Sites for: Mind Games (mental bondage, etc.)?

[Phoenix Stone]

Several of us seem to be more into this kind of D/s, and are having a hard time finding much info/help about it. Granted, it is a lot easier to explain and to therefore see, pain or physical bondage related materials.

Been trying to figure out what qualifies to give y'all some sort of idea as to what we seem to be looking for, so: following orders, examinations, subtle public 'exposure' such as having things to wear or not wear under you clothes (mild humiliation or embarrassment), hypnosis.

Has anyone found any sites or info related to these more mental/psychological aspects?



Ps. I Have looked all through the library. A little discussion, not much practical help. (And what there is is mostly about Mind Fuck and taking it to the edge.)

 

[Betticus]

Yes please. Now if I go and get a psych degree I could eventually go for a doctorate and write my thesis on this subject. Then I could write a book and then you'd have reference material.

But until that happens......

 

[catalina_francisco]

I find it very rare those of us into pain are not into the mental aspects as well, actually don't really know anyone who isn't....it is usually the basis for D/s either way. As to where to find information about it, is on most of the major sites like Castlerealm. Perhaps why you are not seeing it jumping out at you is because many see it as the fabric, not specifically a matter of choosing pain or mental methods and don't spell it out as such. I know for me when I first began reading more, I was forever reading about D/s and the way people's experiences were coloured by the mental elements such as humiliation, shame, exhibitionism, control, obedience, etc. Look deeper and you will see it in most of the serious articles you read.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is just one part of one of the articles (http://www.castlerealm.com/library/ami.shtml) which outlines how D/s is based on the psychological with the inclusion of pain being a choice those involved may or may not include ...


"D/S is not dependent on pain, implements or physical activities, although those things sometimes are incorporated into the individual relationships. Dominant and submissive characteristics are natural in some individuals and follow the guidelines of many other species in the animal kingdom, wolves and primates being examples. The power exchange takes place on an intellectual or psychological level, with the submissive deferring to the dominant in the decision making process. How far this goes is dependent on the individuals' level of trust and need.

Motivations: The motivation in the relationship is totally based on a power exchange between the dominant one and the submissive one. It can exist without pain, scenes or specified activities. The willing surrender of personal power by the submissive is the key here. There is no need to force it or offer sexual gratification in order to stimulate those feelings of submission. The dominant is motivated by the desire to control and accept the surrender of power from the submissive. The submissive is motivated by a desire to please and surrender to the dominant. This relationship is based on a psychological interaction far more than a physical one. It is not dependent on physical activities or scenes and is best defined as a lifestyle rather than something you do."


Catalina

 

[shelleb4]

"ah, a pheonix stone thread" always worth watching!
ill lurk a bit first though.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

"ah, a pheonix stone thread" always worth watching!
ill lurk a bit first though.

Thanks Shelleb4! What a cool thing to say.

Buy why no post. Skeeert? (hmm, Switchy thing going on here? Could be... bet You can take it, you're tough.... Thinking... so what do switches make of other switches? Do we have any full-on admitted switches who like it that way posting, or just those who Have switched?)

DO you know of any sites or boards dedicated to the D/s aspects, and the Mind game aspects, separate from pain play and bondage?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

This is just one part of one of the articles (http://www.castlerealm.com/library/ami.shtml) which outlines how D/s is based on the psychological with the inclusion of pain being a choice those involved may or may not include ..."


Catalina

Hi, I've actually read this and ones like it before but it does do a good parsing out of the main categories, especially clarifying that one can be D/s without wanting or needing either pain or bondage. On the other hand, the bdsm checklist he and others give, don't leave much for someone to check off who Isn't into these things. (mostly roleplay stuff, and some humiliation but not much to appeal to the 'gentle submission' he refers to.) Also, either I'm confused about who and what I am (which is certainly true ) or my D/s is different than what he described, because I didn't find anything that touched on the aspects I was referring to in my first post, except for very peripherally.

The descriptions of bondage and b/d made perfect sense to me and it is clear that while I have no objections to it, it doesnt' float my boat. Pain is still a little problematic for me, but I won't get into that here. He Does do a very good write-up about this, and clearing up a lot of confusion based on people thinking it should be just like in the books, or trying to understand why they like pain yet want to be otherwise in an equal relationship. I wish a few people here would take a look at it for just that reason. (Won't name any names.)

