Sexuality in question

[The_Only_One]

I have considered myself a lesbian for over 20 years. Yet just recently I have been questioning this "fact" due to being with a man that actually pleased me. I have been with numerous men but none have ever came close to making me doubt myself except for this one. Since then I have not looked at any woman or man and been turned on. Does this mean I am a lesbian or in limbo??? I am so confused right now.

 

[koalabear]

Drunk

 

[blobfish]

I have considered myself a lesbian for over 20 years. Yet just recently I have been questioning this "fact" due to being with a man that actually pleased me. I have been with numerous men but none have ever came close to making me doubt myself except for this one. Since then I have not looked at any woman or man and been turned on. Does this mean I am a lesbian or in limbo??? I am so confused right now.

I'm thinking alt, but quoting just in case.

 

[The_Only_One]

Drunk

The first time I was drunk, but didn't get the feelings I had when I slept with men when I was younger. So, the second time I told him I was but wasn't and liked it. So, alcohol is not a factor now even though I thought it was.

 

[CandiCame]

Maybe genitalia isn't the be-all end-all you thought it was. That happens.

 

[Arlan]

You like who you like. Who cares what you call it?

 

[The_Only_One]

Maybe genitalia isn't the be-all end-all you thought it was. That happens.

Maybe but I have never been attracted to men since I was a child. In my mind and actions I can't not be around a man that is attracted to me and be comfortable. I won't even date bi women because of my dislike for men. I don't know why this one time was different. Hell, I can't even be around him for longer than 30 minutes without wanting him to leave. So, I don't think it is genitalia. I just honestly don't like men.

 

[The_Only_One]

You like who you like. Who cares what you call it?

I don't like men. I used to be comfortable around guys as a kid. Then when I grew up and they began trying to make advances I stopped hanging around them. I love women that is why I am so confused. I could never BE with a man in a relationship. I just don't know why I am doubting myself now.

 

[Arlan]

Were you uncomfortable with the advances simply because you didn't feel attraction to them? Or was it the way they made advances?

Added: What I'm thinking is that it might help you to sort things out for yourself if you deal with your categorical dislike of men. Some men certainly do some obnoxious things, but disliking every single one seems a bit extreme. Is there more to it?

I once knew a girl who considered herself bisexual, but didn't want to get intimate with men because of abuse she suffered in the past. Rationally, she knew that they weren't that asshole who hurt her, but she couldn't shake the aversion. That, I could understand. But I've had people who I wasn't attracted to make passes at me and it really wasn't all that upsetting, and certainly didn't make me dislike a broad group of people. So I don't quite understand where you're coming from.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I had a similar experience lately with a bowl of Cherry Garcia.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

People change as they age. You awake one morning and abruptly change your thinking or appetite for something.

 

[The_Only_One]

Were you uncomfortable with the advances simply because you didn't feel attraction to them? Or was it the way they made advances?

Added: What I'm thinking is that it might help you to sort things out for yourself if you deal with your categorical dislike of men. Some men certainly do some obnoxious things, but disliking every single one seems a bit extreme. Is there more to it?

I once knew a girl who considered herself bisexual, but didn't want to get intimate with men because of abuse she suffered in the past. Rationally, she knew that they weren't that asshole who hurt her, but she couldn't shake the aversion. That, I could understand. But I've had people who I wasn't attracted to make passes at me and it really wasn't all that upsetting, and certainly didn't make me dislike a broad group of people. So I don't quite understand where you're coming from.

There is no abuse in my past by men. I actually dated men and women til I was 22. I stopped dating them because there was no point in it. Men did nothing for me and women did. My dislike for them comes from the men knowing that I was a lesbian but yet they continued to make advances until I cut them out of my life totally. If I tell you know once the answer won't be different the second time. I feel all the men I have ever known did not respect me and my life enough to stop making the advances because they all did the same thing.

 

[The_Only_One]

People change as they age. You awake one morning and abruptly change your thinking or appetite for something.

You make a good point, but I don't see how my sexuality could change over night. Maybe you are right.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have considered myself a lesbian for over 20 years. Yet just recently I have been questioning this "fact" due to being with a man that actually pleased me. I have been with numerous men but none have ever came close to making me doubt myself except for this one. Since then I have not looked at any woman or man and been turned on. Does this mean I am a lesbian or in limbo??? I am so confused right now.

Maybe you're "straight for him"

Could be this is "The one" and that can transcend gender.

 

[ivantheterrible]

Maybe you're "straight for him"

Could be this is "The one" and that can transcend gender.

agreed.

i've ran into some women who claim to be lesbian and are with a woman, but it is obvious they are not lesbian. they get stuck in a mentality they think is themselves, and do not want to hurt their female lover by being with a man.

 

[shoulderblade]

People change as they age. You awake one morning and abruptly change your thinking or appetite for something.

"Like"

You make a good point, but I don't see how my sexuality could change over night. Maybe you are right.

I do not think that things like sexual orientation are as clearly defined and immutable as poeple in general like to pretend.

Consider what would have happened if you had met the 'man of your dreams, at say 20? What direction would you have taken?

