Silly Stuff Challenge

[EriAliSaa]

Because I haven't seen a place for it I thought I would make one. Make something incredibly stupid and post it here. I don't think everything stupid and silly is a limerick right? Limericks have to be sung and have a structure right? Well someone correct me if I'm wrong

 

[EriAliSaa]

boob guitar

When he starts a strummin'
I can't help from hummin'
Its a pretty catchy tune

I'm wishin he'd be more tenor
Instead of playing me like a fender
An' I'm startin' ta think he's a loon.

He's a heavy metal fella
As I'm sure he'll tell ya
Which really mean he's a bafoon.

Cuz my boobs at for strummin'
I really shouldn't be a hummin'
It just encourages that goon!

 

[EriAliSaa]

That is based on real life. The other day, I yelled upstairs at the hubby asking him if he locked the car. I swear he yelled back "What? Locked the car?" And I affirmed that's what I was asking. He insist he heard "Did boob guitar?" then asked "What's boob guitar?" which I said "Yeah, would you?"

So he came along, took one of my arms, held it out at like a 15 degree angle and started playing my poor tender nipples like a guitar. He almost didn't live through that.

 

[champagne1982]

Here's one I posted in response to an annaswirls challenge. It was all about the way native North Americans named the months/moons. I was born in November so hence the title. It is the frost moon and beaver moon names for the month combined.

Frosted Beaver Moon

Sleek beaver nibbles on wood,
a timely plug placed in a gap and slapped
into submission with a bit of tail.
That fat tail of delicacy, you pelted little rodent.
Don't get lodged in the opening, baby,
use it to slip out into the stream.
Into water, where the waddle
turns into a graceful whirl
beneath the frost moon
reflection on the pond.

 

[FifthFlower]

The Quest to Factor Primes

This is supposedly a true story, but I heard it so long ago, I don't know if it is true or just urban legend.

He says she's prime and on display:
She's published for the world to see
And has a life through his decree.
For fourteen years, a prime she'll stay,
Until some guy will see his prey
And factor her. Then go away.

 

[FifthFlower]

A Brief Blond Flash of Inspiration

My tiny skirt could blow up high,
If I would flirt and show the guy.

 

[EriAliSaa]

Those are great!

 

[unapologetic]

Older silliness

I didn't write this for the challenge, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I read your description. I wrote this maybe 14 years ago, when I was a senior in college and lost my expensive graphing calculator. If memory serves, it was in the middle of the semester when I took calculus, too. It really sucked (the fact that I lost it, not the poem). Anyway...

My Calculator's Tan

My calculator eloped with
my roommate's watch.
They went to Aruba, I think.
I should have seen it coming,
knowing that my calculator's
weak spot was
digital watches.
He left me a note,
my calculator did.
But I have to admit I
couldn't read it;
it was written in binary code.
Very considerate of him, though,
considering I had a
calculus exam that week.

My calculator eloped with
my roommate's watch.
I hope he gets a sunburn.

 

[FifthFlower]

Just Adding to the Nonsense

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Just came to my senses,
So now I'll leave ... I'm still working on the ending to this one.

 

[EriAliSaa]

For a few hours of continuous rest

Bed during the day
Trampoline by night
Baby giving me a break
Let me sleep some tonight

 

[FifthFlower]

Looking Forward To Him

She loves that he is talking to her.
She smiles and giggles with delight.
One day she hopes he gets to do her,
But she is getting done tonight.

 

[RhymeFairy]

Wrote this one, way back when
... son is five now and still a hoot ~!!


Three Year Old Runs Afoul


Sitting at the computer, alone so I thought.
In came the kids, I knew not what they sought.
The smallest one was holding a stick,
Looking up from puter, and trying to be quick.
I looked him over, waiting to see what was amiss,
When into the room came this....

A big fat chicken came flying through,
Oh my, Holly crap, what to do.
Falling outta my chair, and jumping up fast,
I watch the chicken go flying past.
It flew through the kitchen, landing on the stove.
The kids screaming, laughing, me shouting "Catch him by Jove!!!"

After the chicken goes Lil son, stick in hand,
One would have thought he was leading the band.
Running, screaming, laughing with delight.
My kids were upon it, it was alight...

Flying to the table, the desk, and chair.
I started screaming "Get away from there!!!"
It flew to the fridge, landing on the top.
Kids giggling, me screaming "I wish you would stop!!"

Stick waving, kids running, I am a mess,
The crazy thing flew right into my chest....
Jumping, dancing, screaming am I,
The kids rolling in laughter it flew right by.
Grabbing a towel, I lunge for it,
Tripping over myself "Oh Shit~!!"

Catching my footing I throw the towel,
Finally catching that stupid fowl.
Smiling, laughing "Finally some relief"
Hearing my kids giving me grief...

Taking the chicken out the door.
Away that stupid chicken did soar.
Back into the house I went with glee.
Rid of that crazy chicken, happy I be.

The kids still laughing all over the house.
Except the Lil one, he was quiet as a mouse.
To my Lil love I did go.
Taking his stick, away I did throw.
Out the door the Lil one ran.
Chasing that stupid chicken again ...


..

 

[EriAliSaa]

Wrote this one, way back when
... son is five now and still a hoot ~!!


Three Year Old Runs Afoul

..

OMG! I think i would have run out of the house and called animal control or an exterminator or something. Thanks hon that made me smile while I am sitting here considering locking my monsters in a closet. I think I want a boy with this one.... but god, my girls are wild enough a boy might kill me

 

[WynEternal]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who said, "I am no poet, so fuck it."
He lost the girl of his dreams,
To his rival it seems,
Because he told her, "Get on your knees, bitch, and suck it."

