Since you put it that way. (Game.)

[RodenAddison]

Some people struggle to write dialogue. I thought I'd post this and see what happens. The first 2 posts show how it is supposed to flow. This is not an RP. We're not trying to write a story, just learn to play with writing dialogue. By quoting the previous message (bottom right newbies, and welcome all) the original is always included. It's easy to cut and paste the narrative from the post before and include it with the dialogue. Please do so or the people after will have to figure out what you've done. Don't be too restricted. If it means revising some of the wording in the narrative, go for it.

Rules.

Write a sentence or short set up paragraph (no more than three sentences) including a sentence that is narrative to be turned to dialogue. Next person answers and writes something new for the next person to change.

---

Billy felt trapped. He liked this girl—he really did, but she'd back him into a corner when she'd asked if there was anything he didn't like about her. He decided to tell the truth and told her he didn't like that she scratched her ass when she was nervous.

(The next post is the reply with the quote, the new sentence after and the new narrative for conversion to dialogue.)

 

[RodenAddison]

Some people struggle to write dialogue. I thought I'd post this and see what happens. The first 2 posts show how it is supposed to flow. This is not an RP. We're not trying to write a story, just learn to play with writing dialogue. By quoting the previous message (bottom right newbies, and welcome all) the original is always included. It's easy to cut and paste the narrative from the post before and include it with the dialogue. Please do so or the people after will have to figure out what you've done. Don't be too restricted. If it means revising some of the wording in the narrative, go for it.

Rules.

Write a sentence or short set up paragraph (no more than three sentences) including a sentence that is narrative to be turned to dialogue. Next person answers and writes something new for the next person to change.

---

Billy felt trapped. He liked this girl—he really did, but she'd back him into a corner when she'd asked if there was anything he didn't like about her. He decided to tell the truth and told her he didn't like that she scratched her ass when she was nervous.

(The next post is the reply with the quote, the new sentence after and the new narrative for conversion to dialogue.)

(Previously)

Billy felt trapped. He liked this girl—he really did, but she'd back him into a corner when she'd asked if there was anything he didn't like about her. "Cindy, you have a problem. Do you know you scratch your butt every time something makes you nervous?" (Canadian spelling optional.)

---

(New)

Every time I come here, he thought to himself feeling the childs foot kicking the back of his seat. He turned and told the man behind him to get his kid under control.

 

[RodenAddison]

(Previously)

Billy felt trapped. He liked this girl—he really did, but she'd back him into a corner when she'd asked if there was anything he didn't like about her. "Cindy, you have a problem. Do you know you scratch your butt every time something makes you nervous?" (Canadian spelling optional.)

---

(New)

Every time I come here, he thought to himself feeling the childs foot kicking the back of his seat. He turned and told the man behind him to get his kid under control.

One more bump. If it doesn't take, fair enough.

---

Repost

Every time I come here, he thought to himself feeling the childs foot kicking the back of his seat. "Hey, Mister. You can see you're kid's kicking the back of the my chair like he does every time I come to these concerts. Want to do something about it before you and I have a real problem here?"

--

(for transition to dialogue.)

I told her she was pretty.

-

 

[oggbashan]

(for transition to dialogue.)

I told her she was pretty.

-

"Your order of chicken supreme, sir."

"Thank you. You know you're too pretty to be working here, don't you?"

"I don't know about that, sir. I meet so many men who compliment me. But I go home to my husband and kids."

"Then they are lucky to have a wife and mother like you."

"Sometimes they think I ought to stop serving in soup kitchens."

***

She said she would die if he didn't call her.

 

[oggbashan]

Alternative: I told her she was pretty.

"I think you are pretty," I said.

She was silent for a long time.

"That's an odd thing for you to say," she said.

"Why? Because I am blind and can't see you? I can hear you, listen to you as you talk to me and to the others. I might not know what you look like, but I do know how you work and how much happiness you bring to me and to all of us. In my mind you are pretty. Even if I could actually see you, it wouldn't change my opinion. I think you are pretty."

A tear dropped on my bald head. Why? It took me weeks to find out.

The bomb that destroyed my sight had badly burned her. She had chosen to work with the blind during the years necessary to rebuild her face.