Silence is golden

[MissTaken]

I have been told that I use "silence effectively" in scene.

Does anyone care to discuss the use of silence in scene?

 

[shaymless]

Under certain circumstances, I prefer silence...word silence, anyway. It takes awhile for me to turn it off, to stop thinking in broad sweeps of words and definitions and be able to focus on sensation and feelings and tastes and textures and scents, so I appreciate silence of words, although not other sounds.

I have a difficult time articulating words during a scene, so I struggle when asked to do so. We're working on it, but he understands that sometimes the best I'm going to be able to come up with at times is "yum".

And without coffee, I also struggle with articulating, so back to silence

shay

 

[MissTaken]

Under certain circumstances, I prefer silence...word silence, anyway. It takes awhile for me to turn it off, to stop thinking in broad sweeps of words and definitions and be able to focus on sensation and feelings and tastes and textures and scents, so I appreciate silence of words, although not other sounds.

I have a difficult time articulating words during a scene, so I struggle when asked to do so. We're working on it, but he understands that sometimes the best I'm going to be able to come up with at times is "yum".

And without coffee, I also struggle with articulating, so back to silence

shay

Get back here, *passing coffee*



A good point. If you are trying to think in terms of verbalizing things, then, it takes the focus off the scene, the exchange and the sensations.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For us there is rarely much, if any talk. He may give the occassional warning before doing something extreme, but for the big part there are no words. I find it evocative and more tantalising than if I have to concentrate and be distracted by dialogue which may lessen the effect of his pain and my response which pleases him.

Catalina

 

[hurtme]

I have to disagree...once in awhile, I like silence, but to me, for the most part, there is nothing more exciting than hearing, in minute detail what he is going to do to me, and what my response is going to be ( he always seems to know)...and so on and so on...when he is doing somehting new, it seems to help me relax enough to not be freaked (in a bad way) out by it, and I find the sound of his voice when he is being all authorative and domly very stimulating...

 

[SweetDommes]

We vary ... Holly and I can communicate most things without words, so as to keep the boy(s) guessing, but sometimes, we want them to hear part of our plotting (makes them worry then ), and the right words can be very effective.

I think we already have a pretty good grasp of when the boys need to hear things, and when it's best to be silent, which is difficult to get sometimes, so I'm glad that we at least have the basics of it.

 

[evesdream]

I've learned to like it. It makes everything said or done in the interval louder and amplifies ones own thoughts.

 

[Netzach]

Very silent with M, with whom there's very little need for words. It's, if anything, because *his* silences are so eloquent, so fulfilling, so full of communication.

It's one thing to say "I love you" and it's another to rub your face against someone's leg and purr.

Very talkative with G, others. Teasing, painting into verbal corners, burying them in the increasing verbal filth heap if that's the way it's going. Degredation, very verbal degredation, is an art form.

 

[cellis]

I have to disagree...once in awhile, I like silence, but to me, for the most part, there is nothing more exciting than hearing, in minute detail what he is going to do to me, and what my response is going to be ( he always seems to know)...and so on and so on...when he is doing somehting new, it seems to help me relax enough to not be freaked (in a bad way) out by it, and I find the sound of his voice when he is being all authorative and domly very stimulating...

Oh I love to hear Him talk to me and tell me what He is going to do... and then have Him blind fold me, bind me to the bed and be quite.... I strain at my bounds to get some kind of bearing... to listen to the change in the air pattern in the room... to strain to hear some movement... Sometimes He just opens and shuts the bedroom door... sometimes He leaves for a moment (okay don't everyone freak out now.... ) to go to the kitchen or work room to get something He needs.... and then there is the first sharp thud of the flogger... and I can relax....

 

[hurtme]

*shiver* that sounds exquisite...

 

[serijules]

I *need* silence in my scenes, I don't like playing with a partner that is constantly talking to me or telling me what they are going to do or whatnot. If there is talking, it is much more effective and thrilling if whatever is said has profound meaning. An order to switch positions, a demand for a spoken response (yes Ma'am, etc) I sudden display of affection (I love you, you look sexy, I love how you squirm, etc). But constant talking is a huge turn-off for me, I find myself very annoyed with my partner and wanting nothing more than to tell them to shut up, which isn't exactly respectful <g>

Silent communication to me is very deep and profound, and if that isn't something that I can have with that partner, then I doubt we have the kind of connection that makes me want to play with them again. Recently, at a party, I played for the first time with a Domme friend in a private scene. There was little talk after the scene started, and it was just awesome. At one point she was using a quirt between my legs and on my thighs, and I kept closing my legs. Rather than telling me to stay still, she gripped my ankles, pulled them apart, and held them firm for a few moments. The message was loud and clear: don't move, or you will regret it. I got the message, and it gave me a delightful shiver. That's the type of connection that makes a scene stick in my mind for a long time.

Being I am mostly deaf (I can hear some with my aids), having to focus on conversation is an extra hassle that not only breaks my subspace, but makes it hard for me to relax. There are exceptions though...during a punishment, I need less silence and more verbal exchange, the punishment itself is hard enough to handle, but lack of verbal exchange would make my mind run wild worrying about how angry she was, etc. I need the closeness of communication at those moments, even if they are lectures, and I need to be able to show her I am sorry through my words, not just my reactions.

I have been told many times that my own skills at silent communication are extraordinary for the little experience that I have, and it is a compliment that makes me glow. I atribute much of that skill to very extensive experience in reading people's body language to make up where my hearing lacks, and it is neat that this skill carries over to my BDSM experiences and makes them better for both my partner and I.

 

[hurtme]

See, I think I am just the opposite, I need to hear my partners voice, it is how I gauge his mood, his intenetions, so on and so forth...I don't mean he babbles non stop about stupid shit, and sometimes there is silence...and I crave the sound o his voice, whispering in my ear...his lips pressed against my flesh...so harsh, and yet, when I do something well and he is praising me, I simply want to purr...

 

[MissTaken]

We begin in "silent mode." Both of us use that time to clear our minds of all that has gone on during the day and allow ourselves to fully sink into our D/s.

I may tell him to go ready himself for me. IN that case, he will do so and when I join him after five minutes or fifteen minutes, he is on his knees, head to the floor waiting. I don't speak to him as I get things ready. When I subbed, I always found it very exciting to hear things and not know what was going on.

Then, when I feel ready, I stand in front of him and he places his head to my feet. Again, no words.

This, we use to transition from the chaos of work, children, bills, ex es etc to be able to fully enjoy one another and only focus on one another.

We talk during a scene. I may tell him if we rae going to do a new activity, certainly tell him that he is wonderful, making me proud etc and checking in with him.

On the other side of experience:

Again, having been with a number of Dominants all of whom had their own unique "fingerprint", I found I did not enjoy the Dominant who talked constantly throughout the scene, asking questions or always telling me what was next. I enjoyed relaxing and just existing to please and serve, as it were.