On the other hand (oops, guess that I'm starting on feet now), I guess part of the problem is that the Mental games could figure into s/m, too, which is where we usually discuss it, when we talk about MindFuck and such.

Then there is force. If you don't use painful means, in fact avoid them, and don't use bondage, than it must be d/s, no? And yet, the writeup would seem to imply that this goes against the psycho/philosophical nature of D/s if one prefers to be forced, for instance. Finds it sexy, fulfilling, whatever. Not that one is resisting, but prefers to be forced as a means of experiencing the control of the other.

I was looking, too, besides philosophy (which I already get, which is how I figured out that this is my bent), for some practical ideas and deeper or broader discussion of the issues, that a good website can offer. the closest thing I have found is a couple of websites on Mind Control, which, while pertinent, are too narrow in focus.

Practical things such as potential scenarios, for instance, was one of the main things I'm looking for. Stuff to try. (Some that are a match here, because they don't have to involve pain or bondage, might be examinations or inspections and other forms of exposure, public or private, enforced access, requiring one masturbate at a certain time of day, etc).

I'm looking for stuff that matches my need and to which my husband has no objection. (He wouldnt want to do some of these because he doesn't like to think about sex during the day. No teases.) If I had more info, I could find the places where we match. He's willing to try what i bring him but doesn't want to look or think about it himself, not even to discuss it. (Says it's the same way he feels about all the boring sports analysis they do after a big game. blah blah blah -- he wants to enjoy the game and be done with it. As you may have guessed, our mileage varies a little in this area, too. )

Anyway, I appreciate you answering.

(Sorry, had to go wipe a four-year-old. Edited to shorten post and add a flower.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

This is just one part of one of the articles (http://www.castlerealm.com/library/ami.shtml)

"...Dominant and submissive characteristics are natural in some individuals and follow the guidelines of many other species in the animal kingdom, wolves and primates being examples. The power exchange takes place on an intellectual or psychological level, with the submissive deferring to the dominant in the decision making process. How far this goes is dependent on the individuals' level of trust and need.

Motivations: The motivation in the relationship is totally based on a power exchange between the dominant one and the submissive one. It can exist without pain, scenes or specified activities. The willing surrender of personal power by the submissive is the key here. There is no need to force it or offer sexual gratification in order to stimulate those feelings of submission. The dominant is motivated by the desire to control and accept the surrender of power from the submissive. The submissive is motivated by a desire to please and surrender to the dominant. This relationship is based on a psychological interaction far more than a physical one. It is not dependent on physical activities or scenes and is best defined as a lifestyle rather than something you do."


Catalina

To respond to the quote: Yeah, but I still want to know some stuff to DO!

Also, I'm not so sure about that first paragraph. Relate much more to the second, I think.

A couple of problems I have with the first one is that I don't think I'm socially submissive, or at least I don't want to be. I want to change the world for the better, and on the rare occasions I've had to be a manager, I was an excellent one.
Guess I most prefer being independent. working for myself, teaching, analyzing, having complete control over my material as long as I get results. NOT doing stuff that is based on someone else's thinking. that bores me.

And while I've often, way too often, deferred to my husband's advice, leadership etc. it's very annoying to me when I'm right and don't get listenend to. Which happens a lot. (With lots of people, not just my husband. I just don't understand it, being so right so often, why I don't get listened to more. )

My husband, for instance, will go jump to do something or take care of something that may be something I've given a lot of thought to, or happen to have good data on, and he is usually too impatient to listen or just wants to do it his own way and get it over with, then later will get all annoyed when things go wrong.
Saying 'i told you so' doesn't cut it, not only because it would piss him off but because sometimes he gets mad at me for not speaking enough and then we argue about whether I Did or not. He doesn't hear me.

A lot of stuff i just let go, and other people will say but you can't Do that. Like I didn't want to nag him about doing the taxes for his business (I can't because i dont know enough about it, and he doesn't want to show me), so he just didn't do it for a Long time. This causes problems.
When I finally decided I had to for our kids, it Still took me a Year to nag him into it! He's very hard to push.

Why am I telling you this? I guess to say it's not so simple as this guy makes it sound. I"M getting waaay off topic myself here, but...
sometimes deferring to the dominant on the decision making process is not always a good idea. In fact, I've not met many (any?) people I'd go so far with. And those I would, well there would be some Other issue (like maybe they would refuse to ever bathe) to deal with.

