life richer.

(end sermon)

Very true! I'n my case however, my penis is really pathetically small, as many girls and women have repeatedly pointed out, and my present wife's ex husband happened to have had an extremely large cock, a fact that she never tires of telling me

 

[Shi_One81]

For me, girth matters more than length. Too long and it hurts.

 

[liqueur]

Very true! I'n my case however, my penis is really pathetically small, as many girls and women have repeatedly pointed out, and my present wife's ex husband happened to have had an extremely large cock, a fact that she never tires of telling me

Clearly, she enjoys that. I hope you do too.

 

[jkillfeather]

………………………………………..

 

[fma20fma]

hi

For me, girth matters more than length. Too long and it hurts.

agree. thick short is better for anal.