Sexless Marriages

[Merideth34]

Maybe this whole thread
From both perspectives where neither partner is actually listening and sharing is why so many marriages end with divorce

 

[BrianMagee1168]

All my wife has to do is asked me to do something and I do my best to get it done. I worry about meeting everybody’s needs in the family kids wife animals everybody…
I have remodeled our house I go to work every day. Nothing gets turned off for lack of payment. There’s always food in the refrigerator gas in the cars.
I go grocery shopping. I mow the lawn. I take out the trash. We are currently remodeling the bedroom, and I will work a 10 hour shift today and then go home and put in a couple hours in the bedroom Remodel.
I kiss my wife goodbye every morning and tell her how much I love her while she sleeps.
I have to get my clothes out of the laundry basket and iron them because they’re never hung up or put away. She’s a housewife and I understand completely that a housewife is a full-time job. But I’m sorry when you don’t get up out of bed until 10 AM. You spend half the day on Xbox playing video games..
I’m sorry, ladies, but sometimes y’all need to look in the mirror too…
I haven’t gotten anything more than holding hands for the last 12 fucking years

Your entire post was excellent. As to the above...

My wife and I are 62. After menopause, with the help of a sex therapist and the book "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski. we found our way back to enjoying sex by first learning to NOT fixate on achieving an orgasm, but instead focus on the pleasure and joy of simply being naked, close, and caressing each other. Indeed, our therapist instructed us to do this nightly for two weeks and without ever touching genitals or breasts.

Regarding penetrative sex..

Before menopause, my wife could be sufficiently wet and ready to take me inside by the time we both got our cloths off, which allowed sex to be pretty spontaneous. But now, after menopause, if my wife wants PIV sex, she needs 2 tablespoons of high quality lube - 1/2 of it on her, 1/2 of it on me - for sex to be painless. ..Plus, she applies estrodial cream in the AM 2x/week. I go inside of her very slowly AND the moment I see her wince or she says "okay, it's getting a bit uncomfortable" I immediately pull out. Occasionally she orgasms before I need to pull out, and other times she doesn't. Either way, I never grumble about how "I didn't get to finish." If I don't finish inside of her, she'll often encourage me to finish on her breasts or feet (yes, I'm goofy for them). This new approach has eliminated much of the apprehension of sex that led to sex avoidance.

After her menopause brought sex to a near halt for us, we are back to having sex 2-3 times a week, albeit a very different kind of sex. Although my wife or I orgasm only about 25% of the time, we end up enjoying the intimacy 100% of the time.

I love the "Sharing my Wife Michelle" story. Very well done.

 

[LMWM321]

I love the "Sharing my Wife Michelle" story. Very well done.

Thank you!

 

[sandybrooke]

She told me "just jerkoff" Thanks honey. No pussy for many years.
There are many things I do not do for her that I used to. Sorry babe, gonna go jerk off

 

[CuriousJInLA]

She told me "just jerkoff" Thanks honey. No pussy for many years.
There are many things I do not do for her that I used to. Sorry babe, gonna go jerk off

That’s a bummer. And I don’t mean this in any way other than curiosity, but has she lost all interest in sex or just with you? Would she be okay with you being with another person?

 

[sandybrooke]

That’s a bummer. And I don’t mean this in any way other than curiosity, but has she lost all interest in sex or just with you? Would she be okay with you being with another person?

It was menopause. Killed a very active sex life. To answer your question she would not be ok with that. So I have creative masturbation.

 

[CuriousJInLA]

It was menopause. Killed a very active sex life. To answer your question she would not be ok with that. So I have creative masturbation.

Gotcha. I always wonder how long I could abstain if there was no chance with my wife

 

[LMWM321]

She told me "just jerkoff" Thanks honey. No pussy for many years.
There are many things I do not do for her that I used to. Sorry babe, gonna go jerk off

Ugh...