I LOVE this guy, he's a terrific man in most ways, but like us all, has his faults, so how do we do d/s in the Real world? With kids?

Lots of other rl issues with this one. For instance: his First preference is 'sex with me' in any form.
His second preference, however, which is what I would get if i completely surrendered (as I have for the last 20+ years) is vanilla.
And if there is a contradiction between First and Second? That in my heart of hearts I need d/s to get off and to feel fulfilled, which he doesn't mind doing to have me, is this kind of tradeoff workable?

And the second paragraph says ''without the need to be forced" yet I'm beginning to think that a painless force is exactly what i need. So where does that fit? (No pain, no bondage. Yet with necessary force.)
Force may well be the cue for me.
Not sure yet, but maybe. And What If? Is it no longer D/s? If so, what is it?

And where do I find the website for that??



(edited to add some paragraphing)

 

[catalina_francisco]

IMO D/s has to start in the head otherwise it doesn't work for me....whipping my butt is not going to get me laying at anyone's feet if it is performed in isolation. Also needs someone who can tap into the mental D/s not just from my perspective, but because they simply get off on the whole pic themselves..a connection. Then you can go into overt or covert D/s, passive or active...it all is worth exploring if given the opportunity. But as you are finding, everyone has their own kink, their own interpretation that works for them.

Many sites which come from the submissive perspective talk about the 'no pain' D/s, but not sure you will find scenarios written up as that is not the purpose of the sites usually and the focus is more on the psychological aspects, emotions, more so than actions. If it is ideas you are looking for to try out, perhaps many of the stories here at Lit will help......I have been known to write without the physical pain element, though often there is emotional or psychological pain or challenges....many here write without including much or any pain element and often have some good scenarios. I am thinking though, with your mind you could create scenes to suit your own tastes quite easily, just takes a little time out, going with the flow, and then you have it. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

To respond to the quote: Yeah, but I still want to know some stuff to DO!

A couple of problems I have with the first one is that I don't think I'm socially submissive, or at least I don't want to be. I want to change the world for the better, and on the rare occasions I've had to be a manager, I was an excellent one.
Guess I most prefer being independent. working for myself, teaching, analyzing, having complete control over my material as long as I get results. NOT doing stuff that is based on someone else's thinking. that bores me.

Well this describes me to a tee..and a lot of other submissives/slaves as well. Being submissive to one person does not mean you have to be submissive toi the world, nor mindless....I think quite the contrary as you need strength and drive to manage the challenges, and also to keep your Dominant from getting bored. I have come from a backgroud of raising 2 children alone for 16 years, living below the poverty line most of that time, resuming my education when everyone told me it would be too much to cope with, and excelling in both my study and profession....I was not looking for someone to tell me how to survive, more someone who knew I already could and would utilise those skills to enrich his own world.

And while I've often, way too often, deferred to my husband's advice, leadership etc. it's very annoying to me when I'm right and don't get listenend to. Which happens a lot. (With lots of people, not just my husband. I just don't understand it, being so right so often, why I don't get listened to more. )

That is just being human and subs and Doms alike are both human.

Why am I telling you this? I guess to say it's not so simple as this guy makes it sound.

That is when you need to look deeper as they do not say it is easy/simple, but do give good guidelines as to what to expect in a variety of situations. If it were easy, I would never have bothered as I thrive on challenges....the more dificult, the better.

I LOVE this guy, he's a terrific man in most ways, but like us all, has his faults, so how do we do d/s in the Real world? With kids?

Everyone has faults....no such thing as perfection. The real world does present a challenge, as do children, and many find they have to work around those things as berst they can, even us.

Lots of other rl issues with this one. For instance: his First preference is 'sex with me' in any form.
His second preference, however, which is what I would get if i completely surrendered (as I have for the last 20+ years) is vanilla.
And if there is a contradiction between First and Second? That in my heart of hearts I need d/s to get off and to feel fulfilled, which he doesn't mind doing to have me, is this kind of tradeoff workable?

Only you can answer this one...sorry.

And the second paragraph says ''without the need to be forced" yet I'm beginning to think that a painless force is exactly what i need. So where does that fit? (No pain, no bondage. Yet with necessary force.)
Force may well be the cue for me.
Not sure yet, but maybe. And What If? Is it no longer D/s? If so, what is it?

