Silly Questions.

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

Silly or otherwise.. everything lies in the eyes of the beholder.

anyways to the questions.

How have other people found the relationships they are in now? Did it start as a D/s relationship right out of the gate or have they evolved?.. I've read a few peoples accounts ect. But I'm trying to grasp just how to go about looking for someone that can fulfill my needs as a person? Or are my instincts right in telling me it's not much different then any other relationship and trial and error is going to be the only way? I've tried online dateing.. I've tried meeting others threw friends ( I'm a rather shy person until I get to know someone or have a few drinks to loosen me up.) I'm at a point where I'm just throwing my hands up in the air and going " DOH!" 'specially after my last relationship attempts at expressing my needs turned into my own lil' slice of hell. I've gotten over the past in that sense, but I'm getting compleately lost as to where to pick up where I left off.

comment,questions,thwaps upside the head all much appreciated.

I know this isn't something that anyone will have the magic answer too but some imput would be nice. I've tested the waters and I'm finding it hard to pick the right spot to jump in.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, not sure if ours is one of the accounts you have already read about...possible as it has been discussed a few times in threads. For me, it was a matter of deciding what it was I really wanted and needed in a relationship, having a great online mentor to guide me, then beginning to look in the D/s arena as it was part of the main criteria. I had plenty of vanilla relationships in the past which though good and bad, had not fulfilled the need I had, so didn't see much sense in going down that road again. It was reinforced through a couple of vanilla chance meetings of guys who were appealing in some way, but at the end of the day just were not going to be a Dominant and that was what I needed....cured me of entertaining those 'search anywhere and everywhere including vanilla' ideas.

I did it on the internet, I didn't limit myself geographically, met some good people, and found what went beyond anything I dared dream possible. Main piece of advice I give anyone who asks is to not allow yourself to compromise on those things you initially decided were must haves just because someone tells you you are too picky, or dreaming, unrealisitc, or not going to succeed....or worse still because you meet someone who has a momentary physical appeal that you have found before and know won't last. Lonliness and frustration can be a driving force behind settling for less, so it takes a lot of willpower and positive thought to keep following your dream and not being apologetic for believing you deserve to have it fulfilled.

Catalina

 

[LadyNatasha]

My husband and I met in an MMORPG, we're both gamer geeks. I brought up bdsm shortly after we started talking and discovered he was interested as well, things heated up, he came to visit for a week and a half and we ended up renting a place together the second day of his visit. The rest, as they say... is history. =)

 

[Desdemona]

T found my profile on Bondage.com. We talked for a while as friends and got to know each other as people. We found that we have alot in common. Then we met. At the first meeting, the chemistry and attraction were undeniable. The initial chemistry and attraction seems to be growing over time rather than diminishing as we grow closer and become more comfortable with each other.

 

[h_i_s]

Ok, you asked. i will forewarn all, the story of how we found the relationship we are in now is a LONG one:

It was definitely 'in the fates' that INSIDEYOURMIND and i find each other ...

Every relationship i had experienced always started out great, then slowly fizzled into a blah experience which left me yearning for more than what the other person was even capable of offering. It took walking away from two failed failed vanilla relationships, and then focusing only on myself for about six months before i finally understood a main part of the reason as to why each of the relationships did not work. i can't be happy with the dynamics of a traditional relationship. i can't be satisfied with a traditional sexlife. i NEED D/s.

June 25th of 2004, while coaxing google to locate erotic literature more in tune to what i had a craving for on that afternoon, the results yielded the url to collarme.com. i took great care in creating a profile there which not only described my mindset regarding disinterest in online and/or long distance relationships, outlined my desires regarding BDSM, and provided a physical description of myself, but also explained my limits regarding BDSM, & prefered age as well as experience as a DOM.

