Anyone besides me experience a change in their sexuality after prostate cancer surgery and its attendant erectile dysfunction (ED)?
Having the unpleasant reality of ED resulting from prostate cancer, I've noticed that my sexual fantasies and proclivities have turned noticeably towards the feminine and the submissive. I fantasize about being fucked in the ass now, by either a woman with a dildo strapped on, or by another man. I fantasize about sucking a cock.
Without a hard cock, I definitely feel less masculine, more feminine. It is a MAJOR DRAG. This is not talked about enough.
ED has shifted everything about how I feel about myself, and what I fantasize about. And I haven't adapted to this yet; I don't know if it is even possible to find a female partner with whom I'd be compatible!
I've discussed this with my current partner a little, but it hasn't changed things. We struggle with trying to maintain a traditional sexual lifestyle, trying to get adequate erections thru viagra, trying to maintain the male-more-dominant female-less-so roles that seem to be the human default.
My interest in oral sex really took off when the ED started - both ways, giving and receiving. Coupled with that are new fantasies of giving a woman head in a submissive way, e.g. kneeling with her standing, one leg on a stool, perhaps even grasping my hair and guiding me.
Maybe the most interesting change, and the one big blessing falling out of this, is that my orgasms are dramatically different, and most definitely more female-like. They LAST LONGER, sometimes MUCH LONGER. They are not as strong/peaky, but can nevertheless be very powerful. And I'm able to last longer now, much longer, with stimulation before coming. I even suspect I may be capable of multiple orgasms, but haven't achieved this yet.
It occurred to me that there may be something sexually EXCITING about the ED state of a man. It has some resemblance to the ancient practice of castrating young boys and making them into sex slaves for older men.
Lack of ejaculation is a much bigger deal than I thought it would be. Prior to surgery, I viewed ejaculation as a messy nuisance. Now, I see it as a powerful symbol of the male losing his sexual energy, the female or instigator being the one with the power to control that loss, to DELIVER that loss to the ejaculator. Interestingly, though, two female partners have said they LIKE the lack of ejaculate.
The soft cock can still have an orgasm, and it still feels good for it to be sucked, but I've found that the degree of feeling is directly proportional to hardness of cock. When I'm able to achieve partial erection with viagra, it definitely feels better, stimulation is definitely more powerful. Still, two female partners have said they PREFER sucking the smaller, soft cock. I have a fantasy of a man sucking it, and wonder, would a man find the thought of a SOFT cock exciting? Feminine, in a way? Like a giant clit, maybe?
I always thought ejaculation FELT a bit like pissing. Now that ejaculation is impossible, the feeling of pissing is MORE erotic, and almost approaches a feeling of ejaculation. I've fantasized of using pissing as a replacement for ejaculation. Both are a form of release, and both require letting go. I fantasize having a partner that tells me to release my urine, and continues to encourage me to do that as they stimulate me, until such time as I have an orgasm and release pee at the same time. These fantasies are further fueled by a real experience - I was eating a woman's pussy, outdoors, in her back yard, myself sitting on the ground with elbows also on the ground propping up my head/shoulders, she standing over me thrusting her pussy into my face, and when she came, she also suddenly released pee all over my chest. It was totally unexpected, and yet, surprisingly, super-erotic at the same time!
I even find that the positions I imagine for my body are affected by my lack of erections. With a hard cock, the focus was always there, at the front, and body position fantasies always involved positioning of the hard cock at an area of interest. Now, the focal point is my asshole. And with that, an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be submissive, of wanting to accept, rather than wanting to be dominant, wanting to insert. Instead of naturally tending to the on-top or above positions, I feel a strong desire to be on my back, legs open and up so my asshole is exposed and available. Or, to be on my hands and knees and have my ass exposed and available.
All of these new fantasies and desires appeared after prostate surgery, after ED developed, and I feel they are some kind of natural mental consequence of NOT having a hard cock.
Having the unpleasant reality of ED resulting from prostate cancer, I've noticed that my sexual fantasies and proclivities have turned noticeably towards the feminine and the submissive. I fantasize about being fucked in the ass now, by either a woman with a dildo strapped on, or by another man. I fantasize about sucking a cock.
Without a hard cock, I definitely feel less masculine, more feminine. It is a MAJOR DRAG. This is not talked about enough.
ED has shifted everything about how I feel about myself, and what I fantasize about. And I haven't adapted to this yet; I don't know if it is even possible to find a female partner with whom I'd be compatible!
I've discussed this with my current partner a little, but it hasn't changed things. We struggle with trying to maintain a traditional sexual lifestyle, trying to get adequate erections thru viagra, trying to maintain the male-more-dominant female-less-so roles that seem to be the human default.
My interest in oral sex really took off when the ED started - both ways, giving and receiving. Coupled with that are new fantasies of giving a woman head in a submissive way, e.g. kneeling with her standing, one leg on a stool, perhaps even grasping my hair and guiding me.
Maybe the most interesting change, and the one big blessing falling out of this, is that my orgasms are dramatically different, and most definitely more female-like. They LAST LONGER, sometimes MUCH LONGER. They are not as strong/peaky, but can nevertheless be very powerful. And I'm able to last longer now, much longer, with stimulation before coming. I even suspect I may be capable of multiple orgasms, but haven't achieved this yet.
It occurred to me that there may be something sexually EXCITING about the ED state of a man. It has some resemblance to the ancient practice of castrating young boys and making them into sex slaves for older men.
Lack of ejaculation is a much bigger deal than I thought it would be. Prior to surgery, I viewed ejaculation as a messy nuisance. Now, I see it as a powerful symbol of the male losing his sexual energy, the female or instigator being the one with the power to control that loss, to DELIVER that loss to the ejaculator. Interestingly, though, two female partners have said they LIKE the lack of ejaculate.
The soft cock can still have an orgasm, and it still feels good for it to be sucked, but I've found that the degree of feeling is directly proportional to hardness of cock. When I'm able to achieve partial erection with viagra, it definitely feels better, stimulation is definitely more powerful. Still, two female partners have said they PREFER sucking the smaller, soft cock. I have a fantasy of a man sucking it, and wonder, would a man find the thought of a SOFT cock exciting? Feminine, in a way? Like a giant clit, maybe?
I always thought ejaculation FELT a bit like pissing. Now that ejaculation is impossible, the feeling of pissing is MORE erotic, and almost approaches a feeling of ejaculation. I've fantasized of using pissing as a replacement for ejaculation. Both are a form of release, and both require letting go. I fantasize having a partner that tells me to release my urine, and continues to encourage me to do that as they stimulate me, until such time as I have an orgasm and release pee at the same time. These fantasies are further fueled by a real experience - I was eating a woman's pussy, outdoors, in her back yard, myself sitting on the ground with elbows also on the ground propping up my head/shoulders, she standing over me thrusting her pussy into my face, and when she came, she also suddenly released pee all over my chest. It was totally unexpected, and yet, surprisingly, super-erotic at the same time!
I even find that the positions I imagine for my body are affected by my lack of erections. With a hard cock, the focus was always there, at the front, and body position fantasies always involved positioning of the hard cock at an area of interest. Now, the focal point is my asshole. And with that, an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be submissive, of wanting to accept, rather than wanting to be dominant, wanting to insert. Instead of naturally tending to the on-top or above positions, I feel a strong desire to be on my back, legs open and up so my asshole is exposed and available. Or, to be on my hands and knees and have my ass exposed and available.
All of these new fantasies and desires appeared after prostate surgery, after ED developed, and I feel they are some kind of natural mental consequence of NOT having a hard cock.
Last edited:
