Silent Communication

[Shadowsdream]

Silence is a potent tool in the D/s world. It can convey a multitude of emotions depending upon many variables. Depending upon the situation it can be a positive or a negative. Silence can show strength or weakness or...well you get the idea!
Anyone interested in a conversation about silence and its potent impact seen through your own experience or fantasy?

 

[bunny bondage]

silence is anticipation. when i can't see what's going on during a scene, and nothing seems to be happening, and i can't hear anything, i'm driven WILD with curiousity. for all i know, He could just be standing there, doing nothing, but my mind races with all the possibilites, just waiting for Him to act.

my silence is a different story. sometimes, i'm silent after He asks a question that i don't want to answer, or can't find the words for. these questions are usually asked mid-scene and start with "why". such as "why do you like it?" (this is the most common one) He usually gets the answer He's looking for, and i always end up blushing at my own response.

my silence can also be a struggle. He will often tell me to be quiet while He's busy fucking my brains out. now how am i supposed to accomplish that? but i always try, and the result is that i make several silly sounding sqeaking noises. (behold, the squeaking bunny)

silence can also be very intimidating. when we're just hanging out, having lunch or whatever, and i look over to see Him staring intently at me, refusing to answer my questions of "what?" i know something's about to happen, and i'm probably going to end up red and sweaty. but i seem to become locked into His cool composure and feel completly at a loss for what to do. i just freeze, waiting for Him to indicate direction for me.

 

[Shadowsdream]

silence is anticipation. when i can't see what's going on during a scene, and nothing seems to be happening, and i can't hear anything, i'm driven WILD with curiousity. for all i know, He could just be standing there, doing nothing, but my mind races with all the possibilites, just waiting for Him to act.

my silence is a different story. sometimes, i'm silent after He asks a question that i don't want to answer, or can't find the words for. these questions are usually asked mid-scene and start with "why". such as "why do you like it?" (this is the most common one) He usually gets the answer He's looking for, and i always end up blushing at my own response.

my silence can also be a struggle. He will often tell me to be quiet while He's busy fucking my brains out. now how am i supposed to accomplish that? but i always try, and the result is that i make several silly sounding sqeaking noises. (behold, the squeaking bunny)

silence can also be very intimidating. when we're just hanging out, having lunch or whatever, and i look over to see Him staring intently at me, refusing to answer my questions of "what?" i know something's about to happen, and i'm probably going to end up red and sweaty. but i seem to become locked into His cool composure and feel completly at a loss for what to do. i just freeze, waiting for Him to indicate direction for me.

Thank you little bunny...Apparently you have had many tastes of silence..and even the negatives have a positive. A facinating look into the power of silence that stimulates the mind and causes the flow of erotic thoughts and sensations if I am correct in My interpretation!

 

[lark sparrow]

Attuned silence - connected and content without verbal communcation, peaceful, in sync.

Anxious/anticipatory silence - using the silence to tease, push or dominate the senses, mood, desires or feelings, straining, the fine hairs on the back on the neck rising, trying not to squirm, delicious torture.

Dreaded silence - perception of negative emotion hanging in the air, nearly unbearable but afraid to break the silence for what may be exposed.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Silent Communication

Attuned silence - connected and content without verbal communcation, peaceful, in sync.

Anxious/anticipatory silence - using the silence to tease, push or dominate the senses, mood, desires or feelings, straining, the fine hairs on the back on the neck rising, trying not to squirm, delicious torture.

Dreaded silence - perception of negative emotion hanging in the air, nearly unbearable but afraid to break the silence for what may be exposed.

Thank you lark sparrow for this condensed version that leaves nothing out in the simplicity of the complex emotions surrounding silence. Thought provoking in all of the nuances exposed for consideration!

 

[WynEternal]

For me there was one more silence to add to what Lark Sparrow said. It was the punishing silence.

After the dreaded silence has passed and the weight of your actions fall upon you. The disappointment in your Master/Mistress' voice as you are told the magnituted of your errors lingers in your thoughts. Your mind cries to beg forgiveness as you are told to leave their presence for a certain amount of time.

 

[WillowPuss]

Silence is a potent tool in the D/s world. It can convey a multitude of emotions depending upon many variables. Depending upon the situation it can be a positive or a negative. Silence can show strength or weakness or...well you get the idea!
Anyone interested in a conversation about silence and its potent impact seen through your own experience or fantasy?

I experienced silence on Monday.
It was not a comfortable (for me) silence - but one that made me feel sick. Sick with shame and aprehension and dread and ... well, all sorts of things. It was a silence I had earned because I had disappointed Him.
He began the silence with a stare and raised eyebrows.
The silence was finally ended with me seeking permission to speak and explain.

I feel this was a silence that showed His strength. He had no need to voice His disappointment for I knew what had caused most of it. The silence gave me time to really feel the shame and guilt of acting in a manner that caused the disappointment.


(I have since been 'forgiven' - the punnishment is on hold until W/we are fully alone. *gulp*)

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Re: Silent Communication

Thank you lark sparrow for this condensed version that leaves nothing out in the simplicity of the complex emotions surrounding silence. Thought provoking in all of the nuances exposed for consideration!