After setting up my profile i decided to search the collarme members directory for profiles belonging to DOMs within a 50 mile radious who fit into my prefered age group. Many were just ok yet not 'quite' fitting, and some were just too 'out there' or crazy for my taste and/or level of experience. i stumbled upon the profile of a DOM by the screen name of 'INSIDEYOURMIND'. He had a handsome yet very normal photo (no penis shot, no whips and leather or toys to boast, no blurred out face, etc) of Himself displayed. i found that the information provided in His profile was actually even quite promising. Everything He expressed interest in, as well as disinterest in, as well as His limits and desires regarding BDSM matched mine perfectly. i decided to step out of my normally restrained and apprehensive shell, and sent Him an email in which i answered every line contained on His profile.

i went to check my own email inbox and found well over 100 messages in reply to my profile. Many contained image file attachments. i read a dozen or so, found many of them to be from wannabes and wankers, which made it obvious to me that finding a DOM for me was going to be near to impossible so i deleted the remaining unopened emails in one shot.

Back at collarme i found many private messages waiting. Scrolling through them all i was intrigued to find one from INSIDEYOURMIND. He expressed interest and suggested we hop into Yahoo Messenger and chat a bit. He added a P.S. asking if my email to Him was in reply to one He had sent to me (uh oh ... i deleted that one... 'unread'). i messaged Him my Yahoo IM nick, we enjoyed chatting for an hour or more, than moved the conversation to the phone. Amazingly enough to each of us due to past 'not so good' experiences initiated via online contact, we found ourselves quite interested in each other.

We decided to get together the next day so as to get it over with, meet, decide we couldn't stand each other so that we could each get on with our less than satisfying lives. i drove to His home the following day (an hour drive) where we spent a few hours sitting in His living room just talking about everything and anything. When i got home later, we continued the conversation on the computer. Neither of us could disagree, to say that we were seriously attracted to & interested in each other would have been a tremendous understatement.We immediately set up to see each other again the very next day, and the next, and the next, and so on.

He placed His collar around my neck July 3rd. i am no longer His submissive, i am now His slave. (What that means to 'us', i exist to please Him, once initially offered, my submission to Him remains infinite and unlimited. my trust in Him does not waver & my obedience, likewise. The basis of our D/s relationship consists of trust, honor, respect and love.)

Plans to live together & marry ASAP began that August. We moved ourselves and children in together this past February 3rd. Our marriage will take place on April 24th 2005, with a more formal collaring ceremony to take place soon after.

This Man has brought more happiness, and peace and contentment to my life than i even knew could be possible. We get along wonderfully, actually LIKE each other's children, extended families, and friends. His like me, and mine like Him. Our children bonded immediately as well. What more can we ask for ( Well, there is one more miracle very much needed ... we both have faith that it WILL be answered, as well. )

We both believe it was 'written in the fates' that we find each other so as to live the 'happily ever after' which was once only something we each hardly even dared to dream could ever exist.

P.S. To those who are looking for thier 'fated dream-mates' ... DO NOT GIVE UP! Never settle for anything/anyone less than you desire and need. Offer a deaf ear toward, and ignore those who may discourage you in your search. Don't fall for the bit of others claiming you are being too picky, or asking/hoping for too much in who/what it is you dream of finding, simply keep the hope alive for yourself and it CAN happen. i wish for all to find as much happiness and peace in whatever it is they dream of as INSIDEYOURMIND and i have found. To those who already have: Congrats! Isn't it excruciatingly blissful ?!!??
¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent°º¤ø,¸ proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND

 

[serijules]

My relationship with my Domme existed many years before I really realized it. She knew, but it took me a bit longer to figure it out.

I don't even rememeber how we met...we shared the same circle of friends so thats where we knew each other from, but she never came in channel or posted much on the overlap board, and I wasn't as close to the people she was closest to, so...I really cannot recall when or how we connected; neither can she. Somehow I just got her IM nick and we talked like we'd known each other for years. We had known OF each other for years, but never talked, never met. So it really was a rather strange connection, and from that point (whenever it was) we were very close friends and she often treated me as her own and called me her own even though it wasn't appropriate at that time. She had other subs and other relationships and I just didn't think there was any room in there for me, so I never took her words seriously. I just figured she was being affectionate and that was her nature. Turns out I was more unique in that regard than I realized...she didn't just give everyone special names and call them one of her girls....

