Sexually Frustrated

[mwm45]

HI, Looking for some words of wisdom / experience. I love My Wife and We have a pretty good marriage, but I find myself getting very frustrated lately, When We met her sex drive was awesome and was not afraid to let it be known when she wanted sex, but the last year or so, about the only time We have Sexual or intimacy is when I make the first move, She has almost never turned me away, But I would like for her to make the first move on occasion.
And Yes I often do sweet things for Her, such as have dinner ready when she gets home(if I have the day off work), last day off I spent all day on my hands and knees scrubbing the Kitchen Floor ! lol

Oh well thats my vent ! Merry Christmas to All !!!

 

[subwannabe]

I had a similar problem with my wife. Still do to some extent. It can be caused by any number of things. In my case I often wondered if maybe it was really like that all along and I just never noticed. The best thing you can do is talk about it. Trying to figure it out yourself or ignoring it hoping it will get better just gets you feeling more frustrated.

 

[SweetErika]

HI, Looking for some words of wisdom / experience. I love My Wife and We have a pretty good marriage, but I find myself getting very frustrated lately,

If you have a good marriage and love her, then why are you looking to cheat on her?

How did I know the bulk of your posts would be in Personals?

When We met her sex drive was awesome and was not afraid to let it be known when she wanted sex, but the last year or so, about the only time We have Sexual or intimacy is when I make the first move, She has almost never turned me away, But I would like for her to make the first move on occasion.

Have you told her you'd like her to make the first move more? If so, what did she say?

And Yes I often do sweet things for Her, such as have dinner ready when she gets home(if I have the day off work), last day off I spent all day on my hands and knees scrubbing the Kitchen Floor ! lol

You must either have an enormous kitchen, or you were using a toothbrush, if it took you all day to clean the floor of one room.

But I digress. In my world, making dinner and helping with the work is called 'part of being a good partner.' It certainly doesn't guarantee sex, nor is it something I'd consider a romantic gesture. Yes, my libido is higher when I'm not feeling exhausted and overwhelmed or undervalued, but that's about it.

Anyway, I'd suggest asking her what you can do to make her feel sexy, wanted and aroused, rather banking on chores getting you sex.

 

[justdamhorny]

Well, I can relate to your frustration, that is for sure. My wife has hardly ever made the first move during our 23 years of marriage. We have gone the last 3 years with no intercourse at all. She says she has no interest in sex and doesn't even care if she has an orgasm. I have offered to do oral on her many many times and with one lonely exception about a month ago, I have always been turned away. She will on occasion masturbate me in the shower but she always stops me if I try to return the favour.
A year ago she was told she may be mildly depressed but she didn't like the idea of taking pills to cure it so she is trying to deal with it on her own. She is doing better but she still has no interest in sex or sex play.

If you ever find a solution to your problem, I'd love to know what you have tried.

 

[Noira]

last day off I spent all day on my hands and knees scrubbing the Kitchen Floor !

Maybe this would save your sex life, then: BUY A MOP! Clearly the floor needs to be washed every few days and if she has to spend all day scrubbing it with a facecloth that explains her disinterest in sex!

Look, it's not that hard to clean a floor, even if it's a big kitchen, even with a toothbrush. I can clean a room in a hospital top to bottom, a toothbrush involved for all of the cracks and little bits a rag can't get, walls and all, in an hour and a half. That's hardly all day. Even if the floor is pretty bad it shouldn't take too long. Sweep it up, pour water on any tricky spots to soak and come back in half an hour to mop it up!

Oh wait, you weren't asking about cleaning the floor. I digress.

Cleaning and making dinner aren't 'sweet things', they're being a good partner, like SweetErika said. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Make sure she knows you feel this way. It strikes me that most relationship issues can be chalked up to someone expecting their partner to be able to read their mind. Talk to her, ask her questions, find out why she feels this way... maybe she feels unsexy, unwanted, like you would turn her away if she made an advance, etc. Maybe she's been depressed. Who knows. Emotions can put a hamper in a woman's assertiveness and you said she was like that before.

Talk to her about it.