Depends what works for you...there can be force without it seeming to exist at all. Can simply come down to a Dominant expecting you to submit as part of your role and if you don't it slides..whether it slides into oblivion may be up to the sub or Dom depending on the situation. There can also be far worse things used as force than pain and bondage, but it has to be something you will connect with. For me it is all D/s as in = Dominance/submission....whether the submission is overtly or covertly forced, displayed, or simply expected.

Catalina

 

[Phoenix Stone]

IMO . I am thinking though, with your mind you could create scenes to suit your own tastes quite easily, just takes a little time out, going with the flow, and then you have it. Good luck.

Catalina

Thanks sweetie! Especially for that. Hmm, you mentioned challenges.... Interesting.

Funny thing for all I've written about my husband preferring vanilla (or at least he wouldn't bother with other stuff as that gets him off perfectly well) he did an Amazing Dom thing -- I don't know what to call it -- one night. He was perfectly himself, not faking anything -- yet jeez the Dom of my dreams. He says he just goes on instinct and I know it's true. He doesn't even remember it now and it was only a few weeks ago, and he couldn't have missed how blown away I was. It's like that Beast thing he did in his sleep one night. wow If he Tries to do it, it may not work. He was just in this other space that night. And funny thing, what set it off was his reading a post I did on this forum (one I thought he wouldn't even like) that was all about him and our relationship. I was just telling the truth as usual and he took it as complimentary. It touched him somehow -- and brought on That reaction! Instead of the more lovey-dovey one I would have expected. I'm Really confused

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Well this describes me to a tee..and a lot of other submissives/slaves as well. Being submissive to one person does not mean you have to be submissive toi the world, nor mindless....I think quite the contrary as you need strength and drive to manage the challenges, and also to keep your Dominant from getting bored. I have come from a backgroud of raising 2 children alone for 16 years, living below the poverty line most of that time, resuming my education when everyone told me it would be too much to cope with, and excelling in both my study and profession....I was not looking for someone to tell me how to survive, more someone who knew I already could and would utilise those skills to enrich his own world. [/B]

Oh I know, Catalina. I'm just not ready to relinquish 'saving the world' and don't know that i ever will be. So would have to fit that it somehow!

And while I've often, way too often, deferred to my husband's advice, leadership etc. it's very annoying to me when I'm right and don't get listenend to. Which happens a lot. (With lots of people, not just my husband. I just don't understand it, being so right so often, why I don't get listened to more. )

That is just being human and subs and Doms alike are both human. [/B]

Wish I knew what i was doing that gets me ignored though. Afterwards people often say things like, well you said it was good (or bad or scary or whatever) but I didn't know it would be THAT good (or whatever)! Or when they won't listen I go ahead and fix it and then they never know, or believe, that there was ever any problem. Or they ask me for the proof, and when I show it, they want More proof, or still ask for proof on the next and the next and the Next thing! (starting to think there is something about me that strains credibility. (And yet other people will say things like I'm nothing if not reliable and that what they admire about me is my integrity. Lack of direct leaderships skills? I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't got it.)

Why am I telling you this? I guess to say it's not so simple as this guy makes it sound.

That is when you need to look deeper as they do not say it is easy/simple, but do give good guidelines as to what to expect in a variety of situations. If it were easy, I would never have bothered as I thrive on challenges....the more dificult, the better. [/B]

Looking deeper I'm definitely trying. It's those guidelines I was hoping for. How do you really handle these things? Exactly what you said: what to expect in a variety of situations. That would be good to know. I seem to be in the middle of something i don't understand. (sounds like song lyrics.)


And the second paragraph says ''without the need to be forced" yet I'm beginning to think that a painless force is exactly what i need. So where does that fit? (No pain, no bondage. Yet with necessary force.)
Force may well be the cue for me.
Not sure yet, but maybe. And What If? Is it no longer D/s? If so, what is it?

Depends what works for you...there can be force without it seeming to exist at all. Can simply come down to a Dominant expecting you to submit as part of your role and if you don't it slides..whether it slides into oblivion may be up to the sub or Dom depending on the situation. There can also be far worse things used as force than pain and bondage, but it has to be something you will connect with. For me it is all D/s as in = Dominance/submission....whether the submission is overtly or covertly forced, displayed, or simply expected.

Catalina [/B][/QUOTE]

Aren't you supposed to not want or need to be forced? That seems to be the part I enjoy most.



