Short description

[NotWise]

I'm glad you said that...I thought almost everyone knew that song. Good points, I'll think about it as if I didn't know the song and what one will find inside (besides trains )

I'm surprised Mr. Doom doesn't know the song. Someone needs culturizin'.

You said my blurt contained the information, but it needed massage. Before this thread I was trying to summarize the plot. With y'all's input I instead took the major themes (war, forbidden sex, the Red Witch) and stuck them together, and you massaged them for me. They liked it.

Does that work for you? Pick your story's major themes, and patch them together. Massage as needed.

 

[yukonnights]

I'm surprised Mr. Doom doesn't know the song. Someone needs culturizin'.

You said my blurt contained the information, but it needed massage. Before this thread I was trying to summarize the plot. With y'all's input I instead took the major themes (war, forbidden sex, the Red Witch) and stuck them together, and you massaged them for me. They liked it.

Does that work for you? Pick your story's major themes, and patch them together. Massage as needed.

By 'culturizn' I'm thinking you mean take him back of the woodshed for a little talk

I think what everyone is saying is massage the 60 characters around until they do their job. It's actually a pretty big job...and not always easy or successful. Too many of my ideas end up as spoilers, which I think may be worse than no description at all. I tried to alleviate that with the question "can" in my latest iteration.

After Mr. Doom lowered the boom on my own "massage techniques"...I went back home and did an almost final polish on the story. Then hurt my brain in an attempt to make him more happy. Here's what I came up with;
One Night in Baton Rouge — can a one night stand become something more

I'll have a restless nights sleep now waiting for the Boom Doom to visit again

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm glad you said that...I thought almost everyone knew that song. Good points, I'll think about it as if I didn't know the song and what one will find inside (besides trains )

Are you talking about Me and Bobby McGee? If so I thought the line was busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for the trains. That's why I didn't get the reference.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Are you talking about Me and Bobby McGee? If so I thought the line was busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for the trains. That's why I didn't get the reference.

Well, I thought it was the song but that yukonnights was playing with the words

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train
And I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans
Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained
It rode us all the way to New Orleans...

I wouldn't worry about obscure tho. As long as the lyrics you use are related to the story and give the reader a hint. I'd say "Waitin' for a train" would be great to go with one night in Baton Rouge.

What I want to know is, who's going to write "One Night in LA International Airport..." ????? (Where the big jet engines roar...). Or do I have to do that one myself? OH NO

 

[SimonDoom]

By 'culturizn' I'm thinking you mean take him back of the woodshed for a little talk

I think what everyone is saying is massage the 60 characters around until they do their job. It's actually a pretty big job...and not always easy or successful. Too many of my ideas end up as spoilers, which I think may be worse than no description at all. I tried to alleviate that with the question "can" in my latest iteration.

After Mr. Doom lowered the boom on my own "massage techniques"...I went back home and did an almost final polish on the story. Then hurt my brain in an attempt to make him more happy. Here's what I came up with;
One Night in Baton Rouge — can a one night stand become something more

I'll have a restless nights sleep now waiting for the Boom Doom to visit again

Hey hey. I'm a pussy cat. You're doing fine. I'm giving advice but that doesn't mean it's worth paying attention to. At least you're writing. I've been a slug for months.

 

[FEELINGLUCKYPUNK]

I slept on the OP question and prayed to Princess Charles for guidance. Here is my contribution.

EXCELLENT & ORIGINAL STORIES BY SIMPLE SIMON; sadly the excellent stuff isn't original and the original stuff isn't excellent.

 

[yukonnights]

Are you talking about Me and Bobby McGee? If so I thought the line was busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for the trains. That's why I didn't get the reference.

After I got the news here awhile back that song lyrics are verboten...I haven't been sleeping very well. I've already got that one line in the intro just to help those who might not remember the song. But I ask myself several times a day if that's worth going to jail over I may just end up changing the town, the characters and the century just to be on the safe side!

I like my latest iteration of descriptions. It seems to imply something yet not spell out the whole story. (hint; you can redeem yourself in my eyes if you slather praise on my description. I care less about truth than feeling good )

Hey hey. I'm a pussy cat. You're doing fine. I'm giving advice but that doesn't mean it's worth paying attention to. At least you're writing. I've been a slug for months.

Oh nice. As soon as we start talking about the wood shed...now you're nice I was so looking forward to the woodshed part of the story...

