Sexless Marriages

[Deepdesrp]

So 8 times in 10 years?
Are we in a sexless marriage?
Thats not a marriage. Thats a financial codependency.

I brought it up this week, and she dismissed the claim that we are basically roommates. 23 years together and now this bullshit.

Everyone claims her body her choice. Can I get aex outside the marriage? She says she'll shoot me.
Can I get sex inside the marriage?
Nope. Shes always too tired...while on there goddamn phone for 3 hours after lights out, every single night. This has gone on to this point. And its absurd.

So her body her choice.
My body, no choice. Nothing.

I reserve the right to deem this a pile of bullshit.

And I resent this shit to the ground.

Ive decided to leave. Call me all the billshit names you want, she is evil or cheating or both.

If this makes me the villain, so fuckin be it.

Out.

Hi Lee - sounds like you are going through it a bit. At some point you've got to do what is right for you.

 

[HotWifeOC]

I’d GLADLY fuck your pregnant pussy

 

[HotWifeOC]

Pm me

I don't do the chasing hon

 

[RoperTrace]

So 8 times in 10 years?
Are we in a sexless marriage?
Thats not a marriage. Thats a financial codependency.

I brought it up this week, and she dismissed the claim that we are basically roommates. 23 years together and now this bullshit.

Everyone claims her body her choice. Can I get aex outside the marriage? She says she'll shoot me.
Can I get sex inside the marriage?
Nope. Shes always too tired...while on there goddamn phone for 3 hours after lights out, every single night. This has gone on to this point. And its absurd.

So her body her choice.
My body, no choice. Nothing.

I reserve the right to deem this a pile of bullshit.

And I resent this shit to the ground.

Ive decided to leave. Call me all the billshit names you want, she is evil or cheating or both.

If this makes me the villain, so fuckin be it.

Out.

So you left, officially? Good for you. I'm a bit of a hard-ass; I probably would have loaded the gun, handed it to her, then said do it then, while closing my eyes. At least if she did, she would have maybe been arrested, if they tested her for the burnt powder residue on her hands. Sad it had to come to this. What's wrong with people? I honestly don't get it, and lost too many sleepless nights(early on) asking myself WTH is wrong with me?

 

[RoperTrace]

I have been in the position along time and I wish there was easy way to get everything you want but unfortunately you can't. I have kids almost grown up now and wife still not interested so in my mind I do the only thing I can is chat, porn and letting an overactive imagination run wild whenever it needs to say dreaming of all the things I miss the most and stopped blaming and questioning myself and putting it down to bad luck and just enjoying the things I can that will not cause no harm to anyone else untill the time changes

I had that mindset for a few years, but realized it was causing self-harm, and she didn't seem bothered at all. So that made up my mind to find it elsewhere, and it was surprisingly easier than I realized. Always discreet, and partners had the same viewpoint(s), so 90+% of my guilt evaporated. There were a few times, she gave me questionable looks when I returned from some 'chore' or 'errand.' Luckily I had the type of job where I visited or worked at several facilities in our area, and a few out of state; one even out of country. On one of my returns, she casually said she couldn't blame me if I was with someone else. I just looked at her, and said nothing; it was NEVER mentioned again.

 

[mr_rippley]

It's been over 20 years. Nothing. I don't resent it, but it took me a while to get there. While I have adapted, I won't ignore part of who I am.

 

[Mtnmike]

I had that mindset for a few years, but realized it was causing self-harm, and she didn't seem bothered at all. So that made up my mind to find it elsewhere, and it was surprisingly easier than I realized. Always discreet, and partners had the same viewpoint(s), so 90+% of my guilt evaporated. There were a few times, she gave me questionable looks when I returned from some 'chore' or 'errand.' Luckily I had the type of job where I visited or worked at several facilities in our area, and a few out of state; one even out of country. On one of my returns, she casually said she couldn't blame me if I was with someone else. I just looked at her, and said nothing; it was NEVER mentioned again.

Same happened in our marriage, 17 year's now, she told me about 8 year's ago if I needed it I'd have to get it somewhere else she just didn't want to know anything so that's what I've done off and on since.

 

[razor33a]

Here's a question for the people who have tried to get past this through conversations, threapy, etc and the other person just says "too bad for you, no more sex, don't care what you want". Does the othe person ever say why they don't want to work on it? Is it just hate, won't divorce for the security, believe in "death do you part" but not the other marriage parts? Reading some posts the other person just sounds vindictive and actually hates the one they are with. In my case she wanted to be married and all but not sure why sex was dropping off, but this was after a "something is going to break, you pick what" conversation.