One of my favorites that came to mind in the second I outlined (anticipating silence) is during play. Being bound, blinfolded is one way, or the force of self-control, through being told not to open eyes and not to move from position... and then no verbal commands (unless corrective) only the slaps of palm, crop, flogger, and my responding noises... waiting for the next one, wondering where it will land and how hard, sometimes being surprised by a caress instead of a slap and flinching nonetheless, at times sensing a pattern, and then the long pause, not knowing if it's over or just begun. Such a powerful combination of sensations, emotions, desires and instincts assaulting me all at once and being utterly focused on Her. Connected, but purposely not allowed to accurately anticipate, slipping futher into surrender and need.

It can also be used in Her gestures. If it's not a known and understood ritual, trying to second guess what position She wants me in, what would most please Her - keeping me in that slightly anxious, off balance state on purpose. Seeing what I will do. Receiving a pleased smile in doing something as She wished or even doing something She didn't expect but really likes or in turn receiving a corrective physical adjustment (or a verbal command, but that doesn't fit into the silence topic) to show me how She wanted it done.

 

[pierced_boy]

Silence allows us to explore our headspace

Uninterupted

When playing words in particular but any intrusive sounds irriatate and distract us from our internal processes, from our concentration and from our sensations from our acceptance and our headspace. I am a silent sub and never want to make a "premeditated" sound. My partner needs to judge the situation and get feedback in other ways. Having that other "language" is important and must be almost instinctive for both of us. We have been together 25yrs so this is highly developed thankfully.

In other threads about safewords there was quite some discussion about checkins** and how to do them without interupting the scene too much and how words in particular can be negative. For us this is so and we make little conversation or none at all when playing

{**Cym offered some insight that was realy useful!! The main crux of thread was about safewords but addressed this subject.} .

The other comments here give real insight into the lives of 24/7 D/s folk (we are not) Thanks

H

 

[James G 5]

Shameless plug for my story "Her Master's Eyes".....It's fiction, but the description of the technique of blindfolding someone and then cutting off their hearing by just being QUIET and requring her to do the same is something I have done
It's an interesting form of mental sensory dep

 

[Shadowsdream]

Silence is a multi talented tool in this lifestyle meant to soothe or torment, train or discipline. It can be incredibly destructive in the wrong hands if it is a tool used in anger or arrogance that shows no empathy at the end of its use.
It can be used to place a distance between disappointment in anothers behaviour allowing for time to internalize the reality of what has occured, allowing both to clearly understand their own emotions before reacting.
In play it generally intensifies the mind fuck and changes the perception of time until occassionaly it actually seems to stand still when the silence is incorporated with no physical contact at all. Silence coupled with fast repetitions of whipping or some such contact can cause time to speed in the mind to such a degree that one feels a 30 minute session was over in 10 minutes.
Silence is a mind fuck...or a catalyst to a private internalization of emotion..or...
I am enjoying this conversation and look forward to hearing more examples from you all.

 

[Justina123]

Silence as a submissive's tool

Sir will occasionally ask me to do something which pushes my limits a bit, or may in some way be a new experience, etc. (He will only "ask" if it is something a bit beyond what he knows I am comfortable with- otherwise I am not asked, but simply instructed.) Over time, I have discovered that the best way to let him know that this is something I need to discuss with him is to say "Yes, Sir) but then to give him a silent but direct look in his eyes, and wait silently, eyes downcast afterwards. This way, there is nothing which could remotely be interpreted by him, or others if we are at a play party or even, as disobedience or whining. Just a quick and silent glance upwards (since I spend a lot of time kneeling at his side, ha) and then waiting silently, and he will almost always take a moment to allow me to speak, or take me aside when in public.

This way silence is a tool for me.

- justina

 

[MissTaken]

Justina,
That is a great use of silence and a wonderful description. I like that this communication isn't seen or percieved as disobedience or whining.

Wonderful!

And I haven't said this yet, but I enjoy your posting and am glad to see your thoughts as well as share in your happiness.

We should do coffee sometime!

 

[serijules]

Silence is a given for me, being I am deaf.

However, it's also given me the ability to learn to communicate without needing words, something I have had many partners compliment me on. Finding someone that also has that skill is wondrous.

I have one person I play with, he canes me, and our entire scenes are usually done silently...there is no need for him to speak to me or I to him, we communicate amazingly through small gestures and watching each others body language even though we do not play often. He can be sitting across the room and I just look at him intently, without taking my gaze away when he meets it...and he knows what I want, and the canes come out. He doesn't need to stop and ask me how I'm doing; a hand on my back will get a small, barely noticeable nod from me, and he knows I'm all right to continue. If the hand doesn't move, I know he needs me to look at him so he can gauge where I am by my expression. If it gets to be too much, he's realized that the slight tense lift of my palm or the length of time that my leg lingers bent up into the air rather than remaining in position after a particularly painful stroke, means that I am nearing my limits.

