Sexless Relationship support

[fredrock]

Ok so many of us are in a sexless relationship for what ever reason..lets help each out...support each other...tell each other how awesome we are...how sexy we are...how we are desired....lol
Thought we could use a positve thread...not a bitch about our lives....
Pic to follow...

 

[AlwaysDancing]

Hell yes.

We are Sex Goddesses and Gods!

 

[Bisexguy70]

Im in a sexless marriage. Ive found solice and comfort playing with other men who are in the same boat. If the guys wife wont suck his, mine wont suck my cock, we just get together and suck each other. I find guys are much better at it then my wife was. Plus, I actually find the act very arousing and satisfying

 

[live4thebj]

Ummmm no! I am in a sexless long term relationship. Before that I was getting laid often and a lot. But don’t need validation from anyone. I have hand cream for a reason. And I know it isn’t me we don’t have sex.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I WAS in a sexless relationship.

But I got better ... by finding a mistress. Then the wife realized I was having too much fun without her, so we divorced.

 

[heynow_33]

Great idea for a thread…in a sexless marriage here (not my choice) and am hypersexual so I need outlets like this. Would be interested in chatting and getting to know anyone on this thread and this site.

 

[Not Normal]

I was once where you all are. It's a rough road and I wish you well.

 

[Stromer]

Ummmm no! I am in a sexless long term relationship. Before that I was getting laid often and a lot. But don’t need validation from anyone. I have hand cream for a reason. And I know it isn’t me we don’t have sex.

I'm with you. Health issues have turned us into a sexless relationship. Can't blame her for what Mother Nature has done to her. Sex is painful for her now, but we had a great sex life until she could not have a great sex life. She knows I still get horny and will give me a BJ whenever I ask, but I feel guilty that I can't do the same for her, so most of the time it's Rosy Palmer and her five best friends taking care of me. Getting old sucks, but that's life.

 

[fredrock]

Agreed...thanks for sharing.

 

[sandybrooke]

Yup, dried up years ago. I just have creative masturbation now. I do miss eating pussy though.

 

[Saint_Ann]

I WAS in a sexless relationship.

But I got better ... by finding a mistress. Then the wife realized I was having too much fun without her, so we divorced.

I told a friend once that ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness and he did the same. I liked them both and I blamed myself...for about a minute.

 

[Deandizzy]

Sexless relationships are incomplete relationships

 

[hulmule]

It's sad that a lot of us are wasting away. Full of energy, amorous and willing to share this with them. But they have no interest...

 

[live4thebj]

I'm with you. Health issues have turned us into a sexless relationship. Can't blame her for what Mother Nature has done to her. Sex is painful for her now, but we had a great sex life until she could not have a great sex life. She knows I still get horny and will give me a BJ whenever I ask, but I feel guilty that I can't do the same for her, so most of the time it's Rosy Palmer and her five best friends taking care of me. Getting old sucks, but that's life.

She can’t handle oral…receiving that is? My fiancé finds penetration painful but her sex drive has been zero for awhile now so she isn’t feeling a desire to get eaten out. However she did push through for me a couple of times and I got her to cum but they were very small orgasms.

Beside in the first of week of August she will be away for a couple of days. I am so going to be playing with my vibrating anal toys. Hope I really hope I get the Big O again.

 

[fredrock]

some days it bugs me more than others...today is one of those days...

 

[HampshireBoy]

some days it bugs me more than others...today is one of those days...

I know what you mean, I asked last night when we went to bed. Her answer was that she didn't feel up to it and she felt really guilty, ended with her crying and me comforting her that that she shouldn't feel guilty and lots of us saying how much we love each other. But here I am today, immensely horny and no likelihood of anything but solo relief.

 

[LMWM321]

Stories of sexless or near-sexless relationships break my heart. Not sure if this will help, but I'll share my story.

My wife's menopause came at a relatively young age and with a vengence. Along with its other not-so-fun symptoms, it left my wife struggling to have an orgasm. Sadly, she felt so much implied pressure from me to climax that she ended up preferring NOT having sex to doing it but failing to reach the Big "O". She didn't talk about it and I, being the oft-insensitive clod I am, didn't really pick up on it. After much frustration and heartache spanning several years, we agreed to see a sex-therapist. On her recommendation, we both read Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex. I must admit that I fucking HATE self help books and approach reading them with considerable skepticism.

Well, skepticism aside, the book and the therapy were awesome as they prompted lots of honest and uncomfortable conversation about our own needs and wants. But most importantly, it helped us realize that the goal of sex is NOT necessarily having an orgasm but rather to simply enjoy being intimate with each other. ..Amazingly, once we stopped making orgasm the goal, my wife started having them again - only occasionally and much smaller than before, but that didn't matter. What mattered, is we were enjoying sex again, with all of the credit going to better communication, more liberal use of toys, and a crap-ton of high-quality lube.

