Share your writing gems

[TheExperimentalist]

I don't mean stories, or even whole scenes. Nor do I mean abstract plot concepts or really clever twists. I'm talking about those really satisfying turns of phrase, or even single words, that you come up with to use in your writing. They don't even need to be sexual.

I've been wanting to find a writing buddy for a while, someone with similar interests and style to mine, with whom to bounce ideas off of, test concepts with, but more importantly, to share just those little 'aha!' moments of satisfaction as you're writing, even when the work is far from even the first draft stage. While I'd still be happy to eventually find someone to work alongside with in a more one-on-one capacity (strictly platonic of course, as I'm happily monogamous), I figured "why not make the entire forum my writing buddies in the meantime?"

I'll start with a couple of my own examples. The first is from a WIP I started a while ago and is actually the one that made me first realize I wanted a writing buddy:

[She was] looking nervously around the room at the abundance of anything-other-than-me it had to offer.

I don't know why I liked this one so much, I just liked the idea of "anything-other-than-me" as a collective noun.

The other one I've just written today. (Apologies to those who aren't T/I fans):

"Admit it. It's hot that you're fucking your sister."

"I'll admit that my sister is fucking hot," Ben rearranged.

This one I'm especially proud of, as dialogue tags are something I tend to struggle with, to the point where I usually just write "so-and-so []" (occasionally with a vague description of what I want to convey inside the brackets) and come back to fill them in during the cleanup phase. So it's always super satisfying when I come up with a really clever niche-use one on my own as I'm writing initially and without having to resort to various word lists and other writers' resources.

So, who wants to get excited about these with me, or share some of their own clever little linguistic concoctions so the rest of us can get excited with you?

(P.S. NGL, I'm pretty happy with "clever little linguistic concoctions" that I just came up with on the fly too...)

 

[iwatchus]

Do you know the Just One Line (here) thread that basically does this?

People do not limit themselves to one line very often (despite the title).

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Do you know the Just One Line (here) thread that basically does this?

People do not limit themselves to one line very often (despite the title).

I'll admit I wasn't aware of that thread (even though I tried to search for similar concepts before posting), but it seems like it's also a little broader than what I'm seeking. With a quick skim, it seems like a lot of those lines are clever, but more are just random or aimed at being as incomprehensible out of context as possible, whereas I'm looking specifically for creativity rather than confusion. On the other hand, if people disagree with me and think this is essentially a duplicate post, we can close it and I can just hop on over there to post.

 

[ElectricBlue]

This one I'm especially proud of, as dialogue tags are something I tend to struggle with, to the point where I usually just write "so-and-so []" (occasionally with a vague description of what I want to convey inside the brackets) and come back to fill them in during the cleanup phase.

Except "rearranged" isn't a dialogue tag. You can shout, you can whisper, you can say something, but what sound does "rearrange" make? It's meaningless as a speech tag. Doesn't work for me, because it's drawn attention to itself, but I'm thinking huh, what does that even mean?

"Said" and "replied" work as nearly invisible indicators as to who's saying what, but once speech tags are forced to do something else, I'm not sure they work as well as some authors think they do. Grammatically, the atypical tags are more likely to be action indicators, not speech tags, and should have their own separate sentence.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Except "rearranged" isn't a dialogue tag. You can shout, you can whisper, you can say something, but what sound does "rearrange" make? It's meaningless as a speech tag. Doesn't work for me, because it's drawn attention to itself, but I'm thinking huh, what does that even mean?

"Said" and "replied" work as nearly invisible indicators as to who's saying what, but once speech tags are forced to do something else, I'm not sure they work as well as some authors think they do. Grammatically, the atypical tags are more likely to be action indicators, not speech tags, and should have their own separate sentence.

I vehemently disagree that dialogue tags need to specifically refer to a manner of speech or something that makes a sound. I've seen a ton of writing even in books from professional, well-known authors that uses stuff like "glared", "shrugged", "nodded", "frowned", or whatever as a dialogue tag. I definitely don't think action indicators need their own sentences.

I hate just using "said" and "replied" because they become tedious VERY quickly.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Except "rearranged" isn't a dialogue tag.

Doesn't matter. You can be creative with a verb such as, "he waltzed into the room." He didn't waltz. He didn't even dance. It's called verb license. Dialog tags are verbs and are not exempt from verb license.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

From a work in progress.

"What do you want me to do, unfuck him?"

