Sharing... Are there rules?

[curiouslittlesu]

One of my fantasies is to share my mans cock with another woman. I have hard time dealing with jealousy, but in this fantasy, she helps me blow him and we go down on each other while he watches.
Any tips on how to approach people for this? We often times pick out girls we would invite, but Im not sure how to go from there....

Thoughts?

 

[Stella_Omega]

The rule is: obtain consent, make sure everyone understands each other, own your shit.

A good line might be: "I have a kind of indecent proposition for you, if you want to hear it. But if you don't, no worries, I won't get in your face about it."

Please do not go to a lesbian bar and try to pick up women for a married couple threesome, they will NOT be happy about it.

You could join fetlife.com and look for swinging clubs in your area, I know they exist in colorado.

As far as jealousy goes, there is a difference between jealousy, which is not wanting anyone to share what you have, and envy which is wanting what someone else has. Think about your jealousy-- are you possessive of him, or are you worried that he's going to have fun that you aren't having?

 

[curiouslittlesu]

Maybe jealousy isnt the right word. Maybe, Im insecure.

Ive dropped a hundred pounds and have the sex drive of a 17 year old boy. Still, since losing the weight, I have a little bit of a complex.

And I worry that he might enjoy her more...

We have laid out ground rules, we have to both agree, we both have to be attracted to her. We'd prefer it was out of state- perhaps on vacation with a sexy bartender we find.... We dont want another person in our lives.

Do people really do this?

 

[curiouslittlesu]

HAS anyone done this?

 

[DarkPleasures]

Do people really do this?

HAS anyone done this?

Wow. You waited six minutes to ask the same question a second time. Ya gotta give people time to read the thread and respond!

 

[curiouslittlesu]

Wow. You waited six minutes to ask the same question a second time. Ya gotta give people time to read the thread and respond!

I wasnt trying to be offensive. I was merely restating it like I would in conversation. I apologize.

 

[DarkPleasures]

No worries. I was just surprised by your eagerness. Ya gotta wait a bit for replies from others.

 

[Doctorboy]

I've done it

A had a really good friend for many years who included me in sex with his wife from time to time. Actually, two of his wives and two of his girlfriends, to be exact.

The way it started was just he and I having dinner and him mentioning that a kink of his was to watch his girlfriend having sex with another guy. We didn't take the discussion further, other than me saying that was pretty hot.

Some time later, I was at their house for dinner and a million drinks and laughs and he suggested to his girlfriend that she take off her top and bra and show us her tits. So, she did and one thing led to another. He liked watching me screwing her. I wasn't much into doing anything with him, but that's the way the scene developed. Alcohol and laughing really helps.

We repeated this scene with his second and third wives and the girlfriends in between over a 20 year period. It was lots of fun. Just recreational sex; no particular bonding with the women for me.

 

[goesallnight]

I'm interested in having my wife have another man, and I think the only reason I would not be jealous about is is that I'm pretty confident (for a number of reasons) that she would not leave me for him. Even if he was much better than me in bed. In fact I would hope that he would be better than me and the sex would be hotter. He could be more in shape, have more stamina, be larger, many things like that. I actually fantasize that he would be better than me.

But I would also hope that it would bring us closer as I would ask that she share all of the details with me and that we can sort of include it in our sex life to make it hotter.

She knows all of this, but has yet to act on it. At some point I suspect we will and my theory will be put to the test. I do know other couples who are open and do this without problem, so I know it's possible. I think the key is honesty and willingness to communicate about everything.

 

[Edensgarden]

My advice would be to leave it as a fantasy.

You have already stated you are insecure and have jealousy issues. Those two together can be a dangerous combination to a relationship even without bringing another person into it.

How do you react when he flirts with others? How comfortable are you with your body? Would it bother you if she had a better build or a tighter ass? Are you one who stews on little flirts he has with a bartender only to throw it up in his face later? I know you stated you both will look at girls and fantasize about which one you would bring to bed. Do you get pissed when he checks out a female and doesn't include you in his thoughts about her?

Think long and hard. A fantasy can be highly arousing but the green eyed monster will eat you alive.

