Shall I tell you a lie...

[Chantilyvamp]

Whats the best lie that you have told someone? Is it funny, evil or self-preservation and why did you do it?

I once convinced a man that I was a first cousin to Bill Clinton since every time I said I was from Arkansas people kept asking me if I knew him. It started along the lines of he was saying things asked where I was from so I said...
'you really should'nt talk about my cousin Bill like that, he cant help it if he likes women it runs in the family.' I did tell him it was a fib after about 30 minutes but by that point he didnt believe me.

 

[wishfulthinking]

I must be boring. I only tell small, convincing lies (or so I think ).

I deal with a lot of people who spend all day lying to me. From both ends of the spectrum, from people who have convinced themselves that the lies are the truth (which pose harm to other people) to people I have a chuckle at and ask them to give it another go because that deosn't fly. Makes you cynical, but doesn't get in the way of telling a whopper yourself

 

[scheherazade_79]

I tell whoppers...

I've been an "off-duty policewoman" on scores of occasions, when people have pissed me off.

If I'm being pestered in the street by people with clipboards, I tell them I'm Icelandic and don't understand English all that well.

Probably the best one was when I had a year on the dole, because I wasn't in the mood for working after uni. I wanted to go and spend my birthday with my girlfriend in Germany, but I knew my parents were going to go spare about it... because the last time I went to stay with her, I was out there 3 months and missed 2 flights back home. I was being nagged about getting a job, so I told my parents I had "work experience" at Heathrow airport. I went to Heathrow, but got on a Lufthansa flight to Dusseldorf was soon as I was there...

 

[Gethsemane]

I once told my brother's girlfriend that he and I had been incestuous lovers before she came along. I was trying to shock her (she's really cool, actually--I was just having a go at her) but I think I ended up turning her on!! She asked me if I would ever consider doing it again, and had I ever thought of a threesome, and so on!!! I tried to keep it going as long as I could, but my brother couldn't keep a straight face!!!

I know, I'm evil!!!

 

[rgraham666]

I write fiction, which is a huge compendium of lies.

So I lie a lot.

Good thing human beings like lies.

 

[impressive]

I avoid lies as much as possible these days, even the type to "spare someone's feelings." I prefer to simply remain silent.

I've told some whoppers in my past, though. Nothing good ever came from them.



ETA: There's a difference between a "lie" and a "practical joke."

 

[Vermilion]

I once told my brother's girlfriend that he and I had been incestuous lovers before she came along. I was trying to shock her (she's really cool, actually--I was just having a go at her) but I think I ended up turning her on!! She asked me if I would ever consider doing it again, and had I ever thought of a threesome, and so on!!! I tried to keep it going as long as I could, but my brother couldn't keep a straight face!!!

I know, I'm evil!!!

wow - what a way to make an entrance onto the AH!
Welcome. And nice one...

The only lies I really tell these days are the ones to save my fiance's/mum's feelings when I need to <sigh> or when I'm swearing black is white that I didn;t eat the last biscuit

x
V

ps- have told some whoppers in the past, but nothing very amusing I don;t think. I may come back if something occurs to me

 

[Recidiva]

I was having trouble with one of my exes, and I could tell we were near the end. One day he called me at work, and he just didn't sound right. I left to go home early right after that call.

When I got home, all the phone lines had been cut and the electricity was off. He was reading my copy of "Final Exit" and had already taken pills and was about to asphyxiate himself. He was a lot bigger than me, there was no way to get him out of there without wasting time.

My daughter was at daycare, and I behaved as if I were totally accepting of his suicide, but that he should really say goodbye to her. He made me promise not to try to save his life, I lied. I got him out to the car and we drove to her daycare. I went inside and called an ambulance, and they got to him in the parking lot.

He was right though, it was over. And his suicide note was reams of poison.

 

[R. Richard]

I would distinguish here between a fib and a lie.

I am currently dealing with a woman who is trying to lose weight. I check the 'morning scale report' each day and try to say something encouraging about her weight loss when she has indeed lost and urge her to try harder when she has gained. Her weight loss is, at least so far, not noticeable. I consider my encouragement to be a fib, rather than a lie.

 

[Recidiva]

I would distinguish here between a fib and a lie.

I am currently dealing with a woman who is trying to lose weight. I check the 'morning scale report' each day and try to say something encouraging about her weight loss when she has indeed lost and urge her to try harder when she has gained. Her weight loss is, at least so far, not noticeable. I consider my encouragement to be a fib, rather than a lie.

Well, yes, many forms of social encouragement have several layers.

My husband and I had this conversation once. My daughter had her hair done for the prom and was about to go out the door. It didn't go well. He said "What happened to your hair?" and I told her she looked gorgeous.

The fact is that her hair was badly done, but it was too late to do anything about it, and there's no point to making her feel bad on the way out the door. The fact is, she's gorgeous TO ME. And I want her to feel gorgous, and although I might have gently said something two hours earlier, if she'd asked...when it's too late, it's too late.

 

[kellyhockey]

This one is tough...over a decade ago I was living with the really nice lady. She moved in with me and after a few months she found out that our neighbors were swingers.

