Sick jokes thread!

[Weaseldiesel]

As we all seem to be fairly open minded in this place I thought I would start this thread.
Maybe its to do with where I'm from, there tends to be a dark sense of humour here (Northern Ireland history from 1969, look it up)

So this is a place to post your sickest or distasteful jokes. I will let your own karma decide what you feel is acceptable!

I'll start with a couple

What's blue and fucks grannies?

Hypothermia!

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Little girl eating a biscuit while getting her hair cut,
Hairdresser says, "you're getting hair on your cookie"

Little girl replies "yeah and my titties are getting big too"

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Take it away peeps

 

[veryviolet1]

*snicker* you know I don't have any jokes... But I sooo needed to laugh today.

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

 

[Weaseldiesel]

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Thanks for sharing!

But I will have you know I've never missed a clitoris in my life!

 

[badjanus]

Show me a man who calls himself a vegan,

and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan

 

[heatsink]

Q Why do blind folks hate skydiving?

A It scares the crap out of their guide-dogs...

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

 

[ydahecnot]

A guy sees his friend's dog licking his balls. Guy says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." His friend says, "You can try, but he'd probably bite you."

 

[badjanus]

Why is the bible like a penis?

You get it forced down your throat by a priest.

 

[badjanus]

I wish I hadn't bought my young son an unbreakable toy for Christmas.

He used it to smash the shit out of all his other toys.

 

[SimplyMsT]

I wish I hadn't bought my young son an unbreakable toy for Christmas.

He used it to smash the shit out of all his other toys.

LMAO

This was funny ...

 

[badjanus]

If a man's tells you're ugly you can call him a mean bastard.

If a woman tells you that you're ugly, you may call her a jealous bitch

If a child tells you that you're ugly, you need to call a plastic surgeon.