Sexual improvements in relationship

[Jeffs362]

I went from long term marriage to girlfriends and each were rather vanilla sex. None of this really gets me going. One girlfriend liked swingers clubs, not to swing, but the excitement. I did too, and it got me going.

I am finding myself trapped in monotony of vanilla sex. How do I change this? Can I change it? Am I weird to want to? I liked the swinger club, if not to swing, just the sexual atmosphere. I like anal sex with a female. I'd try bisexual. Anything. But I am 55. Kind of old.

Just don't want to get trapped in a vanilla sex relationship again. Just seems monotonous - to me, it's in your mind, and not necessarily physical as much. So, do I talk to this gal, and if she doesn't get it dump her for the sex I have always wanted? Just don't want to get stuck again in the same old same old. I must have an open minded situation.

Any ideas?

 

[Mohavekid]

I've been though something similar.

Find a good time to discuss the issue, not when you are in a sexual situation, in a non-threatening manner.

Tell her what excites you and exactly what you are looking for. Tell her what is lacking from your perspective.

Ask her how she feels and what she wants and needs sexually.

Don't threaten to end the relationship if things don't change.

Give her time to think and respond. This should not be a one time conversation.

Hopefully she will genuinely consider your perspective and will open to trying some of the things you like.

Be prepared for her to be defensive and hurt by your requests.

Over time and with several discussions, your future with her will become clear.