sex education

[coach]

I am intersted in hearing on what advice you would give a son or daughter on their first time having sex.

I want to find out how other people explain the birds and bees and how detailed people get.
What sort of advice would you give from past experiences.


[Edited by coach on 09-15-2000 at 08:14 AM]

 

[Jade]

Could you elaborate some more?
Is YOUR son/daughter about to go have sex for the first time with someone and you want to get across the point about condoms and stuff or are you saying you are going to be incestuous with your child (which is totally illegal btw), and you want advice on how to tell them what to do?

Or, can't you just tell them NOT to have sex at all? (Yes, I know that doesn't always work, but... hey, worth a shot!)

 

[MADDOG]

What are you after here? I'm sure you know about safe sex. I'm sure you know to tell them that it's OK to say no. If you're talking technique, I wouldn't go there. First up, if they're old enough to be doing it they probably know that anyway. But otherwise... what are you going to tell your daughter? Positions guys like? Just avoid that all together.

If you're talking "where babies come from", just tell them the truth. Can't go wrong with that.

If it were me, I'd just stick with the safe sex thing, and reassure them that there was no rush at all that.

MADDOG

 

[CreamyLady]

I basically answered each of my daughter's questions when she asked them, and waited until she could sit still long enough to listen to tell her the details.

I made a point of being thorough with the information though, and stressing that the decisions were hers to make -- not mine.

She has been making her own decisions -- thanking me for the input -- and I have the reputation as a Cool Mom among her friends for not sticking to the Thou Shalt Nots.

 

[coach]

Thankyou Creamylady, thats exactly what I'm looking for!

But I have another question for you? At what point does your daughter find out how things work.
Ya I was told all the parts in health class and my parents told me what happens.
But I was married twice and turned thirty-five before I knew what the clit was! (thanks to the book "the joy of sex")
Does a mother ever tell their daughter that sex is fun and here is all the wonderfull things you can do?

 

[CreamyLady]

I used an anatomy book, and did some explanation, yes -- but when she was old enough to understand.

I explained that there was nothing whatsoever wrong in exploring her own body; better for her to find out how things work before it becomes a two person issue.

 

[Weird Harold]

When my daughter started her periods, I took her aside and point blank told her, "You do know that this means you can get pregnant."

The talk was more than that blunt statement, but that pretty much sums things up. I did cover STDs, The difference between sex and love, and taking personal responsiblity for her actions.

Later, when To Sail Beyond The Sunset was published in 1987 (When she was reaching the age to be seriously considering sex,) I recommended it to her because I it contains some very good father daughter discussions about sex. I don't agree completely with what RAH has to say via his characters, but they are thought provoking opinions about taking personal responsibility for your own sexuallity, and disregarding the prudes who would control your life without causing a scandel.

If you know of a good fictional character who struggles to come to terms with sexuality, it might be a good idea to recommend that book to your daughter, and discuss the decisions the character makes with her.

There is tons of fiction about coming of age, and dealing with relationships available. Some of it is directed at younger children, like the Babysitter's Club series, which deal with the non-sexual aspects of dating and having a boyfriend. Some of it can be found here and at other porn sites around the web, directed at more mature people. There are thousands of stories available to fill in the gaps between those extremes.

If your daughter doesn't read, then movies offer some of the same situations that can be discussed with her.

Song lyrics offer a more limited opportunity to discuss relationships.

The point here, is to relate the discussion to something that interests her, and gives you an opening to share your opinions and discuss those of others with her.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Blotting my copy book.

oop's said the wrong bit out loud.

[Edited by OUTSIDER on 09-18-2000 at 04:52 AM]