Sincerely would like feedback where to go next with story.

[DreadPirateWestley]

Summary of the problem. Long ago I wrote a story. Over the years I have wanted to write the next part but no matter what I try, I don't care for it as much. I am unsure where the story should go next. I hope this isn't a violation of any policy, I would love to have feedback where the next part should go, particularly from female readers, since I have had more positive responses from female readers. It is a long slow build. https://literotica.com/s/my-sensual-power

The reason for the delay was also losing access to the account email. I was finally determined to get back in do something with the story. Thanks in advance.

Summary:
To his astonishment, a young man finds that he is able to mental "touch" someone. Not only are they able to feel it but he is as well. First, he tests it on his sister, in a mostly non-sexual way. Next non-sexually with his mother. Eventually, he uses his ability with his girlfriend and eventually really takes the cork out of the bottle.

 

[Rob_Royale]

After ten years if you haven't advanced the story in your own mind, its probably best to leave it be.

 

[Carnevil9]

Nobody is going to read a 12 thousand word story just to see if they might be able to provide an idea for a sequel. How about you provide a one-paragraph synopsis?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Sadly, if it hasn’t lit your fuse as yet, you might be better advised to use your talents on another tale. Good luck.

 

[AlinaX]

As with many such themes, the eroticism is in the transition from normality to the extreme. The conflict is in overcoming everyday morality and sexual inhibition.

Where do you find conflict in a Mind Control story like this after the discovery phase is over? By letting those controlled be real people with needs and desires that either the controller can't control or does not want to.

"With my power, I can make you the woman of my deepest fantasies..."

"Gods, yes, do it! Make me your slut. Make me strip naked in a public mall bathroom where men can pee in my mouth while I masturbate!"

"The fuck?"

 

[StillStunned]

He "touches" the wrong person: someone with the same power. They struggle for control.

 

[LupusDei]

The first question to answer is, why you ever want to continue this story? After some meandering, it had reached a desirable end state, one potentially stable at that. Any sequel will need a significant diversion, complications, solution and a new end state. Even if it's just a loop that end up basically in just restoration of the same general position at the end.

I understand the desire to explore what could be done with this guy's special power. I really like how limited it is, and yet how much creative potential it packs. By all means, avoid making him more powerful than he already is. Power creep is boring and deadly to storylines. Refinements, "horizontal" developments are perhaps okay, but there's already more than necessary to deal with virtually any problem creatively. And as stated, this guy doesn't lack on imagination -- his power is literally based on it.

The obvious diversion is to make his relationship with Isabella difficult. That's almost a necessity in any case. Our guy isn't the type to go out of his way to build a harem. He would find himself abhorrent if he somehow decided to do just that. Doesn't mean, he can't end up with an "accidental" harem, or simply a string of erotic encounters. But, our nice weirdo would need to be pushed around to get even in those. And there's your chance.

Isabella think he control people and seem to have fallen into a sub role. There's at least two misconceptions about the situation from her perspective already. Further, as she see it, it absolves her need to make decision about her distant, existing boyfriend(s). Even if "superman" was the same guy, she's not necessarily done with him or them. All she decided for is to give to be with Robby as her Saturday's boyfriend, and, gasp, she was forced into it. Delightfully so, sure, but it absolves any obligation from her part. And there's potential for disappointment -- Robby is no Dom and may struggle if that's demanded by Isabella, especially if she make those demands through deliberate transgressions and challenges.

Robby would see it as cheating, of course.

There's other ways, including, but in no means limited to, the silly but entertaining cliche of having Isabella hell bent to make Robby take as many other girls as possible. But while that's a bit tired, I think there's great potential along similar lines but with more subtlety.

It's almost guaranteed he will come clear with Isabella about the real abilities and known limitations, to explain his failure to control her if not otherwise, but how his tendency to launch into lectures about a baseball ball is, it may happen quasi-randomly.

Then, all she need to do is to brag to someone how Robby is satisfying her otherworldly with three mouths two dicks and seven hands at once, and he will be chased by a cadre of hot girls wanting to experience that purely as a novelty, with "is it really cheating if you aren't even touching me for real?" to boot. Heck, I reread the above sentence and, why wouldn't Isabella want to recreate some of those fantastic situations all in flesh, involving however many real guys necessarily? Just to, she's now curious how that would make her feel.

Then, the way to make powerful struggle is to task them with other people's problems.

Can he make Betty think it's Dave who's actually touching her?

The more people learn about his power, and the cat is already out of the bag, the more potential to request his services to enhance and shortcut developing situations.

He's uniquely positioned to sit in the corner of an orgy and mentally participate in every copulation in the room to some extent. More, he's the likely power to get it going.

His sister may figure it out by herself he might do some such, and know how to ask him so he couldn't say no.

Beyond the sex, he can completely destroy any baseball game he's present, and win millions on sports betting. And thus attract the wrong people. Eventually, get recruited into the paranormal abilities squad of three letters agency. Roped by off-white guys appealing to his duty to help to mess up with dark-grey people. And they may demand this to be kept secret from Isabella and anyone else.

And so on.