 

[ElectricBlue]

I vehemently disagree that dialogue tags need to specifically refer to a manner of speech or something that makes a sound. I've seen a ton of writing even in books from professional, well-known authors that uses stuff like "glared", "shrugged", "nodded", "frowned", or whatever as a dialogue tag. I definitely don't think action indicators need their own sentences.

I guess there's conventional grammar versus something else. I contrariwise think that dialogue laced through with dialogue tags such as you suggest signifies writers who don't actually know grammar.

I hate just using "said" and "replied" because they become tedious VERY quickly.

I think they're an invisible short-hand to make reading easier, to navigate through dialogue easily. But then, I don't have TheExperimentalist as a moniker .

 

[SmilingLez]

"The beautiful, vicious now." From my newest prose, 'My tribute to The Beat Generation'.

 

[YmaOHyd]

I guess there's conventional grammar versus something else. I contrariwise think that dialogue laced through with dialogue tags such as you suggest signifies writers who don't actually know grammar.

I agree with you but think it's something you can earn over the course of 50,000 words. You say said and replied almost all the time, and then one time for emphasis you get to say something fancy. And from there it's a bit like trying to do a flip off a bartop: it either goes well and people buy you drinks, or it goes poorly and you break your nose on the floor.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

From a work in progress.

"What do you want me to do, unfuck him?"

Yes. Unfuck him. Unfuck everyone. The world is so fucked, we need a little unfucking to counter it.

"The beautiful, vicious now." From my newest prose, 'My tribute to The Beat Generation'.

Ooh, gorgeous juxtaposition. Clearly and concisely conveys complex mixed emotions in far fewer words than it took to compliment it.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I vehemently disagree that dialogue tags need to specifically refer to a manner of speech or something that makes a sound. I've seen a ton of writing even in books from professional, well-known authors that uses stuff like "glared", "shrugged", "nodded", "frowned", or whatever as a dialogue tag. I definitely don't think action indicators need their own sentences.

I hate just using "said" and "replied" because they become tedious VERY quickly.

You should limit your use of "said" and "replied" as well, because it does became tedious.
Part of the trick to good dialogue is writing it so that you don't have to use tags very often at all. If your characters have a clear voice, you don't need to remind people as often that "...Julie said".

You can also overuse other tags and adverbs. There are better ways to convey, "he said angrily" than "he said angrily".

"I hate that motherfucker," Jack said angrily.


Jack punched the wall.
"I hate that motherfucker."

Same number of words... different effect.

 

[SmilingLez]

You should limit your use of "said" and "replied" as well, because it does became tedious.
Part of the trick to good dialogue is writing it so that you don't have to use tags very often at all. If your characters have a clear voice, you don't need to remind people as often that "...Julie said".

You can also overuse other tags and adverbs. There are better ways to convey, "he said angrily" than "he said angrily".

"I hate that motherfucker," Jack said angrily.


Jack punched the wall.
"I hate that motherfucker."

Same number of words... different effect.

Show don't tell - Creative Writing 101

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Show don't tell - Creative Writing 101

True, but the challenge with that is there are times when telling is the right answer. That's why I made a point of it being the same number of words. Often "telling" everything can bog down a story, so you have to find a balance.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Can we spin off a new thread for the dialogue tags discussion? I kinda feel like it's derailing from the intended focus.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Can we spin off a new thread for the dialogue tags discussion? I kinda feel like it's derailing from the intended focus.

Indeed. The grammar snobs always have to step all over this topic, and it's not even incorrect grammar.

 

[ADirtyPerv]

My favorite bit of dialogue, which I didn't post in the "Just One Line" thread because it's more than one line:

***
[Bea] finished writing and looked at him with another smile. "Anything else you'd like to add?"

"Why is that journal labeled Ben?" [asked Ben.]

"Because some Bens require observing. I am an observer, I record my observations in my journal. I am observing a Ben, this is the journal for that Ben."

"Why do I require observing?"

"Because you're fascinating."

"Why don't you just ask?"

"I'm not a journalist."

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Indeed. The grammar snobs always have to step all over this topic, and it's not even incorrect grammar.

Welp... all of this has inspired a new gem for me:

Just like with kinks, your writing style is not my reading style, but your writing style is okay.

