Sexual Desire and Age

[dizzylia]

Mostly as a curiosity, in case anyone can answer... but what is it that causes the decrease in sexual desire as people age? Or maybe it's more sexual action than desire. Is it physical? Mental? Psychological? How does that work, exactly? What overcomes it?

-dizzy

(no, I really am serious)

 

[sharingfantasies]

Mostly as a curiosity, in case anyone can answer... but what is it that causes the decrease in sexual desire as people age? Or maybe it's more sexual action than desire. Is it physical? Mental? Psychological? How does that work, exactly? What overcomes it?

-dizzy

(no, I really am serious)

It could be any of those things. In addition to children in the house, working long hours, lack of sleep, etc. I think it is different for everyone, and not everyone loses their desire as they get older. To overcome it, you would have to know the reason for it. Is it lack of privacy? then try to get away every now and then. Is it too tired from working? cut back on the hours. Sometimes you have to find a time in both people's planners to set up a date. hire a babysitter, and go to motel. If it is physical, see a doctor. If it is psychological, see a psychologist.

I think what makes it difficult to determine is that most people don't really take the time to think about it nor do they take the time to talk to their spouse or partner about it.

but that is just an opinion

 

[rgraham666]

In my case, it's simply age and lack of opportunity.

I am slowing down as I grow older. Can't be helped. (Shrugs)

I'm also poor, socially inept and semi-house bound. So I get little opportunity to meet women, especially single women, and can't really work those opportunities when I do. But like food, the less you eat, the less you need. You become accustomed to not getting any.

It's a good thing I write porn or I'd lose interest completely.

 

[impressive]

Well, I'm 42 ... and I've noticed nothing but a continual INCREASE in desire.

There were a few years in my early 30s when the kids were young that I was too tired to care, but now?

 

[erise]

If you are talking about sex drive diminishing in older people, I'm not entirely sure that it's true. There might be less and less opportunity, with kids, stress from work, even marriage and fidelity makes it less of an important issue for some. But I've met seniors who are just as randy and active as teenagers.

Or do you mean sexual desire for older vs younger people?

 

[neonlyte]

After ten years of working nights, I came out of the starting gate like a rabbit on heat (sorry Rob). Scared the fuck out of the wife, I was 54 at the time, and pretty much scared the fuck out of me. I pretty soon realised if wasn't to get any at home, I was unlikely to get any elsewhere, bit long in the tooth to go chasing, so I entered into a downward spiral of not being able to perform even when she wanted me to.

It's a long and not very pretty story that has taken the best part of two years to resolve and hard work on both out parts. Writing erotica has helped (both of us) and becoming sexually reacquainted is an essential part of the process. We've discovered a blow job hugely restorative to our ambitions, as is sex in semi-public places, secluded beaches, parks etc. and we can relive these escapades in bed, much to our joint relief.

I don't think it was necessarily age, other than in the realisation I was never going to get to fuck a young girl again, not that I really wanted to, but the realisation can play havoc with the mental process; it was mostly in my mind and my failure to appreciate that you need to bring your partner along with you in your ambitions, sexual or otherwise, if you don't - problems are almost certain to follow.

 

[rgraham666]

I agree, neon. I suppose a great deal of my lack of interest is because I know I'm not likely to get any, due to reasons I've whinged about here endlessly.

But there isn't much sense in wanting what I can't have.

 

[Pure]

yup

other than in the realisation I was never going to get to fuck a young girl again, not that I really wanted to, but the realisation can play havoc with the mental process;

bummer.

one qualification worth noting, is that it's not 'no fucking' but "no young women fucking [you] for the joy of it."

IOW, if you're rich, you have access BUT you always know it's your $$.

IF you're not rich, then you might simply pay up front, and if you're lucky she'll pretend to like it, but the 'commercial' exchange will be obvious.

----
To answer the question: the mental components of 'desire' are still there in abundance given lack of distractions like stress, serious illness, etc. Physical components are a bit less, but the physical so called, is always a part function of the mental [i.e., what we believe and fantasize about someone, or in some situation real or imagined].

 

[oggbashan]

I think that my sexual desire peaked in my early twenties and then reduced to a plateau where it remains.

I don't feel any less sexual desire now than I had in my thirties. The opportunities might be reduced; the desire hasn't.

I do not feel attracted to very young (18+ that is) women mainly for fear of making myself ridiculous. However with advancing age the number of women I find attractive has increased. At 20 I wouldn't (all other things being equal) have fancied sex with a woman of 50. Now, a woman of 50 is much younger and probably attractive.

My father was in a residential home for the elderly from age 90 to his death age 96. He was embarrassed by the physical manifestations of his attraction to the women caring for him. That was evidence that his physical desire was still very obvious. The women caring for him seemed to think that his reaction to them was a compliment.

How old is too old? Ask me when I'm older than my father was.

Og

 

[MissGabriella]

hormones? stress? lack of opportunity? I don't know and I don't want to know. I've got a couple decades yet so I'm going to enjoy myself as much as possible.

 

[cloudy]

hormones? stress? lack of opportunity? I don't know and I don't want to know. I've got a couple decades yet so I'm going to enjoy myself as much as possible.

