Sharing a Bed

[chylo]

Hello Again Everybody! You guys were so helpful with my last question that I've decided to come back with a new one...

Things are going well with my new girlfriend, and in fact, everything is going perfect except one thing... I'm having trouble sleeping next to her. When I finally go to sleep, I have one of those fitful, not restful sleeps that seems to have me up at the drop of a pin. And to make matters worse she has a kitten that likes to play "bite the feet" when we're getting ready to sleep. She's just being playful so that's good just wish it was a different game she liked to play!

So I know the kitty and I have some getting used to, but is that all there is for me and the girlfriend too? I've always had some difficulty sharing a bed with someone, and I just wanted to know if I was alone in this. Do others have difficulty sharing a bed? Does anyone have any advice or tips to solve this problem? Thanks!

 

[Bobmi357]

Hello Again Everybody! You guys were so helpful with my last question that I've decided to come back with a new one...

Things are going well with my new girlfriend, and in fact, everything is going perfect except one thing... I'm having trouble sleeping next to her. When I finally go to sleep, I have one of those fitful, not restful sleeps that seems to have me up at the drop of a pin. And to make matters worse she has a kitten that likes to play "bite the feet" when we're getting ready to sleep. She's just being playful so that's good just wish it was a different game she liked to play!

So I know the kitty and I have some getting used to, but is that all there is for me and the girlfriend too? I've always had some difficulty sharing a bed with someone, and I just wanted to know if I was alone in this. Do others have difficulty sharing a bed? Does anyone have any advice or tips to solve this problem? Thanks!

You don't mention how big of a bed we're talking about, but it takes time to get used to having someone in your bed. For myself I like a bed wide enough to have both people lay flat on their backs without touching each other. This way, if they need it, they have the room to roll.

I think its a bit unfair to expect to get used to sleeping with your girlfriend AND a kitten at the same time. I'd ask her if it would be ok to remove the kitten from the bedroom just for a week or two until you get used to her being there.

For myself I find it hard sleeping without my wife in the bed. I like to be able to reach out and touch her, many a night I've drifted off to sleep caressing her hair or cupping her breast. When she's not in the bed I find it harder to sleep. You will get used to her presence. And eventually, even the cat. It just takes time.

 

[Dstorage]

I don't want to sound cruel and heartless here, but I think I'd start playing "Kick the kittens ass without waking my girlfriend up" Bad enough trying to start learning how to sleep next to someone without getting ones toes bit!

I do think it is somewhat of a learned skill, but a fun one to learn.

 

[Candee]

I have trouble sleeping next to SO especially if he touches me. It took me awhile to get comfortable enough to be able to sleep with him in the same bed but I was the one with the cats! He's lucky, he's out cold in no time flat. How is it some people can do that, lay down and be gone in two seconds!!!

For me the biggest thing was figuring out who's space was who's and working through the whole "Don't you dare touch me while I'm sleeping!". That and he has to be facing away from me when I'm falling asleep or else I can't fall asleep. Funny thing is I can cuddle him though when I want too.

Hopefully you work it out soon, if SO and I can get it so we can sleep in the same bed (6 years now) then you should too, it just takes time and a certain level of comfort and trust with a person (for me at least!).

 

[Lynxie]

Maybe I don't have the authority to post about sleeping habits, since I'm going through one of my bouts of insomnia....but heregoes...

When my husband and I were still dating, I used to have the worst time sleeping over his place (he had a queensize bed and lived alone, and I lived in a college dorm with roommates and an 'extra-long' twin bed - since we had a choice, we always picked his place). I'm a much lighter sleeper than he is, and to this day there are still nights when he'll hit the pillow and be happily snoring away while I lay next to him wishing I could do the same. But now, after seven years of sharing a bed, it's more because of my insomniac traits than because of any discomfort with him being there.