Ps. Thank you for answering my inexhaustable supply of questions. (Luckily I have an inexhaustible supply of answers I'm always willing to pass on to the rest of the world to keep things even! )

 

[shelleb4]

A couple of problems I have with the first one is that I don't think I'm socially submissive, or at least I don't want to be. I want to change the world for the better, and on the rare occasions I've had to be a manager, I was an excellent one.
Guess I most prefer being independent. working for myself, teaching, analyzing, having complete control over my material as long as I get results. NOT doing stuff that is based on someone else's thinking. that bores me. [/B]

Im a manager, im confident, im sooo not submissive, unless my so takes time to take me to submission before he starts dom mode, well that would be bloody dangerous! I cannot imagine myself submitting to any bloke, im shocked that i do it for him. But its in secret dont tell anyone.



And while I've often, way too often, deferred to my husband's advice, leadership etc. it's very annoying to me when I'm right and don't get listenend to. Which happens a lot. (With lots of people, not just my husband. I just don't understand it, being so right so often, why I don't get listened to more. )
God yeah! Isnt this annoying!!!! So damned proud, he wont listen to anything, and being the dominant personality of us both, makes me want to slap him good and hard at times.




I LOVE this guy, he's a terrific man in most ways, but like us all, has his faults, so how do we do d/s in the Real world? With kids?
Arrange a babysitter! Use the mind stuff during the day when the kids are around eg. you can eat, but must use baby cutlery, only the two of you know whats going on, the kids will think mums a fruit loop, but inside your glowing at your dirty little secret ritual.
Or sell the kids to some childless couple for a fortune you can spend on underwear?

Lots of other rl issues with this one. For instance: his First preference is 'sex with me' in any form.
His second preference, however, which is what I would get if i completely surrendered (as I have for the last 20+ years) is vanilla.
And if there is a contradiction between First and Second? That in my heart of hearts I need d/s to get off and to feel fulfilled, which he doesn't mind doing to have me, is this kind of tradeoff workable?
Youve got him, Pheonix, by the proverbials really. He wants you, make him pay for it! Somebody put a question up yesterday, Can a person survive on just eating cum? Course Not! But when asked, would you please feed me? and if i dont want feeding, then force me to eat please, what vanilla fella is going to object to that? Topping from the bottom is slated by people who want utopia bdsm, we not talking utopia here, lets be honest, were talking vanilla and chocolate mix. His pleasure in pleasing you should be enough to make him want to play.
Bondage can be done with words alone, positioning, not moving, having to balance things on your head, whatever, get creative.

So what if it isnt 'purist' bdsm? So fucking what? If it works, does it matter? You can either leave a man who's a good husband, father, and go off, find yourself a nice chap, who looks and acts the perfect dom bedroom wise, pushes every damn button you have, yet is a wanker in real life who's very presence annoys the shit out of you. Would you as a woman/switch cope with that any better. Far better to have a vanilla who'll kink for you that you love, than a MasterGodDom who's a twat.


Im a switch, not switched for now, but a switch, i get sexual gratification from subbing or domme-ing any time, each play being a new occasion. But as my relationship is with a Dom, that kinda leaves me with er, the only role left really doesnt it. Hey ho, i can do that. I can top vanilla style. But whilst he's led there getting his thrills, im on top, delivering the thrills in any way I desire. Get him horny enough, and there's very little im refused. I can use his vanilla desire for sex to my own ends. Now if some think thats not ok in the bdsm world, fuck em. Im not in the bdsm world, im in a LT relationship. Where fidelity is a agreement. I did take a on line Dom on, but this is not the answer, the online one is either good, in which case, like a love affair, will only detract the energy from your real life relationship causing damage, or its a idiot at a keyboard, as in my case it was.

So im currently ordering a corset for that 'bound up' feeling for ME, and eating a diet of cum for the next two days, see, everyones a winner yes?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I cannot imagine myself submitting to any bloke, im shocked that i do it for him. But its in secret dont tell anyone.

Know what you mean. Mostly I have fun scaring them. In a Nice way.


And while I've often, way too often, deferred to my husband's advice, leadership etc. it's very annoying to me when I'm right and don't get listenend to. Which happens a lot. (With lots of people, not just my husband. I just don't understand it, being so right so often, why I don't get listened to more. )

God yeah! Isnt this annoying!!!! So damned proud, he wont listen to anything, and being the dominant personality of us both, makes me want to slap him good and hard at times.

You know I think I really Like you -- you may be meaner than me! The Mean Sub Club.


