Ishmael
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2001
- Posts
- 84,005
As you all are well aware, Rambrat and I have recently found ourselves in the middle of a drama that neither one of us planned, or wanted to participate in. Rambrat bore the brunt of the drama, I was on the periphery.
Many folks started threads about on-line hook ups, LDR's, etc. How do you know if you're being played, how do you know that the person you are talking to is the 'real deal'?
The answer is, "When your heart is in the way, you don't."
I see no real difference between the internet and your local bar, church, whatever. The room is populated with mostly good people, some players (who make no bones about it, so are known commodities, and then there are the scammers and the truly damaged goods.
Most of us see the person that we want to see. Not the person that is the real core of the individual. Allowing someone into the core of you is foriegn to most of us. It's no so much being secretive as it is protecting yourself from harm. It's a natural thing.
Sometimes it's easier to think of people as eggs. There is this shell around us that surrounds what is truly inside. The shell may be easy on the eye. Decorated like an Easter egg, hiding a rotten core. Or it may be plain and unassuming, containing unparalleled freshness and beauty. Some eggs have multiple faces. But how do you know?
The shell is the 'front' that we all put on to the world. It's the way we want others to see us. Some paint their shells with dreams. Trying to show others what they want to be, not what they are. Some have rough shells, others smooth and soft. No matter the texture or decoration, the shell is there. What's behind the shell?
You can't break the shell without damaging the egg. So pounding away doesn't work. And unless the person allows us to see the inside, like candleing the egg, we are left to guess.
For me it's been relatively easy. It's the difference between what you say, and what you do. The outward demonstration of your morals and ethics to me, as opposed the the faces that you show others. Is there a contradiction? If there is, that's a red flag event. Something to be wary of, a reason to observe further. Are the person's actions taken with your best interest at heart? Not theirs, but yours? Could the result of their actions place you in a compromising position? Whose interest are they serving?
What if there's an explanation you ask? Well there's always an explanation. Always. How many explanations are needed? That too is a red flag event. I've seen people bury themselve in 'explanations' and the true believer accepting them all. Why do we put up with that? That's an easy answer. It's because we want to. We still see what we want to see, not what is truly there.
So back to the original question, how do you know? Sometimes you don't until it's too late. Is that a fault? A flaw of character? Not really, not all the time. You see, to be so jaundiced or callused that you always believe the worst in anyone is a shell too. A thick shell made of fear and doubt. A shell that almost garauntees that you'll always be alone. So inorder to love you must risk. And sometimes the risk is rewarded with betrayal or disappointment.
Who am I writing this for? Well, primarily myself. Just a little reminder in words. And for Ram as well, because he wasn't a fool. He was just fooled. And for Tantanah, because she is still lurking here as well, and she does need help. And for anyone else that cares to read.
Ishmael
Many folks started threads about on-line hook ups, LDR's, etc. How do you know if you're being played, how do you know that the person you are talking to is the 'real deal'?
The answer is, "When your heart is in the way, you don't."
I see no real difference between the internet and your local bar, church, whatever. The room is populated with mostly good people, some players (who make no bones about it, so are known commodities, and then there are the scammers and the truly damaged goods.
Most of us see the person that we want to see. Not the person that is the real core of the individual. Allowing someone into the core of you is foriegn to most of us. It's no so much being secretive as it is protecting yourself from harm. It's a natural thing.
Sometimes it's easier to think of people as eggs. There is this shell around us that surrounds what is truly inside. The shell may be easy on the eye. Decorated like an Easter egg, hiding a rotten core. Or it may be plain and unassuming, containing unparalleled freshness and beauty. Some eggs have multiple faces. But how do you know?
The shell is the 'front' that we all put on to the world. It's the way we want others to see us. Some paint their shells with dreams. Trying to show others what they want to be, not what they are. Some have rough shells, others smooth and soft. No matter the texture or decoration, the shell is there. What's behind the shell?
You can't break the shell without damaging the egg. So pounding away doesn't work. And unless the person allows us to see the inside, like candleing the egg, we are left to guess.
For me it's been relatively easy. It's the difference between what you say, and what you do. The outward demonstration of your morals and ethics to me, as opposed the the faces that you show others. Is there a contradiction? If there is, that's a red flag event. Something to be wary of, a reason to observe further. Are the person's actions taken with your best interest at heart? Not theirs, but yours? Could the result of their actions place you in a compromising position? Whose interest are they serving?
What if there's an explanation you ask? Well there's always an explanation. Always. How many explanations are needed? That too is a red flag event. I've seen people bury themselve in 'explanations' and the true believer accepting them all. Why do we put up with that? That's an easy answer. It's because we want to. We still see what we want to see, not what is truly there.
So back to the original question, how do you know? Sometimes you don't until it's too late. Is that a fault? A flaw of character? Not really, not all the time. You see, to be so jaundiced or callused that you always believe the worst in anyone is a shell too. A thick shell made of fear and doubt. A shell that almost garauntees that you'll always be alone. So inorder to love you must risk. And sometimes the risk is rewarded with betrayal or disappointment.
Who am I writing this for? Well, primarily myself. Just a little reminder in words. And for Ram as well, because he wasn't a fool. He was just fooled. And for Tantanah, because she is still lurking here as well, and she does need help. And for anyone else that cares to read.
Ishmael