Anyhow...I belonged to a few others in the course of our friendship, one being her close friend. That relationship didn't work out very well...Dawnie had a hard time seeing me with someone else close to her when she knew I belonged with her, and my Domme at that time and I were just not compatible. When I ended that relationship, she was there for me and it just naturally evolved into where I should have been all along. She knew I needed to realize that on my own though, and it took some time, but I have no regrets about that at all. When I did become hers, I was *ready* for that change, ready for the level of submission that she demands. I feel like a newbie all over again with her, and it's incredible. We have everything my past relationships didn't have...communication, honest caring, respect for one another, realistic expections, passion, and love. The makings of a solid D/s relationship. I have no doubts whatsoever that this will be my last D/s relationship for a long long time. She collared me May 3rd, 2004. It will be a year soon that I've physically belonged to her, but emotionally it has been years. We are long distance, and that is very tough...my lifestyle doesn't allow for that to change right now, but I have a feeling in the next couple of years will bring me to be her 24/7. No rush on that...what's meant to be will happen in its own time.

 

[graceanne]

I've know K since I was 15, and he was 24. Of course nothing happened then, my step dad would have cut K's dick off. But I used to babysit for his brother and sister in law. Then, shortly after I graduated from high school, I asked him to take me to the state fair. He agreed, and we were married like a year later. lol I guess it was destined.

 

[YinandYang]

My marriage to my ex was very unfulfilling, and the thought of ever acting out my submissive fantasies with him actually made me feel sick! That led to the slow road of relationship death. I spent a good year or so examining myself, my needs, who I was and where I should be going. I made a promise to myself never to settle for second best, no matter how long the wait. I met my partner last year in a normal vanilla way...on the net. We are both very intense, deep thinking people. It wasn't long before I knew I had to tell him of the real me inside, I don't think we could have gotten close if I wasn;'t up front and honest. As it turned out he had the same burning inside, to control and dominate during sex, but also outside of sex we have a view that is very pagan, honouring the opposite sex etc. In a way, it was him that brought it all out and to the surface, and I to him. We discussed everything we had inside, and talked and talked and then talked some more. It seemed so (and still does) important that he see the real me, that I not hide anything from him and vice versa, a real baring of the souls. he first collared me back in January, and of course we are still learning. But I beleive any journey we take is as important as the destination. I think gut instinct has alot to do with how we conduct ourselves, or move forward. His openess and the feeling of fate we had allowed us both to be extrememly honest with each other, and that has us reaching for different levels constantly. If it doesn't click first time, I don't think it ever will.

 

[Quint]

Although the foundation of my relationship with T was built on a BDSM lifestyle, it was nothing like what we share now--it was largely fantasy and false expectations and roles, even though neither of us really admitted to it at the time. Lots of excitement, little of me. Through extensive self-examining, we have both taken huge steps away from that pretense and just are who we are. We've run the gamut of "what not to do in a relationship" and there were several points where all sane advice would have been to end it, but damned if sticking it out hasn't been the most fantastic move.

 

[Bandit58]

I met Master here at Lit, we were friends for almost a year until a LDR I was in ended badly and we became closer. He lived in Australia and I was in New Zealand, and it was a really big step for me to take that chance and hop on a plane - I come from a small rural area, had been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 23 years (had been out of it for 18 months by then though) and was finding my feet and myself and learning to live. It was my first plane trip and I was extremely nervous!