I LOVE this guy, he's a terrific man in most ways, but like us all, has his faults, so how do we do d/s in the Real world? With kids?

Arrange a babysitter! Use the mind stuff during the day when the kids are around eg. you can eat, but must use baby cutlery, only the two of you know whats going on, the kids will think mums a fruit loop, but inside your glowing at your dirty little secret ritual.
Or sell the kids to some childless couple for a fortune you can spend on underwear?

Lol.

He doesn't seem to like to do anything sexual except when actually about to have sex. I used to just jump him anyway, before we had kids. Before I got tired and sad of not getting jumped back.


Lots of other rl issues with this one. For instance: his First preference is 'sex with me' in any form.
His second preference, however, which is what I would get if i completely surrendered (as I have for the last 20+ years) is vanilla.
And if there is a contradiction between First and Second? That in my heart of hearts I need d/s to get off and to feel fulfilled, which he doesn't mind doing to have me, is this kind of tradeoff workable?
Youve got him, Pheonix, by the proverbials really. He wants you, make him pay for it! Somebody put a question up yesterday, Can a person survive on just eating cum? Course Not! But when asked, would you please feed me? and if i dont want feeding, then force me to eat please, what vanilla fella is going to object to that? Topping from the bottom is slated by people who want utopia bdsm, we not talking utopia here, lets be honest, were talking vanilla and chocolate mix. His pleasure in pleasing you should be enough to make him want to play. [/B][/QUOTE]

Doesn't want to please me, though. Just wants to have sex with me. And snuggle me. Wants me to Be pleased. Big difference. He's perfectly happy with Sleeping Beauty sex with me.
Actually I'm not sure if he doesn't know How to please on purpose, or if it's just so against his nature. He does his own thing. And has been willing to be kicked out for it with previous women. Probably didn't even realize what the objection was, or care. Used to getting by on charm. After high school, he never had any problem finding people who wanted to drag him to bed, and his role was just to decide if he wanted to. With me he pursued.

Anyway, there's something here I'm not figuring out. Like for instance, he loves going down on me (can't believe I'm writing all this in public, as it were. Maybe will come back and erase later.) But it isn't about pleasuring me, so much as enjoying himself.
You did make me laugh with the first line though. I know he feels that way. And agreed about the topping from the bottom and reality. He doesn't resist, I just have to ask him at the right time, it seems. Which seems to be about 5 minutes before we head to the bedroom. Not once were in, and not earlier in the day. And people here think I"M the picky one!

Bondage can be done with words alone, positioning, not moving, having to balance things on your head, whatever, get creative.

Yeah, I do need to. It would certainly be easier if I just knew 'pain' or 'bondage' would do it for me. He'd be fine. Simple, straightforward, no problem. He'd have no problem spanking me or whatever and he did last night. Or tieing me up. We've done that too. He really likes the gag. lol Unfortunately, it seems to be something else, something more d/s, more mental or something I need. so have been experimenting, and trying to figure Myself out.

So what if it isnt 'purist' bdsm? So fucking what? If it works, does it matter? You can either leave a man who's a good husband, father, and go off, find yourself a nice chap, who looks and acts the perfect dom bedroom wise, pushes every damn button you have, yet is a wanker in real life who's very presence annoys the shit out of you. Would you as a woman/switch cope with that any better. Far better to have a vanilla who'll kink for you that you love, than a MasterGodDom who's a twat.

I know it, i know it. Just DAMN, once something pushes those buttons hard, and you walk around all day swimmng in sex and getting rushes from your ankles on up just from things you're reading.... it's hard to give that up permanently.

Im a switch, not switched for now, but a switch, i get sexual gratification from subbing or domme-ing any time, each play being a new occasion. But as my relationship is with a Dom, that kinda leaves me with er, the only role left really doesnt it. Hey ho, i can do that. I can top vanilla style. But whilst he's led there getting his thrills, im on top, delivering the thrills in any way I desire. Get him horny enough, and there's very little im refused. I can use his vanilla desire for sex to my own ends. Now if some think thats not ok in the bdsm world, fuck em. Im not in the bdsm world, im in a LT relationship. Where fidelity is a agreement. I did take a on line Dom on, but this is not the answer, the online one is either good, in which case, like a love affair, will only detract the energy from your real life relationship causing damage, or its a idiot at a keyboard, as in my case it was.

So im currently ordering a corset for that 'bound up' feeling for ME, and eating a diet of cum for the next two days, see, everyones a winner yes?