When he switches canes, he will slip the end into my palm so I know what he is doing...but if I am too far into subspace, he can tell by how badly I'm shaking, and he will just slowly settle the cane into his target and continue. He will hold 3 fingers up in my line of sight, and I know he is telling me that there are 3 strokes left, and they will be the hardest, but then we are done. We've never talked about these things, they are just there and we both understand them. There is no relationship between us other than occasional play partners and friends, and it's so simple. It's very powerful for me.

With another person I play with, and this person being someone I am very close to and means a lot to me, I have also experienced this level of communication. It was fleeting, unexpected, but just as powerful...and something I just know will be a part of our play again. It makes me shiver to think of it. It's very alluring. Very fascinating. Very erotic. As much as I loved the actions in the scene we had...it was that sharing of silent communication that made me shiver and smile. She left an impression on me without saying a word.

I look for this often in others..it tells me a lot about a person. I often find myself thinking that people depend on words too much and don't pay enough attention to the silent details. The words only say so much...it is the actions that go with them that give them the meaning, and the ability to communicate your wants and needs and intentions without speaking so much of a single word, is a sign of strength and security in the relationship, no matter what the nature of that relationship is.

Silent communication is one of the most powerful things I've ever experienced. It's actually more of a rarity than I ever thought it would be.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Silence is

truly golden sometimes.

 

[s'lara]

It grows

A particularly stunning and effective use of silence in this lifestyle is the "calm before the storm silence when the submissive has erred and is about to be punished for it."

Good gracious, that silence starts out being pointed and seemingly painful when experienced. Then as it continues, it grows into this vast space where you (the sub) begin to see your error over and over in slow motion and every detail is magnified.

Finally, it becomes consuming and the next thing you know, you are near tears and desperate for the Dominant to say anything ... even an "I am so disappointed in you little one" would be better than dealing with a silence that makes you look inward and examine what was done wrong.

ack. That kind of silence turns your toes cold and makes the world into crap until They finally speak.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: It grows

A particularly stunning and effective use of silence in this lifestyle is the "calm before the storm silence when the submissive has erred and is about to be punished for it."

Good gracious, that silence starts out being pointed and seemingly painful when experienced. Then as it continues, it grows into this vast space where you (the sub) begin to see your error over and over in slow motion and every detail is magnified.

Finally, it becomes consuming and the next thing you know, you are near tears and desperate for the Dominant to say anything ... even an "I am so disappointed in you little one" would be better than dealing with a silence that makes you look inward and examine what was done wrong.

ack. That kind of silence turns your toes cold and makes the world into crap until They finally speak.

But when they finally speak...and have you confess..deal with it..communicate..punish and forgive...the relief is monumental and the lesson seldom forgotten.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: It grows

But when they finally speak...and have you confess..deal with it..communicate..punish and forgive...the relief is monumental and the lesson seldom forgotten.

Amen. The relief combined with having the issue resolved and being forgive serves to imbed that lesson well. i think most of us (subs) always pause at the next misstep long enough to remember that silence. heh, it is whether we remember the silence is what makes us err again or not.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Learning Silence

Sometimes the hardest thing is to be silent when you want to just ream someone a new asshole.

It was hard with my daughter and little sister, and it is hard with a submissive.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Learning Silence

Sometimes the hardest thing is to be silent when you want to just ream someone a new asshole.

It was hard with my daughter and little sister, and it is hard with a submissive.

my tongue bears the scars of many unused words meant for reaming. Keeping that tongue in check is so hard especially when provoked ... man oh man, i have actually sweated with the effort to keep my mouth shut.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Silence changes dynamics if coupled with the removal of eye contact.
It changes once again with intense eye contact.
Silence can be as loud as thunder or as quiet as emptiness.

 

[cellis]

His orders are to be waiting naked in bed and blindfolded. He comes in and I turn at the sounds He makes. I feel His weight on the bed next to me. His breath is soft and cool as He leans over me and says, "You are not to talk. You are not to make a sound unless you have permission. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master," I whisper.

Smack!! I feel the sharp sting of His hand on the inside of my thigh.

"No talking! Do you understand?"

I nod my head, not willing to make that mistake again.

"Good," He says as He attaches the clamps to my nipples.

 

[WillowPuss]

Silence changes dynamics if coupled with the removal of eye contact.
It changes once again with intense eye contact.
Silence can be as loud as thunder or as quiet as emptiness.

I have experienced both.

The silence with intense eye contact I have found can also have two contrasting effects.
One, when used in play, can have me squirming with anticipation of what might come next.
The other, when used in a non-play situation, can have me quaking with fear or embarrassment - and usually follows a question, which may also be silent.

I know which of these two I prefer.

 

[James G 5]

I think I have used or experienced silence in most of the ways mentioned so far
Learning to be silent at times had been the hardest thing for me to learn, I think
But some people need to be less silent, it can strip communication overly much

 

[MLadyPain]

I'm always surprised at how so many folks are uncomfortable with silence... it almost panics them if there isn't a steady conversation... there is something almost sensuous about a comfortable silence between partners... sometimes the eyes can say everything...
Laura