This is probably not terribly helpful, but If my wife said, "Sorry, but I no longer enjoy sex, so I'm done with it..." and she refused my repeated pleas to seek help from a Doctor who specializes in sexual health, and to participate in marriage and/or sex therapy, etc... I would tell her, "Well, I still love you and will continue to keep you at the center of my life but I will NOT go the rest of my life without sex. So, let's discuss ways I can minimized your discomfort with my being with other women."

Honestly, I would think that once a person's physical desire for their partner dies, so too would their possessiveness. But, I guess it doesn't necessarily work that way.

As I've said before. For many people, sex is as much a part of a happy and fulfilling life as laughter. Telling someone they must go without out it is beyond unreasonable.

 

[sandybrooke]

I brought her coffee yesterday in bed and started licking her inner thighs asking if I could eat her pussy. No go

 

[LMWM321]

It just dawned on me that "Sexless Marriage" is sort of an oxymoron. ..If there isn't any sex, then is it really a marriage? And by sex, I don't necessarily mean intercourse... Sex can be kissing, petting, cuddling, holding each other passionately, etc..

I have a friend whose marriage ended not too long ago and he blames a decision they made 10 years ago to sleep in different bedrooms due to his snoring. Once they stopped sleeping together, the sex became less and less frequent until eventually the relationship felt more like a friendship and cohabitation than a marriage. He regrets not pulling out all the stops to end his snoring - eg., using a CPAP machine, possibly surgery - to keep he and his wife in the same bed.

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

I was just sharing my personal experience like many others here. Someone else expanded on it from their own point of view.

Each of us is in different marriages and or relationships. What my problems are won't always be what yours are and vice versa.

Simple as that.

 

[BrianMagee1168]

It just dawned on me that "Sexless Marriage" is sort of an oxymoron. ..If there isn't any sex, then is it really a marriage? And by sex, I don't necessarily mean intercourse... Sex can be kissing, cuddling, holding each other passionately, etc..

I have a friend whose marriage ended not too long ago and he blames a decision they made 10 years ago to sleep in different bedrooms due to his snoring. Once they stopped sleeping together, the sex became less and less frequent until eventually the relationship felt more like a friendship and cohabitation than a marriage. He regrets not pulling out all the stops to end his snoring - eg., using a CPAP machine, possibly surgery - to keep he and his wife in the same bed.

I was talking to a friend/acquaintance yesterday and she said that she and her longtime husband (just celebrated 30 years) have different rooms and it works for them. I don't know what their sex life is. But maybe it works for some people and not for others. Other people I have talked to over the years who have separate rooms say that it makes their sex life amazing. I haven't done that in my relationship(s) but who knows? Certainly everyone has different sleeping habits and everyone snores and some people are night owls and some are early to bed, early to rise. That's true in our case. Still, I like sharing the same bed even if we do annoy each other about those things. Does it make sex any better? Not sure.

 

[nothingatall27]

I feel like maybe im an odd one out but it was me having a much higher sex drive and my husband always turning me down... Were currently getting divorced and while this wasnt the #1 cause, its a close second.

When we got together we discussed sex and kinky things and he said he was into all the things... but that turned out very much to not be true at all. It was just a lot of talk and teasing.

I offered to try just about anything he might be into, to bring some life back into our sex life, but he insisted that he just doesnt think sex is that interesting or important and claims to have no fantasies or sexual wants/needs.

For the last few years 99% of our sex life has been 5 minute quickies with him on top, eyes closed, making no noise at all.

After 6 years im sooo frustrated I want to scream.!

Good luck to you. I don't have exact numbers but it has been at least ten years for my wife and I. It doesn't get easier for sure, it gets harder every day. I know I can't spend the rest of my life this way, but I can't get out at the moment. I relly don't want a divorce, but we don't really have a marriage anyway. If sexlessness was the only problem there is a small chance I could get past it, but there are many other problems. She doesn't really make me feel loved in any way. The screen name is a reflection of how she makes me feel. It has been particularly difsicult lately and I needed to say that somewhere. There are supposedly five love languages and she is mute in all of them. The sadness is getting pretty overwhelming. She takes and takes and sends zero effort my way. It has gotten bad enough that sometimes when I see a woman I find attractive I tear up. She get s mad sometimes and says I don't find her attractive which isn't true but she doesn't believe me when I tell her I do find her attractive. At the same time I wonder why does she even care if I find her attractive when she doesn't want me. I honestly do try not to be attracted to her because to fell that just makes me fell rejected, unwanted, and it just hurts.

