sexless for over 2yrs

[scotgirl]

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

 

[UpStandingMember]

Have you talked to your husband? Try therapy at all, with your hubby? If you did do something, do you think you might regret it? I'm in a sexless marriage myself right now, but that's because I'm working overseas and she's back home in the states. I haven't cheated on her either though. Not even cyber sex. Good luck in your decision, and I hope everything woks out for the best.

 

[scotgirl]

Have you talked to your husband? Try therapy at all, with your hubby? If you did do something, do you think you might regret it? I'm in a sexless marriage myself right now, but that's because I'm working overseas and she's back home in the states. I haven't cheated on her either though. Not even cyber sex. Good luck in your decision, and I hope everything woks out for the best.

not in my marriage nearly divorced ....... i think u are a rare man ..... i am sure you have had many opportunities ... i think thats amazing

 

[satindesire]

Instead of slapping a temporary bandaid on the situation, you should probably wait until your divorce is finalized, go seek some professional therapy, and then when you're 100% ready, seek a relationship out. Right now as you are, laymen's nonprofessional advice isn't going to help you. Your heart is still raw, being "naked" in front of another man isn't going to fix any of your problems.

 

[qrayze]

Instead of slapping a temporary bandaid on the situation, you should probably wait until your divorce is finalized, go seek some professional therapy, and then when you're 100% ready, seek a relationship out. Right now as you are, laymen's nonprofessional advice isn't going to help you. Your heart is still raw, being "naked" in front of another man isn't going to fix any of your problems.

SD is right; having sex before you've healed from a broken relationship only delays the healing not helps it.

I know you're craving the validation of a man finding you attractive and being physically intimate with you, but right now, you need to make YOU the focus of your attention. And therapy is a great way to do that.

Now, I couldn't afford therapy when I was going thru my divorce, and I didn't trust that my religious leader could actually help me since he'd never been thru a divorce and he also wasn't a professional therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, so I found a local support group for divorced and separated people that was very helpful to me in my healing process.

I'm so sorry that you're going thru a divorce; it is an awful and stressful thing to experience.

Oh, and uh, read this thread before putting upstandingmember on a pedistal...(you'll have to scroll down a bit)

 

[GrimsPet]

I was sexless for almost four years before I met Master. I don't regret it either. I had gone through a lot of really awful relationships and then just avoided them for four years, had stopped looking for a guy. Then Master appeared out of nowhere.

Take your time and heal from what has happened to you. There is nothing wrong with being sexless for a few years. Get yourself some good toys and use those if you really need to get off.

 

[Boundlife]

If you are comfortable being naked in you place by yourself, when you meet someone you want to be naked with it should be easier. I'm also a fan of finishing up one relationship before moving on

 

[Ex Princess]

When you find a man worthy of you and you develop trust in your relationship you will feel ready again. Good luck!

 

[twilliamson]

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

That's not right, a sexy woman like you should have it as ofter as you want.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

Just be selective with the first man you have sex with, and if it's a good night, your fears evaporate. It's like riding a bicycle, you never forget how, you just feel a little insecure when you haven't ridden for awhile, but after take that first ride, it's like you never stopped.

And if you feel insecure about getting naked in front of a man, do it with the lights out. The first time he is with you, he won't care if the lights or on or off.

 

[mrtomthumb]

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

stupid scott!!!

if the scotgirl av is a reference to your current partner then you should be misstomthumb...

just kidding

2 years is uaacceptable.

go cam your ass off girl...you could send me naked pics to help "take the edge off""

 

[Eilan]

^^^

. . . and the predators have arrived.

 

[satindesire]

^^^

. . . and the predators have arrived.

They smell it like blood in the water.

 

[mythtrav16]

Instead of slapping a temporary bandaid on the situation, you should probably wait until your divorce is finalized, go seek some professional therapy, and then when you're 100% ready, seek a relationship out.

SD is right; having sex before you've healed from a broken relationship only delays the healing not helps it.

I know you're craving the validation of a man finding you attractive and being physically intimate with you...

I'd just like to agree with these posts. Trying to "get back on the horse" when you just aren't ready to is really bad news. I was in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman for just over 2 years when things fell apart. A couple years later, I got involved with another woman - a good woman, too, because you're supposed to get back out into the dating game when your lonely. But honestly, I was still grieving for my first love lost, and even now I think I still am. Long story short, I think I really hurt that second woman because I just wasn't ready to give my heart to her, and she deserved better than that.

And also, the sex wasn't that great. She was very good looking and had energy in the sack... what one would assume to be all the crucial components for great lovemaking. But after coming from physical expressions of true love... When you're just having "sex", you notice more what's missing rather than what is happening.