Read the answers above again.

It doesn't decrease, not really. I just turned 44, and I'm much more sexual now than I was in my twenties.

 

[MissGabriella]

I know, I just think for me it will all go downhill. Unless of course I actually get into a relationship one of these days.

 

[pop_54]

Well, I'm 42 ... and I've noticed nothing but a continual INCREASE in desire.

There were a few years in my early 30s when the kids were young that I was too tired to care, but now?

I'm 57, and like you Imp I seem to be getting hornier as time goes by... maybe we're trying to get as much in as we can, while we still can

And regarding the thread starter's query about "what re-inflames the passion for sex" wife, (or friend ) saying "fancy a fuck" usually does it.

 

[cloudy]

I'm 57, and like you Imp I seem to be getting hornier as time goes by... maybe we're trying to get as much in as we can, while we still can

And regarding the thread starter's query about "what re-inflames the passion for sex" wife, (or friend ) saying "fancy a fuck" usually does it.

Pops!!! You sexy beast!

Care for a snog?

 

[matriarch]

Mostly as a curiosity, in case anyone can answer... but what is it that causes the decrease in sexual desire as people age? Or maybe it's more sexual action than desire. Is it physical? Mental? Psychological? How does that work, exactly? What overcomes it?

-dizzy

(no, I really am serious)

My sexual desire is supposed to decrease?
You sure about that?

Nobody told me.
I wonder if I should tell her...........she definitely won't like it.

 

[kendo1]

Me too.
Sexual desire decrease! Ha!

I'm just as randy as I was in my teens, and I've practiced more since then.
Still pretty good at the one-handed bra release!

And like Ogg says, there are more gorgeous women out there than ever before- age becomes less of a restriction!

Chatted up an 18YO this morning and got a chuckle from her. There's life in the old guy still.

 

[pop_54]

Pops!!! You sexy beast!

Care for a snog?

That's done it sweet Cloudy, you just re-inflamed my passion... again

(Why stop at a snog sweet one )

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The desire isn't as painful and acute as it used to be--where you really thought you might go nuts if you didn't get laid--but as that frenzy mellows out, it's replaced with a kind of gourmet approach.

Now I have the time and the inclination to stretch things out and notice and enjoy things I didn't have time for when I was a frenetic youth: the seduction and flirting, the foreplay and games. It's not all about getting on, getting in and getting off anymore.

I guess I could say that I control the sex now, rather than it controlling me.

--Zoot

 

[dizzylia]

Wow, thank you for all the replies, everyone. I really appreciate it! You've given me a lot to think about. In more ways than one.

I guess I'm just trying to understand my lover's situation better. I've talked to her about it, but she insists her drive is still there. And yet, any time I initiate anything, she laughs it off and turns away, either metaphorically or literally. Bit of a downer.

I guess we just need to talk more about it. Communication is such a web of tangles sometimes.


-dizzy

 

[Colleen Thomas]

In some people, the drive for sex decreses due to hormonal changes. In others the same triggers the reduced desire in some menopause, liver/kidney disease, etc will cause a rise. we are all wired differently and how we respond to stressors varries greatly.

My roomate works in an old age home. Part of her job is arrangeing a trysting place for what is basically randy seniors. Once couple, her 90ish him late 80es married, just so they could get a joint room to bump nasties in whenever the mood seized them. Thei kid went ballistic, and sued and lost. In fact, the couple married simply because their kids had been making so much trouble for them.

I say good on them. I hope I'm still wanting it when I'm 90

 

[dizzylia]

In some people, the drive for sex decreses due to hormonal changes. In others the same triggers the reduced desire in some menopause, liver/kidney disease, etc will cause a rise. we are all wired differently and how we respond to stressors varries greatly.

My roomate works in an old age home. Part of her job is arrangeing a trysting place for what is basically randy seniors. Once couple, her 90ish him late 80es married, just so they could get a joint room to bump nasties in whenever the mood seized them. Thei kid went ballistic, and sued and lost. In fact, the couple married simply because their kids had been making so much trouble for them.

I say good on them. I hope I'm still wanting it when I'm 90

*grins* Awesome story. Thank you for sharing!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Wow, thank you for all the replies, everyone. I really appreciate it! You've given me a lot to think about. In more ways than one.

I guess I'm just trying to understand my lover's situation better. I've talked to her about it, but she insists her drive is still there. And yet, any time I initiate anything, she laughs it off and turns away, either metaphorically or literally. Bit of a downer.

I guess we just need to talk more about it. Communication is such a web of tangles sometimes.

Oh wait-- You're talking about women!

Yeah. It's a scientific fact that they lose all sex drive either 3.33 years after marriage or upon the birth of their first child, whichever happens first. They stop being sexual women and become asexual Moms. Quite often the condition is irreversible.

But seriously, women do seem to undergo a change after they get out of the child-bearing years and before they hit menopause. They seem to have a sexual renaissance and discover real wild-and-woolly recreational sex. That's when a woman gets really interesting.

 

[Liar]

The desire isn't as painful and acute as it used to be--where you really thought you might go nuts if you didn't get laid--

uh...when was that? Can't remember such a thing.