She was all hot to trot. I did not have any urge to try other women. If I did why would I let her move in. She finally convinced (more like blackmail) to attend one of the parties.

She kept telling me it was about fucking..not making love to someone and that there was huge difference.

When we got there I looked around to see what was up. I realized that all of the "party rooms" had tv cameras in them. Everyone in the lounge could cycle through the channels and sit back and watch people fool around.

My girlfriends was picked/asked (I don't what the hell to call it) to go to a room. They went at it and after 15 minutes she was in the lounge watching me with a very beautiful Phillipino lady.

I took my time with this lady and I made love to every inch of her body. My girlfriend watched us the entire time. When we left the room she had a shit fit.

Now realize that my girlfriend is bitching me out, completely naked with a giant hand mark on her ass.

She accused me of "betraying her." I explained to her that I followed her rules. We "fucked" but it was slow and sensual. The more she yelled the more I got amused. The arguement ended about 25 minutes later when another woman grabbed me by the hand and led me off to another room.

I did the same exact thing to her.

The ride home was quiet.

I knew exactly what I did and was not sorry. I of course told my girlfriend that I had only done what she wanted us to do.

We split up a short while later.

I was asked by a couple of the woman there if would like to attend but I begged off. I am a 1 woman man. Trying accomodate multiple women is a nightmare.

I am actually working on a story about this incident. It is called: It's My Fault ?

 

[3113]

The best lie...let's see....

I think that'd have to be the one I've told everyone here on the AH that I'm a female living in California. I'm really a 6'3" 300 lb construction worker in Salt Lake City. The three wives and I have seven kids with number eight on the way....

It's been so hard keeping up the ruse. I've been wanting to discuss the book of Mormon with y'all so badly.....have you ever wondered why there's good and evil in the world? :innocent:

 

[Chantilyvamp]

The best lie...let's see....

I think that'd have to be the one I've told everyone here on the AH that I'm a female living in California. I'm really a 6'3" 300 lb construction worker in Salt Lake City. The three wives and I have seven kids with number eight on the way....

It's been so hard keeping up the ruse. I've been wanting to discuss the book of Mormon with y'all so badly.....have you ever wondered why there's good and evil in the world? :innocent:

*spews coffee and giggles*

 

[Vermilion]

This one is tough...over a decade ago I was living with the really nice lady. She moved in with me and after a few months she found out that our neighbors were swingers.

She was all hot to trot. I did not have any urge to try other women. If I did why would I let her move in. She finally convinced (more like blackmail) to attend one of the parties.

She kept telling me it was about fucking..not making love to someone and that there was huge difference.

When we got there I looked around to see what was up. I realized that all of the "party rooms" had tv cameras in them. Everyone in the lounge could cycle through the channels and sit back and watch people fool around.

My girlfriends was picked/asked (I don't what the hell to call it) to go to a room. They went at it and after 15 minutes she was in the lounge watching me with a very beautiful Phillipino lady.

I took my time with this lady and I made love to every inch of her body. My girlfriend watched us the entire time. When we left the room she had a shit fit.

Now realize that my girlfriend is bitching me out, completely naked with a giant hand mark on her ass.

She accused me of "betraying her." I explained to her that I followed her rules. We "fucked" but it was slow and sensual. The more she yelled the more I got amused. The arguement ended about 25 minutes later when another woman grabbed me by the hand and led me off to another room.

I did the same exact thing to her.

The ride home was quiet.

I knew exactly what I did and was not sorry. I of course told my girlfriend that I had only done what she wanted us to do.

We split up a short while later.

I was asked by a couple of the woman there if would like to attend but I begged off. I am a 1 woman man. Trying accomodate multiple women is a nightmare.

I am actually working on a story about this incident. It is called: It's My Fault ?

But where's the lie?

x
V

 

[Guest]

I once convinced a guy that I survived being swept over Niagra Falls when I was seven. The lie was based on a true story but it wasn't me.

 

[rgraham666]

The best lie...let's see....

I think that'd have to be the one I've told everyone here on the AH that I'm a female living in California. I'm really a 6'3" 300 lb construction worker in Salt Lake City. The three wives and I have seven kids with number eight on the way....

It's been so hard keeping up the ruse. I've been wanting to discuss the book of Mormon with y'all so badly.....have you ever wondered why there's good and evil in the world? :innocent:

Snerk.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

I once convinced a guy that I survived being swept over Niagra Falls when I was seven. The lie was based on a true story but it wasn't me.

childrens lies are sometimes the best. Minx told me yesterday that her daddy took her toy and hid it. Had I not been at home all day I might have questioned him since she was upset about it. However, cheeky miss was fibbing since he'd been in his office all day. When I said it my lovely 2 year old got the slyest look and giggled and ran off to play.

 

[Boota]

I'm too honest to really lie. I won't even lie to make someone feel good.

However... the ways I go about telling jokes sometimes seems like a lie. People begin to believe me, until the punchline. Then they say I lied. I don't see it that way. It's not a lie if the story is supposed to be unbelievable.