I had no BDSM experience at all but had always had fantasies of bondage, spanking, and being controlled. He was an experienced Master who had had several play subs but no one permanent. Both of us had been through bad marriages and learning to trust and love again was a huge step for us. That first meeting I stayed with Him for 3 weeks and by the third day we both knew this was something very special, and so I went back to NZ and made plans to move to Australia permanently. It meant leaving behind my friends and family, including my children. A huge step, but one I am so glad I took, because we've been together over a year now and are a very happy couple. He has health problems and I am able to serve Him by seeing to His health needs as well as sexual. I've learned so much in these months with Him and still so much to explore

{{{{{{{{Gil_T2}}}}}}}}

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

How have other people found the relationships they are in now?

We met here. I saw a post of his, thought it was funny. Ran a search, and really liked what he had to say. Sent him a PM. We began to talk back and forth. BDSM came up...and we discussed THAT at length. We decided to meet and see where things stood, what kind of chemistry we had, could it work for us as play partners. A year long LDR and a year living together later, we married a few weeks ago.

Did it start as a D/s relationship right out of the gate or have they evolved?

BDSM right out of the gate. He was a new dom, though, and I had only had about a year and a half experience with another dom. It was an interesting learning curve for both of us. We don't, as a rule, take ourselves very seriously, however, we were serious about one thing....we knew we wanted to define the KIND of relationship we wanted. We wanted a BDSM relationship that was firmly based in service, one that was 24/7, and one that allowed us to play. We came a long way really fast in that first year, pushing limits all over the place--I'd call that evolving, definitely.

Or are my instincts right in telling me it's not much different then any other relationship and trial and error is going to be the only way?

BDSM is just another relationship, albeit with kink . However, expecting to walk out into the vanilla world to find the dom of your dreams is probably somewhat unrealistic. On the other hand, stranger shit has happened. LOL. Don't expect to "turn" someone. I'd recommend starting out and b.com or one of the other sites. I'd recommend b.com over alt.com, and I've been hearing interesting things about collarme.com lately. Either way, if you do go to one of the other sites, I'd recommend participating in their fora as well as placing an ad. Lots of interesting people lurk, and it's not a bad way to be seen. Just like here.

Longest post I've typed in a while, LOL.

Back to lurking....

~Anelize

 

[Netzach]

We met at a munch, and while we sussed out that I was top he was bottom and while we played quite a bit in the beginning, I'd say our levels of *active* high protocol D/s and need for that kind of D/s is very fluid and flexible. There are many, most days where we would fit on the early 30's NPR listener bell curve just fine and there's no grand gesture of slavery or ownership and that suits us fine. Periodically though, I need to reinforce the power dynamic, for my own sanity, and he needs the outlet of subspace and time without control.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

update

Took a chance on a guy.. ka-boom. He was dommient enough for me.. but didn't give a wit about anything but himself. At least I got to blow off some sexual steam that was looking to blow my top off. So I find a suitable bed-partner match.. and the relationship end doesn't work... *Giggles* ..The gods must just be rolling up there... At least I'm learning.

 

[slave C]

My Master and I have been married to each other for 20 years. A friend told us about the BDSM life and we studied it for a few months before we really got into. Master used to be in the medical field and at first He found it difficult to hurt the one He loved. However, He has quickly gotten over such foolish notions. I have always been submissive in nature, so it came easy for me. We are both still learning and we have found a wonderful peace and serenity come into our lives. This is a 24/7 lifestyle for us and has definetly carried over into our public lives. I catch myself heeling my Master in public and other stuff too. It surprises both of us. Good luck in your quest. submissively slave c

 

[mithragoddess]

The relationship I am in now has been ongoing for two years, we started out as FTF, grew to faithful Bf/Gf and I naturally went submissive on him. Though it is my nature anyway, he found it amusing. Sometimes I'll be obviously submissive but its not something that happens 24/7. Ours just kinda developed like that and its something we dab in once in a while which can be aggrivating sometimes when one is feeling it and the other isnt, but thats something different alltogether. GL MG