 

[klippert]

don't know about rules....but, I'm sure with a little research and goggle searching you can find sites that will help you our.

One rule I would suggest....take your time....

 

[livin1971]

You can find people on swing life it has lots of people in colorado. As for your insecurity i would act this out without a woman several times. You have to look deep into your self if you can do it. If you do it there is no taking it back. In denver is a swinger hotel. You can try there or go to hedonism for a vacation.

 

[Riles]

Of course there's rules...as individuals and as partners. You have to talk all that stuff out prior to and see which overlap and which ones you can push a little.

I understand the insecurity stuff - I know my first couple of times with another woman in bed, my thoughts were similar. And though I agree with Stella for the most part, I was introduced into threesomes by a woman who was a little more into women than men, so it became more about the two of us girls having fun and he was the toy we shared.

Years later, this is still one of the best set ups, as I would pick a FMF pairing over MFM anyday of the week - be it my own husband or her's, or some other man of our play group.

I also think picking some stranger is a bad idea. Expecting to be able to treat this kind of stuff as casual when you're new to it is just out of the question. You are going to want and NEED to talk about it. How can you do that if you don't know anything about her? Talking with my girlfriends is key in ensuring our playtime STAYS as PLAY.

 

[amofiga]

One of my fantasies is to share my mans cock with another woman. I have hard time dealing with jealousy, but in this fantasy, she helps me blow him and we go down on each other while he watches.
Any tips on how to approach people for this? We often times pick out girls we would invite, but Im not sure how to go from there....

Thoughts?

I just read your post about talking dirty and how your man "freaks out" when you talk dirty. Forgive me, but if he freaks out with simple dirty talk or if that's a delicate area in your sexual relationship, how are you going to jump into a sharing/threesome sort of thing? Threesomes are a wonderful fantasy, but the actual logistics of them and the reality of doing them can be tougher than some might think. Insecurity is not a good thing in that type of scene. You really need to discuss it before hnd and you do need some ground rules that won't be "overlooked" in the heat of the moment. THis is especially true of the "unemotionally" linked participant and how they feel about the rules and how reliable they will be in honoring them.

It's one thing to talk about such fun and games, but it can be another to be in a sweaty clinch if you or your partner have some issues about the security and solidarity of your relationship. It's often easier to have such play time with people you aren't emotionally involved with and won't be thinking about how you stack up or what your emotionally involved partner may be thinking about "comparing" and such. It can be fun but can also be a mine field. After it's over, you may not look at each other in the same light and once it's done, it's done. It's hard to put the genie back into the bottle. Tread carefully.

 

[curiouslittlesu]

My advice would be to leave it as a fantasy.

You have already stated you are insecure and have jealousy issues. Those two together can be a dangerous combination to a relationship even without bringing another person into it.

How do you react when he flirts with others? How comfortable are you with your body? Would it bother you if she had a better build or a tighter ass? Are you one who stews on little flirts he has with a bartender only to throw it up in his face later? I know you stated you both will look at girls and fantasize about which one you would bring to bed. Do you get pissed when he checks out a female and doesn't include you in his thoughts about her?

Think long and hard. A fantasy can be highly arousing but the green eyed monster will eat you alive.

Naw, we both look at other women. Theres just an ego thing with losing him, which is stupid. Yeah, Id like to be in better shape then her, but, Im okay with my body now. Its all ego, i want to drop it before anything happens so it doesnt get in the way.

 

[curiouslittlesu]

Of course there's rules...as individuals and as partners. You have to talk all that stuff out prior to and see which overlap and which ones you can push a little.

I understand the insecurity stuff - I know my first couple of times with another woman in bed, my thoughts were similar. And though I agree with Stella for the most part, I was introduced into threesomes by a woman who was a little more into women than men, so it became more about the two of us girls having fun and he was the toy we shared.

Years later, this is still one of the best set ups, as I would pick a FMF pairing over MFM anyday of the week - be it my own husband or her's, or some other man of our play group.