No idea whether I'll ever actually end up using it in a story, but it's there all the same

 

[THBGato]

I vehemently disagree that dialogue tags need to specifically refer to a manner of speech or something that makes a sound. I've seen a ton of writing even in books from professional, well-known authors that uses stuff like "glared", "shrugged", "nodded", "frowned", or whatever as a dialogue tag. I definitely don't think action indicators need their own sentences.

Are they dialogue tags? Or are they just the next sentence?

For example, I quite often write dialogue like this:

I nodded. "Yes, that sounds like a good plan. When can we start?"

Or:

"No idea." She shrugged and scrolled through her feed. "You'll have to ask Simon."

But I wouldn't write them as actual dialogue tags like this:

I nodded, "Yes, that sounds like a good plan. When can we start?"

"No idea," she shrugged and scrolled through her feed, "You'll have to ask Simon."

The difference is in the punctuation. If you've seen the comma versions a lot in published works that used professional editors then I'd be surprised.

Are you sure you aren't mistaking descriptive sentences for tags?

 

[YmaOHyd]

The difference is in the punctuation. If you've seen the comma versions a lot in published works that used professional editors then I'd be surprised.

Nice thing about the Kindle app on the ol' phone; I can open up the single-volume set of the ten X-Wing novels and search for

," he nodded

and find zero results in 3500 pages. Lots of results for

?" He nodded

or

." He nodded

Two different authors and a whole posse of editors. Not saying it's definitive or anything, but.

 

[EmilyMiller]

All was black. Black? I had a concept of blackness. How strange! I had a concept of concepts as well. And of strangeness. And of other things. Of the obsidian nullity, extending interminably away from... away from what? This point in space? Hmm, I seem to know some physics and math. Away from... me maybe?

 

[ADirtyPerv]

Nice thing about the Kindle app on the ol' phone; I can open up the single-volume set of the ten X-Wing novels and search for

and find zero results in 3500 pages. Lots of results for

or

Two different authors and a whole posse of editors. Not saying it's definitive or anything, but.

This. For the first time ever, I ran my story through a Literotica editor (neuroparenthetical if y'all want a good one), and this is what he called out. I was using descriptive sentences with commas to make them dialogue tags. They're not. They're just sentences hopefully related to the dialogue around them. My writing has gotten much better since then, IMO.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

A section of a story I'm polishing up right now. Hoping to send it in for publication in the next couple of days.

It might not be to everyone's tastes, but I was in the zone when I wrote this, and I feel like I got the poetry just right. I'll probably tighten it a bit more in a few places, but I'm very happy with how it turned out.

---

He stabbed upwards with his hips, her tongue forced its way past his lips. Against his chest her breasts were crushed, slamming wildly, to oblivion they rushed. Bodies shaking, quivering, thrashing, the little bells on her jewellery crashing, they hurtled past the peak of desire. Like a star, he exploded, flooding her soul, and like a storm she rained and quenched his fire.


---

 

[ADirtyPerv]

He stabbed upwards with his hips, her tongue forced its way past his lips. Against his chest her breasts were crushed, slamming wildly, to oblivion they rushed. Bodies shaking, quivering, thrashing, the little bells on her jewellery crashing, they hurtled past the peak of desire. Like a star, he exploded, flooding her soul, and like a storm she rained and quenched his fire.


---

This is a very particular kind of writing, and if you're in the mood for it, hell yeah. My only gripe is the word "stabbed". Too negatively visceral, especially with the way the next word starts with a vowel. It becomes "stab dupwards" phonetically which means you're not losing a crucial syllable if you swap that for something a little more... Sexy. Thrust is good, in that spot. Doesn't bring that one scene of Se7en to mind. Stabbing and vaginas are a no go for me, personally. Otherwise, solid, I like it.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

This is a very particular kind of writing, and if you're in the mood for it, hell yeah. My only gripe is the word "stabbed". Too negatively visceral, especially with the way the next word starts with a vowel. It becomes "stab dupwards" phonetically which means you're not losing a crucial syllable if you swap that for something a little more... Sexy. Thrust is good, in that spot. Doesn't bring that one scene of Se7en to mind. Stabbing and vaginas are a no go for me, personally. Otherwise, solid, I like it.

Thank you. And yes, it is. Like I said, it's not for everyone.

I struggled with that bit too, because I wanted a violent, visceral image, and thrust wasn't just cutting it, and I have used lashed in a few other places.

Some of this will get cleaned up in my edit pass, but I might just keep the word and work my way around it to make the sentence flow better.