Show Them How It's Not Done

[Recidiva]

Here's a thread to badly cyber sex everyone.

"Hey, honey, there's a lady over there that needs to be fucked badly, you look like just the guy to fuck her badly."

Challenge: Write as badly as you can. Please make it funny if you can. Dangle your participles, baby.

All are welcome.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Fabulous.

Is there a word count limit?

 

[Recidiva]

Fabulous.

Is there a word count limit?

Not at all, I'm hoping it will be ongoing. You know, everyone grab a piece and rip it off, eat it badly with poor table manners.

"Oh, honey, I want to fall out of your mouth like the crumbs on the plate, and oversalt you...yeah...maybe some pepper."

 

[kbate]

Oh my, can I post real stories from (pre-edit) manuscripts?

 

[TheEarl]

I kikced down the dor adn camed in her fase.

Courtesy of MathGirl.

The Earl

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I strutted into the bedroom in my new heals an the sexy lonjeray I bought at Mal-wart. You was sittin on the bed looking at me like you did they day I made my chocolate dump cake on your birthday, all sexy like.
"I wanna rip that off you."you sed.
"No baby, not this one, I got it on clearance and can't take it back." I said in my bedroom voice, the soft one, not the one I use in the kitchen.
"Show me what you got girl." you sed all pushy like.
I pulled the velcor straps off and my breasts spilt out like a sack of taters.
"How do you like them apples?" I whisperd in your good ear.
"In a pie." you joked but I knew you would want pie after the loven. You loved my pie but didn't have sex with it like in the movie, only me.

 

[Recidiva]

Oh my, can I post real stories from (pre-edit) manuscripts?

LOL! Anything you want. There was a woman online that I knew that used to come ask my husband and I to give her cyber sex hints. She'd open a separate window when we were online and feed us what her partner said and ask us to come up with something GOOD.

I'd say stuff like "Honey, what do you do at night, pull up your flannel armor and just let him "Do It?" Come on, show some guts!"

But we made her guys feel good. I don't think she'd go visible unless she could find us. Funny stuff. I don't think the guys minded, even if she was a bit shy at times when she couldn't find us.

 

[Recidiva]

I kikced down the dor adn camed in her fase.

Oh yew broke the hinges to my heart and slit town the walls of conscious buttery.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I walked into the room and there was an orgie goin on I haven't seen that many thighs, breasts and legs since the chicken dinner at the church.
I could feel my flag pole raisen and I was ready to jump into that can of worms and get my fill of hot sex.
I felt like I had played golf, eighteen holes.

 

[Recidiva]

I walked into the room and there was an orgie goin on I haven't seen that many thighs, breasts and legs since the chicken dinner at the church.
I could feel my flag pole raisen and I was ready to jump into that can of worms and get my fill of hot sex.
I felt like I had played golf, eighteen holes.

What is this thing, thought I sex I had never thought sex to fore. Could not think or control the breast breast breast boobie thought in my head. Could not look away, hypnotic pink eyes staring, staring boobie.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

MMmm oh yessssssssssssss do me baby, harder, HARDER!
mmmmmmmmaughhhhhhhhh omg I'm Cummmmmmmmmmmmmminggggggggggaaaaaugggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Couldn't tell if it was an orgasm or a sticky keyboard.

 

[Recidiva]

MMmm oh yessssssssssssss do me baby, harder, HARDER!
mmmmmmmmaughhhhhhhhh omg I'm Cummmmmmmmmmmmmminggggggggggaaaaaugggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Couldn't tell if it was an orgasm or a sticky keyboard.

ur so esexi i cn't tipe

 

[ABSTRUSE]

This is like my Doctor Bob story....I luv bad writting.

Your breast like big bags of jello taped to your chest made me glad that I was a man, cause if I was a woman that would be wrong. they swung like the thingy in the old grandfather clock in the hallway that mama gave us.
Mama has big boobies too. Daddy was a smart man.
You have an ass like her too, big and soft like goose down pillers...i want to fluff them with my love stick.