Lol again. and sigh. I have yet to hit my spots more than a few times that sort of by accident. He doesn't even remember the night he did the major Dom bit on me. what's with That? I'd laugh if I didn't feel like crying. I'm probably switch, too, but he's pretty damn resistant to any topping these days.
I've just got this ache going that I can't relieve. Blue ovaries. oooh, baby I need it bad badly and please Bad

(he hates begging)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks sweetie! Especially for that. Hmm, you mentioned challenges.... Interesting.

Funny thing for all I've written about my husband preferring vanilla (or at least he wouldn't bother with other stuff as that gets him off perfectly well) he did an Amazing Dom thing -- I don't know what to call it -- one night. It touched him somehow -- and brought on That reaction! Instead of the more lovey-dovey one I would have expected. I'm Really confused

LOL, and this is just what you may be missing in what I have been trying to say in my present distracted state....it effects different people in different ways, different triggers, different language of love and D/s..the secret is finding a mix that works for both, or at leasst taping into first what makes you tick and purr, and then what sets the spark flaring for him. Takes some doing sometimes, and some people find they are completely oposite in taste, but the journey can be fun and enlightening.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh I know, Catalina. I'm just not ready to relinquish 'saving the world' and don't know that i ever will be. So would have to fit that it somehow!

Hmmmm, this is one of the common myths surrounding submission....you no longer do or think anything worth listening to for the rest of the world....that to me is not the type sub I could ever find myself being, or he accepting. He loves I have strong feelings about the environment and politics, even when they clash with his, and he is strong enough to allow me my views and respect me for it and would love nothing more than for me to continue doing as I have all my life as in being there for those who need help, speaking out against injustice, discrimination, oppression, and abuse, making my time on earth count for someone, something no matter how small...that is the slave he fell in love with and to now change would disappoint him and devalue his property.

Wish I knew what i was doing that gets me ignored though. Afterwards people often say things like, well you said it was good (or bad or scary or whatever) but I didn't know it would be THAT good (or whatever)! Or when they won't listen I go ahead and fix it and then they never know, or believe, that there was ever any problem. Or they ask me for the proof, and when I show it, they want More proof, or still ask for proof on the next and the next and the Next thing! (starting to think there is something about me that strains credibility. (And yet other people will say things like I'm nothing if not reliable and that what they admire about me is my integrity. Lack of direct leaderships skills? I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't got it.)

LOL, my experience is this is the law of today's times. Few seem capable of giving credit where credit is due, for a variety of reasons, and often because they take everything for granted. Maybe you notice when you don't do what is needed, that is when everyone notices? Think in a simplified way it is endemic of our times where so many are distrustful of everything, skeptical, competitive, and drifting. Sort of brings to mind the song 'What If God Was One Of Us?' If you can't scientifically prove something, even if it means killing a living being to do it, it just can't be believed by many.

Aren't you supposed to not want or need to be forced? That seems to be the part I enjoy most.

Some do, some don't, and some just have not figured it out as yet for them. Is part of why D/s is often referred to as a dance...the subtle and seductive steps are what make it flow so perfect, the to and fro, the give and take...is all part of the joy. Mostly what may seem to be is often not what is at all.

Catalina

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Mostly what may seem to be is often not what is at all.

Catalina [/B]

Truer words were never spoke -- unfortunately!! makes it just a Bit more challenging, doesn't it?


Any who feel like posting anything that is pertinent to the original topic -- Mind Games and Mindplay, and D/s without bondage or pain, Please Do so!!

(You don't have to wander off the topic with me just because I did! )

 

[barcaboy]

things to try

On the subject of actual stuff for experimentation, how about a trip to B & N? Yes, that sordid pit of mental anguish and the valley of a thousand private humiliations - the bookstore.


--Be forced to read a book you absolutely abhor - in public!

-Added torture: you are compelled to narrate, in your loudest, most annoying voice, exactly why this work is the culmination of western civilization.

-Added torture 2: read portions of the august tome aloud.

-Advanced: stop passers-by to recommend this "must read": "No really - it'll change your life!" "You have to have this!" "Buy this - now!"

Of course, B & N is good for other scenarios, too: toe-stepping (generally invisible to others and infinitely variable in intensity); the human bench (your Dom/me needs somewhere to perch while perusing the stacks); and the hard-cover rump tease.



.
.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: things to try

LOL!