As for the pain my wife was starting to experience w/ PIV sex, her Primary Care Physician prescribed Estradiol cream. ..It took many weeks to start working but once it did it greatly reduced discomfort which also helped to restore her desire. Next, we bought a dildo with a MUCH thinner girth than my dick (which is 6 1/4" around - which is much too big at times). I LOVE my new role of inserting it, with lots of lube, and slowly and rhythmically pushing it in and out as she uses a suction toy on her clitoris. ..Nowadays, her best orgasms come from this. ..After she's done w/ the dildo and suction toy she either invites me to go in (add more lube!) or maybe titty-fuck her if she's a bit sore already. And if I am invited in, I stop if I sense any discomfort on her part.. ..I'd much rather not cum in her than let the sex become uncomfortable for her. Sometimes, I'll finish on her breasts or lay on my back and finish myself off as she watches and caresses (kinky and fun), or if I'm tired I'll do it in the shower the next morning - usually to mental images from the night before.

Sex for us these days is different but awesome - for me, I can honestly say it's better than ever. We're doing things we didn't do before therapy like using butt-plugs, her pegging me with her dildo (f'ing awesome!), lots of eating her ass and lots foot stuff (I'm absolutely nuts for my wife's feet). ..All of these things were in the back of mind for years, but therapy and the book helped me be honest about wanting them, and helped my wife understand I'm not a weirdo for wanting them - just a guy with a high sex drive who adore's his wife.

So don't give up, people. ..Just make sure you don't put "O" pressure on your partner - it's totally counterproductive. And make sure your partner knows she's beautiful, sexy and appreciated. Say it, and fucking mean it!!!! Don't say it just b/c you expect sex in return, do it to brighten her day and because you love her.

 

[Windman1]

Stories of sexless or near-sexless relationships break my heart. Not sure if this will help, but I'll share my story.

My wife's menopause came at a relatively young age and with a vengence. Along with its other not-so-fun symptoms, it left my wife struggling to have an orgasm. Sadly, she felt so much implied pressure from me to climax that she ended up preferring NOT having sex to doing it but failing to reach the Big "O". She didn't talk about it and I, being the oft-insensitive clod I am, didn't really pick up on it. After much frustration and heartache spanning several years, we agreed to see a sex-therapist. On her recommendation, we both read Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex. I must admit that I fucking HATE self help books and approach reading them with considerable skepticism.

Well, skepticism aside, the book and the therapy were awesome as they prompted lots of honest and uncomfortable conversation about our own needs and wants. But most importantly, it helped us realize that the goal of sex is NOT necessarily having an orgasm but rather to simply enjoy being intimate with each other. ..Amazingly, once we stopped making orgasm the goal, my wife started having them again - only occasionally and much smaller than before, but that didn't matter. What mattered, is we were enjoying sex again, with all of the credit going to better communication, more liberal use of toys, and a crap-ton of high-quality lube.

As for the pain my wife was starting to experience w/ PIV sex, her OBGYN prescribed Estradiol cream. ..It took many weeks to start working but once it did it greatly reduced discomfort which also helped to restore her desire. Next, we bought a dildo with a MUCH thinner girth than my dick. I LOVE my new role of inserting it, with lots of lube, and slowly and rhythmically pushing it in and out as she uses a suction toy on her clitoris. ..Nowadays, her best orgasms come from this. ..After she's done w/ the dildo and suction toy she either invites me to go in (add more lube!) or maybe titty-fuck her if she's a bit sore already. And if I am invited in, I stop if I sense any discomfort on her part.. ..I'd much rather not cum in her than let the sex become uncomfortable for her. Sometimes, I'll finish on her breasts or lay on my back and finish myself off as she watches and caresses (kinky and fun), or if I'm tired I'll do it in the shower the next morning - usually to mental images from the night before.

Sex for us these days is different but awesome - for me, I can honestly say it's better than ever. We're doing things we didn't do before therapy like using butt-plugs, her pegging me with her dildo (f'ing awesome!), lots of eating her ass and lots foot stuff (I'm absolutely nuts for my wife's feet). ..All of these things were in the back of mind for years, but therapy and the book helped me be honest about wanting them, and helped my wife understand I'm not a weirdo for wanting them - just a guy with a high sex drive who adore's his wife.

So don't give up, people. ..Just make sure you don't put the "Big-O" pressure on your partner - it's totally counterproductive. And make sure your partner knows she's beautiful, sexy and appreciated. Say it, and fucking mean it!!!! Don't say it just b/c you expect sex in return, do it to brighten her day and because you love her.

Great wisdom here. I’m glad it worked out for you. I agree, the journey is worth the effort. I’ve told my wife the same thing, I don’t necessarily need to cum. But I do need the physical intimacy. I’ve always enjoyed bringing pleasure to her in whatever form she is in the mood for. We rarely have intercourse anymore and I don’t mind that. We share lots of intimate moments of physical intimacy. This has come after many years of struggle and figuring out what works for us.

 

[RoanMtn]

I guess this isn't so uncommon. Been over two decades for me.

 

[LMWM321]

Great wisdom here. I’m glad it worked out for you. I agree, the journey is worth the effort. I’ve told my wife the same thing, I don’t necessarily need to cum. But I do need the physical intimacy. I’ve always enjoyed bringing pleasure to her in whatever form she is in the mood for. We rarely have intercourse anymore and I don’t mind that. We share lots of intimate moments of physical intimacy. This has come after many years of struggle and figuring out what works for us.