 

[SimonDoom]

After I got the news here awhile back that song lyrics are verboten...I haven't been sleeping very well. I've already got that one line in the intro just to help those who might not remember the song. But I ask myself several times a day if that's worth going to jail over I may just end up changing the town, the characters and the century just to be on the safe side!

I like my latest iteration of descriptions. It seems to imply something yet not spell out the whole story. (hint; you can redeem yourself in my eyes if you slather praise on my description. I care less about truth than feeling good )



Oh nice. As soon as we start talking about the wood shed...now you're nice I was so looking forward to the woodshed part of the story...

Ha ha. Pretty darn amusing. I like to avoid the wood shed unless I'm looking for wood. I think what you've got it is good. I might not choose it for an incest or fetish story, but it's good for romance because of the tease and uncertainty.

 

[yukonnights]

Well, I thought it was the song but that yukonnights was playing with the words

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train
And I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans
Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained
It rode us all the way to New Orleans...

I wouldn't worry about obscure tho. As long as the lyrics you use are related to the story and give the reader a hint. I'd say "Waitin' for a train" would be great to go with one night in Baton Rouge.

What I want to know is, who's going to write "One Night in LA International Airport..." ????? (Where the big jet engines roar...). Or do I have to do that one myself? OH NO

First, I'd like to announce the winner of the contest...Our own, ChloeTzang !!! (audience roar and happy clapping in background)

LAX If that can be turned into an erotic experience, I'm sure you're the one to take it on.

So now I'm really confused though; Senior Doom didn't find the 'waiting for a train' catchy at all. You like it I thought this thread might be a good place to hone that description down to a sharp edge...now I'm more unsure than before. (In all seriousness though, I'm not sure I should advertise the song so much by putting it in the title. Hint more about the story content than it's inspiration ?)

Since I'm here: Open question to anyone; I've got it in my mind to put this in Romance. But, it's only 3.5 Lit screens in length. The story can't portray the entire song due to the one night constraint. IMO, the song does speak of a long term romance...but that's obscure. Would it maybe be better received in Erotic Couplings?

 

[yukonnights]

Ha ha. Pretty darn amusing. I like to avoid the wood shed unless I'm looking for wood. I think what you've got it is good. I might not choose it for an incest or fetish story, but it's good for romance because of the tease and uncertainty.

Thanks for the input. It was harder than I thought it'd be to come up with something. There should be a permanent "help thread" going on this subject. Any thoughts on Romance vs Erotic Couplings? (I'm a little nervous about Romance due to it's short length and unresolved long term relationship.)

By the way, you're relieved of woodshed therapy

 

[SimonDoom]

Thanks for the input. It was harder than I thought it'd be to come up with something. There should be a permanent "help thread" going on this subject. Any thoughts on Romance vs Erotic Couplings? (I'm a little nervous about Romance due to it's short length and unresolved long term relationship.)

By the way, you're relieved of woodshed therapy

Thank you so much. When it comes to sadism-masochism, I can dish it out but I definitely cannot take it.

 

[yukonnights]

Thank you so much. When it comes to sadism-masochism, I can dish it out but I definitely cannot take it.

Oh yeah, you can see from my little BDSM test result below...I'm a bad bad boy when it comes to dishing out pain

 

[Blind_Justice]

Title and short description are the two most difficult bits to fill out. Apart from a very few exceptions, titles come last for me, unless I'm posting part of a series. Sixty characters are hardly enough to summarize, let alone entice new readers. Or maybe I'm posting in the wrong category. " Jenny takes it up the ass" for an Anal story sure has more zing than " An epic journey begins" in my usual SF/F.

 

[NotWise]

Since I'm here: Open question to anyone; I've got it in my mind to put this in Romance. But, it's only 3.5 Lit screens in length. The story can't portray the entire song due to the one night constraint. IMO, the song does speak of a long term romance...but that's obscure. Would it maybe be better received in Erotic Couplings?

I've seen some very short pieces that were well-received in Romance, so 3.5 Lit pages probably isn't a problem. Lack of an ending is a problem, because Romance readers need to be rewarded with a happy ending.

Is EC the only other choice? I've put quite a few stories there, and they get no attention after the first two days. It's almost like they cease to exist.

 

[yukonnights]

I've seen some very short pieces that were well-received in Romance, so 3.5 Lit pages probably isn't a problem. Lack of an ending is a problem, because Romance readers need to be rewarded with a happy ending.

Is EC the only other choice? I've put quite a few stories there, and they get no attention after the first two days. It's almost like they cease to exist.