But I didn't get this last one:

and the hard-cover rump tease.

(You are Bad Bad boy and should be spanked -- with said tome.)

 

[barcaboy]

ahh, that's where you engage your imagination.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ot

I'm sorry but the 'hard-cover rump tease' sounds like a Dr. Seuss avian to me.

 

[barcaboy]

I refer you to that long-lost Theodore Geisel masterwork, "The Filofax and the Forty Whacks". But as you said...we digress.

 

[shelleb4]

I dont know of any mindfuck sights, come to that, ive not really read any stories either? But that would be a good source, trawling through the bdsm stories in the mindfuck section (is there one?)

Is the 'no pain' & 'no bondage' rule yours or his?



have you tried to find a story here on lit. that really really gets you horny and really thought about why? what aspects of the scene are essential, which a just filling and could be dispensed with. Whittle away, until your at the core of what to you is the main characteristics to a really horny scene. Then with those specifics, ask him to do one role while you play the other?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I dont know of any mindfuck sights, come to that, ive not really read any stories either? But that would be a good source, trawling through the bdsm stories in the mindfuck section (is there one?)

Most I've been able to find is Mind Control (hypnotism and such), which is okay for me, for a means rather than an end, iykwim. Hubby likes that, btw. And tried hypnotizing me. Didn't work very well but i'm happy to try again. And I found some hot self-hypnosis tapes to play for myself, just for fun, to listen to someone say d/s stuff at me.

Is the 'no pain' & 'no bondage' rule yours or his?

Neither really. Not a rule, just doesn't seem to lead things deeper the farther we go. I DO like some pain, but, so far, it doesn't look like going a lot farther in that direction will get me off more. And he is pretty neutral about it. He likes to bite me (thinks of it like eating me up) and I love it. We tried some spanking and it was fun not the end-all be all and it hurt his hand. He likes to gag me and I feel neutral about it. Both of us are neutral about other bondage. He tells me to keep still or holds me still which we both like. So, again, more d/s than bondage.

have you tried to find a story here on lit. that really really gets you horny and really thought about why? what aspects of the scene are essential, which a just filling and could be dispensed with. Whittle away, until your at the core of what to you is the main characteristics to a really horny scene.

This is one of those things that I Have tried, Has been helpful and have to do more. It's hard to find them because they are strong for the regular sex stories but mild for bdsm. Focus on equipment, blood, or even leaving marks is just a distraction for me, yet straight lovey-dovey sex leaves me cold (well tepid.)
Gee, this is so cool of you to help me like this. I'd be glad to return the favor when and if you feel like parsing something or ideas, and such.

The stories I liked best (besides one romantic mild bdsm story at bdsmlibrary.com) were in the non-human area -- werewolves, ghosties, and demon lovers. Definitely the lack of control, overwhelm, all the senses affected, kind of thing happening. Being taken over, ruthlessly, implacably, by non-physical means. hmm, this is giving me ideas. While he can't be non-human, of course, he Does like the sleeping beauty bit, and could perhaps, tell me what he's decided is going on with me, that I'm under his control, etc. (I go into subspace or something very like it, easily, so that should help).

Then with those specifics, ask him to do one role while you play the other?

If I can come up with a few simple guidelines, he might. He's Definitely not going to follow a script.

Surprisingly enough, even with all the trouble I've been giving him about all this lately, and how much he Hates trouble, he still manages to get it up for me almost every day, and sometimes twice on Sundays. It would probably be twice a day, every day, if I wasn't so damn difficult (and we didn't have other things to do sometimes)
(yeah, yeah, just showing off here, but I KNOW there's some folks out there who just so think I'm making my poor husband just SO miserable... and should let the poor old (48yo) dude alone already. So, yeah, he'd be the first to say I'm a pain in the topping from the bottom butt... but that just makes him want to do me Slightly less often than he does already, so boo hoo, poor him.

Yeah I really Am this mean. and Oh g-d do I love to fuck. And if You're not this full of Yourself (I suspect Netzach is) you Should be, it's fun! (And this full of Him too, as I am, or the One of your choice, of course... Yeah I could eat him up with a spoon, too, if he'd let me.... uummmm!)

Sorry, right-brain rant there, shelleb4. (not aimed at you.) Will control self better in future.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Submissive, stoney. Submissive, submissive, submissive, sub motherfuckin missive. That's what you are and all you are and bless you.


Any questions??