Should I carry on?

[kaptain karnage]

Hi,

I've decided to try and write a story for the site. I've made a start and whilst I think it's good I'd like to get a second opinion. I just wanted to get a thumbs up or thumbs down so I know whether to put the time and effort into it. It's only the first 1,500 words but has a natural break at this point. I have spell checked it and tried to weed out any grammar mistakes but it's not ready for editing yet by any means.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.


***Edit - Forgot to attach the story

 

[flawed_ethics]

Hi,

I've decided to try and write a story for the site. I've made a start and whilst I think it's good I'd like to get a second opinion. I just wanted to get a thumbs up or thumbs down so I know whether to put the time and effort into it. It's only the first 1,500 words but has a natural break at this point. I have spell checked it and tried to weed out any grammar mistakes but it's not ready for editing yet by any means.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.


***Edit - Forgot to attach the story

Not bad. It got better as the story progressed. The beginning was really awkward - as I had a difficult time placing the spacial dimensions of where the two characters were in relation to the mirror. Not that the technique was bad - it's a clever use of a mirror. I just tried to figure out where they were and couldn't get it.

Reading on, it became much better. Not having names adds to the implied relationship between the characters, IMHO.

At first pass, it seemed like you switched between first and second POV when trying to describe her. Although on another look it seemed correct, it still was confusing. I'm presuming this is something a proofread would've addressed though, so no biggie.