Even the song ends on a sad note. My young hetero couple are just beginning their love relationship...so my story ends on a happy note (the entire story/song wouldn't). I like Romance as the readers seem quite a bit more normal than some others. I've added a brief intro which explains that it's a special event and the whole story has to occur in just one night...so the reader knows going in it's not an epic.

I'm somewhat ambivalent on EC myself. Thanks for the input on your experiences. I'm leaning toward Romance.

ETA: I just noticed your neo-western story in the works...I'm looking forward to reading that.

 

[Hypoxia]

Title and short description are the two most difficult bits to fill out. Apart from a very few exceptions, titles come last for me, unless I'm posting part of a series. Sixty characters are hardly enough to summarize, let alone entice new readers.

I usually try to keep both title and description short and punchy, but fluffed-out as needed. In a pandering piece, I try to include trigger words. I don't always succeed. Such is life.

 

[NotWise]

ETA: I just noticed your neo-western story in the works...I'm looking forward to reading that.

Thanks. I hit a wall where the story needed to change and I couldn't imagine how to proceed. I took a break to write "One Night in Gormaz" and realized what I had to do.

I wrote a few words on "Wolves of Winter" today. I think the dam broke -- for now.

The first snow came early. It started falling in the afternoon. At first, the big flakes fell nearly straight down and melted as they landed. The night was colder by the time Case pulled in behind Ann’s apartment, and snowflakes swirled in the pools of light below the street lights. It gathered in the gutters and around the cars.

“Is there anything that Ann and I can do to help?” Case asked. He turned off the lights, left the engine running, and watched Ernie. They’d been in stores when the snow started to fall. They bought Ernie a good coat and new clothes. It would all come out of his paycheck, but he needed them.

“Nah,” Ernie said. “It’s between Liz and me. I have to make her see right.”

Case is a rancher, and Ann is his citified girlfriend. Liz and Ernie are street people.

 

[yukonnights]

Thanks. I hit a wall where the story needed to change and I couldn't imagine how to proceed. I took a break to write "One Night in Gormaz" and realized what I had to do.

I wrote a few words on "Wolves of Winter" today. I think the dam broke -- for now.



Case is a rancher, and Ann is his citified girlfriend. Liz and Ernie are street people.

I'm impressed by the subject/theme. So many "street people" these past few years, sounds interesting. Is the location/setting a secret?

 

[NotWise]

I'm impressed by the subject/theme. So many "street people" these past few years, sounds interesting. Is the location/setting a secret?

The city is Albuquerque. The ranch is in Catron County. The wolves are Mexican.

 

[Hypoxia]

The city is Albuquerque. The ranch is in Catron County. The wolves are Mexican.

Don't omit Apple Mountain Music.

 

[NotWise]

Don't omit Apple Mountain Music.

I might.

"Apple Mountain" refers to the Monzano Mountains, southeast of the city. We also have (or had) the "Water Melon Mountain Jug Band" which referred to the Sandia Mountains northeast of the city. Then there's Al Hurricane who was the grand old man of music here. He died a couple years ago, but his family's drive-in is near my office and I used to see him in the grocery store pretty often. The checkout clerks loved him.

 

[FEELINGLUCKYPUNK]

Years ago I trained clinical staff to recognize mental disorders quickly, most mental disorders come with signature-hallmarks that are obvious and restricted to the disorder. For example: A BORDERLINE PERSONALITY IS SOMEONE YOU WANNA STAB THRU THE HEART WITH YOUR PENCIL 15 MINUTES AFTER YOU MEETR THEM. or THE REAL NARCISIST WONT SUFFER OTHER OPINIONS. tHE DISORDER H OVERAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CONCEIT OR SELF LOVE, ITS ALL ABOUT GOING APESHIT OVER OTYHER OPINIONS. or THJE REAL BIPOLAR APPLIES MAKE=UP LIKE A 4 YEAR OLD.

Here are samples for writing:

JESUS OF NAZARETH. WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMIULY DO TO NICE GUYS.

THE EMNCIPATION PROCLAMATION: SANTA CLAUS (EASTER BUNNY, TOOTH FAIRY) DESGUISED AS ABE LINCOLN.

 

[FEELINGLUCKYPUNK]

Two more.

CUCKOLD: Holding her horse and coat and loving it.

SOCIALISM: You toil and sweat and earn your daily bread....and I'll eat it.

 

[TxRad]

Posts reported.

 

[FEELINGLUCKYPUNK]

PUBLIC EDUCATION: The Big Game where asshjoles, assheads, and assclowna compete, lose, and kneel.