 

[yaksonatro]

Interesting thread. Looks like im not alone. I'm in sw missouri BTW if theres anyone close that wants to help a guy out. Haha. Seriously though.

 

[RoperTrace]

Here's a question for the people who have tried to get past this through conversations, threapy, etc and the other person just says "too bad for you, no more sex, don't care what you want". Does the othe person ever say why they don't want to work on it? Is it just hate, won't divorce for the security, believe in "death do you part" but not the other marriage parts? Reading some posts the other person just sounds vindictive and actually hates the one they are with. In my case she wanted to be married and all but not sure why sex was dropping off, but this was after a "something is going to break, you pick what" conversation.

I can't speak for others, but it seems to me, that rather than trying to communicate about the situation, one or both partners may think the other person won't go to the trouble of a divorce and splitting their assets. That entered into my mindset, plus I thought my grown children would hate me. I did have one meeting with my attorney, and didn't want to punish my wife financially. It's a difficult situation to find yourself in, as many of you know.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

This is still the one topic here that breaks my heart consistently. Seems we're all mismatched to a point, where we didn't think so going into the marriage. I'm writing a blog article about the hidden cost of love, still a work in progress. This is, unfortunately, one of those things that is never spoken about, except in places like this. I get hormonal changes; that's not the issue I'm dealing with.

I'm now 57, still very much wanting to have a physical relationship, but not with my husband. He's been abusive (I'm still scared of him, even though he couldn't catch me if he tried) and now profoundly disabled and in severe denial of everything. I'd leave him in less than a heartbeat if I could afford to go. But I'm profoundly disabled, too.

The big question is this, I guess... How did "what we signed up for" become so much different from "what we got?"

 

[Mtnmike]

This is still the one topic here that breaks my heart consistently. Seems we're all mismatched to a point, where we didn't think so going into the marriage. I'm writing a blog article about the hidden cost of love, still a work in progress. This is, unfortunately, one of those things that is never spoken about, except in places like this. I get hormonal changes; that's not the issue I'm dealing with.

I'm now 57, still very much wanting to have a physical relationship, but not with my husband. He's been abusive (I'm still scared of him, even though he couldn't catch me if he tried) and now profoundly disabled and in severe denial of everything. I'd leave him in less than a heartbeat if I could afford to go. But I'm profoundly disabled, too.

The big question is this, I guess... How did "what we signed up for" become so much different from "what we got?"

That ma'am is a question I ask myself all the time, if you find any answers please let me know thank you

 

[Live4themoments]

Maybe the age old saying "love is blind" comes into play? Some (not admitting it myself) think I can "change" them, give me some time. It is probably rare to find a couple who is 100% compatible going into marriage, if this doesn't apply to you then congrats you found your soul mate. You take the good with the bad, hoping the bad won't become too prevalent. Yeah, in a way this is settling. Wouldn't it be something to have 5 year contracts, where it has to be renewed every 5 years, no penalty, no negative connotations, and so on. I'm sure there will be many "divorced" people running around, imagine the fun lol.

 

[LikeToSwitchItUp]

Not sexless but there is a severe disconnect.

She has too much on her mind -- Even though she only works half a day

She talks about the mental load when I do most of the cooking, manage the mornings with the kids, Drive the kids to sports (and own everything related to sports)

I ask her to lead the engagement she tells me she will -- months go by and when I bring it up again it feels like I'm pressuring her.

We have a session, I tell her I want to try some new exciting things -- She tells me "why can't you just be happy with what you get".

I've tried to be patient, I have tried to walk the line and hope I can get more. I have pulled off asking.

She talks about mental load -- What about the mental load of feeling like I am just a provider and we are friends and she gets all the benefits.

#SorryToVent

 

[questquilya]

It seems to me like it is a common response, at least among men. Asking, getting some rejections, getting upset when we action does not happen before talking about it, then talking about it and still getting upset after we think we did all the things we thought we were told were the reason for the rejection, being unable to cope with the possibility that we are not the reason for the lack of interest, wondering whether it actually is lack of interest in us, feeling like we are begging, refusing to beg (or to feel like we are begging), and adopting self-protecting mechanisms such as stopping to ask, try, and eventually even joke about sex. All the while remaining hopeful that things might change before ED intervenes. Sounds accurate and relatable?

 

[danboy2004]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

I know how you feel

 

[RoperTrace]

Same happened in our marriage, 17 year's now, she told me about 8 year's ago if I needed it I'd have to get it somewhere else she just didn't want to know anything so that's what I've done off and on since.

Free hall pass? That would have been my read on that. Mine was implied, never verbalized.

 

[questquilya]

Free hall pass? That would have been my read on that. Mine was implied, never verbalized.

How can something like that be implied?