Since you liked the other PHysics joke...

[JazzManJim]

Two atoms run into each other. One atom says, "I think I lost an electron."
The second atom asks, "Are you sure?"
The first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."

 

[Spinaroonie]

The best way to accelerate windows is at 9.8 feet a second.

 

[cybergirly]

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

 

[Mountain Man]

Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.

 

[cybergirly]

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

 

[cybergirly]

A psychologist makes an experiment with a mathematician and a physicist. He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him: "I´ll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you´re not allowed to stand up." the mathematician runs away, yelling: "in that case, I´ll never get to this woman!". After that, the psychologist takes the physicist and tells him the plan. The physicist starts grinning. the psychologist asks him: "but you´ll never get to this woman?", the physicists tells him: "sure, but for all practical things this is a good approximation."

 

[Dillinger]

Geek jokes!!!
------------

Three engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God
must be.

The electrical engineer says “God has to be an electrical engineer
– just look at the human body’s nervous system.”

The mechanical engineer says “Nah, God is a mechanical
engineer. Only a great mechanical engineer could design the
body’s joints and muscles.”

The civil engineer smiles and says “You guys are both wrong. I
know God is a civil engineer – who else would put a waste
disposal line right through a great recreation area?”

 

[Dillinger]

A professor of mathematics at the local university sent the
following fax to his wife:

"Dear Wife:
You must, of course, realize that you are 57 years old and are no
longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife,
and sincerely hope you will not be offended or hurt to learn that,
by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel
with my 19-year-old student teaching assistant. I will be home
before midnight. Sincerely, Your Husband"

By the time he got to the hotel with the young lady, there was a
faxed letter waiting for him. It read:

"Dear Husband:
You too are 57 years old. By the time you receive and read this
letter, I will be at the Break Away Motel with the 19-year-old
pool boy. As you are the mathematician, I'm sure you realize that
19 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 19. Therefore,
don't wait up.

Your Wife"

 

[cybergirly]

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, "I wish you to bring peace in this region".

After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, "Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me".

Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, "I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even."

After another deliberation the genie asks, "Could I see that map again?"

 

[JazzManJim]

plasma physician...tokamak...

Congratulations!

You are the first person to ever use these word in a single post here at Lit!

 

[cybergirly]

Congratulations!

You are the first person to ever use these word in a single post here at Lit!

I try to be original

 

[InnocentAngel81]

A professor of mathematics at the local university sent the following fax to his wife:

eww mental picture

 

[patient1]

cybergirly, I'm impressed

 

[Dillinger]

Three engineers were in a car when they came to a light and
stopped. The motor sputtered and choked a bit and then died.
The chemical engineer said, "I think it's not getting enough gas.
Maybe we ought to check the fuel line." The electrical engineer
said, "No, it sounded to me like it's not getting enough juice.
Maybe we ought to check the plugs." The third, a systems
engineer said, "Why don't we all get out of the car, and then get
back in again, and see if it won't start up."

 

[cybergirly]

cybergirly, I'm impressed

Thankyou

 

[cybergirly]

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum

 

[JazzManJim]

I bought one of those new HeisenbergMobiles the other day, but I had to take it back.

Every time I looked at the speedometer, I got lost.

 

[cybergirly]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

 

[JazzManJim]

Did you hear about that new bestselling bok about Helium?

Apparently, you just can't put it down.

 

[patient1]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

 

[JazzManJim]

Where does light do when it's bad?

To a prism.

 

[cybergirly]

How did I get drawn in to this?

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.

The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?"

 

[cybergirly]

What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door

 

[JazzManJim]

What's the difference between a Quantum Mechanic and Miss America?

A QM uses Planck's Constant as a foundation, and MA uses Cover Girl.

(And cybergirly, youre' here because you just can't resist me. )

 

[cybergirly]

Originally posted by JazzManJim

(And cybergirly, youre' here because you just can't resist me. ) [/B]

Of course that must be it...