I'm glad you are moving forward and I wish you much happiness in the future. In a year or two I should be in a better situation where I can insist things get better or things get over.

 

[BrianMagee1168]

Good luck to you. I don't have exact numbers but it has been at least ten years for my wife and I. It doesn't get easier for sure, it gets harder every day. I know I can't spend the rest of my life this way, but I can't get out at the moment. I relly don't want a divorce, but we don't really have a marriage anyway. If sexlessness was the only problem there is a small chance I could get past it, but there are many other problems. She doesn't really make me feel loved in any way. The screen name is a reflection of how she makes me feel. It has been particularly difsicult lately and I needed to say that somewhere. There are supposedly five love languages and she is mute in all of them. The sadness is getting pretty overwhelming. She takes and takes and sends zero effort my way. It has gotten bad enough that sometimes when I see a woman I find attractive I tear up. She get s mad sometimes and says I don't find her attractive which isn't true but she doesn't believe me when I tell her I do find her attractive. At the same time I wonder why does she even care if I find her attractive when she doesn't want me. I honestly do try not to be attracted to her because to fell that just makes me fell rejected, unwanted, and it just hurts.

I'm glad you are moving forward and I wish you much happiness in the future. In a year or two I should be in a better situation where I can insist things get better or things get over.

Wow -- that is incredibly challenging. Hope it works out. Damns

 

[CB109]

It just dawned on me that "Sexless Marriage" is sort of an oxymoron. ..If there isn't any sex, then is it really a marriage? And by sex, I don't necessarily mean intercourse... Sex can be kissing, cuddling, holding each other passionately, etc..

100% agree with this. Unless there is mutual lack of desire, it’s not a marriage. It’s a relationship likely with some other mutual benefit, whether it be economic, joint time with kids, but it’s not a marriage. A marriage is a unique pairing that has to include some kind of intimacy. There is no way a man and woman are bonded in every other way except sex.

if your wife doesn’t want a sexual relationship, why on earth would you trust her with anything else

 

[LMWM321]

I don't have exact numbers but it has been at least ten years for my wife and I. It doesn't get easier for sure, it gets harder every day. I know I can't spend the rest of my life this way, but I can't get out at the moment. I relly don't want a divorce, but we don't really have a marriage anyway. If sexlessness was the only problem there is a small chance I could get past it, but there are many other problems. She doesn't really make me feel loved in any way.

ugh.. heartbreaking. So sorry to hear

 

[LeeKee]

My husband wants sex.
I want sex.
I just don't want sex with him.

I'm pretty sure it stems from feeling like another mother to him.
That and no matter what i say or ask he can't get me off. Hasn't in years so I just fake it now.
We're both in our early 30s with healthy sex drives. But I have to be out of my mind horny to come onto him.
We'll have sex often because it's the only way I know he'll do his part as a partner and parent.

Which then leads to me being even more emotionally distant with him. Why can't you do the things I ask without me putting out?
I'd be more eager to do so if I didn't feel like a maid and mother to a grown man.

Wow. Sad to hear. My wife is emotionally distant/not really here at all, but I believe its from her being involved with someone else.
Its degraded for years. First sign was she has interest in sex, but zero interest with me. Then came the other classic signs.

Cant force people to like you, they either do or dont.

I however, used to love sex with her.
The difference is I ignore others for her, she ignores me for others. I guess its a huge turn off to women. Especially if they are your wife.

And especially if youve been married a long time. Its counter-intuitive.

But its what it is. And Im just slowly learning all this as I go. But I fear its far too late.