We both like our space when we sleep - we usually cuddle, but usually roll over away from each other when we actually want to go to sleep. But the option is always there for us to reach out and touch each other, and we both find comfort in that. We both have a very hard time sleeping if we're not together.

 

[drummer34]

My wife and i started out sleeping in the same (single) bed. The first 2 - 5 times i didn't get much sleep. IT GETS BETTER ..... But kick the kitty out, she must choose.

 

[jnd_rn]

Only with Honey

I can only sleep well with my hon in the bed with me. After 20 years sleeping in a standard full size bed with him, it, I just don't feel "warm" unless he's there. When he travels I had a very difficult time getting sleep. He bought me a full size body pillow with warming pad inside, made for pregnant women. It's not my hon, but is better than nothing when needing to cuddle up to sleep.

 

[RedIntense]

I always find it hard to adjust to sharing my bed again. Especially if the guy moves a lot in his sleep, because I don't move at all. I usually don't get much, or any, sleep for a day or three, but then I'll finally pass out from sheer exhaustion and I'll be fine from then on in. The trick for me is going a couple days in a row sharing the bed and not just having it be sporatic.

 

[Eilan]

Funny you should start this thread, because it's something I was just thinking about.

My husband and I have a king-sized bed, so we can sleep the entire night without touching if we want--not that we WANT to! When we visit his parents we sleep in a full-sized bed. We always look forward to getting back home to OUR bed!

Lately, though, my hubby's been snoring a bit, and I've been having trouble getting to sleep (not because of the snoring, though). Last night I nudged him so much that he went to the couch for a while. THEN I couldn't sleep because he wasn't there!

I can't believe that during my first marriage my ex and I slept in a queen-sized bed, and then downgraded to a full-size bed later on. (He was a 300-pound former offensive lineman--more than twice as big as I am!)

When my cats were apartment kitties, they used to sleep with me. It can be a challenge! I do agree with the people who have suggested that your girlfriend kick the cat out, at least temporarily. Once you get used to sleeping with her, perhaps the kitty can come back.

Good luck!

 

[BlueSugar]

we used to fight alot over bed space, but me being short and him being tall - it kind of evened out to i hug the wall and he gets the bed. Then we got a bigger bed after he moved. Then we fought over bed covers - Now we just sleep with two different covers so we can wrap and roll and toss all we want.

 

[Ezzy]

I can only sleep well with my hon in the bed with me. After 20 years sleeping in a standard full size bed with him, it, I just don't feel "warm" unless he's there. When he travels I had a very difficult time getting sleep. He bought me a full size body pillow with warming pad inside, made for pregnant women. It's not my hon, but is better than nothing when needing to cuddle up to sleep.

My SO has this same trouble and the same solution, but with an added tweak.

She puts one of my shirts over it that I have worn and sweeted into a little, and it carries my scent, with that over the body pillow, she can sleep qiuet well when I am away. Not as good as if she is chasing me around the bed though.

If she goes to bed first, and I follow when she is already asleep, she will move to snuggle up against my back, she has a very cold tush and cold feet, and she finds it fun to chase me to the side of the bed and rest them on me to warm them up.

This is while totally asleep, but there is nothing like a frozen tushical or tootsiecals thrust against you to wake you up again in the middle of the night.

If we go to bed together (at the same time) she snuggle right from the start, and the cold parts don't then wake me in the middle of the night.

 

[Iriadne]

My SO and I are still working this one out. I have a chronic pain syndrome that makes it hard for me to lay in one position for long periods of time. He complains that sometimes long periods of time mean more than 5 minutes. While all this mobility is perfectly fine for certain bed inclusive activities it makes for terrible sleeping for him, Mr. I Fall Asleep and Never Move. The back to back snuggle works well for us for falling asleep because then I can move as necessary and don't have to bother him (vs. his front to my back and arms all tangled).
We are absolutely no closer to sorting out the blankets issue though. I'm a nester when it comes to blankets and will abscond with every blanket around. The best solution we found was a fleece lounge sack (I think L.L. Bean sells one). Think of the baby sleepers that have arms but just a sack around the feet, except in an adult size. This keeps me toasty and we can both snuggle uner the same over blanket. (Note: Good for sleeping only. Anything more exciting than sleeping is impossible with me in this thing.)
Fortunately, my SO has trained his cat to stay off the bed when there are people in the bed. Something about being perturbed by kitty paws on his back during the middle of sex...
~I

 

[SweetErika]

I don't know, but I think we almost did better in a twin when we were in college...I knew I had to be on my best sleeping behavior, though I think he was always too hot.