 

[FifthFlower]

Watch Out For the Wand

My hair is long and giggly blond.
My eyes are pretty blue.
My smile is like a witch's wand
When waved that captures you.

 

[champagne1982]

Attention: Human Resources Department Manager

Re: Medical Leave of Absence

.
Dear Sir,

I was on my way to work this morning and just as I approached the bus stop I saw my puppy running across the street. Needless to say, I just had to catch him and return him safely to my yard. I hurried off in the direction he had gone, between the houses and into the backyard of one of my neighbours. As I rounded the corner, to race down the walk I felt a painful scrape against my calf, the downspout of the rain gutter had caught my stocking and the flesh beneath. I looked, in dismay, at the blood running down and the pull in my hosiery running up my leg.

I silently cursed my luck, supposing that I'd have a chance to stop and pick a new pair of pantyhose at a store during my coffee break: if I could only capture my, now delightedly yipping, puppy. I headed off towards the commotion and stepped through the gate. My luck being what it is, the handle of a garden rake came up and thwacked me in the face, at the very same time my ankle twisted beneath me. The ball of my foot was on fire with pain, impaled as it was on one of the metal tines.

Stumbling backward, I felt myself losing my balance and my handbag at the same time. My arm extended back to protect my spine from the damage the fence would have heaped on it and a huge splinter pierced my palm. My wails of pain and dismay were lost amidst the gleeful barking of my puppy as he welcomed me to the ground, at his level. Everything then went black as my purse landed on my head, knocking me unconscious.

Thankfully, my neighbour was just coming out to empty her trash and called 911. The doctor says I'll be able to return to work in a couple of weeks, once he allows me up out of traction. I'm so terribly sorry to put you through this inconvenience.

Sincerely,
.

I. M. Aklutz

 

[FifthFlower]

Waiting for Her Man

The monsters underneath her bed,
And lovers up on top,
Will hold her till she's truly wed,
When her man makes them stop.

 

[champagne1982]

I don't know how many poets were here at the time we were visited by a fellow who wrote some creepy incest poetry. As a group, we weren't very welcoming and the prevalent attitude of "holier-than-thou-ish-ness" prompted this poem.

Alphabet Suess

There once was a bowl of alphabet soup
That hung out and posted in a poetry group
Whose words were chock full of meaning and punny
They even were quippish and sometimes, quite funny.

The creatures that were close to the alphabet soup
Lived far removed from the crass durty storeez group
Their weather was always warmish and sunny
A haven from sub-poems and thoughts about money.

A citizen of the darker side the forum,
Made a visit to the high-minded quorum,
And said, "Now look here!"
His mouth tied in a sneer,
"You're literary codswollop.
"I'll be rude to you and call you, Trollop.
"If I so wish,
"I'll even jump in this dish.
"This hot, yummy scoop,
"of alphabet soup."

The poets leapt high.
They jumped through the hoop
Held high aloft
By the alphabet soup
And said, "Hey now! That's not what we're all about.
"Your message is garbled. Please, sir, don't shout.

"We understand that you think we're as naughty
"As you, nasty boy, who thinks Sis is a hotty.
"We've got news for you, you silly brother,
"We're all even worse, 'cos we wanna fuck mother!"

Thus, did this battle of wits rage for days.
The poets were trapped in an incestuous haze.
And the bowl of alphabet soup, you inquire?
Well, the letters were all trampled, into the mire.

Alas! What was left to nourish the muse
When her worshippers sought to demean and confuse?
They'd forgot what it was that tied them up tight
They were mistaken about, what it was, they should fight.

It's not your ideals and dogma we battle
Not even trite comment and idle prattle.
Our enemy has always been right over here
Our enemy is ignorance and yes, we should fear
The grip that it holds tight 'round our throats
Squishing our voice, turning men into goats.

Bleating our cries into the dark night,
Tear off the blinders and see the bright light
Of knowledge as it waits over there in the dish
Of alphabet soup. There's more, if you wish.

 

[FifthFlower]

Now Where Did My Little Snake Go

The snake that she remembers best,
The one with whom she flunked the test
Her husband graded that spring day,
Has secretly slid off away.

 

[EriAliSaa]

Wow Carrie. Intense. I like it. I don't remember any thing about that. Was I not around or just oblivious?

 

[champagne1982]

Wow Carrie. Intense. I like it. I don't remember any thing about that. Was I not around or just oblivious?

It was around 3 years ago, maybe 4. I think even silly stuff can carry a lesson, though and I love love love The Lorax...

I am the Lorax I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues
and I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs...
"What's that thing you've made out of my Truffula tuft?!"

Silly, but ...

 

[FifthFlower]

I am the Lorax I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues
and I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs...
"What's that thing you've made out of my Truffula tuft?!"

Yeah, I am curious also.

 

[FifthFlower]

Getting It From All Sides

Our Gods beg us to love, not hate,
And nature makes us procreate.

 

[FifthFlower]

My Main Man

Until he heard about the rest,
He was the man who was the best.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

A bit of regurgitation with apologies to those with weak stomachs -

Puke

The many ways your friends can tell
that you are feeling far from well.

Meet my good friends Ralph and Earl.
Pavement pizza or take Hughie for a whirl.
Blowing pretty chunks with a technicolour yawn.
Back-up chip special or colouring the dawn
Recycled brown bag involuntary spill.
Organ recital, or feeling really ill.
Do the Jersey yodel or the liquid laugh.
Heave, hawk, spew, honk, sprout or barf.
Kiss the can or yawn for the hearing impaired,
Get a refund on your lunch or decorate your beard.
Call the moose or spew snacks then make a visible burp
Taste lunch twice, drive the porcelain bus with Wyatt Earp
Make an offer to The Porcelain God or psychedelic spit,
Whistling beef projectile-style or pop a gastric zit​