I also think picking some stranger is a bad idea. Expecting to be able to treat this kind of stuff as casual when you're new to it is just out of the question. You are going to want and NEED to talk about it. How can you do that if you don't know anything about her? Talking with my girlfriends is key in ensuring our playtime STAYS as PLAY.

I never thought about it like that. Thank you! So maybe a discussion with a friend who we both find attractive?

 

[curiouslittlesu]

I just read your post about talking dirty and how your man "freaks out" when you talk dirty. Forgive me, but if he freaks out with simple dirty talk or if that's a delicate area in your sexual relationship, how are you going to jump into a sharing/threesome sort of thing? Threesomes are a wonderful fantasy, but the actual logistics of them and the reality of doing them can be tougher than some might think. Insecurity is not a good thing in that type of scene. You really need to discuss it before hnd and you do need some ground rules that won't be "overlooked" in the heat of the moment. THis is especially true of the "unemotionally" linked participant and how they feel about the rules and how reliable they will be in honoring them.

It's one thing to talk about such fun and games, but it can be another to be in a sweaty clinch if you or your partner have some issues about the security and solidarity of your relationship. It's often easier to have such play time with people you aren't emotionally involved with and won't be thinking about how you stack up or what your emotionally involved partner may be thinking about "comparing" and such. It can be fun but can also be a mine field. After it's over, you may not look at each other in the same light and once it's done, it's done. It's hard to put the genie back into the bottle. Tread carefully.

Thank you for the advice. Maybe I mispoke, he "freaks out" when i speak up during sex because its a little unlike me. Our sex life is amazing, i think that one little snag is the only thing in between us. And our relationship is solid. We want this, and yes, my insecurities are mine to deal with, but while that may be so, I stretch myself all the time. I want this, and he wants this, and we want to do it when it is right. Thats why I came here to talk about it. Suggestions on how to tread lightly is exactly what we are looking for.

 

[bailadora]

Thats why I came here to talk about it. Suggestions on how to tread lightly is exactly what we are looking for.

What about a club environment, where you could observe him interacting with other women (ie - flirting, sexy dancing, etc)? Or, you might try going to a "gentleman's club" that's couples friendly and observe while he receives a lap dance (or three). That way, you could "test drive" your insecurity and see how much of an issue it really is when the tires (sort of ) hit the asphalt.

 

[silverwhisper]

yes, people do this and yes, people have!

the only rules are whatever works for you, your bf, and that other woman. you three are the only ones whose opinions matter.

i've had a few threesomes. my first one was not a good experience because i was extremely insecure and it wasn't a healthy relationship. in fact, it was pretty much a worst case example.

the ones since were a lot more successful, in terms of mitigating apres-sex fallout. the sex, at least IMX, was always hot: it's whether or not it was worth what happened afterwards.

you sound like you're headed in the right direction: you both want this. you need to ask yourself if you're OK with hearing your bf calling out another woman's name. also, are there any limits on what you can each do with the other woman (vaginal, oral, anal)?

yes, sex is fun when it's spontaneous, but you don't want something said/done in the heat of the moment fucking up the relationship. i think that kind of conversation is really important, esp if you're having insecurity issues.

ed

 

[amofiga]

<<< Suggestions on how to tread lightly is exactly what we are looking for. >>>

My personal feelings with the limited experience in this area that I did is that it was better that it didn't involve a close friend in my regular "social circle". But others may find that having a regular friend involved is better than a total stranger. Still, I don't think the "club environment" is a good way to meet someone since you have no idea about their background and emotional stability. I suppose I was lucky in that a woman I was "dating" also was "dating" another guy and she was the one who had the fantasy of a threesome with two guys. She asked us each separately so that she could assess our feelings and then when both independently said ok, she set up a non-sexual meeting in a neutral environment for us to get acquainted and see if we felt comfortable as a group. She was pretty sure she knew us well enough to know that we would all be compatible. Rules were discussed and then all proceeded comfortably. The other guy and I didn't know each other beforehand and never became "friends" but we got along and none of us had any sort of strong possessive emotional attachments. It made it light, casual, and fun without any sort of jealousy or angst.