Short Excerpts

[EmilyMiller]

she's mostly broken

OK, cue a pile on by the non-con fanatics, but women are not mustangs to be broken. Maybe use another word.

This is how my demon FMC deals with vamps:

—

“I’m sure.” He moved toward me, licking his lips. Actually licking his fucking lips.

Looking swiftly around me, I made a decision. “Okay…”

As fangs formed in his open mouth and his face distorted into a gargoyle-like mask, I punched a hole through his chest, pulling out a heart that hadn’t beaten since a monster had feasted on its previous owner’s blood.

He disappeared in a cloud of ash, and I said grimly, “Vampires are just so not my type.”

“Do you always have to be sooo dramatic, Emma?” asked my fiancée, stepping out of the shadows where she had been much less quiet than she should have been. And they say angels are messengers of ‘divine silence.’ Whoever came up with that phrase had clearly never met Lily.

“No… it’s just fun,” I replied, kissing her.

She rolled her eyes. “OK, well we’re in, and past the first guard. Maybe the next one won’t be so eager to convert you. Let’s be careful, OK?”

I shrugged and followed my girlfriend further into the school. I had to admit that her butt looked pretty adorable in the same skirt I was wearing.

 

[ZinJ]

OK, cue a pile on by the non-con fanatics, but women are not mustangs to be broken. Maybe use another word.

This is how my demon FMC deals with vamps:

—

“I’m sure.” He moved toward me, licking his lips. Actually licking his fucking lips.

Looking swiftly around me, I made a decision. “Okay…”

As fangs formed in his open mouth and his face distorted into a gargoyle-like mask, I punched a hole through his chest, pulling out a heart that hadn’t beaten since a monster had feasted on its previous owner’s blood.

He disappeared in a cloud of ash, and I said grimly, “Vampires are just so not my type.”

“Do you always have to be sooo dramatic, Emma?” asked my fiancée, stepping out of the shadows where she had been much less quiet than she should have been. And they say angels are messengers of ‘divine silence.’ Whoever came up with that phrase had clearly never met Lily.

“No… it’s just fun,” I replied, kissing her.

She rolled her eyes. “OK, well we’re in, and past the first guard. Maybe the next one won’t be so eager to convert you. Let’s be careful, OK?”

I shrugged and followed my girlfriend further into the school. I had to admit that her butt looked pretty adorable in the same skirt I was wearing.

what other word would you even use?

Oh my gods, your demon FMC is savage. Love it.

 

[EmilyMiller]

what other word would you even use?

I wouldn’t. Broken to me means something else altogether, like suffering from PTSD.

Oh my gods, your demon FMC is savage. Love it.

Emma is 5’1” and under 100 lbs. But she is a demon after all.

 

[MrPixel]

Yep. Maybe should continue. Or someone else can continue the story...wonder if we should write continuations to each other's stories for more fun

This was an excerpt from a WIP in a well-established series - Barstow - so there is definitely more to come. There is one installment ahead of it I hope to polish and upload this weekend. Figure two or three weeks before Barstow - Mom hits the "new" list.

 

[ZinJ]

I wouldn’t. Broken to me means something else altogether, like suffering from PTSD.


Emma is 5’1” and under 100 lbs. But she is a demon after all.

In the context of non-con, when someone may be viewing their captive that way, it would make sense to say it like that. I can't think of any other way to say it. I've even seen stories where the more cruel masters would refer to those people as 'it'.

 

[ZinJ]

This was an excerpt from a WIP in a well-established series - Barstow - so there is definitely more to come. There is one installment ahead of it I hope to polish and upload this weekend. Figure two or three weeks before Barstow - Mom hits the "new" list.

the wait times for publishing are so long right now. I'm still waiting for story to be re-edited. :'(

 

[MrPixel]

the wait times for publishing are so long right now. I'm still waiting for story to be re-edited. :'(

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but edits can take weeks to percolate through the system because they are a manual, eyes-on process. Don't base your perception that posting a new story is at the end of that queue - it isn't, especially with established authors such as Em and myself. Be patient, the before and after is on its way.

Also, the excerpts you request, at least in my case, possibly Emily's, are in fact excerpts from works in process. They're not out here for somebody else to use as a building block, but as examples in the spirit of sharing techniques and [chuckle] maybe do a little bit of promotion, as Em pointed out.

 

[ZinJ]

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but edits can take weeks to percolate through the system because they are a manual, eyes-on process. Don't base your perception that posting a new story is at the end of that queue - it isn't, especially with established authors such as Em and myself. Be patient, the before and after is on its way.

Also, the excerpts you request, at least in my case, possibly Emily's, are in fact excerpts from works in process. They're not out here for somebody else to use as a building block, but as examples in the spirit of sharing techniques and [chuckle] maybe do a little bit of promotion, as Em pointed out.

I've accepted the inevitability of waiting by now.

Haha, go ahead and promote as much as you want, this is just to pass the time as we wait. Post anything short excerpts you want whether it has anything to do with your stories or not.

This next one is from the p.o.v of Lucy, another one of the same vampire master's pets. This is after some things happen that causes the master to question himself and what he's doing to the humans. Lucy is someone who's been with him longer and thinks she's in love:

Master came to her room as the sun was rising, looking troubled. She caught his expression in the mirror as she finished brushing her teeth and turned to face him.

“Is everything alright, Master?”

“No, pet.” His voice was low, tired.

He turned, and she followed him to the bed where he stopped and reached for her, pulling her closer to him. Nuzzling her neck, she stood there as he breathed in her scent, feeling her own heartbeat quickening in response. Straightening, he looked into her eyes. Perhaps after all these past lonely nights, she’d get to be with him again.

“Do I ever make you feel mistreated, pet?”

The question stunned her.

“No, Master.”

It was a half-lie. He had been spending more time with Evie. Part of her had enjoyed the attention Jake had given her instead, even if it had led nowhere. Part of her hoped her Master would notice, but he didn’t seem to, much to her frustration.

He thought about this and didn’t elaborate any more as he kissed her and took them both to the bed. She tried to get him to make love to her, but he just wanted to sleep. Still lying awake, his arms wrapped around her as she faced him, her head on his chest.

She missed him. Missed the way he used to touch her. Pressing a kiss to his chest, she waited, wondering if he was awake. He didn’t stir. With a soft sigh, she closed her eyes. At least she could have this for a while longer.

 

[AH_Mod]

I can see this rapidly getting out of hand, so I'm going to lock it.

For the record, please only post two or three paragraph excerpts of work here to the forum. Stories should pass through the normal vetting process.