These sorts of things lean heavily on experience as far as I can see.

 

[Arlan]

There is no abuse in my past by men. I actually dated men and women til I was 22. I stopped dating them because there was no point in it. Men did nothing for me and women did. My dislike for them comes from the men knowing that I was a lesbian but yet they continued to make advances until I cut them out of my life totally. If I tell you know once the answer won't be different the second time. I feel all the men I have ever known did not respect me and my life enough to stop making the advances because they all did the same thing.

I see. Well, my 2 cents' worth is that it seems like whatever is going on with you and this guy, you'd find it easier to deal with if you lost the chip on your shoulder about men. Maybe it's a fluke and it doesn't mean anything, in which case you could shrug it off, chalk it up to a weird month, and get on with your life without brooding about it. Or maybe there really is a non-trivial shift in your sexual orientation, which would be a lot easier to deal with if the prospect of being attracted to a man didn't horrify you.

It doesn't make sense to go around thinking that all men are disrespectful horndogs towards lesbians (or women in general) when it's objectively just not true. Maybe you had some bad luck. Maybe guys in your town are unusually obnoxious. Maybe after several guys were obnoxious, you started to assume the worst when guys made ambiguous remarks. I don't know. But you aren't doing yourself or the men of the world any favours by holding them all accountable for things that a few guys did.

Also, remember that whoever you may be attracted to at the moment, your gripes about the men who wouldn't lay off when you told them you were a lesbian are as legit as they ever were. When guys are pushy and tell lesbians that they just haven't gone to bed with the right man, they're being rude and unreasonable. When they fetishize lesbians and treat them like exotic sex objects and threesome opportunities rather than human beings, they're being rude and unreasonable. It doesn't become retroactively polite and reasonable if the lesbian in question enjoys sex with a man at some point, or even becomes bisexual or *gasp* straight. You can still be pissed at those guys no matter who you want to go to bed with now.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Never underestimate the power of a well-wielded penis.

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

Drunk

cosigns

 

[hobbit.]

I have considered myself a lesbian for over 20 years.

I have considered myself to be God for much longer than that! What has it got me? in practical terms - fuck all tangible, 'cept a history of abuse in secure mental hospitals.

So what is your point?

(presently 'clean' for 5 years and not intending anymore ECT)

 

[ivantheterrible]

I see. Well, my 2 cents' worth is that it seems like whatever is going on with you and this guy, you'd find it easier to deal with if you lost the chip on your shoulder about men. .

i like your entire post , arlan. makes me wonder, WHY is it so many lesbians are so damn angry at men? are they REALLY lesbians? or are they just angry and dominant and hate men because most men don't want to fuck them? or is it when a woman likes a guy and wants to hang out as friends, the guy is always hoping to get some? on the other side of the coin, have you noticed a lot of gay men are not angry at women and like hanging out with them, even if they are fag hags, and women like to hang out with gay men because they don't worry about being "hit on"?
makes you wonder.

 

[RoryN]

I have considered myself a lesbian for over 20 years. Yet just recently I have been questioning this "fact" due to being with a man that actually pleased me. I have been with numerous men but none have ever came close to making me doubt myself except for this one. Since then I have not looked at any woman or man and been turned on. Does this mean I am a lesbian or in limbo??? I am so confused right now.

It's absolutely vital that you identify yourself as one way or the other.

Otherwise, God will kill kittens.

 

[islandman]

i like your entire post , arlan. makes me wonder, WHY is it so many lesbians are so damn angry at men? are they REALLY lesbians? or are they just angry and dominant and hate men because most men don't want to fuck them? or is it when a woman likes a guy and wants to hang out as friends, the guy is always hoping to get some? on the other side of the coin, have you noticed a lot of gay men are not angry at women and like hanging out with them, even if they are fag hags, and women like to hang out with gay men because they don't worry about being "hit on"?
makes you wonder.

Are you attempting to rationalize why women have pushed you away in the past?

 

[The_Only_One]

agreed.

i've ran into some women who claim to be lesbian and are with a woman, but it is obvious they are not lesbian. they get stuck in a mentality they think is themselves, and do not want to hurt their female lover by being with a man.

Well, I am not so sure that I fit into that category. Like I said before I have been with men but have not ever really WANTED to be with them. I am single and there is no one's feelings that I would hurt. I am just confused because after all of these years of me KNOWING that a woman is what I want and now there is some enjoyment out of sex with this ONE man. I did not, however, reach full pleasure but it just wasn't as bad, or bad at all, like the others. I know what I like and this just blows all of that out of the water.

 

[The_Only_One]

"Like"



I do not think that things like sexual orientation are as clearly defined and immutable as poeple in general like to pretend.

Consider what would have happened if you had met the 'man of your dreams, at say 20? What direction would you have taken?

These sorts of things lean heavily on experience as far as I can see.

When I was 19 I did meet a man that I had feelings for but the physical part was lacking. I soon realized that I was having sex with him to please him not me because he enjoyed it more than I did. Soon after I realized that every time I had sex with a man I had to be way too drunk to even entertain the idea. I left him after I realized this and met the first girl I was ever with.