 

[iago84]

So, I've posted on here before.

I will say I have to take it back. We've found a new level of attraction and energy for each other and it's been great. So I know the people on this thread seem to have it going bad, but I wanted to share that sometimes it gets better.

It took work on my part in both his I approached the topic, but also how I communicated my needs, which led to her speaking up more about hers. It feels like we're in our 20s again. The main difference is that she needs more breaks since her hips are older.

 

[PapaRomantic]

So, I've posted on here before.

I will say I have to take it back. We've found a new level of attraction and energy for each other and it's been great. So I know the people on this thread seem to have it going bad, but I wanted to share that sometimes it gets better.

It took work on my part in both his I approached the topic, but also how I communicated my needs, which led to her speaking up more about hers. It feels like we're in our 20s again. The main difference is that she needs more breaks since her hips are older.

Congrats! Nice to hear situations like this!

 

[nothingatall27]

My husband wants sex.
I want sex.
I just don't want sex with him.

I'm pretty sure it stems from feeling like another mother to him.
That and no matter what i say or ask he can't get me off. Hasn't in years so I just fake it now.
We're both in our early 30s with healthy sex drives. But I have to be out of my mind horny to come onto him.
We'll have sex often because it's the only way I know he'll do his part as a partner and parent.

Which then leads to me being even more emotionally distant with him. Why can't you do the things I ask without me putting out?
I'd be more eager to do so if I didn't feel like a maid and mother to a grown man.

I can relate to feeling like your partner is a child that needs constant care, at least that is my interpretation of what you are saying. Over the years I have taken over more and more of the mental and physical work of making a life for us. It has gotten to the point where I do all of the laundry, cooking, cleaning, yardwork, home maintenance etc. I always took care of everything financial. She goes to work, comes home and sits down and then nonstop asks me for things. We have reached the point where no effort flows from her to me. It is worse now that I am older because I have less energy to start with so I'm left with very little energy to even take care of myself. I guess the part that is different for me is if she wanted to have sex I definetly would. I'd find the energy, but I am by far the high libido partner.

 

[LeeKee]

Sure we do. Every relationship has it. But we aren’t starting threads about not fucking our husbands.

Because youre too busy fucking someone else.

Women dont leave something to go to nothing. They shut down intimacy and seem unphased...they are either not human or getting it somewhere else.

Followed this thread for a while...and yes; it is about communication.
Here's one- when women stonewall-
Stonewalling any communication still says alot without saying shit. Lazy approach but it communicates they are not going to put any effort into the relationship or fixing/addressing something. Its lazy, cheap and weak. Yet still it "conveys" certain points.

I do not and will not speak for all men, but, I get it.

61 UK male. Been in a sexless marriage for about 4 years now. We still hold hands while walking, stuff like that, but the real intimacy has gone and I am left to fend for myself. It is much more common that one first thinks!

Same situation, plus she has interests outside our relationship. She used to try and hide it. Now, I think we both no longer care.

 

[LMWM321]

They shut down intimacy and seem unphased...they are either not human or getting it somewhere else.

Sorry but that's ridiculous. I think the truth is that sex is not an all-consuming pursuit for most women the way it is for most men. And that's not meant to pile shame on either gender.

 

[LeeKee]

Sorry but that's ridiculous. I think the truth is that sex is not an all-consuming pursuit for most women the way it is for most men. And that's not meant to pile shame on either gender.

Dont know the 23 year back story either. Or how it began. So, anyways, I stand by my argument.

 

[LMWM321]

Dont know the 23 year back story either. Or how it began. So, anyways, I stand by my argument.

I'm not doubting what you're saying about your relationship, it's how you're making generalized statements about all women that I'm challenging.

 

[HarleySan]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

I’ve been in a sexless marriage since 2017. I miss sex a lot. I wanted sex badly and he said he was asexual all of a sudden. I’m even getting a divorce now. It is a lot of issues all together for the divorce. I’m looking for a man to text with. No pictures