The queen was a bit of an adjustment, but after a time, we just got used to it. I like to snuggle until I fall asleep, but I've learned we often sleep better when we both go to our respective sides. As much as I hate to admit it, I've always been a terror with the covers, but we did find that buying a king blanket and comforter helped that a little. I've also noticed continuing my single fall asleep rituals, like reading or listening to the tv, have helped me get there quicker.

Kick the cat out and settle in, Chylo. One more idea is to bring your own pillow to her place...maybe having something you find comfortable and familiar will help you a little.

 

[Meat Whistler]

*****

 

[sweetgirl666]

I am also someone who has a hard time getting used to new people in the bed sleeping with me. The best is a big bed where I have my own space and my own comforter and for sure enough pillows for myself.
However, I have a buddy at whose place I stay once or twice a year and when the rest of the house is full I sleep with him in his room in his full sized bed. No sex, we dont even really cuddle, but he is a good friend and we grown used to each other, and by now I usually sleep pretty good with him around.

 

[groverty]

I don't want to sound cruel and heartless here, but I think I'd start playing "Kick the kittens ass without waking my girlfriend up" Bad enough trying to start learning how to sleep next to someone without getting ones toes bit!

I do think it is somewhat of a learned skill, but a fun one to learn.

I agree...there's only one kitty allowed in my bed Playing kick the other kitty's ass is a fun game!

 

[chylo]

Thanks for all the advice! It sounds like I'm not alone with the issue of sharing a bed with someone, which in and of itself is a comfort.

To answer some questions... I believe her bed is a double bed so there is room for the two of us. After a bad night the first night I brought a pillow the second night. And as for kicking out the cat, we've discussed it, but that doesn't really seem to be an option because of her living situation. We can kick her out for a bit, but not for the whole night. As for those of you who suggest kick the kitty's ass... I won't say when the claws have dug in that I don't think about that, however as a long term solution I think it would just bring me more problems.

We start going to sleep when I'm used to go to sleep, and I'm exhausted when we do try to fall asleep, I just can't. I've thought about reading a book til I nod off, but i'm already at the point where I'm really too tired to read. I think I just get really self consious, I want to cuddle but don't want to wake her/disturb her; I am afraid that I'll toss and turn alot (I've been known to wake up when I've slept alone with the covers flipped left to right and front to back.); and also the heat regulation is kind of hard too. (I think next time we'll use separate blankets and see if that helps.) Right now we're both under a bit of stress from our daily lives, so that probably factors into things as well. It sounds like it might be a weekend or two before we sleep together again because of our scheduals, but the good news is that she's willing to work with me.

 

[LonelyNights]

that's good that she'll work with ya. Most people are pretty understanding about the initial uncomfortableness in sharing a bed. But once you get used to how each other sleeps, like if you can cuddle with them or not, if they try to steal the sheets and so on, it usually gets easy to fall asleep.

Part of my problem was that I sometimes have a had time allowing my body to relax next to another person's, but when I realized that he didn't care and obviously wanted me there I got over it.

 

[caramel_boytoy]

Yes stress can definately be a leading factor in why it's so hard to sleep. I know my girlfriend and I usually have no problems dozing off, primarily because the bed is so big that you're free to roll around until you get comfortable. As for the reading until you pass out, I find that the bible is a good "bore you to tears" book as is your local yellowpages.