Windman1... Would you agree that because enjoying sex after menopause is more challenging for your wife it's made you a better lover??

I know for us, sex used to be my wife basically saying "just stick it in hun... and give me a few moments and I'll get there." And that's all it really took. It took little effort on my part beyond getting hard and pumping away... But now, it takes so much more - more time, more communication, more sensitivity to reading her body, etc.. There's no doubt I'm a more conscientious lover as a consequence.

And that has brought us much closer at a point in our marriage when many couples drift apart.

In a way, menopause has been great for our sex life and by extension our marriage.

 

[Windman1]

Windman1... Would you agree that because enjoying sex after menopause is more challenging for your wife it's made you a better lover??

I know for us, sex used to be my wife basically saying "just stick it in hun... and give me a few moments and I'll get there." And that's all it really took. It took little effort on my part beyond getting hard and pumping away... But now, it takes so much more - more time, more communication, more sensitivity to reading her body, etc.. There's no doubt I'm a more conscientious lover as a consequence.

And that has brought us much closer at a point in our marriage when many couples drift apart.

In a way, menopause has been great for our sex life and by extension our marriage.

While I cant say menopause has made our sex life better, it is true it has made me a better lover. I have to put more effort into it for sure and I do. I am much more attentive to her and pay more attention to her.
I cant say the same for her. It is rare that she is in the mood for sex. She tolerates cuddling and is happy with my small acts of physical touch in passing such as me touching her foot as I pass by her or a random hug. But actual sex, no menopause hasn’t been a good thing.

 

[LMWM321]

It is rare that she is in the mood for sex. She tolerates cuddling and is happy with my small acts of physical touch in passing such as me touching her foot as I pass by her or a random hug. But actual sex, no menopause hasn’t been a good thing.

Sorry to hear Windman1. Hopefully things will improve with time. For my wife, a big part of it was finding something to offset the physical changes menopause inflicted on her self-image. For her, this was Yoga. By going to Yoga 2x week she lost the weight she gained from Menopause and some. ..It didn't matter one iota to me; she was ALWAYS gorgeous to me, but it took more than just my assurances. Yoga is one of life's few Fountains of Youth. Anyway, good luck.

 

[eroticbum]

I wouldn't say my marriage is sexless, but very close. Wife's interest in sex has been slowly declining over the years, She admitted to me that she could live without sex. Intercourse for her has become painful, but she has taken care of me but that too has become less frequent.
She used to give me fantastic BJ's weekly, then every 2 weeks, now were at every 3 to 4 weeks. Intercourse in the conventional sense was last year around x-mas time. She does let me screw here analy, but only every 3 or 4 months.
She won't let me touch her the way I used to, and when I want to touch or fondle her breasts I have to ask first. She wont let me near her tits, some amazing 38DD love bumps.
When she's stressing it's near impossible to get intimate with her, and she's stressing over upcoming election.
Guess when next intimate fun might happen

 

[Playwithmee]

Sexless relationships are incomplete relationships

I definitely agree. It’s sad to know what it could be.

 

[LMWM321]

I wouldn't say my marriage is sexless, but very close. Wife's interest in sex has been slowly declining over the years, She admitted to me that she could live without sex. Intercourse for her has become painful, but she has taken care of me but that too has become less frequent.
She used to give me fantastic BJ's weekly, then every 2 weeks, now were at every 3 to 4 weeks. Intercourse in the conventional sense was last year around x-mas time. She does let me screw here analy, but only every 3 or 4 months.
She won't let me touch her the way I used to, and when I want to touch or fondle her breasts I have to ask first. She wont let me near her tits, some amazing 38DD love bumps.
When she's stressing it's near impossible to get intimate with her, and she's stressing over upcoming election.
Guess when next intimate fun might happen

Sorry to hear.... Hearing your partner say they could live without sex would be heartbreaking.

Would she agree to seeing a sex therapist or reading Come As You Are? At minimum she should talk to her Primary Care doc and/or OBGYN. ..But bear in mind that not all docs are the same in how highly they value sex.. The first doc my wife discussed her declining sex drive and increasing pain with basically said, "Yeah... get used to that. Aging sucks... But it's not all bad - sex is very time consuming so be glad you don't have to worry about it." We were floored. ..She was (and is) kind of an unhappy woman, in an unhappy marriage, who who doesn't value intimacy. But then she mentioned it to her Primary Care Physician (a younger and much more upbeat woman) who said, "Well sex is VERY important so let's find something that helps..." She prescribed estradiol and even contemplated full blown hormone replacement therapy. ..In the end, the Sex Therapist and the book helped enough to get us on track.

Lastly... make sure you're taking care of yourself. ..Good hygiene, etc... ...Look like you care about yourself. Meanwhile keep reminding her she's beautiful and you crave being close and intimate with her. AND maybe tell her neither of you have to cum - you just need to enjoy how being intimate feels.