However, in regards to SD's and qrayze's remarks on therapy, all I will say is be careful when chosing a therapist. My breakup eventually drove me into therapy and personally, I think the 2 therapists I've seen in regards to this have only made my situation worse. I'm not saying you shouldn't see a therapist, but if you do, do as much research as possible on the one you plan to see before booking an appointment, and just see how things go with some of the general difficulties you have, before you go pouring your heart out about your heaviest troubles.

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

Only one: Time to heal. Time to learn to trust. Time to learn to love again.

If you stayed loyal to one man for nearly 2 decades, you are clearly a woman who values the goodness of a monogamous, long term relationship, which is wonderful to hear. It also probably means that a one night fling, just to feel "sexy", probably isn't for you. The fact that you have "fears" to overcome about being naked infront of a stranger just supports this theory.

Try not to force yourself to be a wild, casual sex nymph, just because that's what society finds hot. Find someone who excites you and invest in that relationship until you don't feel afraid of being naked in front of them, instead you can't wait for the first time you can make love to him.

I think you'll find it was well worth the wait.

I wish you all the best and hope your current situation is just the beginning of a happier life for you.

 

[mrtomthumb]

^^^

. . . and the predators have arrived.

from your av it looks like you should shit or get off the pot>>>

 

[satindesire]

from your av it looks like you should shit or get off the pot>>>

I don't know if you're stupid or just ignorant, but were I in your shoes I would NOT talk to a Mod like that.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

i suggest a year long escape to a yoga retreat, then another year of solitary reflection to get in touch with "yourself"

 

[mrtomthumb]

I don't know if you're stupid or just ignorant, but were I in your shoes I would NOT talk to a Mod like that.

we thar predateers are bot ignant and stupid.!!!

an we aint got us no shoes.

looks like from your av missy.....you aint got no pants.

I will take your usage off the rollseyes emoticon to suggest your statement was made in jest as was mine,,

if not ...well who really cares then.

 

[satindesire]

we thar predateers are bot ignant and stupid.!!!

an we aint got us no shoes.

looks like from your av missy.....you aint got no pants.

I will take your usage off the rollseyes emoticon to suggest your statement was made in jest as was mine,,

if not ...well who really cares then.

No, it wasn't in jest. It was showing exasperation for you being such a chode to someone who can literally ban your ass straight off this forum should they see fit to.

 

[mrtomthumb]

No, it wasn't in jest. It was showing exasperation for you being such a chode to someone who can literally ban your ass straight off this forum should they see fit to.

really?

I would hope he is not as lame as you then.

but if thats what was to happen...

oh well.

Of you I am NOT a fan.

actually I thick you have gone and called me several names and been very rude about a harmless comment that was made in finding a humorous AV.

you should ban yourself.

I am done with this thread anyway.

I will do this much I will not comment anywhere around you and please feel free to extend me the same consideration.

 

[satindesire]

really?

I would hope he is not as lame as you then.

but if thats what was to happen...

oh well.

Of you I am NOT a fan.

actually I thick you have gone and called me several names and been very rude about a harmless comment that was made in finding a humorous AV.

you should ban yourself.

I am done with this thread anyway.

I will do this much I will not comment anywhere around you and please feel free to extend me the same consideration.

Boo Hoo! You hurted my widdle feewings! You don't like me? Whyeverfor not? I'm such a sweet widdle thing who couldn't ever hurt a fly!

I'll take your avoidance of me as a compliment, since we both seem to find each other "lame".

 

[RunningJib]

Go Slow

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

Two suggestions. End this relationship first. Find someone you can talk too. Demonstrate the ability to listen.

Best of luck

 

[bigReadingMan]

Ok been sexless for over 2 yrs....struggling with the idea of getting naked infront of another man after being with the same guy for over 18 years .....any ideas to overcome my fears xx

I recommend yahoo messenger chat, with or without pics and webcam.

 

[Nyiatha]

No one should ever have to be sexless for that long. What is a person to do when they are in between relationships or just not sexually active? Do you just go out and have sex with anyone or do you just deal with it? The whole sex thing is just pissing me off. Can't live without it but you must sometimes..

 

[bigReadingMan]

Not you too!

No one should ever have to be sexless for that long. What is a person to do when they are in between relationships or just not sexually active? Do you just go out and have sex with anyone or do you just deal with it? The whole sex thing is just pissing me off. Can't live without it but you must sometimes..

Wow, love your profile pic. Do your perfect breasts scare men away?