 

[Recidiva]

She so sexy, mor than he could evar handle/ and so, so, so, sooo...juice box

Hims trognest of all in the trees, his trunk the king of all places, olny for her and everyother person wiht a juce box.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

ur so esexi i cn't tipe

OK and the other instance of bad cyber affectionately called "The bad opening":

"I walk in, heels clicking on the marble floor, matching the rhtyhtm of my swaying hips. The short red kimono robe flared at the thighs giving small peeks to any who happen to be watching closely as I sashay into the room. Toe nails painted to match the shoes, that matches the robe as well, making the gold accents of dragons seem ever so much more vibrant. Tracing a finger down my neck along the silk line that barely covers my breast, feeling it heaving as I breathe. Every eye is upon me and the sudden attention makes my nipples harden to diamond liken stiffness. I draw a breath and lick my lips, glossy cherry red lips that match the robe and nails then sigh a whispered 'Hi there".

It might have been sexy if I hadn't fallen asleep half way through.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

OK and the other instance of bad cyber affectionately called "The bad opening":

"I walk in, heels clicking on the marble floor, matching the rhtyhtm of my swaying hips. The short red kimono robe flared at the thighs giving small peeks to any who happen to be watching closely as I sashay into the room. Toe nails painted to match the shoes, that matches the robe as well, making the gold accents of dragons seem ever so much more vibrant. Tracing a finger down my neck along the silk line that barely covers my breast, feeling it heaving as I breathe. Every eye is upon me and the sudden attention makes my nipples harden to diamond liken stiffness. I draw a breath and lick my lips, glossy cherry red lips that match the robe and nails then sigh a whispered 'Hi there".

It might have been sexy if I hadn't fallen asleep half way through.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

 

[Recidiva]

OK and the other instance of bad cyber affectionately called "The bad opening":

"I walk in, heels clicking on the marble floor, matching the rhtyhtm of my swaying hips. The short red kimono robe flared at the thighs giving small peeks to any who happen to be watching closely as I sashay into the room. Toe nails painted to match the shoes, that matches the robe as well, making the gold accents of dragons seem ever so much more vibrant. Tracing a finger down my neck along the silk line that barely covers my breast, feeling it heaving as I breathe. Every eye is upon me and the sudden attention makes my nipples harden to diamond liken stiffness. I draw a breath and lick my lips, glossy cherry red lips that match the robe and nails then sigh a whispered 'Hi there".

It might have been sexy if I hadn't fallen asleep half way through.

Writers give very good cyber. But they're way too busy thinking about adjectives and modifiers to actually be only using one hand. This is war. One hand comes later. Now sentence structure.

 

[kbate]

What is this thing, thought I sex I had never thought sex to fore. Could not think or control the breast breast breast boobie thought in my head. Could not look away, hypnotic pink eyes staring, staring boobie.

I much enjoyed your use of "fore" following the golf metaphor.

I think this kind of writing could kill my sex drive.

 

[Recidiva]

I much enjoyed your use of "fore" following the golf metaphor.

I think this kind of writing could kill my sex drive.

But daddy will come and rev your little golf cart, wouldn't you like that? Daddy like. Daddy like little girls and battery-run transport.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Her hair was soft as corn silk and got stuck in my teeth. Moan moan moan I could walk through it bare footed.

 

[English Lady]

MMmm oh yessssssssssssss do me baby, harder, HARDER!
mmmmmmmmaughhhhhhhhh omg I'm Cummmmmmmmmmmmmminggggggggggaaaaaugggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Couldn't tell if it was an orgasm or a sticky keyboard.

Oh my. I'm so hot and honry now reading this lot, i'm going to have to think of something to join in.

You know, the spelling mistakes can be really, really sexy. When you're with a guy who's normally very well spelt, when words start triping over each other, you know you're doing well

 

[Recidiva]

Her hair was soft as corn silk and got stuck in my teeth. Moan moan moan I could walk through it bare footed.

his voice drove me mad I say and say, hard and soft through skin and to the downside, down low, my bad

 

[Recidiva]

Oh my. I'm so hot and honry now reading this lot, i'm going to have to think of something to join in.

You know, the spelling mistakes can be really, really sexy. When you're with a guy who's normally very well spelt, when words start triping over each other, you know you're doing well

I had one intelligent gentleman simply tell me first not to bother trying to respond.

Pages.

I loved it when he was right.

I have the transcripts and write stories about him and stuff. He's my pal.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I had one intelligent gentleman simply tell me first not to bother trying to respond.

Pages.

I loved it when he was right.

I have the transcripts and write stories about him and stuff. He's my pal.

but you're so good at it.

 

[Recidiva]

but you're so good at it.

Well, it's a gentleman what lets a lady rest from time to time. It's a smart guy who figures out ahead of time I won't be outdone. It's a matter of honor.